Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear duct tape,
Please tell me, if silence is golden, then why are you silver?
Dear cashier,
The condoms are for a science class experiment, the whipped cream is for the pumpkin pie and the pregnancy test is for my Aunt.
Dear math class,
You are the only place where I can buy 25 chocolate bars and not be questioned.
Dear T-rex,
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
Dear cat who sneezed 6 times in a row,
Please continue.
Dear little brother who just told me he'll be my prom date after no one asked me,
Don't ever grow up. Ever.
Dear Bella,
Penny for your thoughts?
Dear wrestler claiming male ballet dancers are gay,
Please realize while you're squirming around on the ground entangled with a sweaty guy...
Dear friend,
You say I'm dirty-minded, but somehow knew exactly what I meant?
Dear dad,
Please stop telling me that my generation is ruined. Your generation raised us.
Dear "what do you plan to do when you graduate?",
...try to pay my rent.
Dear Harry and Ron,
"Follow the spiders?" Ha. Too bad you didn't follow us to our secret cave filled with ready-to-destroy horcruxes.
Dear boyfriend,
Please take English class more seriously when you take it next semester.
Dear Virgin Mary,
Thank you for proving abstinance is not 100% effective.
Dear males,
Cologne is like the Ocean. It's awesome, fantastic, and smells great, but rather unpleasant to drown in.
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