Dear school staff,
MY SON IS ALLERGIC TO WHEAT! I don't care about your damn healthy eating program, if you try to feed him wheat, he could have a major reaction.
Sincerely, Try and force him again and I will see you in court.
WAit, wait, wait, back up. YOU are upset with ME because MY safe, where I keep all of MY personal documents and MY emergency fund, was locked and YOU couldn't get in? What POSSIBLE reason could there be for you to need to be in there, at all?!
Sincerely, Good to know you're a klepto
Dear transgendered female patient:,
Please stop swearing at me and threatening to report me to the Board of Medicine. You don't have a vagina or uterus, so I can't actually do a pelvic exam. And I'm an OB-Gyn: I don't do prostate exams. I also can't prescribe you birth control - because it wouldn't work
Sincerely, Just trying to provide good health care here
Please stop joking about my boyfriend's and my sex life it's funny for 5 seconds but that's it.
Sincerely, your friend who lied about her virginity status to avoid the jokes
Please stop asking me what I want to go into and give me a disgusted look when I tell you I have no idea
Sincerely, teenager just trying to enjoy high school
Dear Mom and Dad,
Even Dora's parents let her explore the world with talking animals and a singing backpack, and I can't hang out with my friends after 12?
Sincerely, Your grounded 23-year-old son
Please , feel free to call the police to report me "attacking" your dog. I have a picture, on my phone, of your mutt biting my ankle and of the bite marks that got through my pants. I'd love to see that little rat get put down.
Sincerely, if you let your dog roam free and attack, expect it to get punted.
You consistently show up 10 minutes late for your shifts, so of course you are going to get the crap jobs. You want to choose the best jobs, you need to get here early.
Sincerely, your non-tardy coworker
Dear Anatasia Steele from Fifty Shades of Grey,
It is not BDSM. It is abuse. Run.
Sincerely, A REAL submissive
So you called in, over the phone, because you want to disuss issues with your account, but you don't want to talk about your account over the phone because it might not be secure?
Sincerely, not sure where to go from here
Please stop bullying people so that Disney and Nickelodeon can stop all those annoying commercials
Sincerely, Annoyed person who just wants to watch TV
Dear girls everywhere,
I've scheduled the times I will visit. Most of these times are dates, dances, vacations, presentations, and, most importantly, those days when you decide to wear white pants.
Sincerely, your period.
Dear People who only preach about "equality" for a certain group,
If the LGBT community can have Gay,Lesbian,Bi, or Trans parades, then I want to be able to have a Straight parade or no sexual orientation gets to have one. If the Black community gets a whole month dedicated to their history then there should also be a White, Hispanic, and also Asian History Months or no race gets one. If women want to be treated as equals to men then they also need to take on the responsibilities and consequences it comes with and not get favored in places like courts.
Sincerely, The person who sees inequality everywhere
Dear donut holes,
Please stop tricking me into thinking you're healthier than a whole donut because you are smaller... It doesn't count when I eat fifteen of you.
Sincerely, donut shop worker who gets free donuts