Dear atheist,
There are two options: If you are right, no experience we have matters because we will all die and forget everything. We will both gain nothing. If I am right, I will have fulfilled the purpose I was created for and enjoy the consequences if I listen to my brain and not my animalistic desires, while you will be wishing you did the same. I will gain everything and you will gain nothing. You are taking the biggest risk possible with nothing to gain. Please listen to logic and not your survival instincts. It is not easy, but it is the most important thing so of course it isn't. You can do it.
Dear aesthetically challenged people,
When people say you have a face that only a mother can love, it means you're not very attractive looking.
Dear Uncircumcised Guys,
I don't want an anteater anywhere near me.
Dear Married Women,
If you cannot control your hormones for the entire month don't expect us to either.
Dear feminists,
Equal rights come with equal obligations, equal accountability, and equal consequences. Stop trying to take the benefits without paying the costs.
Dear Feminisits,
If you really want equality, quit asking men to put the toilet seat down.
Dear friend who lost her virginity to a guy she's been dating less than a week,
Really? In the woods?
Dear atheists who are critical of Christians,
Why do you celebrate Christmas, St. Patrick's day or Valentine's day?
Dear Tolkein,
I wish The Hobbit wasn't written so childishly, it doesn't mix with the Lord of the Rings at all. I've thought this since I was eight.
Guess what?,
I don't hear the French yelling "I have freedom of speech" claims in light of the Charlie Hebdo killings. Could the whole "freedom of speech" argument just be a silly American mentality to justify the expression of racist statements? I think even the French are wise enough to know that just because you can say something it doesn't mean it should be said. They see this better now more than before.
Dear Mother whom I idolized,
You've taught me all 17 years of my life that drugs are bad, only for me to find out on Christmas you've been addicted to e-cigs the whole time.
Dear parents,
When your little inquisitive ones ask you where babies come from and you're not ready to talk to them about sex, just tell them God blesses mommies and daddies to have babies when they pray. I know it's a lie but so is santa claus, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny.
Dear colleges,
Please stop letting girls who got pregnant at 16 go to college for free. You're encouraging bad behavior. Reward the people who were responsible and DIDN'T get pregnant in high school.
Dear friends,
So sometiems when I ask your honest opinion, I mean that I want you to agree with me. For once. Like, now that that good for nothing Klinté is gone, I have no man in my life to silently agree, so the responsibility falls to you, on those days, that we all have, when we just need a girl to say YES SISTER YES. So my dress is beautiful, my lipstick looks fine, there is not food on my face, and I'm the queen.
Dear long-time friend who married a girl our ENTIRE group can't stand,
Please, PLEASE, at least stop with the multiple five-minute-long makeout sessions in front of us? It's bad enough having to just be around her without having to watch you suck her face in every twenty minutes. Can you not just wait until we leave? It's also bad enough that you freaking MARRIED her and now we have to put up with her crap forever.