Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people who stereotype pedofiles with white window-less vans,
We've upgraded.
Dear sun,
We're already social outcasts, can't that be enough?
Dear dad,
Thanks for letting me know how important I am to you.
Dear Myspace, Twilight, Pirates and Yahoo,
Ha, ha. Yeah...
Dear smoke alarm,
Have you ever heard the old phrase, "Where there's steam, there's fire?" Me neither.
Dear guy in my history class,
Yes, the cold war was named so because of the temperature in Korea at the time...
Dear sister,
Thanks for being there when no one else was. I owe you my life.
Dear dentist wearing flavored gloves,
This just got very awkward...
Dear lost keys,
Well, I guess it's worth a try... ACCIO KEYS!
Dear heart,
Let's work on falling in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.
Dear inner beauty,
When are you planning on making an appearance?
Dear thesaurus,
I liked you better when I thought you were a dinosaur.
Dear dog,
I gave you that stuffed animal to play with, not to do THAT with...
Dear mom,
I don't need to know how you found out you were allegric to latex.
Dear visitors,
Instead of rubbing my wife's belly and saying congratulations, why don't you rub my balls and say great job?
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