I filled out a job application for you and suddenly my inbox is being spammed like crazy. Seriously, how classless of you using job applications to get peoples' e-mails to sell to scam websites.
Sincerely, never going to Macy's again
Dear customer who looked at me like I was idiot when I asked what kind when they ordered a small,
We have 24 flavors.
Sincerely, I'm going to need a little more to go on.
Dear Best friend who moved today,
I may not have shown it, but I really am going to miss you like crazy
Sincerely, got home and immediately started sobbing on the couch
Dear Any and ALL retail/food service/bank/etc.. customers,
Please, for the love of simple politeness, stop coming in on the cell phone and being annoyed when I ask you questions. I need to know what you got/want/need and I am human. Not just 'the girl at the counter'
Sincerely, Any and all cashiers/CSRs/tellers/waitresses/etc...
Please stop refusing to learn how to use the computer. You were the first person in the family to get a laptop yet after nearly two decades, you can't even send an email. Don't let your age determine your ability to learn. Mom has been doing great.
Sincerely, college daughter who is a bit tired from doing all your work for 8 years
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Sincerely, told you I wasn't racist.
Dear pro-gun Americans,
Please realize that yes, guns "got" us America but they won America by murdering the people that lived here before us (with your precious guns).
Sincerely, Yeah guns being used to commit genocide is great
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Sincerely, I mean every word I ever say because I'm Harry Potter
The fact that you made me make you a tea with not only whipped cream but marshmallows as well makes me feel both queasy and sad.
Sincerely, saying 'It's my version of a cappuccino' just makes it worse
Dear underwire bra,
Please don't snap under pressure.
Dear people who freak out when books are even dog-eared,
Please, cut it out with the dirty looks. When I read a non-special edition book, it goes to work with me, to the bathroom, even when I eat or make breakfast. It gets thrown in the front seat of the car and shoved into an overfilled backpack. There's toothpaste stains where I've brushed my teeth as I read, nail polish stains, even tears.
Sincerely, it's a book. It's meant to be well-read and well-loved.
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like homosexual people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Sincerely, A "heterophobic" gay
Please explain why you have Charlie's old wand.
Sincerely, Why the hell did Charlie need a new wand when his old one still worked?
Dear straight guys everywhere,
Please don't think that I'm into threesomes (with you or anyone else) just because I'm bisexual!
Sincerely, bisexual and proud