Dear 12 Year Old Boy,
Please never ever ever, tell my 8 year old girl to suck your dick and then start pulling off her skirt. I will end you.
Sincerely, You're damn right I called your momma
Dear girl who almost crashed into my car that all of my family was in and then flipped my dad off at the stoplight because he honked,
Please realize that my dad almost died two weeks ago when another young driver totaled his car by running a red light.
Sincerely, I'd like to keep him a bit longer, please
Dear school staff,
MY SON IS ALLERGIC TO WHEAT! I don't care about your damn healthy eating program, if you try to feed him wheat, he could have a major reaction.
Sincerely, Try and force him again and I will see you in court.
WAit, wait, wait, back up. YOU are upset with ME because MY safe, where I keep all of MY personal documents and MY emergency fund, was locked and YOU couldn't get in? What POSSIBLE reason could there be for you to need to be in there, at all?!
Sincerely, Good to know you're a klepto
Dear mom and dad,
Please stop asking me to invite over my friends
Sincerely, they abandoned me and I don't know what to say
I do not forgive you for throwing things at me when your drunk. I do not forgive you for making me watch my back when your drunk because im scared you might hit me. Im sorry i cant explain to you right now why im not going to your house. Im sorry i dont think you deserve that kind of respect...
Sincerely, A daughter that needs to know you still love me
It's bad enough when we have to ask you to bathe and comb your hair so we can breathe around you. When the judge has to ask you to dress appropriately, we've got a serious problem. Especially since your are our lawyer and your unwashed zombie look makes us lose our cause.
Sincerely, your biggest nauseated client..
Dear boyfriend of 2 years,
The fact that you didn't even ACKNOWLEDGE our anniversary has me angry and disappointed in you, so don't play that "what did I do" card when I give you the cold shoulder tomorrow. Everyone even reminded you for a week.
Sincerely, you seriously fucked up.
Sincerely, day of a pool party.
You didn't put me up against a wall, and you didn't hit me. But if a girl says no, then that's not an invitation to manipulate and emotionally blackmail her. I wish I saw that sooner.
Sincerely, mental abuse is still abuse.
Please stop making my 12 year old sister believe that she's too fat to go outside. It kills me to see her cry when clothes don't fit. She's never going to be skinny, but she needs to know that that's okay. Please help her.
Sincerely, a worried older sister, who doesn't want to see her baby sister go through the same bullying.
You being a vegan is admirable. You snidely berating our customers for eating meat is not. You are the idiot who chose to get a job at Burger King.
Sincerely, no wonder you aren't being promoted.
Dear people who ask me when I'm going to real college,
Please tell me, since when is community college fake?
Sincerely, annoyed senior
You may identify as male, but you are still biologically female, so no, I'm not being bigoted when I can't sign you up for a prostate exam. The system will literally not allow me to.
Sincerely, the "bitch" receptionist
Please tell me how my best friend who was passing safely and legally deserves a $50 ticket and threats of license suspension, but my ex who nearly killed us going twice the posted speed limit towards oncoming traffic got off with just an $80 ticket?
Sincerely, pissed off young adult