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Dear Women,
You know why there are no more "nice guys"? Because when we were nice to you, you treated us like shit and went after the asshole. So guess what, we became assholes so that you would pay attention to us.
Dear husband,
Please understand the difference between an item that is dishwasher-safe and an item that will actually come CLEAN in the dishwasher. I spend wayyy too much time scrubbing at baked-on crud that has been further cemented by the hot dry cycle. I know you think you're helping, but just let me wash it properly the first time please.
Dear okay-looking guy in my college class,
Please stop answering biology questions so confidently in a room filled with mostly idiots.
Dear Justin Bieber,
Please shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Dear Harper Lee,
Oh, you wrote TWO books now? Call me when you've written over 50.
Dear Palo Alto parents,
Please get your shit together. There's a reason that your city is known for high school students' suicides. That guards have to be stationed in front of railway crossings. That five kids killed themselves in the same year. That a SOPHOMORE was the latest victim. And while I understand that many of you are supportive, it's no coincidence that it all happens in one city. Your child doesn't have to be the top mathlete, or the best player on their sports team, or take all APs.
Dear "Best friend",
I told you about my depression, but you constntly talk about how people like Robin Williams had "nothing to be sad about." So I never brought it up again. Yet any time we talk about what we're having for lunch you never fail to remind me you are gluten-free and expect me to feel sorry for you and APOLOGIZE for the fact I can eat an oreo cookie. I don't want sympathy, I want you to stop trying to make me feel like your problem is worse than mine even though the two can't be compared.
Dear professors telling me to always speak up to my superiors because "the squeaky wheel gets the oil",
Or it gets thrown out and replaced by a non-squeaky wheel.
Dear fellow atheists,,
Please stop being assholes. Seriously. You bitch and moan about being "oppressed" if religious people make even slight references to their faith, yet you think it's okay for you to blatantly disrespect and insult others' beliefs?
Dear Person Who Stole the Contents of My Wallet,
You took everything except my Starbucks card. I can't identify myself anywhere, buy groceries, get myself home, or use any of the gift cards given to me for my birthday, but I can buy a 4 dollar latte. Thanks a lot bitch.
Dear optimist pessimist and realist,
While you guys were arguing about the piece of cake, I ate it.
Dear Queen Elsa,
I'm sorry if we made you mad. Will you please go back home now?
Dear "Mother",
Please stop acting like your better than me and that you "know what I'm going through". Last time I checked, you didn't have depression, insomnia, or ADHD. Side note- Maybe I wouldn't hate you so much if you used my pronouns and my goddamn name.
Dear hearing people,
Please stop thinking I'm stupid because I use ASL, its a language, not miming or gesturing
Dear Alveda King,
Your uncle must be rolling in his grave. Your position directly contradicts the principles of equality he stood for.
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