Dear confused people,
Roses are black, violets are black...
Sincerely, Helen Keller
Dear Ambercrombie and Fitch,
Why do all your stores have the same smell? Like a combination of date rape and bulimia?
Dear Weight Watchers,
You do realize your building is between a McDonald's and a donut place, right?
Sincerely, I'm not getting any skinnier
Dear ex-best friend,
I love finding out about your new relationship with my crush via Facebook. It made my day.
Sincerely, I hope he has a tiny penis
Please stop folding up around my crotch.
Sincerely, a girl who looks like she has a penis.
Dear Freshmen girls wearing nothing but a tank top and booty shorts,
I thought today was Pajama Day. I think Career Day is Tomorrow.
Sincerely, Senor wearing footy pajamas and carrying a teddy bear
Dear creator of the English language,
So hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words, aibohphobia is the fear of words spelt the same forwards as backwards, lisp has an "s" in it, portmanteau is a french portmanteau and oxymoron is an oxymoron
Sincerely, you really had too much time on your hands
You're adorable, but please stop stepping on me while I'm lying down.
Sincerely, Ow! Not the boob!
Please keep singing in the shower, you're a hit on Youtube
Dear whoever invented tampons,
How awkward was it for you to explain your device to people?
Sincerely, And then you stick it up there, like so...
Dear girl singing in the shower,
While I appreciate your confidence, it's a communal bathroom. It's awkward.
Sincerely, I'm pooping 20 feet away from you.
Please stop naming your children ridiculous things, they'll just resent you later.
Sincerely, Wisha Ponastar
Dear Nerdy Husband,
You're lucky I love you...
Sincerely, Now the proud owner of a Princess Leia slave costume...
Don't worry about me. I've changed my name to Gandalf and moved to Middle Earth. Don't try to find me, I've got my hands full with Frodo.