Dear overweight people,
Do double chins run in your family?
Sincerely, oh wait, nothing runs in your family.
You're making a huge mistake.
No, I do not hate you, I just believe in Leviticus 18:22 "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable."
Dear girlfriend still in high school who says she trusts me,
Sincerely, boyfriend going off to college.
Please pull your pants up. This style should have died when it started in 1993. Get a job too.
Sincerely, a taxpayer tired of supporting you and your stupid 5 illegitimate children.
Dear Fat Chicks,
Please realize when guys say they like girls with curves, that does NOT mean they are accepting of the curves on your double chin and multiple abdomen rolls.. Scarlet Johanssen has "curves." You're just plain ol' FAT.
Sincerely, Can I Interest You In a Treadmill
Dear Frustrated Blonde,
Please take MY hint: I am only interested in you for bed-related activities. Now shush your silly lips and take off your pants.
Sincerely, Guy who is tired of his friends-with-benefits trying to date him
Dear Twilight haters,
You just wish you were hot like Bella.
Life is my garden, you are my hoe.
Dear Amy Winehouse,
Nine days sober and counting.
I'd like to inform you, your mother was delicious.
Sincerely, the Hunter
You just lost The Game.
Thanks for not bleeding every month. You're the best.
Sincerely, a man
Oh, you thought I meant change for the BETTER... I can see how you'd think I meant that...
Sincerely, President Obama