Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear spider on the bathroom wall,
Is this awkward for you? ...because it's awkward for me.
Dear people who tease me for reading for fun,
I was able to slack off and not read the story when it was given to us as assignment yesterday because I read two years ago for fun.
Dear friend,
During our sleepovers, can you please let me know when you're going to sleep?
Dear smokers,
If you blow smoke in my face, don't act surprised if I spray Febreeze in yours...
Dear high school girls,
When I see lingerie at Victoria's Secret that looks exactly like your homecoming dress, there's a problem.
Dear Mother in law,
Please stop refering to my pregnancy as "we're pregnant" I remember the night I got pregnant and trust me you weren't there..
Dear health teacher,
How does it feel to know that the kids in your class know more about having sex, Illegal drugs and alcohol than you do?
Dear weight loss ad,
Wow! Not only does your diet plan make people look thinner, but it changes their race and age too!
Dear nosy girl asking me when I was born,
On my birthday.
Dear person who overheard my conversation,
I am not racist. I was talking about jelly beans.
Dear pet dog of mine,
No, I answer the door, not you. You want to know why? Because I have opposable thumbs.
Dear "are you pregnant?",
NO! ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!
Dear bed,
I really can't stay.
Dear Hollywood,
So you're re-releasing Star Wars, The Titanic, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Monsters inc., AND Finding Nemo?
Dear cellphones,
Thanks for ruining the fun of pushing people into pools.
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