Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Grandma,
Please stop calling flip-flops "thongs". I die a little every time you ask for them.
Dear Mom,
You so sure you wanna know what my boyfriend and I were making? OK, well, it starts with a 'P' and ends with an 'O-R-N'...
Dear Voldemort,
You should've made your nose a horcrux.
Dear boyfriend asking me to prove my love,
I shave my legs in the winter for you.
Dear obnoxious people,,
"Why, yes I am 15. Yes, I am the pastors daughter. And, yes, this is my baby."
Dear friends who say I'm a good singer,
Please stop. I recorded my self and replayed it.
Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls,
So do we.
Dear God,
Thanks for making me sit next to a hot boy on the day the pastor gives us a sex talk.
Dear Society,
If you want me to be chivalrous, why did you invent automatic doors? What am I supposed to do? Leave my foot on the sensor for you?
Dear Dad,
Please don't cover my eyes when watching a scene in a movie where there are girls dancing in bras and underwear.
Dear People overusing the word "friendzoned",
you haven't been friendzoned until you actually tell them you like them.
Dear History Teacher,
Kind of ironic I failed my presentation by not being loud enough.
Dear Dad,
If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home.
Dear online website that asked if I was human,
What do you think I am?
Dear blondes that get mad at dumb blonde jokes,
People joke that Latinos steal cars, Australians ride kangaroos, Indians work at 7-11, Muslims are terrorists, Chinese people can't drive, Black people are gangsters, and White guys can't dance. Get over it.
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