Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
Dear Ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend,
Cute, you wore his shirt to school. Guess he didn't tell you I used to sleep in that shirt with nothing underneath.
Sincerely, Enjoy your sloppy seconds
Dear Girl flirting with my boyfriend,
Roses are red, violets are blue, he is for me, and not for you, so if by chance you take my place, I'll take my hand and smash your face.
Sincerely, he's mine.
Sincerely, Dr. Sheldon Cooper
Please stop sending me funny texts at the completely wrong moment
Sincerely, laughing at a funeral...
Dear people who say you don't learn anything from tv,
3 words... Big Bang Theory
Sorry I unfriended you on Facebook. I had 556 friends in total, and you know I'm OCD.
Sincerely, Somebody had to go...
Dear people looking at me weird,
What? you haven't seen a 14 year old girl with a cape and a viking helmet ride freely on a trike before?
Sincerely, it's Wal-Mart, what did you expect?
Dear totally perfect guy I only met once,
I have spent hours on facebook typing in every possible spelling of your first, last, and even middle name, found your school on google maps, traced bus routes to that school, and still, nothing. Congratulations, you are totally unstalkable.
Sincerely, It's like hot-guy-Where's-Waldo
Dear people who point to their wrist when their asking about the time,
Do you point to your butt when your asking where the toilet is?
Sincerely, it makes sense.
Dear Girls who want chivalry,
You should consider an engineering college. Guys will fight over opening doors for you.
Sincerely, Future Engineer
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Sincerely, just spent $600 on music :)
When you ask me how I sent my friend my homework without meeting them in person, I obviously just attached it to our pet dinosaur and sent it to my friend's house.
Sincerely, We live in the 21st Century. It's called e-mail.
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care