Please stop the period jokes
Sincerely, You're ovary acting
Dear iPhone auto-correction,
No, I actually spelled my friend's name correct. Do not change it!
Sincerely, "Happy birthday, vehicle!"
Dear Harry Potter,
I thought I was the Chosen One?!
Dear skin doctors specializing on scars,
Please stop sending me your fliers and brochures.
Sincerely, Harry Potter
Has anyone considered that Waldo is dead?
Sincerely, he's been missing for who knows how long...
Dear mustached teenage boys,
Shave the ferret off your face, you look like a rapist.
Sincerely, girls everywhere.
We consider a field trip successful when no lives are lost and no lives are created.
Sincerely, the teachers that came back with a very young student
Dear 90's kids,
You're starting to sound like crusty old men who want kids off their lawn.
Sincerely, "When I was you're age..."
Dear guy customer who's credit card got declined while buying condoms,
You got cock-blocked by Visa.
Sincerely, amused customer behind you.
Please stop calling me black. It's "African-American" now.
And you think your time of the month is bad.
Above all else,I hope death was the only thing you faked.
Dear Oxygen and Potassium,
Congrats on getting married. It may be none of my Bismuth, but your wedding wasn't great, it was OK.
Sincerely, a chemistry major.
Dear person who came up with hugs,
Was the very first hug really creepy?
Sincerely, It must have been like "What are you doing? Why are you holding me?" "Just trust me."