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Dear world,
The average person lies 4 times a day.
Dear "Friends" and "Family",
You liked me just fine when you all thought I was straight...
Dear coworker who looked at me in disgust when I announced my engagement,
So it's okay to be 21 and have three half Mexican kids who don't know their father but I can't be 19, a virgin, and planning to marry the guy I've been dating for four years?
Dear public schools,
America's struggling with obesity and you're telling me I have to pay $130 to participate in school sports?
Dear aunties,
Please stop poking me at weddings saying, "You're next" or I'll start doing it to you at funerals.
Dear English Teachers,
Books are for reading, not over-analyzing.
Dear woman who just asked me how far along I am,
I'm not pregnant.
Dear prejudiced and judgmental Americans,
The Muslim families at the community center in my neighborhood were just as terrified as the rest of us on 9/11.
Dear traffic lights,
I know you're conspiring against me...
Dear boy with a black eye,
When I say that I'm not ticklish it means DON'T TOUCH ME.
Dear "all white people are racist",
You do realize the irony of the statement, right?
Dear those in need of a new drinking game,
Get your hands on a copy of Twilight, then take a shot every time Bella uses the word 'perfect' to describe Edward's face, body, voice etc.
Dear kids who star in rated R movies,
Are you allowed to watch them after?
Dear "One Size Fits All",
Hahahaha, right...
Dear friends,
I give you permission to change my Facebook and Twitter status to "Chilling with Jesus" when I die.
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