Please stop coming into my room in the middle of the night.
Dear Future Mother in Law,
Please stop setting your son up on dates. We're engaged. Deal with it.
Usually when you drop your kid off with their grandparents you are, in fact, supposed to pick them up again. Screw you.
Sincerely, raised by my grandparents.
Next time you're secretly dating another girl, check and make sure that girl isn't my sister.
Please quit pretending you love me. When you say you regret having children, it takes away any meaning "I love you" may have had.
Sincerely, the child you didn't want--and still don't want
Dear boyfriend that lives five hours away,
You really should clean your apartment before you decide to go on webcam with me.
Sincerely, I saw that bra on the floor.
Dear mom and dad,
Please stop shouting at each other and take a look at your daughter. You can see the scars on her arms, right?
Sincerely, a worried older brother.
Dear suicide hotline,
Did you seriously just put me on hold?
Dear soon-to-be Ex-Wife,
Next time you sign up for eHarmony, make sure to use a credit card we don't share.
Sincerely, I actually read the credit card statements
Dear Alcoholic Dad,
Stop sneaking beers whenever you go into the garage. We all know.
Sincerely, Depressed Daughter
Dear parent at my bookstore,
Please tell me you weren't serious when you refused your child a book because she had already seen the movie.
Sincerely, you're an idiot
Please suck it up and come to my wedding. I don't care how much you hate my Dad, nor do I care how recently the two of you divorced. I am getting married to the man I love and that is significantly more important than your issues. Besides, you'd be the only family member not there; the other 150 people will really wonder...
Sincerely, Slighted Daughter, Blushing Bride
Please, stop saying that people at school bully me because they are jealous. I am fat, ugly, have zero friends, and cry for no apparent reason.
Sincerely, I want to be home schooled, please.
Dear mom and dad,
Just because he gets better grades, is quarterback of the football team, and got accepted to Harvard, doesn't mean that it's not my birthday, too.
Sincerely, forgotten twin.