Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear health-freak parents,
If you ever try to sneak protein powder into my pancakes again, I'm pouring acid on your vegetable garden.
Dear Pandora Radio,
You just played an ad in the middle of a soft piano song at full volumn.
Dear people who say "nothing is impossible",
Ever tried to slam a revolving door?
Dear customer,
When I ask if you want your pizza for delivery or pick-up, please realize yes is not a suitable answer.
Dear cop who pulled me over,
When you asked if I was lost and I said "yes" I wasn't kidding.
Dear "D" in "Disney",
Wait... You're not a "G?"
Dear roommate,
Your face was priceless!
Dear tailgater,
If I can see your eye color in my rear mirror my speedometer will not increase, but your insurance will!
Dear Jack the Ripper,
We all have the same middle name!
Dear parents,
I'm forty years old now, you don't have to interview all the men I date.
Dear girls who only come to our games to check us out in our uniforms,
Please, why do you think we joined the team?
Dear sister walking into my bedroom uninvited,
I'm trying on my bikini to see whether I need to lose any weight... not taking stripper photos like you think I am.
Dear little brother,
Please stop yelling "WHAT'S A TAMPON?" when I'm having a slumber party!
Dear kid that yelled "I'M OUT OF GLITTER!" in the lunchroom,
You just made my day.
Dear school photographers ,
Making us say "grandma's undies" doesn't make us smile anymore; in fact it's kind of creepy...
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