I wish you had to pass a sobriety test to login.
Sincerely, I would save a lot of time not having delete things the morning after...
Dear sex ed teachers,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary.
Dear Mark Twain,
Thank you for being the funniest man to ever walk the planet!
Sincerely, I believe God created humans because He was dissappointed in monkeys.
Dear boy who thinks I have commitment issues,
Sincerely, I just don't like you.
Please stop playing tampon, Pamprin, Nuva Ring, and other vaginal related commercials while I'm watching a movie on tv with my dad, he starts getting really squirmy.
Sincerely, every teenage girl.
Dear Comfort Inn,
I got five hours of sleep on your lumpy and springy matress last night.
Sincerely, change your name!
Thank you for preparing me for the time when I'll have to figure out the lengths of the mid-segments of an isosceles triangle.
Sincerely, oh wait...
Dear Catherine of Aragon,
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no heir.
Sincerely, King Henry VIII.
Dear pet cat,
Thank you for taking a bite out of my unwrapped McDouble and giving me a literal icanhazcheezburger moment!
Sincerely, maybe your cute kitteh face will finally make it to the main page!
Dear cute lifeguards,
I hope you can't tell that I just farted.
Sincerely, making bubbles.
Dear Charmin Brand toilet paper,
Aren't your commercials technically bear porn?
Sincerely, tee-hee... naked bears!
If you do the robot is it still called the robot, or just dancing?
Sincerely, deep thoughts, very deep thoughts.
Dear bag of chips,
Sincerely, is that sarcasm?
Dear guy who invited me over to watch a Harry Potter movie,
Oh, you wanted to hook up the whole time?
Sincerely, you should have picked Twilight...