Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear pregnant friend,
Everything I've ever heard you say about your boyfriend is bad.
Dear teenage daughter,
Yes, I'm THRILLED that you can tie a cherry stem with your tongue...
Dear 48 hour men's deodorant ,
...don't encourage them.
Dear Dunkin' Donuts,
America should be running on treadmills...
Dear Octomom,
Thank you for taking a picture of yourself when you were pregnant. Next time I give my abstinence speech, I'm passing the picture out with the rubbers.
Dear "Evolution is just a theory",
Go jump off a bridge.
Dear world,
How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears?
Dear boyfriend,
When I asked you to fix the clasp on my necklace, I meant for you to clip it shut, not make out with my neck.
Dear nursing home,
"Another one Bites the Dust" is a great song and all...
Dear guy I like who just asked out another girl,
A little piece of information about me: I tend to cook when I get bored.
Dear math worksheet,
Please don't have a back, please don't have a back, please don't have a-.
Dear person I've met once,
It doesn't mean you have to friend me on facebook.
Dear guy with skater hair,
That awkward moment when the girl next to you has the same haircut...
Dear people who "love music so much",
Listening to whatever is popular and then forgetting about it a month later, declaring it sucks because it's old, and repeating the cycle a month later shows how much you don't appreciate music.
Dear morons,
Just because I won't slap a girl's butt does not mean I'm gay.
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