Dear Neville Longbottom,
After how crappy your life has been, I figured it was time someone was nice to you.
Dear Urban Outfitters Catalogue,
Who on earth goes hiking in the outdoors while wearing only a skirt, thick heels and a crop top?
Sincerely, Ohhh wait, you also have a beanie to protect you from harsh weather..never mind
Dear book store,
For some reason I find it hard to believe that you have an "autographed by the author" copy of the bible.
Dear tall people,
Watch out. We bite ankles.
Sincerely, short people
Dear guy shopping with your girlfriend,
I saw that look you gave my girlfriend when she started talking about her bedazzled nerf gun.
Sincerely, you jelly?
Dear Emma Watson,
I understand why you quit school. I would get angry if every time I answered a question someone yelled, "10 points for Griffindoor!"
Dear Fairy Godmother,
So where were you when both my parents died, the only family I had left enslaved me, abused me and hid me away from the world for years? But hey - thanks for the pretty dress!
Dear guy who just stole my bag,
Good luck with that..
Sincerely, a cross country runner
Dear chemistry teacher,
Why is the class amused? I believe it's quite self-explanatory...
Sincerely, "Rutherford concluded that his balls could be tiny or massive."
Dear high school teachers,
You say you prepare us for college. College teachers say they prepare us for the "real world." Well, in the real world, we pretty much do the same things we do in pre-school. Sit down and try not to break anything.
Sincerely, just stating the facts...
All our lives we are led up to believe that you are this great and cultured poet. Then we read the first scene of Romeo and Juliet and you are telling sex jokes.
Sincerely, But You Make It Sound So Serious...
Dear "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!",
No, but I do kiss your wife.
Sincerely, the look on your face was priceless
Dear boys who ask why girls wear bras if they "have nothing to put in them",,
Please explain why you wear pants then...
Sincerely, uh, yeah I went there...
Dear Spongebob creators,
A squirrel in a space suit, a snail that meows, and a crab with a whale as a daughter
Sincerely, you guys were high