Dear perverted resturaunt customer,
Look at my face. My boobs aren't here to tell you this evening's dinner specials!
Sincerely, not in my job description, and no we don't serve milk!
Dear sleeping girlfriend,
I was in the middle of breaking up with you when you dozed off.
Sincerely, it was because I felt unappreciated...
Dear lesbian couple in my class,
So how does this work... you both make sandwiches for each other?
Sincerely, a curious male.
Please know that that "purse" you just stole was actually a diaper bag.
Sincerely, I hope you enjoy that diaper rash ointment.
Dear cat that thinks the stove is a good place to sit,
Please be warned. If you keep sitting there I will have to assume you want to be cooked.
Sincerely, don't test me bro. I'll cook you!
I really liked that sweatshirt, but oh, you can just have it. It's not like I spent a lot of money on it or anything. You go on ahead.
Dear creepy man at the gas station,
Just because I wear a Bob Marley wristband doesn't mean that I want to go to Jamaica with you.
Sincerely, never filling up my car again!
You complain that you can't take your shirt off on a hot day like boys can. But please know that you are more than welcome to.
Don't have sex; you will get pregnant, and die.
Sincerely, Coach Carr.
Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,
Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.
Sincerely, I'm a band student, and you're an idiot.
Dear "popular" girls at my school,
You know you sweat during gym right?
Sincerely, You're fake tan is coming off in droplets.
Dear teenage girls,
If you have succeeded in copying our style and make-up. Congratulations!
Dear gummy worms,
If I cut you in half, will you grow a new body?
Sincerely, I need more sugar!!!
Dear rappers who all claim they used to be criminals,
Why do you hate people illegally downloading your music?