Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Sincerely, only half offended.
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear witchy popular girl,
I would say, "I may be a nerd, but watch out, I'll be your boss someday," but I don't think that's gonna happen.
Sincerely, I don't plan on being a pimp.
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Sincerely, rapidly expanding wardrobe.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear neighbor looking out the window at the wrong moment,
Well. This just got awkward.
Sincerely, dancing alone in the kitchen.
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Sincerely, scared to go to sleep.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Sincerely, Cell Phone.
Dear health class,
Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die.
Sincerely, Coach Carr.
Please use a different catchphrase.
Sincerely, try "Maybe It's Photoshop!"
My whole world revolves around you.
Sincerely, a person on earth.