Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Boyfriends,
Please realize that the only reason you'll ever get your sweatshirt back is because it has lost its scent. We will expect it back as soon as you have made it smell like you again.
Dear "guns kill people",
Yeh... Spoons make people fat, and pens misspell words.
Dear girls who constantly complain about boys who stare at their cleavage,
Just an idea, wear your boobs on the inside of your shirt.
Dear Noah,
Never mind. We caught the Hogwarts Express instead.
Dear mosquitoes,
Thanks for that...
Dear teacher who told me to use the bathroom during lunch,
I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THEN!
Dear ER doctor that asks why I'm here today,
Could it be the gash on my forehead that is bleeding, or some mysterious illness?
Dear boss at Old Navy,
Please don't make me dress and undress the store's mannequins during the busiest time of the day.
Dear Dad,
Please realize that the appropriate response to "I have to go study for finals." Is not "Why? You already got into college."
Dear "Disney, please make an Interracial couple!",
I'm sorry, do we not count?
Dear Mother,
Please locate the nearest dictionary. Now look up the definitions of mom, mother, and parent. Then proceed to look up the definition of dictator. Please note that they are not the same.
Dear teacher who left me in charge,
Yeah, because if they don't listen to you they'll definitely listen to me
Dear boyfriend,
Yeah, you might wear the pants in the relationship, but I control the zipper.
Dear crazy health teacher who says using condoms will give our babies cancer,
The point of birth control is that there will not BE a baby.
Dear Donald Trump,
I am really, really, really, really proud of you.
THIS IS PAGE 2
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