Dear airport security agent,
Did you SERIOUSLY AND FOR REAL just SWAT my six-months-pregnant belly and demand, "What is this?" I know it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to do your job, but how did you get this far in life without learning where babies come from?
Sincerely, We're both lucky I didn't lay you out for assaulting me
Please note that when there is a fire in the mall and everybody needs to evacuate, it means not only you, but the staff working in the shops too. The staff will not be there to process your returns and refunds, nor will they be there to run the cinema, no matter what your movie ticket says. This is for your safety, so get out and come back later.
Sincerely, the mall management staff who was nearly run over multiple times by shoppers who do not understand t
Dear Creepy man getting out of his car,
Please stop staring at me like you're going to break into my car and kidnap me.
Sincerely, already locked the doors.
Please stop asking when I am having kids.
Please stop saying it's wrong or not normal for teenagers to be having sex. According to biology, yeah, it's totally normal. In fact, we're wired to do so. Nowadays it's just impractical and unwise, but it's certainly not strange.
Dear Kindle haters,
Please don't tell me how much better books are than eReaders: I know. I recieved my Kindle as a gift, and it is simply cheaper and more convient to read and buy books. If I had endless amounts of money and the ability to go to the bookstore and buy books I would. It dosn't mean I am not a true literature lover or that I don't ever read "true" books, nor does it mean you are better than me because you do.
Sincerely, stop with the criticizing, thanks
Dear "God has a plan for you",
Does his plan involve me being broke and homeless? Because that's where this is going without divine intervention.
Sincerely, a desperate, jobless student wanting words of COMFORT
Dear John Smith,
Please explain why you're English and everyone on your ship is English but they all have English accents and you sound like you born when a Bald Eagle made a nest in the Stars and Stripes.
Sincerely, America wasn't even a country yet
Dear parents at the pool,
Please f*cking pay attention to your little kids...
Sincerely, lifeguards who are sick and tired of pulling out the same kid repeatedly
Dear people who wonder why Hogwarts doesn't send rejection letters,
Because it would break the International Statute of Secrecy!
Sincerely, someone who remembers the books
Dear research paper,
let's get this over with
Dear Best friend who moved today,
I may not have shown it, but I really am going to miss you like crazy
Sincerely, got home and immediately started sobbing on the couch
Please get over hating Obama. You should hope he proves you wrong and does something good for our country instead of hating him.
Sincerely, I'm not a democrat, but I'm smart enough to know I want the best for my country.
Please know that if you bring your cappuccino back for being 'too foamy' you will get, and deserve, a death stare.
Sincerely, Order a damn latte
Dear Any and ALL retail/food service/bank/etc.. customers,
Please, for the love of simple politeness, stop coming in on the cell phone and being annoyed when I ask you questions. I need to know what you got/want/need and I am human. Not just 'the girl at the counter'
Sincerely, Any and all cashiers/CSRs/tellers/waitresses/etc...