Dear mom,
Please drop the word "play date." It's pretty awkward now.
Sincerely, your daughter who is going to have a "play date" tonight with a really hot guy.
Dear people who complain about seeing old people kiss,
We know you secretly wish that when you're that age you'll be that happy and in love.
Sincerely, anonymous.
Dear mothers,
I just realized Rockabye Baby is a song about a baby that falls off a tree and dies.
Sincerely, what the heck have you been teaching us?!
Dear regular at my restaurant,
I know that's not your wife.
Sincerely, yes, that is spit in your salad.
Dear babies,
Please tell me where you got those adorable sneezes. I desperately need one.
Sincerely, 14-year-old girl with a man sneeze.
Dear spoon,
I really don't give a fork.
Sincerely, knife.
Dear boys,
We have about as much control over our natural boob size as you have over your penis size.
Sincerely, flat chested and proud.
Dear douches at my school,
I wore my "Special Olympics" shirt because I helped handicapped people preform athletics and possibly even boosted their confedence, not because I'm "retarded."
Sincerely, just trying to be a nice guy.
Dear Facebook,
Please stop suggesting that I "like" things just because my friends do.
Sincerely, say no to cyber peer pressure.
Dear world,
Real heroes don't wear capes or underwear over their pants. They wear combat boots and dog tags.
Sincerely, we love our soldiers.
Dear spit,
Please stay in my mouth when I'm talking to the guy I like.
Sincerely, still single...
Dear girl I want to marry,
Will a ring pop do?
Sincerely, super poor.
Dear father,
As much as I appreciate you helping me out by doing my laundry this week, a warning would have been nice. Yes, that is my red lace thong.
Sincerely, don't look at me like that!
Dear America,
Please understand that patriotism and alcoholism are not the same thing.
Sincerely, celebrate with respect, not with tequila.
Dear people who say "I'll never use this in real life!",
No, you probably won't need to use the Pythagorean Theorem or calculus in your job at McDonalds. I, however, use them daily and am sick of your complaining.
Sincerely, the engineer responsible for your house, workplace, car, plane, etc, etc...
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