Dear "Best friend",
I told you about my depression, but you constntly talk about how people like Robin Williams had "nothing to be sad about." So I never brought it up again. Yet any time we talk about what we're having for lunch you never fail to remind me you are gluten-free and expect me to feel sorry for you and APOLOGIZE for the fact I can eat an oreo cookie. I don't want sympathy, I want you to stop trying to make me feel like your problem is worse than mine even though the two can't be compared.
Sincerely, I tried cutting for the first time because of you.
Dear airport security agent,
Did you SERIOUSLY AND FOR REAL just SWAT my six-months-pregnant belly and demand, "What is this?" I know it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to do your job, but how did you get this far in life without learning where babies come from?
Sincerely, We're both lucky I didn't lay you out for assaulting me
Dear man in line at subway,
Yes, all three of them are my daughters. Why would you tell me that you feel sorry for me? I don't need a son to be happy or proud.
Sincerely, I wouldn't want anything different
Please contact me with your test results. Mine were negative, but I'd love to know what you exposed me to. Oh, and thanks for accusing me of giving you an STD and then dumping me. You're right, "that shit doesn't just happen", but you didn't get it from me!
Sincerely, your STD free "slut"/ex-girlfriend
Dear random guy,
I see your reflection in the window, stop staring at my ass.
Dear People who use "Retarded" as an insult,
My brother has multiple mental disabilities. When you toss around slurs like that, it hurts me.
Dear Upper management,
Please understand that when you say "everyone needs to leave in 30 minutes" that there is no physical way that the dish staff can do this. We usually don't even get the last dishes until the last possible second from the servers
Sincerely, a very frazzled dishwasher
Dear Opinionated TA,
Please shut up, I wasn't pressured into getting my nose done. And I'd do it again.
Sincerely, No Longer Pinocchio and I LOVE IT
Please realize that yelling at me and/or calling me names will only get me to do as little as possible to get you away from me.
Sincerely, Customer Service Rep/Sales Person/Anyone That Ever Has To Work With the Public
Please note that when there is a fire in the mall and everybody needs to evacuate, it means not only you, but the staff working in the shops too. The staff will not be there to process your returns and refunds, nor will they be there to run the cinema, no matter what your movie ticket says. This is for your safety, so get out and come back later.
Sincerely, the mall management staff who was nearly run over multiple times by shoppers who do not understand t
Dear parents of the gymnasts I teach,
Please don't expect special treatment for yourself of your child. You pay the same as everyone else and no, your child is not going to be the next olympian.
Sincerely, the underpaid and over stressed gymnastics coach
Dear those who are planning on participating in Kick a Ginger Day,
Think about it, do you really wanna piss us off?
Sincerely, Gingers Worldwide
Dear family members,
Please know that getting into public Facebook drama is incredibly passive-aggressive. I love you and everything, but please. People you don't even KNOW can see all our dirty laundry!
Sincerely, why are you tagging me? I'm more neutral than Switzerland.
Dear judgmental Athiest who thinks that he is better than everybody else,
You feel like religious people force their views down everybody's throats? Tell me again (for the thousandth time) how religion is pathetic and how everyone who believes in a god is stupid.
Sincerely, Pissed off Christian who just wishes that people can get along, regardless of their beliefs