Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Sincerely, the guy calling an ambulance and the police for you
Apparently size does matter.
Dear Pinky Toe,
Sincerely, Coffee Table
Dear math teacher,
Sorry I couldn't do my math homework. My uncle's sister-in-law's best friend's roomate's insurance agent's gardener's goldfish died.
Sincerely, it was tragic.....
If you think about it, God was the original hipster. He existed before existence even existed
Sincerely, but everything else was made in china
Dear whoever stole my Amazon package,
I can understand why you'd need thirty rolls of toilet paper considering you are a huge a-hole.
Sincerely, your friendly neighbor.
Just because I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years does not mean you can refer to his parents as "the in-laws"
Sincerely, you almost gave dad a heart attack...
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes...
Sincerely, It's Friday, Friday gotta get down on Friday...
What do you call a cautious redhead?
Sorry I don't put any meat in my mouth.
Sincerely, a vegetarian
Dear Harry Potter Lego's ,
Why is Voldemort the only one with a nose...
Sincerely, oh the irony
Dear world ,
Please be aware, that, if you aren't a Harry Potter fan, you won't get approximately 9 3/4 of the jokes we make.
Sincerely, See what I did there? Nope? Read Harry Potter.
Dear football players,
You play football? That's cute. We throw 100 pound girls. You throw 2 pound footballs. Oh, and we actually catch ours.
Dear baby stroller package,
Thank you so much for reminding me that the baby in picture is not included with the stroller. Without that I would have been very disappointed...
Sincerely, ...said no one.