Dear Jobs I applied for,
Please think about getting back to me sooner. I found a better job while waiting, and 3 months is a dang long time to wait to hear that I wasn't accepted.
Sincerely, I hope you go out of business
Dear Republican Party,
You've got plenty of candidates that can beat Hillary. Jeb Bush is not one of them. Please, nominate somebody who can actually win.
Sincerely, A Concerned Citizen
Please Stop singing "Everyday I'm suffering."
Sincerely, It's "Everyday I'm shuffling!"
Please "If you don't have an iPhone, well, you don't have an iPhone."
Sincerely, Tautology Much?
Dear visiting in-laws,
Please remember that there are latches on our toilet lids for three reasons: your very active, inquisitive grandchildren. When you leave the lids up, those latches are rendered completely ineffective.
Please stop exacting revenge because I didn't give you a baby
Sincerely, girl in som serious pain
Dear guy friend,
Thank you for telling me that there's nothing wrong with being a strong woman, and not to let anyone tell me differently.
Sincerely, feeling more comfortable in my own skin
Dear pro life,
Please focus on reforming our adoption and fostercare system or on assistance programs to young and poor mothers before suggesting those as viable alternatives.
Sincerely, pro choices
Dear Supreme Court,
Sincerely, non-heterosexual couples
Dear ball organizers,
Please do not serve food that stains, gets stuck in teeth and whips around your mouth when you try to eat it when everybody wears fancy gowns and rented tuxedos. Spaghetti in tomato sauce, green salad with orange dressing and bbq ribs, seriously?
Sincerely, my dress is ruined and I am sure I have parsley stuck in my teeth.
Dear Certain colleges,
Please don't make it so hard to find the decline slip. Hiding it will not change my decision, only piss me off
Sincerely, Going Somewhere Else
To the two students at my school who went on strike,
No one else is allowed to wear hats either. It's for security reasons
Sincerely, get over it
We like sandwiches too!
Bowties are cool.
Sincerely, The Doctor