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Dear Gun Toting Americans,
Please realise that everyone else is sick of you acting shocked every time there's a mass shooting.
Dear Customer,
The fact that you made me make you a tea with not only whipped cream but marshmallows as well makes me feel both queasy and sad.
Dear girl/boy who said they were embarrassed about not having a boyfriend at 15,
Please, don't even sweat it babe. I'm 17 and haven't had my first kiss yet.
Dear Self Defence Instructor,
No matter how much peril I am in, I am not going to "grab and rip" someone's groin.
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
They're horny?...
Dear Neville,
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Dear Macy's,
I filled out a job application for you and suddenly my inbox is being spammed like crazy. Seriously, how classless of you using job applications to get peoples' e-mails to sell to scam websites.
Dear Angry People,
Please note that you cannot 'steal' someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. Not unless you think people are property.
Dear pro-gun Americans,
Please realize that yes, guns "got" us America but they won America by murdering the people that lived here before us (with your precious guns).
Dear People Who Don't Mind Hearing A Bad Joke,
Just think that Jack and Rose fell in love with each other on the Titanic. Let that sink in.
Dear people who eat a lot of fast food,
I just spent a month with no kitchen, not even a fridge or a microwave. That limited my protein options to about peanut butter.
Dear people who freak out when books are even dog-eared,
Please, cut it out with the dirty looks. When I read a non-special edition book, it goes to work with me, to the bathroom, even when I eat or make breakfast. It gets thrown in the front seat of the car and shoved into an overfilled backpack. There's toothpaste stains where I've brushed my teeth as I read, nail polish stains, even tears.
Dear Hogwarts,
Please tell me, do you really have 1000 year old plumbing?
Dear world,
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Dear dad,
Please stop refusing to learn how to use the computer. You were the first person in the family to get a laptop yet after nearly two decades, you can't even send an email. Don't let your age determine your ability to learn. Mom has been doing great.
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