Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear friend,
No, the fact that your vacuum is broken doesn't suck, it blows.
Dear Facebook ,
Please add ridin' solo as a relationship status.
Dear oblivious anatomy professor,
Please don't expect us to maintain a studious atmosphere when you refer to the buccinator as "the sucking and blowing muscle.".
Dear people who leave church by the side door immediately following the sermon,
Judas left early, too.
Dear lady at my gym,
Please stop making sex noises every time you lift weights.
Dear male gynecologist ,
Please stop looking down there and just staring saying 'mhm'.
Dear Bruno Mars and Taio Cruz,
You should throw your Grenades and Dynamite at Katy Perry.
Dear pervy kid in my English class,
There is a difference between 'I had a dream about you' and 'You were in my dream'.
Dear girl who just asked me "don't you hate it when you cut yourself while shaving your legs?",
No, I love when it happens, it really brings joy to my day.
Dear ex-boyfriend who thinks he's so cool because he dissed me through a poem,
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, but what happened to you?
Dear mother nature,
Please take your monthly gift and shove it.
Dear Chemistry students,
I know you are going on this site instead of taking "notes" on your laptop. Chemistry is important. Stop it.
Dear wind,
Please blow me.
Dear Law and Order, Bones, NCIS, and CSI,
Thanks for the advice, it totally worked!
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