Dear girl hitting on "that cute guy",
I'm really considering coming over there.
Sincerely, his girlfriend.
Dear people who leave church by the side door immediately following the sermon,
Judas left early, too.
Sincerely, Jesus.
Dear oblivious anatomy professor,
Please don't expect us to maintain a studious atmosphere when you refer to the buccinator as "the sucking and blowing muscle.".
Sincerely, immature college student.
Dear makeup ads,
Just because your model can pull off purple eyeshadow and green eyeliner doesn't mean I can.
Sincerely, don't wanna look like a street-walker.
Dear alarm clock going off on the other side off the roon,
Why do you have to be so loud and yet so far away?
Sincerely, trying to use the force to make you shut up.
Dear men,
Surprise!
Sincerely, boobie pads, body shapewear, and push-up bras.
Dear girl in my speech class,
No, "google.com" is not an acceptable source for your bibliography.
Sincerely, all hope is lost for our future.
Dear guys,
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
Sincerely, you don't see me being a boob.
Dear tailgater behind me,
Let's test this: if I can't see your head lights, can you see my tail lights?
Sincerely, slamming on the brakes in three, two, one...
Dear serial killers,
I know the best place to hide a dead body. Here's a hint: it's dark and it will cover the smell.
Sincerely, Abercrombie and Fitch.
Dear kid from the Tootsie Pop commercial,
Since when do people only lick their lollipops?
Sincerely, I don't know about you, but I'm more of a sucker...
Dear Listerine mouth wash,
It BURNSSSSSSSS.
Sincerely, can't feel my tongue.
Dear text recipients,
You all lied.
Sincerely, I'm standing next to you. You are, in fact, not ROFLing.
Dear Chinese,
Does the Chinese Cookie Monster eat fortune cookies and then say wise things?
Sincerely, curious.
Dear teacher,
"Hooking up" does not mean "getting together" anymore...
Sincerely, I really don't think those two boys should "hook up."
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