Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyAttack of the CuteGrouchy Rabbit
Dear friend who cheated on that test,
Please don't ask me to make you feel better. I had to spend my weekend studying and struggled with the test the whole period while you checked your study guide. I did my own work and you made a bad decision.
Dear best friend,
Please stop interpreting me hanging out with your boyfriend as a way to intentionally hurt you.
Dear Dad,
I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I know these weekly calls are your way of being involved in my life from three hours away. But I don't want to do it anymore, and I don't know how to tell you without hurting you. You're only my dad when you want to be, and you never seem to remember the times you disappeared in the past. You seem to be happy with your new family, so please just let me go. I was there for you all those years because no one else was, but you don't need me anymore and I need time to heal.
Dear IRS Scammers,
Please stop calling me and threatening to take my whole life away
Dear family,
I know that my cousin is here at the same college, and that he has all these issues. But I have my own life, I'm not spending all my freetime to be waiting on him hand and foot.
Dear toddler son,
Yes, hello, AGAIN. No, mommy still does not have a penis. If I did, you wouldn't be here. Please go build a block tower and let me have two minutes to shower.
Dear Vegans,
Please eat a snickers. You get really forceful and arrogant about your worldviews and personal choices when you're hungry. If you really want to win people over to your side then try being persuasive and convincing, not insulting and hostile.
Dear countries letting Syrian refugees in,
Please, PLEASE find some way to make sure they genuinely need help and aren't just coming to cause trouble. Since refugees arrived in my town, the amount of rapes, thefts, murders and other sorts of crimes has shot up.
Dear foodcourt customers,
If you haven't finished your food, then have somebody at your table to "guard" your food. If that is not possible, take the food with you, or at the very least, tell the foodcourt attendants that you haven't finished. Otherwise, we will assume you have finished and left. Don't say "but I hadn't finished" because you'd be surprised how many meals are only half eaten then thrown out.
Dear unsupportive family and friends,
Please stfu about how unlikely it is I can make a career out of music.
Dear co-workers,
yes, I know you all have children. Yes, I'm also positive I never want any. Do you want to amputate your left foot?
Dear Friends,
Please stop asking for advice and then completely ignoring it and shoving it under the rug. It's quite annoying. Should I stop giving it?
Dear guys at the supermarket,
I realize my coat covers everything until my mid thighs. Also, I heard your disappointed sighs when I bent over and you saw me wearing hotpants.
Dear housemate,
Please don't turn the heating off as soon as you come home. Just because you're always hot doesn't mean we are as well.
Dear parents,
Just because I wear a lot of dark colours does not mean I'm a goth, pointing it out just makes me self-conscious. Please stop