Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear robber,
Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Dear Guys,
Apparently size does matter.
Dear Pinky Toe,
BAM!!!!!!
Dear math teacher,
Sorry I couldn't do my math homework. My uncle's sister-in-law's best friend's roomate's insurance agent's gardener's goldfish died.
Dear hipsters,
If you think about it, God was the original hipster. He existed before existence even existed
Dear whoever stole my Amazon package,
I can understand why you'd need thirty rolls of toilet paper considering you are a huge a-hole.
Dear Mom,
Just because I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years does not mean you can refer to his parents as "the in-laws"
Dear world,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes...
Dear reader,
What do you call a cautious redhead?
Dear guys,
Sorry I don't put any meat in my mouth.
Dear Harry Potter Lego's ,
Why is Voldemort the only one with a nose...
Dear world ,
Please be aware, that, if you aren't a Harry Potter fan, you won't get approximately 9 3/4 of the jokes we make.
Dear football players,
You play football? That's cute. We throw 100 pound girls. You throw 2 pound footballs. Oh, and we actually catch ours.
Dear baby stroller package,
Thank you so much for reminding me that the baby in picture is not included with the stroller. Without that I would have been very disappointed...
Dear guys everywhere,
No, sir, your balls are not bigger then mine. Mine were so big that they had to be put on my chest to avoid chaffing.
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