Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear elderly couple in the car,
You didn't have to panic and quickly drive off when I knocked on your window. Your tire was flat.
Dear seniors students who ask me how I'm Russian German AND Jewish,
My mom is Russian, my dad is German and Judiasm is a religon.
Dear boy who asked me why I wear a bra because I have nothing to put in it,
Well, you wear pants don't you?
Dear Lady Gaga,
I lost a lot of respect for you when you called Adele fat. I thought you were anti-bullying?
Dear cute girl,
I can be a douchebag boyfriend who abuses you on a daily basis too, you know. Give me a try.
Dear technologically incapable parents,
Just because I know how to open Microsoft Word does not make me a tech support guy for all your tech problems.
Dear friend who asked if Tangled was based on a true story,
Yes, there really was a girl with magic hair that glowed when she sang and lived in a tower until she was 18.
Dear mom who just texted me GTTSBBSDITF,
Who in their right mind could ever figure out that it means "Gone To The Store, Be Back Soon. Dinner's In The Fridge?!"
Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Dear Mom,
If my friends jumped off a bridge it would be because I jumped first.
Dear teachers,
My definition of "free dress day" means I can wear my wizard robes.
Dear little sister's boyfriend,
I am one of the few people in the world who can kill you and get away with it.
Dear people who freak out about looks,
We all know it's whats on the inside that counts.
Dear girlfriend,
Please be home next time I show up outside your window with a boombox and 80's music.
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