Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear "are you pregnant?",
NO! ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!
Dear girl with a broken heart,
I have duct tape...
Dear airplane passengers ,
You won't see London and you won't see France until we see your underpants
Dear Mary Poppins,
How do you get a bird to land on your finger and sing? I've been trying for years.
Dear pet dog of mine,
No, I answer the door, not you. You want to know why? Because I have opposable thumbs.
Dear weight loss commercials,
Lets face it, "That pesky stomach fat" isn't the first to go... we are.
Dear boyfriend,
I'm not really scared of spiders, I just feel loved knowing you'd protect me from even the smallest villain.
Dear Hollywood,
There are tons of books I hate. Make movies about them?
Dear person who overheard my conversation,
I am not racist. I was talking about jelly beans.
Dear high school girls,
When I see lingerie at Victoria's Secret that looks exactly like your homecoming dress, there's a problem.
Dear headache,
I know what your trying to tell me...
Dear nosy girl asking me when I was born,
On my birthday.
Dear cellphones,
Thanks for ruining the fun of pushing people into pools.
Dear nose,
Please tell me the point in you even having hair.
Dear overly large cricket that caused me to run out of my dorm room screaming,
Thank you!
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