Dear girl in my English class,
"I always thought the right to bare arms was the right to wear t-shirts
Sincerely, you made my day
No, I do not need you to give me "the talk".
Sincerely, 35 and married.
Dear opportunist that drank the half empty glass of "water",
We never said it was water
Sincerely, you just drank arsenic...
Dear Health Teacher,
Thank you for informing us that "Consuming too much alcohol usually causes you to vomit out of your mouth."
Sincerely, really? Thought I vomited out of my butt...
Dear Boy sagging his pants,
If your going to do it, don't wear your sonic the hedgehog underwear.
Sincerely, Giggling group of girls
I love when you curl up next to me and fall asleep like this! You are so warm and cute and sweet and... what's that smell?
Sincerely, Thanks for farting on the car ride!
Please. Trojan extra-large condoms are made to fit most regular sized men to boost their confidence and ensure further purchased.
Sincerely, don't get so cocky next time.
Oh, it's my sister's birthday today? I had no idea!
Sincerely, a twin
Dear Olympian Gods,
Start using protection. I mean, really. Has it ever turned out very well for you?
Please don't hide in the bathtub and jump out at me when I check for serial killers
Sincerely, just had a heart attack
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Sincerely, ...I just had an erotic dream about you last night
Please we get it, we dress awesomely. What do you think we spent all that time in the closet doing anyway?
Sincerely, gay men
Dear friends bragging how far they have gone ,
I walked all the way to the super market yesterday
Sincerely, does that count?
Dear people who think women dress up to impress guys,,
If we dressed to impress guys we'd be naked.
Dear yoga instructor,
Yes, I see you doing it. No, I still believe it is physically impossible. I heard you say magic words before doing it, I know you're a wizard.
Sincerely, I just want to be able to suck my own... nevermind