Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear homophobic moron currently in considerable amounts of pain,
Next time don't be so quick to assume that gay means weak.
Dear parents who burst into my room,
We weren't screaming because we were having sex...
Dear Mom,
Please realize LOL doesn't mean Lots of Love.
Dear people driving behind me,
I'll just apologize now...
Dear parents,
Please don't yell at me for still being up.
Dear quiet customers,
I understand that you might be shy, but I'm trying to hear you over the in-store music, the sound of registers, a baby crying a few aisles away and the cafe next door.
Dear people in my life,
I will seriously leave AT LEAST $500 to anyone who will go to my funeral dressed as the grim reaper and just stand there.
Dear fat girls,
Please stop calling skinny girls "fake". You are what you eat. I eat organic, you eat processed crap. I think we all know which one is fake...
Dear people who say "hate is such a strong word",
Fine, I strongly dislike that person with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns.
Dear cute girl,
I can be a douchebag boyfriend who abuses you on a daily basis too, you know. Give me a try.
Dear technologically incapable parents,
Just because I know how to open Microsoft Word does not make me a tech support guy for all your tech problems.
Dear couple across from me at my table in the student center,
I know you have chemistry, but I really need to study mine.
Dear husband,
Maybe the reason I'm not making you any sandwiches is because you're not bringing home any bread.
Dear freshmen girls in my apartment,
It's really not attractive when you get drunk and lose all control over your bodily functions. No one thinks you're cute with puke on your shirt.
Dear wrestler claiming male ballet dancers are gay,
Please realize while you're squirming around on the ground entangled with a sweaty guy...
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