Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear modern day,
Please return to the days you could safely push someone into a pool.
Dear radio,
We want to hear music, not two idiots talking.
Dear son,
Why you get B? You not B-sian, you A-sian.
Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,
Please don't show up in my dreams anymore. It used to be hot, but now it's just scary.
Dear boys,
Complicated? How difficult is it to give us chocolate and call us pretty?
Dear ants,
Just because I'm a vegetarian doesn't mean the house is safe to crawl around in.
Dear cashier at Walgreens,
Stop giving me weird looks for buying playdough, at least it's not a pregnancy test.
Dear guy with a confederate flag in his back window,
Newsflash, you lost.
Dear America,
Yes, it's so cold here that people put things in the refrigerator to heat them up.
Dear grandma,
Please stop leaving me voicemails with directions on how to accept your friend request on Facebook.
Dear confidently overweight,
Teach me.
Dear parents,
Just because it's 3:30 AM, doesn't mean I'm sleeping.
Dear high school seniors,
No, school is not out forever... In fact the hardest and most expensive part of it is about to begin.
Dear every boy I've ever dated,
Yes, I'm a virgin. Yes, I'm 23. No, I'm not religious. Is it so weird that I want my first time to be with someone I actually care about?
Dear Google,
Wanna hear a joke? ... "Android."
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