Please stop leaving your pad wrappers all over our shared bathroom floor. I know you have monthly... things... but I'd rather not wade through a half-inch carpet of paper to take a piss. I don't leave the tissues I use all ove the place.
Sincerely, brother who shouldn't need to deal with your trash
Please stop leaving ice cream containers on the racks by the tills. Ice cream melts. It gets all over the chocolate bars and ruins hundreds of dollars worth of product. If you don't want it, give it to the cashier at the till so they can do a perishable return since you're going through the till anyway.
Sincerely, cashier who already has lots of cleaning to get through tonight
Dear regional council traffic management,
If I, or anybody else, writes in to complain, make a suggestion or otherwise bring some sort of traffic related problem to your attention, your response should NOT be (to paraphrase): "We are the professionals who know more so be quiet." These people are writing in based on experiencing traffic problems first hand, not looking at theoretical traffic charts.
Sincerely, and you wonder why nobody likes you
Please don't make me do all the chores in the house, I already sweep, mop, wash the dishes, and walk all three of our dogs twice a day. You have two other daughters who do literally nothing all day.
Sincerely, your other daughter, yes, the one who does all the work
Dear girl in the library,
I understand that you are social and want to talk to people. But this is the college library during the middle of exams, most people are busy trying to study.
Sincerely, please do not disturb students
Dear Family Friends,
Everyone pressuring me into taking the nannying job wasn't fair to me. Your kid is sweet, but I hate basically being mom. I feel miserable every time I watch her.
Sincerely, The Nanny
Dear Former Friend of my Daughter,
Please remember that when you call someone names and threaten to kill them on Facebook, your account may end up being canned by Facebook.
Sincerely, It's Not My Fault Your Access Is Denied.
Dear woman at the bowling alley,
No, she is not my daughter. Either I look old for my age or this world has some serious cleaning up to do
Sincerely, thirteen year old
I know you have ocd, but your compulsive need to automatically throw away any paper you see laying around is really annoying to live with.
Sincerely, throwing away entire notebooks just because they were on the coffee table is not "cleaning up"
I know you don't care about your hygene, but for the love of god stop with the "why do you need a shower" lecture everytime I go to take a shower.
Sincerely, really grossed out
Dear Grouchy Old People,
Please stop judging. No, I am not a lazy twenty-year old; I am a twenty-year-old with severe tendnitis in my knees. About once a week, I am unable to walk. By twenty-five, I may need to have both replaced.
Sincerely, No Lazy, Just More Injured Than You
Why do you let your bad students get away with all of the crap they do, but when your good students do the same thing you yell at them?
Sincerely, confused straight A student who got yelled at for talking in class
Dear Geometry guys in my group doing a project for science.,
Please realize just because I am not Asian, and a girl and in Pre-Algebra does not mean I don't not how to build or fix something.
Sincerely, have fun with the 45 degree marshmallow and noodle tower that is falling over.
Dear classmate who loves Shakespeare,
Please stop insulting anyone who doesn't like Shakespeare. Yes, most of us can understand it and no, we still don't like it. You being a fan is okay. You saying we are idiots and don't understand enough to like it is not on. Even if someone didn't understand, calling them an idiot is definitely not the way to get them to appreciate Shakespeare. In fact, it could do the exact opposite. Oh, someone in today's age struggles with the language Shakespeare used? Big fucking whoop. Of course someone might struggle (and that's not even thinking about people with learning disabilities, asshole) in understanding a language from a DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD! Shut up about how you are a special snowflake because only you understand Shakespeare (you are not) and shoving the belief that everyone must absolutely love reading Shakespeare. The girl you just got up for helping 'Shakespeare haters'? Maybe you should follow her lead. She loves Shakespeare just as much as you do. She's just not an ass about it.
Sincerely, Classmate you insulted