Dear people who stereotype pedofiles with white window-less vans,
We've upgraded.
Sincerely, ice-cream truck driver.
Dear sun,
We're already social outcasts, can't that be enough?
Sincerely, sunburned gingers.
Dear dad,
Thanks for letting me know how important I am to you.
Sincerely, the daughter who wishes she still had the college money you took from my savings.
Dear Myspace, Twilight, Pirates and Yahoo,
Ha, ha. Yeah...
Sincerely, Facebook, Harry Potter, Ninjas, and Google.
Dear smoke alarm,
Have you ever heard the old phrase, "Where there's steam, there's fire?" Me neither.
Sincerely, stop scaring the crap out of me.
Dear guy in my history class,
Yes, the cold war was named so because of the temperature in Korea at the time...
Sincerely, seriously?
Dear sister,
Thanks for being there when no one else was. I owe you my life.
Sincerely, previously suicidal.
Dear dentist wearing flavored gloves,
This just got very awkward...
Sincerely, hope you don't notice me licking your fingers.
Dear lost keys,
Well, I guess it's worth a try... ACCIO KEYS!
Sincerely, late for work.
Dear heart,
Let's work on falling in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.
Sincerely, looks like I need more Ben and Jerry's.
Dear inner beauty,
When are you planning on making an appearance?
Sincerely, fugly...
Dear thesaurus,
I liked you better when I thought you were a dinosaur.
Sincerely, anonymous.
Dear dog,
I gave you that stuffed animal to play with, not to do THAT with...
Sincerely, stop. now!
Dear mom,
I don't need to know how you found out you were allegric to latex.
Sincerely, scarred daughter.
Dear visitors,
Instead of rubbing my wife's belly and saying congratulations, why don't you rub my balls and say great job?
Sincerely, unappreciated husband.
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