Dear daughter's prom date,
Come on in, son! Would you like to see my gun and knife collection?
Sincerely, have her home by midnight
Dear Cheating Ex- Boyfriend,
You are the reason that I bought a female dog named Karma.
Sincerely, Careful... She bites
Dear I love you like Snape loves Lily,
I love you like Lily loves Snape.
It's illegal for a man to kiss his wife while she's sleeping?
Sincerely, hope that's not where Sleeping Beauty took place...
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Sincerely, that doesn't even make sense.
Dear Carrie Underwood,
We give you props, but next time maybe you shouldn't carve your name in the seats. It's a dead giveaway.
Sincerely, the police department
Dear Manufacturers of the Straw,
Please make your straws longer than the bottles
Sincerely, reaching for it with my tongue like a retarded chicken
Yes, I see you checking yourself out in the shop windows.
Sincerely, amused driver.
Dear fellow schoolmates,
I was so proud when all four hundred of us left the gym when the DJ played a Justin Beiber song.
Sincerely, Never been prouder
Dear roommate who left for a week to Iowa,
Thank you for leaving me completely unsupervised and in ownership of a big screen TV, surround sound speakers, and all eight Harry Potter movies.
Sincerely, DOBBY NEVER MEANT TO KILL! DOBBY ONLY MEANT TO MAIM, OR SERIOUSLY INJURE!
Dear iPhone ,
Please stop changing my bad words into good words
Sincerely, you piece of shut
Dear thirsty person trying to get the last bit of water at the bottom of the cup,,
Hold brothers. Hold. Charge!!
Sincerely, ice currently attacking your face.
Dear Aunt who bought me a Rubix Cube,
Sincerely, your color blind niece
Please refrain from using the phrase 'booyah'. There is only one person that can pull that off.
Sincerely, Ron Stoppable