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Dear sister,
I'm not mad that you didn't get me a present; I'm just kinda disappointed that you forgot about my birthday...
Dear Kim Kardashian,
Please realize that my career on Dancing With the Stars lasted longer then your marriage.
Dear girls in the dressing room getting dressed for our Musical screaming "I can't get the dress over my boobs,
You do realize that we can hear you outside of this door.
Dear Mom,
Well, today I slept with a man I just met, stuffed myself with cake and cookies, exploded two cars, burned down my house....
Dear world,
Cross walk buttons don't work. They're there so you have something to do.
Dear English teacher,
Thanks for noting how much time I put into this essay, and thanks for the A.
Dear friend who told my my zipper was down,
Could you yell a little louder? I don't think China heard you....
Dear writers of The Lion King,
About that "Cats always land on their feet" thing...
Dear people in their cars that honk.0034 seconds after the light turns green,
I swear to God, if you do it again, I will turn off my car, sit on the hood, and feed birds for an hour.
Dear dog,
Yes, the mailman has come to kill us all. Thanks for the warning.
Dear NASA,
Your Mom thought I was big enough.
Dear girl with a flashlight shopping at Abercrombie,
You made my day
Dear super hot male teacher trying to teach about reproduction,
Is this as awkward for you as it is for us?
Dear chemistry teacher,
Whats Ba+Na2 synthesize into?
Dear daughter's prom date,
Come on in, son! Would you like to see my gun and knife collection?
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