Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear girlfriend who just freaked out at me for hanging out with another girl,
Meet my sister.
Dear pants making companies,
Please stop making fake pockets.
Dear people who complained about the white Coke cans looking too much like Diet Coke cans,
Please accept our sincerest apologies. Its so much more important that Coca-Cola should cater to your needs instead of donating millions of dollars to help save the polar bears. You're right.
Dear school announcements,
"Oh and one last announcement, Freshmen, you do not need to be asked to go to homecoming. It is a school wide dance. You also do not need to pay an extra 15 dollars for the tickets."
Dear Jesus,
If the Holy Spirit lives within us, does that make us your Horcuxes?
Dear America,
Seriously, spray cheese?
Dear ignorant people,
Please keep asking me if I'm Asian or Chinese. I laugh at your astounded looks when I say "BOTH!"
Dear insecure guy on top of me,
Please stop asking if I "like that." If I didn't, I wouldn't still be under you.
Dear my new puppy,
When I named you 'Dobby' I didn't intend for you to steal all my socks...
Dear Starbucks customer who just ordered a tall white mocha with 12 pumps of syrup,
Let me just add a side of diabetus for you...
Dear dreams,
Stop ending right when I get to the good part!
Dear boys,
Objects in shirt may be smaller than they appear.
Dear people I know who see me at the movies and ask me what I'm doing,
Giving birth.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
You realize I can hear your heartbeat when we hug, right? That means I can hear how fast its beating after we kiss, too.
Dear Disney's Beauty and the Beast,
So it really doesn't matter whats on the outside?
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