Dear overweight people,
Do double chins run in your family?
Sincerely, oh wait, nothing runs in your family.
You're making a huge mistake.
No, I do not hate you, I just believe in Leviticus 18:22 "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable."
Dear girlfriend still in high school who says she trusts me,
Sincerely, boyfriend going off to college.
Please pull your pants up. This style should have died when it started in 1993. Get a job too.
Sincerely, a taxpayer tired of supporting you and your stupid 5 illegitimate children.
Dear Fat Chicks,
Please realize when guys say they like girls with curves, that does NOT mean they are accepting of the curves on your double chin and multiple abdomen rolls.. Scarlet Johanssen has "curves." You're just plain ol' FAT.
Sincerely, Can I Interest You In a Treadmill
Dear Frustrated Blonde,
Please take MY hint: I am only interested in you for bed-related activities. Now shush your silly lips and take off your pants.
Sincerely, Guy who is tired of his friends-with-benefits trying to date him
Dear Twilight haters,
You just wish you were hot like Bella.
Life is my garden, you are my hoe.
Dear Amy Winehouse,
Nine days sober and counting.
I'd like to inform you, your mother was delicious.
Sincerely, the Hunter
You just lost The Game.
Thanks for not bleeding every month. You're the best.
Sincerely, a man
Oh, you thought I meant change for the BETTER... I can see how you'd think I meant that...
Sincerely, President Obama
Dear homosexual couples,
Please understand that we don't hate you, but the act of homosexuality is on the same level as incest to us. Our God hates this sin too. In fact, he destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of it. But we're all sinners and want to be destroyed like Sodom and Gomorrah. And because God did not want to destroy us all, he sent down his son to take our sins upon himself. So if we don't want to end up like Sodomites, then we can accept the fact that Jesus took the punishment for our wrongs but we have to turn away from the things that displease God. And although we won't always resist our temptations and cravings for these things, we still believe that these desires do not control us anymore because Jesus is our new master. So when you hear people say that homosexuality is a sin, that's most likely what they mean.
Sincerely, a Christian who simply believes.