Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear girl in my class who constantly brags about being vegetarian,
It must have been awkward for you when we made eye contact at Applebee's while you were eating your steak.
Dear elderly couple in the car,
You didn't have to panic and quickly drive off when I knocked on your window. Your tire was flat.
Dear cocky boyfriend,
Please realize that you are not hurting me because you are "sooo biggg," but more because you are hitting all the wrong spots.
Dear seniors students who ask me how I'm Russian German AND Jewish,
My mom is Russian, my dad is German and Judiasm is a religon.
Dear Grandmother,
Please stop saying that I should "shed a few pounds" then shout at me when I refuse to eat the double-layered chocolate drenched red velvet cake you baked for me...
Dear boy who asked me why I wear a bra because I have nothing to put in it,
Well, you wear pants don't you?
Dear ex-boyfriend,
Please think of a better excuse for kissing her then "I was giving her gum..." Really?
Dear teachers,
I'm pretty sure going to the bathroom is a necessity, not a priviledge.
Dear guy sitting in the library looking at porn,
Is that really enjoyable looking over your shoulder every 2 seconds to make sure nobody is watching?
Dear male teachers,
Yes, I do need to take my bag with me to the bathroom.
Dear hand sanitizer,
You smell grea-
Dear girl who laughs at me for wearing a purity ring,
I heard your pregnant...?
Dear Mom,
Rememer how you told me that you wish I was more like Heather from school? Because Heather runs track, lost 40 pounds, gets asked to dances all the time and now has a cute boyfriend? Well, if it's any interest to you, today Heather dropped out of school because she's three months pregnant and needs to get a full time job at McDonald's to support herself and the baby.
Dear Disney,
Please stop portraying us as bi***es. When my stepdaughter met me, she burst into tears and told her father that she didn't want the evil stepmother to take care of her.
Dear males,
Cologne is like the Ocean. It's awesome, fantastic, and smells great, but rather unpleasant to drown in.
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