I'd tap that.
Dear girls at school dances,,
Those dresses are WHOREifyingly short.
Sincerely, bad puns.
How do mermaids reproduce?
Sincerely, lets think logically about this....
If your pants were up, you might have gotten away.
Sincerely, over-weight cop who caught you tripping
Dear whoever made the desk/chair combo for colleges,
Please fix the center of gravity on those things.
Sincerely, just tipped over in a class of 70 while taking a test.
Dear doctor looking in my ear,
I broke my ankle...
Sincerely, confused patient
Dear Girls who have Orange spray tans,
Oompa loompa doopity dooooooooo.....
I like how I can do anything in them and no one will ever know.
Sincerely, I just made out with a chair and robbed a pet store.
Dear Harry Potter,
We have a colorless, odorless liquid that makes people tell the truth too. Except we don't call it Veritaserum, we call it Vodka.
Sincerely, people of the Muggle world
What do you call guys who make jokes about women belonging in the kitchen?
Dear Kate and Willam,
If William is 100% royal and Kate is 0% royal then will that make your son be the half blood prince?
Please let me marry a guy named Jesse so I can be Jesse's girl. Have a dughter named Stacey so I can be, Stacey's mom. And have a son named Luke so I can say "Luke I am your mother!".
Sincerely, That would be amazing
Dear Victoria's Secret models,
Don't you just hate it when you're wandering the woods in your bra and panties and someone takes a picture?!
Sincerely, you must have the worst luck
Dear jerks who say they don't date fat girls,
I may be fat but you're ugly
Sincerely, I can lose weight...you're stuck with that face forever