Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime,
Can you not find the spacebar?
Dear LMFAO,
You are the whitest black guys I have ever seen.
Dear Summer,
I know you're hot, but I've found someone cooler.
Dear cute guy on the guys' cross-country team,
Your wearing short shorts is going to land me in the hospital one of these days.
Dear fat person,
You smoke, too?! You're making it too easy!
Dear dad,
Please don't put mom's old panties in the rag box.
Dear the camera adds ten pounds,
Only ten? Really? Come on, it must add at least thirty...
Dear lacrosse coach,
Yes, when you use the technical names for the parts of the stick, we will laugh. Especially when you tell us that Joey's shaft punched a hole in his butt, and he can't play with the exposed end.
Dear girl who walked into the hotel lobby while I was watching Lady Gaga's Thanksgiving special,
Thank you for saying, "What is she wearing?! She looks completely normal!"
Dear Two and a Half Men,
Jake is not half a man anymore, and Ashton counts as two.
Dear Axe,
I'm better. I'm on a horse.
Dear Americans,
Yes, of course we ride polar bears to school. Do you ride fat people?
Dear Smurfs,
Please let me know what color you turn if someone choked you.
Dear hyenas,
Mufasa!!!
Dear owner of the shoe in the lost and found,
Please. How do you manage to leave school with 1 shoe?
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