Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear English teacher,
Please let me go to the bathroom. I'm a girl. I'm bringing my purse... Put it all together.
Dear African American who blames race for everything,
Why are you glaring at me like I'M racist? What have I ever done to you?
Dear guy I just pulled over,
Of course it's because you're black... why would I stop anyone for going 20 miles over the speed limit?!
Dear Mom,
When I told I told you that I only want to have two kids when I grow up, saying "I wanted that, too" is not the correct response.
Dear people who wear hipster glasses that don't have lenses,
Stop making those of us with prescription glasses look like douches.
Dear woman staring at my four ladies in Target,
They have Down Syndrom. They also have full-time jobs, pay rent for the facility they live in, and are the farthest thing in the world from the "drain on society" you just accused them of being.
Dear Lady who told me that me making my boyfriend a sandwich just sent the feminist movement back to the 50's,
In return he opens my doors, pulls out my chairs, pays for my food, movie tickets AND gas, surrenders his coat when I'm cold, cuddles, buys me presents, and acts as a personal body guard whenever we're together.
Dear College,
Thanks for making me buy hundreds of dollars worth of textbooks - they're really useful!
Dear strict dress code at my school,
My collar bones can't show. Really?
Dear eccentric hyperactive teacher,
Your quirkiness would be much more charming if you actually taught us once in a while.
Dear whomever broke into my apartment,
Please enjoy the Xbox 360. Funny story, the disc drive is going out and it's about to red ring. Please enjoy the 1st gen Zune with a shattered screen that's dying. Enjoy the empty debit card and 2 cancelled credit cards. Oh! And those ladies socks you stole? I'm sure your mom will love them. Thanks for stealing all my crap so I can upgrade!
Dear cyclists,
If you want to assert yourself as a "vehicle" on the road, stop pushing pedestrians off the sidewalk.
Dear world,
Why do you only blame girls?
Dear abnormally heavy doors,
Do you really have to make me look weak in front of my date?
Dear doctors and x-ray technicians,
When I said I'm a virgin that usually means that there is not a chance I'm pregnant.
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