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Dear parents,
Please stop making me re-write my older brother's college essays for him, and then yell at me when he gets bad grades on anything. I don't care if he needs a good grade, I have my own homework to do. He's five years older than me, he can figure it out.
Dear kid who just said,"Thanks for 9/11".,
You're and idiot. Thanks for bringing down the IQ of the world.
Dear Lesbians at the Hotel Pool,
As much as I agree with gay rights, do you really thinks it is appropriate to basically dry hump each other when my two year old and 7 year old are watching?
Dear person who called me a whore for wearing a tampon,
Should I start calling you a baby? Because pads feel like diapers when I wear them.
Dear Insomniac of a Neighbor,
Why in God's name do you think it's a good idea to mow your lawn at 1 am?
Dear first roommate at college,
I wanted to make this work, I really did. But when all you talk about is you and your problems, I find it harder and harder to even be in the same room as you. You are very self-centered. You blast the music genre you know I hate, you leave messes everywhere, and have no regard for any other person other than your weekly crush. You act like a two year old when you take every concievable kitchen utensil out to use and put nothing back, and give everyone else attitude when we ask you to clean it up. The list really goes on and on. I'm trying to be patient and be nice, becasue I believe everyone deserves that, but you are making it really hard for me.
Dear parents,
Did you not realize what my initials would be?
Dear Jade (my cat),
Thank you for coming over and licking my face to make sure I was okay when I fell down the stairs.
Dear tall people,
Yes, I know I'm short, yes, I know you find it funny, but STOP USING MY HEAD AS AN ARMREST!
Dear dog owner who just let your dog crap on my lawn,
Please clean up your dog's "present." It's not my job to deal with that shit...literally.
Dear douche bag sitting in front of me,
Thanks for that asthma attack you gave me
Dear People who fake needing 'medical marijuana' just so you can get high,
I do hope that you never, ever, ever know the agony of intractable, uncontrollable, chronic pain ~ for which certain forms of cannabis can be of great help as a last resort
Dear judgmental ladies at toys r us,
just because the box says ages 7 and up does not mean im too old to enjoy the toy. in case you misread it, it says 7 and up not 7 to 10 years old. saying one is too old for toys is like saying happiness has an age limit.
Dear men,
Please aim at the toilet... Not the wall.
Dear News Stations,
Please don't simply say "Breaking News from the Airport" and leave it at that.
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