Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear health-freak parents,
If you ever try to sneak protein powder into my pancakes again, I'm pouring acid on your vegetable garden.
Dear Harry Potter World in Orlando,
I bet Harry Potter didn't have to pay $10.50 for butterbeer.
Dear parents everywhere,
You'd better tell your kids about puberty and sex before I explain it to them in HD.
Dear Selena Gomez,
Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend.
Dear "Baby It's Cold Outside",
Please let her go home.
Dear people wearing the pants extremely low,
You do realize that sagging trend was started in prison, and it symbolized that they were willing to have gay sex with the other inmates, right?
Dear Charlie Brown,
You realize that Lucy keeps pulling the football away because she likes you, right?
Dear makeup ads,
Just because your model can pull off purple eyeshadow and green eyeliner doesn't mean I can.
Dear girl hitting on "that cute guy",
I'm really considering coming over there.
Dear cat,
Just because you bathe in the middle of the kitchen for all to see does not give you a front row seat to me getting in the shower.
Dear extra cling Saran Wrap,
I was about to stick you to something...have patience.
Dear kid from the Tootsie Pop commercial,
Since when do people only lick their lollipops?
Dear girl in my speech class,
No, "google.com" is not an acceptable source for your bibliography.
Dear men,
Surprise!
Dear students,
The reason we don't let you use Wikipedia is it can be edited by anyone without being checked.
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