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Dear multiple choice test,
...Why are the first eleven answers B?
Dear Americans,
You do realize that we have other names that aren't Raj, right?
Dear optimists,
Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
Dear Smurfs,
What color do you turn when you're choking?
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
Dear world,
The only reason I make my boyfriend sammiches is because the last time he tried it himself, he set our apartment on fire.
Dear "Did your mom pick out your outfit?",
Did your pimp pick out yours?
Dear natural resources,
Om nom nom!
Dear mom,
Thanks for yelling at me throughout my whole childhood, it makes my former marine corps lacrosse coach look like he was talking to me sweetly.
Dear upset, overweight woman,
Since we were both sitting in the OBGYN office I thought it was safe to assume...
Dear guy who just called me a lesbian,
Yes I am.
Dear Taylor Swift,
Guys will never want to date you if you keep singing about every relationship you have ever had.
Dear Obama,
I'm not sure we can fix it...
Dear lions,
I know you'd never cheat on anyone!
Dear Selena Gomez,
Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend.
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