Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear "I slept over at a friend's house last night",
I called five of your friends, you slept over at all of their houses, and apparently you're still asleep at three of them...
Dear men,
Trying to be chivalrous by holding open electric doors doesn't quite work the same way...
Dear "You're cool when you're drunk",
Thanks, when I'm drunk, you're cool, too.
Dear everyone,
If you pee in the shower once a day, you save 11,000 gallons of water a year.
Dear customer that just asked how much the free wi-fi was,
Really?!
Dear long distance boyfriend,
The only upside to this is that I don't feel the need to shave until I see you again.
Dear toilet paper industries ,
Why do you put prints on the toilet paper?
Dear teachers,
What the hell are you doing on Chat Roulette!
Dear monster,
I have drawers under my bed...
Dear girls whose hair flows behind them in convertibles,
How the heck do you pull that off?
Dear bartender,
Yes, I'm serious.
Dear women's studies professor,
Please stop telling me that by cooking I am only conforming to the male ideal of women in society.
Dear "when pigs fly",
You've been replaced.
Dear Concerned Parents,
Why was I home late? Oh, you know, the usual... landing in jail, running across railroads, and spending hundreds of dollars.
Dear people on Facebook,
"I love you!" "I love you more!" "No, I love you more!"
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