Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear military funeral protesters,
We fight for you too.
Dear men,
I couldn't care less if you leave the toilet seat up. Whatever prevents you from pissing all over the seat is fine by me.
Dear America,
Tomorrow was awesome.
Dear boyfriend,
When I asked why you love me, I was looking for something other than, "because you're hot."
Dear obnoxiously loud girl ordering pizza in the library,
I think I'll do some online shopping now.
Dear pregnancy test,
How can you be so positive at a time like this?!
Dear boy I happen to like,
Please stop going through my iPod. I don't want you to see my Backstreet Boys albums...
Dear humans,
Why are your newborn babies so freaking ugly?!
Dear United States Citizens,
It's amazing what you will believe.
Dear customers who look ashamed for using food stamps and a credit card to pay for one transaction,
Seriously, I'm a cashier at Kmart. I'm not judging...
Dear hookers and strippers,
What is 'bring your kid to work' day like?
Dear student that finished the test in 5 minutes,
I HOPE YOU FAIL!
Dear person asking what time it is by pointing to their wrist,
Is it that hard to open your mouth and ask what time it is?
Dear person knocking on the bathroom door,
I never know what to say to you...
Dear Ariel,
Crabs are such a pain to get rid of, aren't they?
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