Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Dear witchy popular girl,
I would say, "I may be a nerd, but watch out, I'll be your boss someday," but I don't think that's gonna happen.
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Dear boyfriend,
What?
Dear neighbor looking out the window at the wrong moment,
Well. This just got awkward.
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Dear Bra,
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Dear health class,
Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die.
Dear Maybelline,
Please use a different catchphrase.
Dear sun,
My whole world revolves around you.
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
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