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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear parents,
Please realize that just because you weren't here when I did my chores, and therefore didn't see me do them, it doesn't mean I didn't do them, and just because I missed a few spots on the floor while sweeping doesn't mean I didn't sweep.
Dear Person driving their car really fast next to the curb in a torrential downpour,
DAMN YOU.
Dear Mom,
Please stop telling me to eat healthy and to get more exercise. It hurts my feelings when you call me fat.
Dear raging alcoholic grandmother,
Please quit starting random fights with me about how I don't acknowledge your existence, say thank you or come out of my "hole" of a bedroom. I act like this because everytime I try to say anything to you, you swear on the Holy Bible-that you don't even read-I'm giving you attitude or making faces behind your back. It's just the way my voice sounds, and my face looks. I'm a very deadpan kind of person, and if you cared enough to listen you would know that.
Dear woman driving the car next to me,
Please stop painting your nails while driving. You almost hit me.
Dear dad yelling at me for putting my used female products in the trash can,
Where would you rather me put them instead?
Dear my dad's girlfriend who's staying with us,
Please stop blaming every wrong thing you do on your mental problems.
Dear Dorm Douchebags,
How many times do I have to say, "I'm a lesbian" before you stop harassing me?
Dear "Best Friend",
Really? I can't have my best friend over because he is your ex? Oh and now you're ignoring both of us. Well that's fantastic. Really. I wonder how you're going to react when I told you he gave me a hug because of my great grandmother dying. Oh wait I didn't tell you she's dying because you never listen anymore.
Dear Ex-Boss,
Please realize that I quit because you were a terrible, miserly, autocratic manager who took your personal problems out on me. Know that venting the pent up rage from your home life on your employees is completely inappropriate. It is however, a great way to get them to quit! You also put me through financial hardship as well dude - and that wasn't cool either. Asking how my five other jobs are going is not you being polite. It's you being a jerk. Pay people a living wage. Life with 6 jobs sucks. It sucks almost as much as being insecure about your rent and next meal.
Dear my boyfriend's parents,
Please stop forcing your religion on your son. How can you not realize that its wrong to tell him, "Being Christian is a family tradition! You have to be Christian, you have no choice in the matter"? Can't you see that he suffers every day because of what he believes in?
Dear girl who flirts with my boyfriend,
Yeah, I get it, you two were friends before I started dating him. Doesn't give you an excuse to try and make a move on him when I'm right there. I can be vicious.
Dear Angry Starbucks Customer,
I'm sorry I had to ask you to repeat your drink order of a Quad shot Venti Iced Caramel Macciato upside down. You were speaking fast and it was my first day.
Dear "friends",
Next time just say where you are going on the weekends instead of lying to me
Dear gay friend,
We were good friends before you realised I was Christian, why are you acting strange around me now?
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