Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear girl hitting on "that cute guy",
I'm really considering coming over there.
Dear people who leave church by the side door immediately following the sermon,
Judas left early, too.
Dear oblivious anatomy professor,
Please don't expect us to maintain a studious atmosphere when you refer to the buccinator as "the sucking and blowing muscle.".
Dear makeup ads,
Just because your model can pull off purple eyeshadow and green eyeliner doesn't mean I can.
Dear alarm clock going off on the other side off the roon,
Why do you have to be so loud and yet so far away?
Dear men,
Surprise!
Dear girl in my speech class,
No, "google.com" is not an acceptable source for your bibliography.
Dear guys,
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
Dear tailgater behind me,
Let's test this: if I can't see your head lights, can you see my tail lights?
Dear serial killers,
I know the best place to hide a dead body. Here's a hint: it's dark and it will cover the smell.
Dear kid from the Tootsie Pop commercial,
Since when do people only lick their lollipops?
Dear Listerine mouth wash,
It BURNSSSSSSSS.
Dear text recipients,
You all lied.
Dear Chinese,
Does the Chinese Cookie Monster eat fortune cookies and then say wise things?
Dear teacher,
"Hooking up" does not mean "getting together" anymore...
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