Dear Boy who walked in to the girls bathroom,
Please give yourself a round of applause for accusing me of slapping you and getting me suspended for 5 days.
Sincerely, The senior girl with a flawless academic record whose reputation you just destroyed.
When I opened up to you about my cutting, you told me "that's no way to deal with your problems", then didn't speak to me ever again. I'm sorry for ever believing I could trust you.
Sincerely, looks like it's time to get some new friends.
You didn't have to laugh at me when I put on that dress. I actually felt GOOD for once, and now I'm back to being insecure.
Sincerely, your insecure and depressed niece
Dear Medical Terminology Prof,
Please refrain from staring down the only girl in your classroom when discussing male reproduction and masturbation in addition to a multitude of crass jokes in order to "make the pretty girl smile". It doesn't work like that.
Sincerely, And here I thought men matured after they turned 75...
Dear grandfather whom I am visiting,
Just because my backpack was slightly open, it did not give you my express permission to rifle through it and find my "personal items" (including condoms) and then lay them on the couch for everyone else to see.
Sincerely, your extremely embarrassed (adult) grandson
Dear overweight mother,
Please stop accusing me of being anorexic and then telling me it's in my genetics to get fat someday everytime you see me eating.
Sincerely, wtf are you trying to do
Dear mentally and physically challenged neighbor,
No, your handicap isn't an excuse for you playing loud music at 7 AM, that you always check out my bum, peek trough my window and park your scooter in a way it blocks 4 bicycle stands.
Please stop commenting on my 'small mouth' and how that might be inconvenient for me later on. Especially when you then feel the need to talk me through gagging around the trays.
Sincerely, I don't need you smiling down at me...
Please notice me. If you don't soon, I'm going to leave.
Sincerely, Your Wife
Please teach your children manners before they get to school. That's part of your job. I'm frustrated that your child refuses to say please and thank you, or demands something instead of asks politely. Did you know your child blatantly refuses any direction given to them? Did you know they yell at us and attempt to hit us when they don't get their way?
Sincerely, Your Child's Elementary Teacher
Please tell me you found that ressurection stone. I just want to say goodbye one last time
You decided to not be involved in my life for twenty years, but now want to be apart of it once you realized my major can lead to a prestigious and well-paying career?
Sincerely, Yeah, I Don't Think So
Dear Best Guy Friend/Crush,
Please understand that when you have me straddle you in a hot tub in my bikini, I am going to assume you're interested.
Sincerely, maybe you shouldn't be so misleading next time.
Why are you even here? Why do we even have a class? You literally just tell us to check the school's website and then fuck around on your computer for three hours. How am I supposed to learn anything if you don't teach?
Sincerely, a frustrated student
Dear theater club at my school,
A fire alarm is not a place to put a clothes hanger. The fire department took two hours to clear everything just because you couldn't find a better place to hang your costume. I don't know how you could have missed the big red letters saying FIRE ALARM.
Sincerely, swimmer whose nerve-racking race got postponed for an agonizing two hours