Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear girls on Facebook,
Please stop complaining about other girls being whores...
Dear people who ask if my African-American sister is my real sister,
No, this one's plastic, the real one's at home.
Dear person who egged my house with plastic eggs full of glitter,
You are my hero.
Dear Girl,
Just admit you slept with someone else.
Dear son,
Girls are red, guys are blue if you make purple I will kill you.
Dear dentist,
Thank you for naming all of my teeth after Harry Potter characters during my filling. It really helped erase my fear of dentists.
Dear boyfriend,
You hold me in your arms and spin me around every time you see me. Instead of hanging out with the "boys," you stay in and watch Disney movies with me. You always compliment me and call me beautiful. To add to it, I can't get enough of your British accent. In a word, you are perfect.
Dear teachers,
Act my age? OK!!!
Dear English teacher,
You need to proofread your edits before returning them...
Dear girl who keeps taking mirror pics,
It loses its effect when your Super Jumbo Tampons box is in clear view.
Dear Mom,
You always say that the sign of a great cook was their burn marks, but I think the true sign is the stories that go with them.
Dear People who say "If your age is still on a clock then you shouldn't be having sex",
Are you talking about military time or regular time?
Dear people who say smiling uses less muscles than frowning,
I'm burning calories.
Dear teenage girl who lives next door,
If the robbers didn't know you were home alone before, they do now.
Dear John Mayer and Adele,
Please become a couple.
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