Dear baseball,
Would you rather have your balls hit or cradled?
Sincerely, lacrosse.
Dear teacher,
When 90% of us fail, it isn't because we didn't try, it's because you're a terrible teacher.
Sincerely, your students.
Dear blondes,
You may have more fun, but at least we remember it the next day.
Sincerely, brunettes.
Dear airbag,
Thanks for the broken nose. Mind your own business next time someone decides to tap my bumper.
Sincerely, annoyed driver.
Dear Newton,
Had you really never seen anything else fall down before?
Sincerely, the apple.
Dear friends,
When I do something stupid for a dollar, I really do want the dollar.
Sincerely, broke.
Dear life,
When I muttered, "Could things get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Sincerely, screwed over.
Dear parents,
Thanks for passing by the TV at only the most awkward and inappropriate moments of the movie.
Sincerely, uncomfortable teen.
Dear evolution,
It's okay, who needs flying when we've got these nifty tuxedos?
Sincerely, penguins.
Dear sleeves,
I apologize, but you're closer than the tissues.
Sincerely, sick.
Dear nouns, verbs and adjectives,
You complete me!
Sincerely, Mad Libs.
Dear everyone,
SORRY FOR MAKING YOU YELL IN YOUR HEAD!
Sincerely, caps lock.
Dear everyone,
I know I'm pregnant and you're curious, but please stop rubbing my "huge belly."
Sincerely, seriously, it's pretty awkward.
Dear Crayola,
Please make a "Snooki Orange."
Sincerely, tangerine isn't cutting it.
Dear screaming second grade class,
Thank you for reminding me to take my birth control.
Sincerely, your substitute teacher.
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