Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Please stop with the HP jokes. It's over, move on...
Dear teenager who just bought a happy meal,
I put two toys in.
Dear Sarah Palin,
It's official, we are voting you out of our gender until you stop embarrassing us.
Dear men who fake love,
You're just jealous because we can fake orgasms.
Dear roommate,
I made you some "sorry-you-caught-me-jacking-off-brownies"... don't know if this makes it more or less awkward.
Dear hideous relative,
Please stop saying I look just like you when you were younger.
Dear teacher,
So when I get a good grade it is because you gave it to me, but when I get a bad grade it's because I earned it?
Dear the morning after a love scene in a movie,
Her hair should be a mess, makeup smudged everywhere, drool spot on pillow and morning breath.
Dear Amy Winehouse,
Nine days sober and counting.
Dear MTV,
If I was 16 and pregnant I would get disowned, not a TV show.
Dear "I'm not drunk!",
You threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"
Dear squirrel in my yard,
Just because you froze in place, doesn't mean you're invisible.
Dear people who refer to themselves as "Grammar Nazis",
You do know what the Nazis did, right?
Dear diary,
Today is the 457th day of my captivity here. I tried to trip my captors by winding around their feet... tomorrow I must try it at the top of the stairs.
Dear sun,
Just gonna stand there and watch us burn?
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