Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear girls,
Just helping you reel in a vampire boyfriend.
Dear neighbor,
I'm not getting laid right now! You have such a dirty mind...
Dear girls on my track team,
Please stop complaining about how small your boobs are.
Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime,
Can you not find the spacebar?
Dear world,
Wearing tight, white shorts is every girl's way of telling you that she is not on her period.
Dear relatives,
Please stop telling me, "you're next" at weddings.
Dear boyfriend,
Please realize that you may wear the pants in the relationship, but i control the zipper.
Dear college scholarships,
Gingers are minorities.
Dear boys,
It's said that the most common way a woman kills a man is with food posioning.
Dear freezer,
You make me so hard.
Dear parents,
How can I "shoot for the stars" and be "down to earth" at the same time?
Dear reader,
I know you went from reading calmly to SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD!
Dear people who say "nothing is impossible",
Have you ever tried slamming a revolving door?
Dear peanut butter,
I think we should have some time apart.I just feel like I am getting in between you and bread.
Dear olive oil,
If you're made of olives, then what am I made of?
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