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Dear lesbian couple in my class,
So how does this work... you both make sandwiches for each other?
Dear girls,
You complain that you can't take your shirt off on a hot day like boys can. But please know that you are more than welcome to.
Dear teenage girls,
If you have succeeded in copying our style and make-up. Congratulations!
Dear girls,
The silent treatment isn't really a punishment.
Dear upset, overweight woman,
Since we were both sitting in the OBGYN office I thought it was safe to assume...
Dear vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas that effect global warming. You guys eat the plants that could fix global warming. So who is REALLY killing the planet?
Dear Halloween,
Oh, the whore-or!
Dear Taylor Swift,
Guys will never want to date you if you keep singing about every relationship you have ever had.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
Dear boys,
You give out more mixed signals than Helen Keller directing traffic!
Dear women,
Don't worry about magazines telling you you're fat; porn sites tell us we need penis enlargements all the time.
Dear waitress,
Why did you bring me a BILL?
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Dear cat that thinks the stove is a good place to sit,
Please be warned. If you keep sitting there I will have to assume you want to be cooked.
Dear Elmo,
You're just like Justin Bieber. I always think you're a boy. then I hear you talk, and I change my mind.
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