Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Sincerely, Peter Pan.
Dear "Your connection cannot be found",
"Please visit the following website for further assistance".
I only like you for your body.
Sincerely, English teachers.
Dear car in front of me,
I swear I'm not following you.
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Sincerely, some things should be taken literally.
Dear " spiders are scared of you",
If they ARE scared of me, then why did the GIANT one near the garage door sit and stare into my soul?!
Sincerely, I think they'll take over the world.
You don't have to worry about the world ending in 2012. Phil of the Future came back from 2121.
Sincerely, all under control.
I was just taking a power nap.
Sincerely, what did you think I was doing?
Dear serial killer,
Sincerely, killed while I was checking behind the shower curtain.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Wouldn't YOUR eyes have to be open to know that hers were?
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Sincerely, just slammed on my brakes looking for the cop.
Dear people at the table next to mine,
Please only talk about interesting topics.
Sincerely, bored eavesdropper.
The silent treatment isn't really a punishment.