Dear "best friend",
That's the fifth time you've said you don't have plans, promised to hang out in an hour, and then left me hanging. Next time just tell me you're busy - I promise I won't mind.
Sincerely, hurt that you're lying to me
Dear douchebag feeling me up with the "firetruck" game,,
I'm aware that firetrucks don't stop at red lights. Please get your hand off my thigh before I tell you what WILL stop it.
Sincerely, Here's a hint: my father's a butcher.
Please stop bringing money and wealth into every conversation we have. We don't care that your family is super rich. We don't care that you have servants at your father's house and we don't care that your entire family only wears designer clothes. I can't afford to buy a laptop even though I desperately need one. Our other friend is considering going to community college to save on tuition, and your best friend has worn the same broken glasses for months because she can't afford to get it fixed. The way you flaunt your wealth only makes us feel worse and makes it harder to relate to you.
Sincerely, your friends from middle-class families
Dear boy in my class,
No, I did not slap you because I'm racist, I slapped you because you grabbed my ass without having my consent. That's called sexual harassment - no matter whether your skin is white, black, green, yellow or purple.
Dear Math Teacher,
Please don't stop teaching the lesson because some of the students are being assholes who won't shut up. Don't tell us "Good luck" on the homework and stomp off. Please.
Sincerely, I was trying to pay attention but now I'm stuck staring blankly at my textbook wanting to cry.
Dear Insomniac of a Neighbor,
Why in God's name do you think it's a good idea to mow your lawn at 1 am?
Sincerely, Tired and Grumpy Resident.
Dear Parents who think I'm a horrible daughter,
I've never gotten drunk, done drugs, or smoked. I'm still a virgin, and I do my homework every night. I do my chores without being asked, and volunteer at a homeless shelter almost every week.
Sincerely, your "horrible" 15 year old
Dear Father of my child,
Please I know you have moved on and everything but it would be nice for you to acknowledge our son and make the effort to see him more often. Its nice when you do. He loves when you are around. Even if its once a month.
Sincerely, a mother who wants her child to have a father
Stop trying to tear me down to build yourself up. It makes you look weak.
Sincerely, Almost over you
Dear random guy in disney,
Please have the courtesy to smoke when your not around kids
Sincerely, my little brother already has asthma
Please stop saying "It's just a phase" whenever I bring up the topic of me being bisexual.
Sincerely, I'd really hope you would believe me.
Dear Messy Rommates,
Please clean up the freakin kitchen! When you all leave dishes to pile up in the sink, and all over the counters for days and/or weeks on end, you make it impossible just to get a glass of water, yet alone cook anything. Don't even get me started on the smell.
Sincerely, the only one in the apartment who cleans up after herself
When I tell you that a show I'm watching is too scary for my elementary school little sister, I really mean it. So don't force me to "share" and then yell at me later when she gets nightmares.
Sincerely, I told you so.
Dear former boss,
Please don't contact me because you forgot someone's name. Don't contact me unless you want to offer me my job back.
Sincerely, Your reasons for firing me were crap. Just tell me the truth.
Dear first roommate at college,
I wanted to make this work, I really did. But when all you talk about is you and your problems, I find it harder and harder to even be in the same room as you. You are very self-centered. You blast the music genre you know I hate, you leave messes everywhere, and have no regard for any other person other than your weekly crush. You act like a two year old when you take every concievable kitchen utensil out to use and put nothing back, and give everyone else attitude when we ask you to clean it up. The list really goes on and on. I'm trying to be patient and be nice, becasue I believe everyone deserves that, but you are making it really hard for me.
Sincerely, scared for the rest of my college career in fear of ending up with another version of you