I super appreciate that you waited till we were married ten years to come out of the closet.
Sincerely, happy anniversary to you too...
Dear boyfriend who decided to come visit me at work to break up with me,
My job is to be cheerful, smile and show kids that their dreams can come true...
Sincerely, Princess Jasmine isn't supposed to cry...
Please stop asking me to relay a begging message to mom about asking the government to get off your back about child support payments. I'm in college now and you haven't paid a dime. I don't care if all you have is a minimum wage job, mom didn't have a job for months and we went to food banks while you got married to your fourth wife.
Sincerely, Your not so naive anymore daughter
No, really, congratulations on getting your 22 year old girlfriend pregnant.
Sincerely, 21 year old daughter.
Dear people who call me anorexic,
No actually, the correct term is cancer.
Sincerely, are you also going to make fun of me when I go bald?
Dear fat people,
Please stop parading your lard on the street and lose some weight. You disgust me.
Sincerely, Slim Jim.
Please Understand that it is near impossible for an engineering student to have a full time job and also go to school full time with decent grades... Please stop charging me rent while I'm living at home. Keep this up and you're going in a nursing home as soon as I can get you in there.
Sincerely, angry, tired, failing son.
Please be so kind as to explain to me how on earth you are pregnant.
Sincerely, your infertile boyfriend.
Dear Stephenie Meyer,
Please make another book for the Twilight series. Please, I am begging you.
Please pull your pants up. This style should have died when it started in 1993. Get a job too.
Sincerely, a taxpayer tired of supporting you and your stupid 5 illegitimate children.
Please stop pointing out every homeless person and telling me I'm going to end up like them.
Sincerely, I don't want to join the army
You're making a huge mistake.
How am I ever supposed to come out to you when you're constantly screaming about "homofags" in the Army?
Sincerely, your "homofag" son.
Sincerely, the world.
Dear jerk who asked my clearly anorexic 16 year old little sister when the baby's due,
This morning, for the first time in nearly two years, she willingly ate half a grilled cheese. Thanks to your cruel, ignorant comment, she is again refusing to eat and won't come out of her room. You had better hope I never, ever see you again.
Sincerely, little brother just trying to help her.