Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people who want flying cars,
Can you imagine the damage we'd do if we texted while FLYING?
Dear friends singing me Happy Birthday,
This is awesome! ...okay now I'm going to look at some of you and smile... hmmm maybe I'll look a the table now... Now what? ...this song is lasting forever!
Dear guy with a crush on himself,
I'd be careful, the guy you're in love with is a real douche.
Dear guy running down the street,
Was that really good timing to scratch your nuts?
Dear mom's best friend,
Please stop making "cute" and "funny" comments on my Facebook posts.
Dear people who say that high-fiving yourself is lame,
You do know that's called clapping right?
Dear Walt Disney,
Thanks for teaching little girls that everyone has a prince charming and a happily ever after.
Dear chemical equations,
You suck the fun out of chemical reactions.
Dear people who take the elevator down one floor,
Yes, I'm judging you...
Dear crayons,
I want you inside me.
Dear brother,
Thank you for sacrificing your chocolate on the altar of PMS.
Dear parents,
Please stop acting like school is so easy and work is so hard.
Dear creepy girl making fun of the fat girl,
You can grow out of fat, you can't grow out of creepy.
Dear hipster boys,
Pants... too... tight... can't... breath... world... caving... in... around... us...
Dear students,
If a teacher or professor doesn't show up within the first 15 minutes of class, you have the legal right to leave.
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