Dear 'customer' who stole my phone while I was working to help you,
Please know that I had to run your credit, and know your name, address, and I also have you on camera stealing it.
Sincerely, knock, knock... it's the police.
There is no team Edward, no team Jacob, no team Potter, no team Gale or Peeta. There isn't even a team guy who almost hit Bella with a car.
Sincerely, There is ONLY team Rocket
Dear people who say "hate is a strong word",,
So would you prefer "I dislike you with the passion of a thousand burning suns"?
Sincerely, yeah, I didn't think so.
Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night?
Sincerely, I like when mom is on vacation.
Dear Sex Ed Teacher,
You just made Sex Ed my favorite course.
Sincerely, just stuck your whole arm in a condom to show that no guy can lie that the condom 'doesn't fit.'
Dear Foreign Language Teacher,
The hardest part about the test isn't knowing the vocab, it's figuring out what each picture is
Sincerely, is that a coat or jacket?
Oh, wait... hmm, awkward....
Not cool bro.
Dear neighbors blasting rap,
This means war.
Sincerely, get ready for showtunes
Dear 7 year old brother,
Please continue to hop away like a bunny when I told you to 'hop off' because I was in a bad mood. You made my day.
Sincerely, Amused older sister.
Dear health teacher,
Please don't take off points because my oral presentation didn't include any images.
Sincerely, my topic was pornography
I'm sorry I always pause the movie when you're making the worst face possible...
Sincerely, I just have to go to the bathroom.
Dear Other Majors,
We're not analyzing you . . . ok, maybe a little.
Sincerely, Psychology Majors
Dear person who said "can the sarcasm",,
Please. I use fresh sarcasm. Never canned.
Sincerely, can't beat a smartass.