Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear dad,
Please don't put mom's old panties in the rag box.
Dear New Orleans,
Seriously, I'm not allowed to tie my alligator to a fire hydrant?
Dear toilet paper roll,
Why is it that I only notice you're empty when I need you the most?
Dear boys on Xbox live,
If you're gonna cry about it, you should turn off your mic first.
Dear sunbathing "babysitters",
Maybe we should switch jobs.
Dear women of the world,
Please be aware that we do not find UGGS attractive in any way, shape, or form. It looks like you kicked a pair of beavers in the face and they got stuck.
Dear fat person,
You smoke, too?! You're making it too easy!
Dear comma,
I know you want to slow down, but I think we just better stop.
Dear cute guy on the guys' cross-country team,
Your wearing short shorts is going to land me in the hospital one of these days.
Dear dog,
This game was your idea. Why am I doing all the work?
Dear worksheet,
Please don't have a backside, PLEASE don't have a backside!
Dear Summer,
I know you're hot, but I've found someone cooler.
Dear girls,
We like you for your brains, not your body.
Dear extremely hot guy waving,
Yeah, good morning to you too *wink*.
Dear friends,
Is "you'd be interesting when you're drunk" a compliment, or should I take offense?
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