Dear loving parents,
Thank you for not getting me the $15 birthday present I asked for and then buying yourself a $60,000 car two days later.
Sincerely, your newly 16 year old daughter
Dear girl that makes fun of my friend,
He has feelings too. You barely know him and he's actually really cool, but you'll never know that because you're too busy judging him and making fun of him. He's even contemplated suicide because of people like you.
Sincerely, you make me sick
Please stop letting your friends park their cars on our front lawn. I get that our doors are right next to each other but the street is literally five feet from my door. Walking the extra five feet won't hurt. My yard already looks like crap without your friends' tire tracks all over it.
Sincerely, annoyed neighbor
Please love me
Sincerely, I'm sorry if I have been a burden
Please stop calling me stupid, I am trying. I really want to be smart too.
Sincerely, That kid with the learning disability who studies for hours and hours a night just to be normal.
Dear frat house across from the practice field,
Please do not blast a metronome with a different tempo from what we're playing to screw us up. It was funny the first 5 minutes, not the whole hour and a half long rehearsal.
Sincerely, 380 band kids that now hate you
So my brother isn't hungry for dinner and you yell at me, saying it's my fault. I haven't even seen him all day!
Sincerely, I just can't win
Yes, I am just buying my two girls ice cream, and no, my son doesn't get any. He has been throwing a tantrum this entire day, while both of my daughters have been well behaved, so they get rewarded with ice cream, and he doesn't. Please do not try and undercut my authority by giving him a cone anyway.
Sincerely, A mother who uses proper parenting techniques
I don't like that you're secretly dating a priest. You're literally replacing my father with a Father.
Sincerely, Your Atheist daughter
Dear Spanish teacher,
I really don't think it was necessary to tell me and my boyfriend to "get a room". Please calm down.
Sincerely, he literally just kissed my cheek.
The one time I actually wear makeup you criticize me!
Sincerely, no, eyeliner does not make me look goth
Dear kids at school,
Please stop acting like little kids. We're high schoolers, and there's no need to go around humping each other and pretending to slap the teacher's butt when she bends over to get something. Really? You guys suck.
Sincerely, a girl who actually goes to school to learn.
Please Put down the damn phones, and watch your kid play the game. I'm tired of having kids look up after a good play and only seeing your zombie face staring at the screen. It's a horrible feeling for them.
Please realize that surreptitiously throwing away the condom I had in my medicine drawer while helping me pack to move to a new apartment is not an effective way of encouraging abstinence.
Sincerely, your (adult) daughter