Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Mom saying "But I used changed your diapers",
Yes, and I used to suck on your boobs. Times have changed.
Dear customer,
When you pay with a generous amount of one dollar bills we automatically assume you're a stripper.
Dear girl who posted a picture on Facebook with the caption "just woke up",
I just wake up with perfect makeup and my hair styled perfectly too!
Dear parents,
I'm not stomping, I'm just walking with enthusiasm.
Dear driver's license test,
I was just thinking about how much easier life would be if we were all wizards and could apparate and ride broomsticks.
Dear spider bite victim,
I could have told you waiting 2 days before receiving treatment wouldn't make you become a superhero.
Dear girls who wear lots of glitter eyeshadow,
You leave me no choice but to rate you from Ke$ha to Edward.
Dear Google,
If I shoot myself in the armpit, will I die?
Dear Facebook,
Please make an "in a relationship with a fictional character" option.
Dear life,
What should I do with the melons?
Dear girls in my school,
Facebook asked "what's on your mind," not "what's under your shirt?"
Dear idiot kid in my U.S. history class,
No, Iraq is not a state in the US.
Dear guy at the car dealership,
When you said that the car that I chose "would be great during a zombie apocalypse," I knew it was the car for me.
Dear Snow White,
So you taught little girls around the world that if your step-mom is mean to you, run away to live with seven little men, and your prince will come find you.
Dear bathroom stall makers,
Sound proof stalls.
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