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Dear parents,
Please don't give up on me. I've seen what happens when the other kids get left in group homes.
Dear Stupid Parents,
Please love your children. They're not meant to be treated like the butt of everyone's jokes.
Dear Kid who filled up all of the rubber ducks in the pool so they sat at the bottom of it,
Please tell me why
Dear roommate,
I'm fine with your boyfriend staying the night occasionally in the room that we SHARE. But please, don't sleep in until 3 PM and then start giggling together. I'd like to actually use my desk for homework, you know.
Dear fossil,
Please get used to the fact that when you continue to use the phrase "little girl" to refer to ADULT female professionals, I will continue to calmly and bluntly correct you. If this makes you mad enough to hasten out of my home mid-sentence, so be it.
Dear body positivity movement,
Please acknowledge that thin-shaming exists and is every bit as hurtful as fat-shaming. People always tell me I'm too skinny and that I'm not cuddly enough for anyone to actually like me, and I'm starting to believe it. I'm afraid of anyone seeing me naked because I'm so bony, and every time I try eating more to gain weight, I just end up feeling sick. Trust me, the grass isn't greener on this side of the fence. At all.
Dear future mother in law,
Please quit telling your son you won't be at his graduation if his dad comes. You two have your differences and he just wants him to be a part of his life just this once.
Dear Family,
Please don't talk about me and my problems in the car as if I am not there when I am.
Dear Peta,
Please stop tearing down all agriculture. Not all Farmers are bad and all you're doing is scaring people into believing that their food isn't safe when the reality is that the animals, plants, and consumers are the center of all of our decisions.
Dear speeding drivers who tailgate me with their high beams on and think they can crowd me into speeding up,
Please realize you can't force me to drive faster. You're really just going to make me go slower because you're blinding me. Are you really in that much of a hurry that you need to put everyone else on the road in danger?
Dear Parents,
Please stop telling us about all of the problems you have with each other. No, we don't know how you're supposed to fix your marriage, we're not therapists. And yes, you both talk about each other behind your backs. And yes, I know I'm being just as passive about it right now. But please talk to each other instead.
Dear brother,
Please stop freaking out because there is a spot of blood on the toilet seat. No one is dying, our little sister is just learning how to use tampons. And given the amount of pee you leave on the toilet seat, you have no right to complain about anyone else's mess.
Dear friends,
You're welcome to come over on short notice, however, when I tell you I have lots of homework and it needs to be a short visit, that means you shouldn't stay for 5 hours. It also DEFINITELY means that you shouldn't leave only when I tell you I need to go to bed, and ask when exactly I'm going to bed so you can try and squeeze in one more episode.
Dear people we meet,
Please respect the boundaries that are in place for the well-being of my child. If I told you she was diabetic, and you could offer her one cookie but not six, you wouldn't bat an eye. So when I ask you to offer a high five instead of picking her up or putting her on your lap, even if she asks, you need to do that.
Dear pro-lifers,
Please stop harassing me with pictures of aborted fetuses on my campus. I will always support a woman's right to choose. And asking me "how do you feel" is unnecessay.