Dear Gun Toting Americans,
Please realise that everyone else is sick of you acting shocked every time there's a mass shooting.
Sincerely, countries who don't think citizens need assault rifles
The fact that you made me make you a tea with not only whipped cream but marshmallows as well makes me feel both queasy and sad.
Sincerely, saying 'It's my version of a cappuccino' just makes it worse
Dear girl/boy who said they were embarrassed about not having a boyfriend at 15,
Please, don't even sweat it babe. I'm 17 and haven't had my first kiss yet.
Sincerely, you think you've been waiting alone?!
Dear Self Defence Instructor,
No matter how much peril I am in, I am not going to "grab and rip" someone's groin.
Sincerely, no. Just no.
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
Sincerely, are you sure about that one?
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Sincerely, I mean every word I ever say because I'm Harry Potter
I filled out a job application for you and suddenly my inbox is being spammed like crazy. Seriously, how classless of you using job applications to get peoples' e-mails to sell to scam websites.
Sincerely, never going to Macy's again
Dear Angry People,
Please note that you cannot 'steal' someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. Not unless you think people are property.
Sincerely, save most of your anger for the cheaters.
Dear pro-gun Americans,
Please realize that yes, guns "got" us America but they won America by murdering the people that lived here before us (with your precious guns).
Sincerely, Yeah guns being used to commit genocide is great
Dear People Who Don't Mind Hearing A Bad Joke,
Just think that Jack and Rose fell in love with each other on the Titanic. Let that sink in.
Sincerely, BA DUM, TSS
Dear people who eat a lot of fast food,
I just spent a month with no kitchen, not even a fridge or a microwave. That limited my protein options to about peanut butter.
Sincerely, I get it now!
Dear people who freak out when books are even dog-eared,
Please, cut it out with the dirty looks. When I read a non-special edition book, it goes to work with me, to the bathroom, even when I eat or make breakfast. It gets thrown in the front seat of the car and shoved into an overfilled backpack. There's toothpaste stains where I've brushed my teeth as I read, nail polish stains, even tears.
Sincerely, it's a book. It's meant to be well-read and well-loved.
Please tell me, do you really have 1000 year old plumbing?
Sincerely, Salazar Slytherin master of toilets
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Sincerely, told you I wasn't racist.
Please stop refusing to learn how to use the computer. You were the first person in the family to get a laptop yet after nearly two decades, you can't even send an email. Don't let your age determine your ability to learn. Mom has been doing great.
Sincerely, college daughter who is a bit tired from doing all your work for 8 years