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Dear internet,
Please stop with the talking ads that start on their own.
Dear Mulan,
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
Dear God,
Please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT let this thing fall down on me.
Dear Washington D.C.,
Calm down, it was just an earthquake. These things happen.
Dear telemarketers,
Please respond when I answer the phone and say "Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?"
Dear Facebook attention suckers,
Please stop making statuses about how ugly you are so other people will try and prove you wrong.
Dear "popular kid",
If you're "cooler" than me, doesn't that make me "hotter" than you?
Dear butt,
Don't you have a life?
Dear inventor of tampons ,
Please tell me you're not a guy.
Dear people who complain about their classmates,
Today my friend asked our high school class: What does Plankton sing in response to Spongebob's F.U.N. song? Every single person- girl and guy- broke out into song. We sang the whole thing (Spongebob's and Plankton's parts) and our teacher just sat there and smiled.
Dear NASA,
Looking for intelligent life?
Dear pyros of the world,
Ignite!
Dear world,
Did you know that if you're about to sneeze and say raspberry, it stops you?
Dear person who can't stop sneezing,
BLESS YOU ALREADY!
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