Dear "I slept over at a friend's house last night",
I called five of your friends, you slept over at all of their houses, and apparently you're still asleep at three of them...
Sincerely, suspicious mom.
Dear men,
Trying to be chivalrous by holding open electric doors doesn't quite work the same way...
Sincerely, amused women.
Dear "You're cool when you're drunk",
Thanks, when I'm drunk, you're cool, too.
Sincerely, ZING!
Dear everyone,
If you pee in the shower once a day, you save 11,000 gallons of water a year.
Sincerely, be eco-friendly.
Dear customer that just asked how much the free wi-fi was,
Really?!
Sincerely, Starbucks barista.
Dear long distance boyfriend,
The only upside to this is that I don't feel the need to shave until I see you again.
Sincerely, long distance girlfriend.
Dear toilet paper industries ,
Why do you put prints on the toilet paper?
Sincerely, ...it's going to the depths of hell, nobody cares.
Dear teachers,
What the hell are you doing on Chat Roulette!
Sincerely, traumatized students.
Dear monster,
I have drawers under my bed...
Sincerely, cheating the system.
Dear girls whose hair flows behind them in convertibles,
How the heck do you pull that off?
Sincerely, I look Like Chewbacca with the windows down.
Dear bartender,
Yes, I'm serious.
Sincerely, I just want a juice box.
Dear women's studies professor,
Please stop telling me that by cooking I am only conforming to the male ideal of women in society.
Sincerely, I like to cook because I like to eat.
Dear "when pigs fly",
You've been replaced.
Sincerely, "when Justin bieber hits puberty. "
Dear Concerned Parents,
Why was I home late? Oh, you know, the usual... landing in jail, running across railroads, and spending hundreds of dollars.
Sincerely, seriously though, monopoly is a really long game.
Dear people on Facebook,
"I love you!" "I love you more!" "No, I love you more!"
Sincerely, you know what I love? PRIVATE MESSAGING!
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