Dear Domino's pizza delivery guy,
Thank you so much for wearing a cape.
Sincerely, you just made my life.
Dear National Association of Procrastinators,
I see what you did there.
Sincerely, N.A.P. sounds great right now.
Dear Facebook,
I heard twitters replacing you. #suckstosuck #karma
Sincerely, Myspace.
Dear Viagra commercials,
Why do you show men surfing, running, and hiking?
Sincerely, I would not want a boner then.
Dear uterus,
Please stop throwing a tantrum just because I didn't get pregnant this month. It's getting old.
Sincerely, tired of being in the fetal position.
Dear parents who are afraid to leave me home alone,
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Sincerely, just kidding, I'll probably just watch Harry Potter.
Dear little brother,
No no, "condo" is short for condominium.
Sincerely, we do not live in a condom.
Dear Christians,
If you don't believe in evolution, then explain how my charmander becomes a charizard.
Sincerely, checkmate.
Dear pediatrician,
When I'm honestly concerned why my 6 month old can't laugh yet, please dont say "maybe you're not that funny."
Sincerely, you're fired.
Dear parents,
If my door was closed when you came in here, I expect you to close it on your way out.
Sincerely, it's common courtesy.
Dear men,
Woman are not birds. Whistling at us won't increase your chances of us mating with you.
Sincerely, women everywhere.
Dear insufferable "know-it-all",
Unless your name is God or Google, you do not "know-it-all."
Sincerely, stop being so annoying.
Dear Will Ferrell,
Have you ever been in a movie where you weren't crazy?
Sincerely, Zoolander, Elf, The Other Guys, Blades of Glory, Step Brothers, Semipro...
Dear Jersey Shore Cast,
It's called 'Sun Kissed' not 'Dorito Raped.'
Sincerely, easy on the tanner.
Dear world,
Help! I have a popular ginger, an A+ blonde, a ditzy asian and a bossy brunette in my class!
Sincerely, I think I'm stuck in a dream.
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