Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Little Mermaid,
I think you being my favorite childhood movie is why the thought of eating fish disgusts me.
Dear mom,
Please know when you gave me "the talk" and offered me $5 for every year i'm a virgin you could've atlease offered 10.
Dear Twitter,
Thanksforteachingmetoreadwithoutspaces.
Dear tooth fairy,
My teeth are now $20 a-piece!
Dear Justin Bieber,
Oh you've designed your own perfume, and nail polish line?
Dear AP calculus,
It was easier understanding Inception...
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Dear boyfriend,
What?
Dear neighbor looking out the window at the wrong moment,
Well. This just got awkward.
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Dear world,
If women were in charge, there wouldn't be wars. Just a bunch of countries not speaking to each other.
Dear "I get 10 times more girls than you",
10 x 0 = 0.
Dear world,
Do not assume the automatic doors at 'Target' are tuned in to your exact walking speed.
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