Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear 3 year-old kid,
No, standing in the middle of the room and covering your eyes doesn't make you invisible.
Dear undercover FBI agent who discovered my friend's soccer coach was a pedophile,
We need more people like you.
Dear automatic faucets,
Respond to my movement!
Dear dorm lobby,
I think we will be seeing a lot of each other now.
Dear boys ,
Please tell us why your clothes are so much more comfy.
Dear girl who just told me a secret and said "don't tell a soul",
Fine, I'll tell every ginger I can find!
Dear lady wearing a shirt the same color as your skin,
You looked naked from my peripherals.
Dear "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader",
WE NEVER LEARNED THAT IN FIFTH GRADE!
Dear Yoga instructor,
You want me to do WHAT?!
Dear Parents asking the babysitter "How were they?",
THEY DON'T LISTEN, THEY WOULDN'T GO TO BED, THEY FOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIME, THEY WOULDN'T STOP ASKING FOR DESSERT, AND THEY ARE COMPLETELY DISGUSTING AND RUDE!
Dear alphabet,
I like you better when you weren't in my math homework.
Dear society,
Please do not fear me. Although I am 6'3, almost 300 pounds and dark skinned, that does not mean that I want to harm you or your children. Hiding your children behind you in an effort to protect them is not only pointless, but it kinda hurts my feelings.
Dear "there are starving kids in the world",
There are fat kids in America.
Dear douche who says he gets 10 times the girls than I get,
10 times 0 is 0.
Dear guys,
Please tell your're pants it rude to point.
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