Dear Microsoft Word,
If there was only one spelling suggestion, why didn't you just change it for me?
Sincerely, exhausted college student.
Dear religious nut,
If you knew the baby would turn out to be gay, then would you approve abortion?
Sincerely, curious.
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
While I accomplished saving my entire country from one of the toughest armies in the world, you accomplished... sleeping...
Sincerely, Mulan.
Dear USB port,
This is awkward...
Sincerely, flash drive.
Dear aliens,
I have done more probing than you can imagine...
Sincerely, proctologist.
Dear insecure guy on top of me,
Please stop asking if I "like that." If I didn't, I wouldn't still be under you.
Sincerely, It's quiet time.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
You realize I can hear your heartbeat when we hug, right? That means I can hear how fast its beating after we kiss, too.
Sincerely, 5'4" girlfriend.
Dear pants making companies,
Please stop making fake pockets.
Sincerely, just dropped my phone on the floor for the fiftieth time.
Dear people I know who see me at the movies and ask me what I'm doing,
Giving birth.
Sincerely, what do you think?
Dear girls,
Actually, we put the "XY" in the people you find sexy.
Sincerely, chromosomes.
Dear people who complained about the white Coke cans looking too much like Diet Coke cans,
Please accept our sincerest apologies. Its so much more important that Coca-Cola should cater to your needs instead of donating millions of dollars to help save the polar bears. You're right.
Sincerely, read your dang cans.
Dear girlfriend who just freaked out at me for hanging out with another girl,
Meet my sister.
Sincerely, this just got awkward.
Dear ignorant people,
Please keep asking me if I'm Asian or Chinese. I laugh at your astounded looks when I say "BOTH!"
Sincerely, morons.
Dear boys,
Objects in shirt may be smaller than they appear.
Sincerely, push-up and tissues.
Dear America,
Seriously, spray cheese?
Sincerely, that's disgusting...
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