Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear world,
Why is it that a woman walking around in a bra and underwear is scandalous but when she wears a bathing suit it's all OK?
Dear parents who tell me their children can't watch TV,
You just made my job a lot harder.
Dear Twilight,
Please tell me how Breaking Dawn will be rated PG-13 when Edward rips open Bella's uterus with his teeth.
Dear powdered donut,
Why do you have to make me look like a coke head?!
Dear homecoming dress makers,,
Please make dresses in sizes other than slutty, extra slutty, and naked.
Dear teachers,
I don't have my hand raised, therefore I don't know the answer.
Dear parents,
Please stop complaining to me about how much my schooling costs. You chose to put me in a private school...
Dear Beyonce and Jay-Z,
What will your kids last name be?
Dear girls,
Did you know they called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken?
Dear guy who almost hit Bella with his car,
I've been on your team all along.
Dear puberty,
Planning on hitting me anytime soon?
Dear skinny jeans,
There really should be an age limit for wearing you.
Dear customer who asked me which one would I recommend,
Of course the most expensive one!
Dear parents,
When I ask for money for Christmas presents, I didn't mean gift certificates...
Dear teachers,
Why didn't I pee during lunch? Because that's when I was drinking... It doesn't go through me as fast it goes through you...
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