Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyAttack of the CuteGrouchy Rabbit
Dear Just pretend I'm "prince charming",
I was only 7 years old. I had to tell my Fiancé today that I'm not a virgin and I can't have children because of scar tissue.
Dear Mom,
7 is too young for cosmetic surgery. I would never have chosen this for myself, and it still hurts.
Dear family,
Thanks, telling me to 'suck it up' when I had a mental breakdown and ended up in the hospital after months of verbal and physical abuse, and constant misgendering and homophobia totally made me better!
Dear College,
I understand that you want to renovate the library, but do you have to start the week before finals and close the library during finals week?
Dear lady,
I don't care how bad of a day you've had, you never deserve to have the cashier pay for your purchase out of their own pocket. Which is exactly what is happening when you "borrow" money from the tip jar.
Dear dad,
You were unfaithful to mum and left the family. You "felt lonely" because your girlfriend has her own family that she won't leave and you can't stay with her. You promised mum that you'd cut off all contact with your girlfriend and came back. Now, you are still talking to your girlfriend on a daily basis but you don't want us to be mad. You want us to treat you like before we found out about your affair. That's not happening.
Dear mother,
Please understand that even though you hate your husband, I don't hate my father. You got off the phone after doing nothing but screaming obscenities and told me he got in a wreck. Then, when I asked if he was okay, yelled at me for asking and said you didn't care. Don't get mad that I called until someone answered.
Dear Dad,
I don't have 'selective hearing' or 'ding bat syndrome' as you say. As confirmed by doctors, my hearing truly sucks. Either help me pay for the suggested hearing aids, or leave me alone.
Dear Roommate,
Please stop cheating on your girlfriend on our couch, it's gross and unbecoming.
Dear stranger in the pumpkin patch,
Please continue loudly informing me why my black and green hair and Insane Clown Posse shirt make me an unfit father. I can totally see how those two details tell you exactly who I am and how I raise my son.
Dear person accusing me behind my back,
Please note that carefully restraining my son during a temper tantrum is NOT abuse. If I'm not much mistaken, it is rather more frowned upon to allow a child to hurt himself or others! You are only here a few hours per month. You have not seen him bash his head into the wall when angry, or try to bite himself or me, or kick me in the 8-months-pregnant belly. Don't shoot your mouth off without facts.
Dear Teacher's Assistant,
Please don't tell my girlfriend that she's stupid for not finishing her paragraph. Its not easy for her. She just got diagnosed with depression and its the anniversary dad's death.
Dear judgemental friends,
Please stop calling my girlfriend a whore. Just because I made out with her on our second day of dating, doesn't mean she's a whore.
Dear boss,
I appreciate that you run your business on your own, and how much responsibility that is. But please, for the love of God, pay us on time. We depend on those paychecks to live, and we suffer when they're late.
Dear Mr. Boss,
Your monthly productivity numbers should not comprise work done 90-100% by me. Please stop taking credit for my work and start doing some of your own.