Dear people who are scared of all spiders,
While I can understand the fear of venomous spiders or spiders with painful bites, please realize spiders serve an important function in the ecosystem.
Sincerely, They eat flies, and mosquitoes!
Please re-send my acceptance letter to Hogwarts. The owl must have gotten lost.
Sincerely, A hopeful wizard bored of the muggle world
Cry me a river.
Sincerely, Dust and pollen
You're amazing in bed.
Sincerely, practicing safe sex by masturbating
Dear The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant,
Please stop marring my name.
Sincerely, Isis, the Egyptian goddess of the moon, love, magic, fertility and healing.
Dear "Cool People",
They didn't name a candy after you, did they?
I was wondering if you could help me find the "friend zone".
Sincerely, a boy loner.
Grow a real man's mustache!
Sincerely, Burt Reynolds
I will allways be better.
Sincerely, the book
Dear fake ALS supporters,
You are not a good person when you do the ice bucket challenge. You're just a cheap person who gives into peer pressure.
Sincerely, Someone who donated money.
You get mad at me if I wake you and you get mad at me if I don't!
Sincerely, Your very confused alarm clock.
Dear other melon,
I'm sorry I just can't run away with you and get married.
Dear pharmaceutical companies,
Why do you name all your drugs like sci-fi villains?
Sincerely, Xarelto, Prozac, Xanax...