Please don't give up on me. I've seen what happens when the other kids get left in group homes.
Sincerely, your autistic daughter.
Dear Stupid Parents,
Please love your children. They're not meant to be treated like the butt of everyone's jokes.
Sincerely, A sad girl
Dear Kid who filled up all of the rubber ducks in the pool so they sat at the bottom of it,
Please tell me why
Sincerely, the Lifeguard who has to jump in the pool to pick all of those up at closing
I'm fine with your boyfriend staying the night occasionally in the room that we SHARE. But please, don't sleep in until 3 PM and then start giggling together. I'd like to actually use my desk for homework, you know.
Sincerely, Awkwardly stuck on the couch
Please get used to the fact that when you continue to use the phrase "little girl" to refer to ADULT female professionals, I will continue to calmly and bluntly correct you. If this makes you mad enough to hasten out of my home mid-sentence, so be it.
Sincerely, The dark ages called and they want their chauvinism back
Dear body positivity movement,
Please acknowledge that thin-shaming exists and is every bit as hurtful as fat-shaming. People always tell me I'm too skinny and that I'm not cuddly enough for anyone to actually like me, and I'm starting to believe it. I'm afraid of anyone seeing me naked because I'm so bony, and every time I try eating more to gain weight, I just end up feeling sick. Trust me, the grass isn't greener on this side of the fence. At all.
Sincerely, size 00 and hating myself
Dear future mother in law,
Please quit telling your son you won't be at his graduation if his dad comes. You two have your differences and he just wants him to be a part of his life just this once.
Sincerely, your future daughter in law concerned about your son
Please don't talk about me and my problems in the car as if I am not there when I am.
Sincerely, The son that doesn't seem to fit into his own family
Please stop tearing down all agriculture. Not all Farmers are bad and all you're doing is scaring people into believing that their food isn't safe when the reality is that the animals, plants, and consumers are the center of all of our decisions.
Sincerely, a farmer trying to produce safe food for the world
Dear speeding drivers who tailgate me with their high beams on and think they can crowd me into speeding up,
Please realize you can't force me to drive faster. You're really just going to make me go slower because you're blinding me. Are you really in that much of a hurry that you need to put everyone else on the road in danger?
Sincerely, a driver who chooses to drive sanely
Please stop telling us about all of the problems you have with each other. No, we don't know how you're supposed to fix your marriage, we're not therapists. And yes, you both talk about each other behind your backs. And yes, I know I'm being just as passive about it right now. But please talk to each other instead.
Sincerely, Your now-cynical-about-relationships children
Please stop freaking out because there is a spot of blood on the toilet seat. No one is dying, our little sister is just learning how to use tampons. And given the amount of pee you leave on the toilet seat, you have no right to complain about anyone else's mess.
Sincerely, your sister
You're welcome to come over on short notice, however, when I tell you I have lots of homework and it needs to be a short visit, that means you shouldn't stay for 5 hours. It also DEFINITELY means that you shouldn't leave only when I tell you I need to go to bed, and ask when exactly I'm going to bed so you can try and squeeze in one more episode.
Sincerely, the friend who doesn't know how to politely tell you to GTFO
Dear people we meet,
Please respect the boundaries that are in place for the well-being of my child. If I told you she was diabetic, and you could offer her one cookie but not six, you wouldn't bat an eye. So when I ask you to offer a high five instead of picking her up or putting her on your lap, even if she asks, you need to do that.
Sincerely, Not overly friendly--attachment disorder!
Please stop harassing me with pictures of aborted fetuses on my campus. I will always support a woman's right to choose. And asking me "how do you feel" is unnecessay.
Sincerely, "Feeling Fine thanks, yourself?"