Dear everyone staring at me,
I got a fungal virus on my lip due to a barista using her hands to put ice in my water. I can't smile without crying so don't blame me for not smiling.
Sincerely, already feel like crap thanks for making me feel worse
Dear boyfriends parents,
Please stop hating me and telling your son to break up with me because I have pink and blue in my fringe
Sincerely, smart science major girlfriend
Dear insurance companies,
We pay for coverage, and we're supposed to get that. We don't pay $200 a month for a premium and end up owing $20,000 for a bill.
Sincerely, Frustrated customer
Dear everyone at school who make fun of me because I read for fun,
Please shut up. I like to read. Big deal? Guess what, I also have all A's and was accepted to boarding school. What's that I see? C's?
Sincerely, yea that's what I thought.
Dear Wonderfully Loving Sister,
Please stop talking about how much you despise my best guy friend.
Sincerely, I would trust him with my life
Dear social media socialites,
Do you really need to update us on every living moment of your life? Yes, we know you go to the bathroom. Yes, we know you eat. Yes, we know you bathe and take showers (I hope). Yes, we know you have sex. Yes, we know you have to raise your kids.
Sincerely, we know you live a life, you don't have to prove it
No means no. She's not asking for it by dressing sexy. It's not her fault.
Sincerely, rapist hater
Dear habitual hashtaggers,
You don't need to hashtag every word you say, just write a normal complete sentence.
Sincerely, do the write thing
You made a mistake in buying me. I will now take control of your life until the day I die. For if you do anything out of line of what I want from you, I can sink my ever-so-sharp teeth into your neck at full force in the dead of night when you're dreaming about how you wish you could have had a dog instead.
Sincerely, Your Ever-so-Loving Cat
Dear silly women,
Why do you fight over men who are obviously playing both of you?
Sincerely, Smart woman
Dear social media,
Thank you for creating somebodies out of nobodies.
Sincerely, just keepin' it real
Dear men with ED,
I would love to have a hard time with you.
Sincerely, horny girl
Dear "email only" posters on Craigslist,
How about you actually email someone back if you actually want to do business..
Sincerely, (Im)patiently waiting for emails...
Isn't it funny how people claim to be broke all year until their birthdays and November?
Sincerely, you got money for the holidays