Dear people of America,
I am a white, straight, gun-owning, conservative male.
Sincerely, how else can I piss you off today?
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Please make that squeaking sound again.
Sincerely, I don't want people to think I farted.
Dear headache medication warning labels,
"Side effects may include headaches."
Dear German exchange student,
Well, this awkward...
Sincerely, learning about the Holocaust.
Dear guy who uses the phrase "I have something to tell you" before kissing a girl,
2 seconds of bliss followed by awkward silence.
Sincerely, good talk...
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts.
If all gay people go to hell, it's got to be FABULOUS!
Sincerely, it is going to A-māzing...
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear movie theater usher,
What do you mean my bag smells like fast food?
Sincerely, I have no idea what you're talking about...
Dear Rubik's Cube,
That was really easy! Oh wait...
Dear girls who use the period excuse every gym class,
I think you need to see a doctor if you have your period this much.
Sincerely, even as a male gym teacher, I had to take a few classes about the body.
Santa saw your picture.
Sincerely, you're getting clothes for Christmas.
Dear sticky white stuff on the floor,
Please be glue, please be glue, please be glue!
Sincerely, ... it's not glue.