Please understand that we live in the 21st century and that I am not expected to cook for my older brother in my spare time anymore.
Sincerely, your slightly annoyed granddaughter
If you're going to call a teacher sexist, and then turn around when I try to put in my two cents and say "Are you a guy? No? Then shut up." Then I'm going to say the only sexist person I see is you.
Sincerely, "Feminist Nazi" by your standards
Dear writing group,
Please stop asking me, "where are the LGBT people?" and "why are you writing about asexuals?" when you read my stories. I don't write about LGBT people because plenty of other people have. I write about asexuals because I am asexual and because virtually no one has.
Sincerely, why is it only me you do this to?
Please allow me my moment to shine. I know you're passionate about your hobby, and I love learning about it from you. But being the student all the time is starting to make me feel like I have a lower IQ. Please let me be the teacher for once. I have hobbies too.
Sincerely, I swear I'm not stupid
Dear person who told me "don't get pregnant",
Though it's not really your business, I will tell you that my babies light up my world and I would gratefully welcome a half dozen more. I will never tell you that our love life died a bitter death after he raped me, so pregnancy isn't really a concern. Unless, I guess, he does it again.
Sincerely, Crying in my silver lining
Dear Brock Turner's Dad,
Please understand that twenty minutes of action is a lot. In twenty minutes, you can murder people, bomb a city, or do other such horrible things.
Sincerely, Please don't trivialize rape.
Please stop screaming at 2 AM. I'm trying to sleep!!
Sincerely, your annoyed and exhausted hallmate
Please realize that I don't tell you what is going on in my life because you always freak out and make me feel ashamed. I feel like a daughter should be able to confide in her parents no matter the situation, I wish I had that.
Sincerely, your daughter who can't talk to anyone.
Dear daughter's birth mother,
I wish you had not abused substance(s?) when you were pregnant with her. She has enough to overcome without that too.
Sincerely, Mama v2.0
Please don't freak out when I tell you this. You are the reason my eating disorder was fueled. Your brief period of body hatred and sending me "thinspo" led me down a long path. Now I have 1-2 appointments a week. But of course I can never tell you that you fueled me to diet...
Sincerely, a friend stuck in therapy and relapsing
Dear people who don't like feminism,
Like it or not, finding out I'm a feminist is not an opportunity for you to call me a "feminazi". My great grandparents were murdered during the Holocaust after their home was burned down. I am a proud, 3rd generation Jewish American feminist and comparing me to the group that murdered my family and millions of others is completely unacceptable. You say feminists are crazy and turn around and compare us to fucking Nazis... check yourself
Sincerely, a Jewish woman who is tired of this
Dear friend who cheated on that test,
Please don't ask me to make you feel better. I had to spend my weekend studying and struggled with the test the whole period while you checked your study guide. I did my own work and you made a bad decision.
Sincerely, Deal with it
Dear academically challenged friend,
Please stop aiming your anger at me. Sure, I'll let you complain about our teachers and how you don't understand anything in our classes, but please, for the sake of my sanity, don't dismiss the solutions I am presenting to you. I am voluntarily offering you my time and energy to help you understand more, and hopefully do better. It's the least you could do to return the favor.
Sincerely, Desperately trying to help, but can't make you put in your part
Dear best friend,
Please stop interpreting me hanging out with your boyfriend as a way to intentionally hurt you.
Sincerely, he was my best friend before you two fell in love
I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I know these weekly calls are your way of being involved in my life from three hours away. But I don't want to do it anymore, and I don't know how to tell you without hurting you. You're only my dad when you want to be, and you never seem to remember the times you disappeared in the past. You seem to be happy with your new family, so please just let me go. I was there for you all those years because no one else was, but you don't need me anymore and I need time to heal.
Sincerely, your daughter