Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear girls who dress like prostitutes,
I don't think we've met, and I'm okay with that.
Dear extremely rude lady that just came through my check-out lane,
Do you realize you just paid with a check and I now have your address?
Dear African American who blames race for everything,
Why are you glaring at me like I'M racist? What have I ever done to you?
Dear Professor,
My brain in already on Christmas break, so forgive me if I refuse to study for, and ultimately fail your final.
Dear 11 empty handicapped spots,
This is an indoor rock climbing gym.
Dear American public,
Please remember that the "American dream" means that it is POSSIBLE for ANYONE to succeed, not that it is GUARANTEED that EVERYONE will succeed.
Dear boys in skinny jeans,
There's no need for sex if your already in our pants...
Dear girls at my school who dress like hookers,
Just because we don't have a dress code doesn't mean you should wear your work clothes.
Dear eight-year-old with an iPhone and Uggs,
When I was your age, I had a Tamagatchi and light-up Sketchers.
Dear Muslim who stubbed his toe,
Do you scream "Allah damnit!"
Dear dad,
Please don't come into Victoria's Secret with me....
Dear teacher,
The answer to your question is 65. I can space out and listen to you at the same time.
Dear 6 on a hotness scale,
You're British, nice, like Harry potter... AND you don't smoke?!
Dear occupy Wall Street,
Please get off the news so we can get back to the important things, like which celebrity is cheating on their spouse, and whether Angelina Jolie has adopted any more kids.
Dear "You can't use your calculator on the test",
Because "You're not going to always have a calculator in life"... Just about every cell phone has a calculator. And I ALWAYS have my cell phone.
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