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Dear world,
The average person lies 4 times a day.
Dear Mom,
Please don't ask me to take out the trash when you've got a bunch of condom wrappers sitting in there.
Dear "Friends" and "Family",
You liked me just fine when you all thought I was straight...
Dear teenager who just called me a pig for being a cop,
You just got mugged and I got your wallet back for you.
Dear school teachers telling me to take off my "I love boobies" bracelet,
My grandma, aunt and mom have all had breast cancer.
Dear guy in front of me in line,
Sure, be "cool" and sag your pants... Just please don't do it while you're going commando...
Dear Mom,
I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I've never had sex or a boyfriend. I help around the house, don't (usually) talk back, and actually try in school. Do not give me a hard time for preferring books over people.
Dear insensitive husband,
You got me a scale for my birthday...? For yours, I'm getting you a ruler.
Dear mailman,
When you ring my doorbell this early on a Saturday, at least have the decency to not snicker at my pajamas.
Dear coworker who looked at me in disgust when I announced my engagement,
So it's okay to be 21 and have three half Mexican kids who don't know their father but I can't be 19, a virgin, and planning to marry the guy I've been dating for four years?
Dear attractive guy,
You had me at "hello..."
Dear Juice Box,
Please tell me why the first ingredient on my grape juice is apple juice.
Dear earphones,
I hope you realize that you are incredibly useful even when you aren't plugged into my iPod.
Dear movie producers,
Please actually read the books before you make the movie.
Dear Google,
Please tell me why when I typed in 'why does my mo' you autocomplete with 'why does my mom turn me on?'
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