Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear wife,
When I told you I knew you were cheating, I meant on your diet...
Dear highschool,
It's nice that you bought every single one of the our rooms a 10,000 dollar smart board projector, but I would have much rather had air conditioning.
Dear cute boy,
Sorry for your bloody nose. But to be fair, I DID warn you not to tickle me...
Dear Chinese women painting my nails,
Is it really that shocking that I have a wedding ring?
Dear Noah,
Never mind. We caught the Hogwarts Express instead.
Dear teacher who told me to use the bathroom during lunch,
I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THEN!
Dear girl who "overslept",
So you had enough time to coat your face with an inch of makeup but you didn't have enough time to put on actual clothes?
Dear "popular" people,
You buy contacts, and then buy fake glasses. Then you wear the fake glasses without lenses while wearing your contacts.
Dear person who sent me a package with colored bubble wrap,
I was being so productive!
Dear foreign host family,
Really, I promise, the problem is not that I can't hear you, it's that I can't understand you.
Dear pillow,
Sorry for all the, drool while I sleep, tears when I'm sad, punches when I'm angry, and times I used you to hit others...
Dear guy staring at me,
Yes, I'm playing Pokemon. Yes, I'm also pretty.
Dear "bring a quiet reading book to class",,
Umm, aren't all books quiet?
Dear computer,
Life is too short to safely remove USB.
Dear person who took the hall pass,
Do you have ANY idea how bad I have to pee?!
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