Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear football jocks,
You wear tights too...
Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Dear parents,
When I ask for money for Christmas presents, I didn't mean gift certificates...
Dear boys who whistle at girls,
What? Do you think we're going to sprint over to you, lick your face and let you pet us?
Dear teachers,
Why didn't I pee during lunch? Because that's when I was drinking... It doesn't go through me as fast it goes through you...
Dear engaged co-worker,
You're the reason divorce rates are so high.
Dear parents,
Please stop complaining to me about how much my schooling costs. You chose to put me in a private school...
Dear female scary movie victim,
Yes, trip over air and lie there screaming while the murderer is still 45 seconds away from you.
Dear mom,
Stop being such a cougar.
Dear boys,
Act like the the guy you would want your daughter to be with.
Dear Disney,
Best decision you ever made.
Dear mom,
Aren't you supposed to be mad or something when you see the hickey on my neck?
Dear girls,
Did you know they called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken?
Dear person reading this,
I'm avoiding a 10 page paper due tomorrow on the rise and fall of the Roman Empire...what about you?
Dear package,
Please have bubble wrap... Please have bubble wrap...
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