Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear 'customer' who stole my phone while I was working to help you,
Please know that I had to run your credit, and know your name, address, and I also have you on camera stealing it.
Dear "teams",
There is no team Edward, no team Jacob, no team Potter, no team Gale or Peeta. There isn't even a team guy who almost hit Bella with a car.
Dear people who say "hate is a strong word",,
So would you prefer "I dislike you with the passion of a thousand burning suns"?
Dear dad,
Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night?
Dear Sex Ed Teacher,
You just made Sex Ed my favorite course.
Dear Foreign Language Teacher,
The hardest part about the test isn't knowing the vocab, it's figuring out what each picture is
Dear boyfriend,
Oh, wait... hmm, awkward....
Dear neighbors blasting rap,
This means war.
Dear 7 year old brother,
Please continue to hop away like a bunny when I told you to 'hop off' because I was in a bad mood. You made my day.
Dear health teacher,
Please don't take off points because my oral presentation didn't include any images.
Dear Actors,
I'm sorry I always pause the movie when you're making the worst face possible...
Dear Other Majors,
We're not analyzing you . . . ok, maybe a little.
Dear person who said "can the sarcasm",,
Please. I use fresh sarcasm. Never canned.
Dear Love,
People say they can't live without you. I personally think I'm more important
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