I know I'm not growing up as fast as you want me to. I know I'm shirking a lot of responsibilities and I know I can be an overprivileged brat at times. The transition to real life is terrifying and complicated, and I'd really like to be able to take it one step at a time. I have my future planned out, and the university I've been accepted to is the path directly to it. Please just trust me when I say that I'm going to be alright.
Sincerely, Your cautious and determined teenage son
Dear Fast and Furious,
You know straight women (and I'm sure gay men) watch these movies, too, right?
Sincerely, uncomfortable girl watching the boob shots with her brother.
Dear guy who discovered milk,
What were you doing to that cow, and why?!
Sincerely, and how awkward was it to explain it to the rest of the people?
Dear guy who smirked at me when I said I mostly listen to Disney,
You wish you were as awsome as me.
Sincerely, loving my choice of music, not society's
Dear annoyed Europeans,
We aren't all overweight.
Sincerely, annoyed Americans.
Dear Nursery Rhymes,
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a daughter.
Dear people complaining about the new Cartoon Network shows,
You do know that they have at least half of the old shows on Netflix...
Sincerely, watching Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends all day
I miss who you were before the dementia. I know you don't mean the hateful things you say, but it hurts all the same
Sincerely, your granddaughter who wonders how this could happen so quickly
Dear best guy friend,
Thank you for not getting weirded out when I asked you to prom. Even though it didn't work out like I hoped it would, it means the world to me that we are still best friends and that I don't have to hide it from you if I'm sad about this.
Sincerely, I promise I'm only in tears because I'm happy
Dear Republicans and Democrats,
Do you believe gay people have the right to bare arms?
Sincerely, a curious third-partier
Dear Mother Nature,
Instead of periods, why can't you just send us a text saying "You're not pregnant this month, congrats."
Sincerely, women everywhere
Dear Stephenie Meyer,
Vampires. Don't. Sparkle.
"Easy-to-open package" my tushie!
Sincerely, girl on her period who needs the chocolate...NOW
I wasn't about to cry because you were scolding me about how awful my English grade is. I was about to cry because, for the first time every, you told me I have a gift for language.
Sincerely, I've been waiting for that my entire life