Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Dear "Your connection cannot be found",
"Please visit the following website for further assistance".
Dear essay,
I only like you for your body.
Dear car in front of me,
I swear I'm not following you.
Dear teenagers,
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Dear " spiders are scared of you",
If they ARE scared of me, then why did the GIANT one near the garage door sit and stare into my soul?!
Dear world,
You don't have to worry about the world ending in 2012. Phil of the Future came back from 2121.
Dear Romeo,
I was just taking a power nap.
Dear serial killer,
Well played...
Dear Bruno Mars,
Wouldn't YOUR eyes have to be open to know that hers were?
Dear musicians,
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Dear people at the table next to mine,
Please only talk about interesting topics.
Dear girls,
The silent treatment isn't really a punishment.
Dear jerk,
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
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