Dear college roommate,
If you are going to use your bed for "extra-curricular activities", please use WD-40.
Sincerely, you and your boyfriend make the bed squeak all night long!
Dear Nearly Headless Nick,
No, you are still not welcome into our club!
Sincerely, Tyrion, Vincent Van Gogh, Darth Vader and the rest of the Missing Parts Club.
Dear Jon Snow,
You know nothing.
Never trust women.
Sincerely, John Bobbitt