Dear olive oil,
If you're made of olives, then what am I made of?
Sincerely, baby oil.
Dear peanut butter,
I think we should have some time apart.I just feel like I am getting in between you and bread.
Sincerely, jelly.
Dear planking fanatics,
I plank in bed every night...
Sincerely, impressed?
Dear America,
Yes, demoracy is great, except when the majority of people are idiots.
Sincerely, disappointed citizen.
Dear guy who "slowed down" at the stop sign,
If I beat you with a stick, would you want me to stop or just "slow down"?
Sincerely, the police officer who obeys the law.
Dear America,
You make it too easy.
Sincerely, diabetes
Dear woman in her fifties with arm flab.,
Put that tank-top down!
Sincerely, it's called Forever 21, not Forever 51.
Dear innocence,
Sorry I have to leave you behind now.
Sincerely, just got a computer and the internets.
Dear quicksand,
Why are you so slow?
Sincerely, you should really get a new name...
Dear Hogwarts,
Please provide student exchange programs.
Sincerely, an interested muggle.
Dear short people,
No, I don't play basketball. Do you play miniature golf?
Sincerely, yeah, it's annoying, right?
Dear Virgin Mobile,
Haven't you ever heard of sexting?
Sincerely, Virgin Mobile doesn't exist in this generation.
Dear guests at the waterpark,
Please stop asking if it's possible to fly out of the water slide. If it were possible, you wouldn't be let on!
Sincerely, ask one more time and i'll make sure you fly off...
Dear McDonalds,
I think I have to disagree...
Sincerely, not lovin' it.
Dear remote,
You turn me on.
Sincerely, TV.
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