Please make that squeaking sound again.
Sincerely, I don't want people to think I farted.
Dear glasses wearer,
Please note that if you leave your glasses lying around, I will inevitably try them on.
Sincerely, friend with 20/20 vision who wants to appear more intelligent.
Dear lady on the elliptical in front of me,
Sincerely, dying on the one behind you.
Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome.
Sincerely, swine flu.