Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear men who drive mini vans,
Your man card just flew out the window, I'd go pick that up if I were you.
Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Dear girls,
Did you know they called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken?
Dear girls at school,
When even the hormonal boys are telling you your skirt is too short, it's probably time to get a longer one.
Dear society,
Don't say those vows unless you plan on turning eighty together.
Dear people who say "guns kill people...",
Okay, then pens misspell words and spoons made America fat.
Dear unicorns,
Is this how it felt when you realized you were becoming a dying breed?
Dear skinny jeans,
There really should be an age limit for wearing you.
Dear douchebags,
Please stop dating the cute girls and breaking their hearts. It makes our job harder.
Dear classmates who ask me why I don't stand for the Pledge of Allegiance,
Why do you you stand?
Dear Helen Keller,
Can you hear me now?
Dear 13 year old girl buying a pregnancy test,
please make that the only test you ever fail.
Dear dad,
Yeah, of course I did my homework. Oh... you want to see it?
Dear engaged co-worker,
You're the reason divorce rates are so high.
Dear customer who asked me which one would I recommend,
Of course the most expensive one!
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