Dear baseball,
Would you rather have your balls hit or cradled?
Dear teacher,
When 90% of us fail, it isn't because we didn't try, it's because you're a terrible teacher.
Dear blondes,
You may have more fun, but at least we remember it the next day.
Dear airbag,
Thanks for the broken nose. Mind your own business next time someone decides to tap my bumper.
Dear Newton,
Had you really never seen anything else fall down before?
Dear friends,
When I do something stupid for a dollar, I really do want the dollar.
Dear life,
When I muttered, "Could things get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Dear parents,
Thanks for passing by the TV at only the most awkward and inappropriate moments of the movie.
Dear evolution,
It's okay, who needs flying when we've got these nifty tuxedos?
Dear sleeves,
I apologize, but you're closer than the tissues.
Dear nouns, verbs and adjectives,
You complete me!
Dear everyone,
SORRY FOR MAKING YOU YELL IN YOUR HEAD!
Dear everyone,
I know I'm pregnant and you're curious, but please stop rubbing my "huge belly."
Dear Crayola,
Please make a "Snooki Orange."
Dear screaming second grade class,
Thank you for reminding me to take my birth control.
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