Wanna see a magic trick?
Sincerely, POOF! You're single!
Please realize that when I say things like "you've changed" it means that I didn't think I was marrying someone whose idea of a fun Friday night was hanging out in front of the TV and putting on sweat pants the second they got home from work.
Sincerely, Thinking about having an affair
Dear girls who think size doesn't matter,
Sincerely, who are you kidding?
Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.
Please stop your little uprising/temper-tantrum thing. Nobody can afford $4.50 a gallon.
Sincerely, I like my SUV.
Dear people from my high school graduating class,
It's perfectly fine for you to all go and get married and have kids before you turn 25. But please stop inviting me to your weddings & baby showers. I'm too busy actually living my life.
Sincerely, marriage is for quitters.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
You tell us WE need to text first, WE need to pay for food, WE need to ask you out. But we ask you for ONE sammich and what do we get? A slap to the face.
Are you being followed?
Sincerely, I've been seeing people behind your back......
Please don't ground me when I tell you my 20-year-old-bf from Ohio who I've been dating over the internet is coming over for my 18th birthday. P.S I want him to sleep in my room
Those jeans don't make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat.
Dear people with one leg,
We are now hiring!
No, not all of us "popular" kids end up flipping burgers.
Sincerely, CEO of a company AND had fun in high school.
Orgasms? Shoot... we can fake entire relationships!