Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear friend,
You just went up a few levels when I asked you for a dictionary and you threw one at me screaming "WORDS HURT!" in front of the entire class.
Dear black people who say "it's because I'm black isn't it?",
I'm going to start saying "it's because I'm white isn't it?" and see how annoying and stupid you think it sounds.
Dear "Gangstas" at Disneyland,
Please stop acting like you're too cool for Disney. We all know you paid like $100 to get in so clearly you want to be here.
Dear boys,
I thought dicks were supposed to be in your pants, not in your personality.
Dear parents,
What'd I do all day while I was sick? Oh, nothing much. Just drove around in a convertible, went to a musem, ate in a fancy restraunt, climbed to the top of the Sears tower, and sang in a parade, all while avoiding the school principal!
Dear Jocks,
You may get a lot if girls, but it's not even comparable to how many we COULD get!
Dear baking soda,
You whiten my teeth, remove stains from my clothes and bake in my cookies.
Dear student whose paper I'm grading,
I quote; "i thnk abraham linkin was som rndom guy, i guess. idk. he hd a funny ht. he shood c som1 abut tht............"
Dear Miss Universe Pageant,
Why are the winners always from Earth?
Dear enormously tall black football player walking by me,
That really made my day when your phone went off and Taylor Swift started singing "Our Song"
Dear loud popular people,
It's not that I'm quiet. It's just that you never shut up.
Dear impossible physics homework,
I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite inventions... the paper shredder.
Dear brother with low self-esteem,
You can't be ugly; you're related to me!
Dear dark spot in the corner of the wall,
Are you a spider or just a bit of fluff? I'll blow on it and see if you move.
Dear Vice Principal with a lisp,
FYI, none of your students take you seriously.
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