Dear Boy who walked in to the girls bathroom,
Please give yourself a round of applause for accusing me of slapping you and getting me suspended for 5 days.
Sincerely, The senior girl with a flawless academic record whose reputation you just destroyed.
When I opened up to you about my cutting, you told me "that's no way to deal with your problems", then didn't speak to me ever again. I'm sorry for ever believing I could trust you.
Sincerely, looks like it's time to get some new friends.
You didn't have to laugh at me when I put on that dress. I actually felt GOOD for once, and now I'm back to being insecure.
Sincerely, your insecure and depressed niece
Dear Medical Terminology Prof,
Please refrain from staring down the only girl in your classroom when discussing male reproduction and masturbation in addition to a multitude of crass jokes in order to "make the pretty girl smile". It doesn't work like that.
Sincerely, And here I thought men matured after they turned 75...
Dear overweight mother,
Please stop accusing me of being anorexic and then telling me it's in my genetics to get fat someday everytime you see me eating.
Sincerely, wtf are you trying to do
Dear extremely religious family,
Please stop giving me books that teach about the evils of homosexuality, telling me that your love me more than I can imagine but you simply hate my "sin", and please stop telling me "inspirational" stories about people in the LGBT+ community who turned straight. I know you have good intentions in mind but it's not helping.
Sincerely, your depressed son who finally got the courage to come out.
Dear mentally and physically challenged neighbor,
No, your handicap isn't an excuse for you playing loud music at 7 AM, that you always check out my bum, peek trough my window and park your scooter in a way it blocks 4 bicycle stands.
Please stop commenting on my 'small mouth' and how that might be inconvenient for me later on. Especially when you then feel the need to talk me through gagging around the trays.
Sincerely, I don't need you smiling down at me...
Dear Best Guy Friend/Crush,
Please understand that when you have me straddle you in a hot tub in my bikini, I am going to assume you're interested.
Sincerely, maybe you shouldn't be so misleading next time.
Please tell me you found that ressurection stone. I just want to say goodbye one last time
if you are going to organise a group event and leave me out of it, please don't post photos up off how much fun you had without me
Sincerely, the left out friend.
Please teach your children manners before they get to school. That's part of your job. I'm frustrated that your child refuses to say please and thank you, or demands something instead of asks politely. Did you know your child blatantly refuses any direction given to them? Did you know they yell at us and attempt to hit us when they don't get their way?
Sincerely, Your Child's Elementary Teacher
You decided to not be involved in my life for twenty years, but now want to be apart of it once you realized my major can lead to a prestigious and well-paying career?
Sincerely, Yeah, I Don't Think So
Please stop leaving ice cream containers on the racks by the tills. Ice cream melts. It gets all over the chocolate bars and ruins hundreds of dollars worth of product. If you don't want it, give it to the cashier at the till so they can do a perishable return since you're going through the till anyway.
Sincerely, cashier who already has lots of cleaning to get through tonight
Dear regional council traffic management,
If I, or anybody else, writes in to complain, make a suggestion or otherwise bring some sort of traffic related problem to your attention, your response should NOT be (to paraphrase): "We are the professionals who know more so be quiet." These people are writing in based on experiencing traffic problems first hand, not looking at theoretical traffic charts.
Sincerely, and you wonder why nobody likes you