Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear teenage girl,
You like Disney movies? And Harry Potter? AND you're a virgin? What a special and unique snowflake you are!
Dear Doctor,
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Dear sister who just turned 13,
Welcome to the dark side. we've been expecting you.
Dear people at NASA,
Do you ever say "It's not rocket science!" to your coworkers?
Dear whoever stole my Amazon package,
I can understand why you'd need thirty rolls of toilet paper considering you are a huge a-hole.
Dear women,
Are you wet yet?
Dear nursery rhymer,
Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, jack fell down and broke his crown....
Dear girl in my chem class.,
Do you have 11 protons?
Dear world,
No no no, guys...I said I hate FIGS!
Dear peanut butter and jelly:,
I only use you together, and your jars are the same size. Why don't you run out at the same time?
Dear fellow gays,
Is it weird that I think homophobes are sexy?
Dear Pinky Toe,
BAM!!!!!!
Dear Will.I.Am,
Please name your son Sam.
Dear my milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard,
And I'm like...
Dear dad,
When you told me that the USB port on the laptop is ''female'' because the male always goes into the female... What part of that sounded OK in your head?
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