Dear girls trying to think of a Halloween costume,
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!
Sincerely, I know you love the Aristocats, but think of something more original!
Can you just have me recite the law of Sines or the quadratic formula or something?
Sincerely, I have no balance and the ABCs are not going to be right in reverse
Dear couple sitting next to me on the plane,
Thanks for the pamphlet on accepting Jesus. I'm Jewish.
Sincerely, well this is awkward...
Dear people who complain about being in the friendzone,
Please understand that she may not be the girl for you. I acted on my affections for a girl and all it got me was a "friend" who abused me because she knew I was so deeply in love with her that I wouldn't care.
Sincerely, they may not be worth your time
Not all girls do their make-up to impress you.
Sincerely, it's not always about you
Dear butterflies in my stomach,
Please find somewhere else to flutter; I need to sleep tonight.
Sincerely, Soon to Defend her Thesis
Dear food retailers,
If you want us to eat healthy, stop making junk food so cheap and healthy food so expensive.
Sincerely, that fat guy who wants to lose weight on a budget
Please stop being so ignorant. An eating disorder is just that, a disorder. Not a lifestyle choice, and definitely is not glamourous. Stop everything you are doing.
Sincerely, an actual anorexic.
I love you.
Sincerely, Marshawn Lynch
Dear boy I like,
You must be made of copper & tellurium because you're CuTe.
Sincerely, a geeky girl
Dear single people of the world,
Please understand that you will not meet the person of your dreams while you are drunk at a bar.
Sincerely, someone who met their love at church
Dear Girls on dating sites,
Just because you put "Body Type: Curvy" in your profile, doesn't mean I can't tell that you're fat.
Sincerely, Guys on dating sites
Dear rude person,
You left me a voicemail from a blocked number to tell ME that I'm passive-aggressive?
Sincerely, Do you want to be the pot or the kettle? They're both black.
Dear guy friend from an online game,
You are the only person I know who has ever asked me what's wrong when I said I was fine, but really wasn't. I said it was nothing, but it meant a lot to me, and it made my day. You deserve an award.
Sincerely, you made a difference to a quite, unsure, deeply sad girl