Dear "Pretty" girls at my school,
You do realize that back in the 1800's, the only women who wore make-up were prostitutes?
Sincerely, it explains SO much.
Dear Freshmen girls wearing nothing but a tank top and booty shorts,
I thought today was Pajama Day. I think Career Day is Tomorrow.
Sincerely, Senor wearing footy pajamas and carrying a teddy bear
Dear girls at school dances,,
Those dresses are WHOREifyingly short.
Sincerely, bad puns.
Dear teenage girl,
You like Disney movies? And Harry Potter? AND you're a virgin? What a special and unique snowflake you are!
You told me that there had better be something in the driveway that could go from 2 to 200 in two seconds flat on your birthday, so I got you a brand new bathroom scale!
Sincerely, it fits all the requirements, why are you so angry?!
Now I know why you're so skinny.
Sincerely, Can't pick up anything with these chopsticks
Dear "My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard",
So in other words, My frozen lactose based dairy beverage attracts the general consensus of the male population to the grassy knoll of my place of residence. This general consensus claims that my frozen lactose based dairy beverage is superior to yours. Verily, it is superior to yours. I could educate you, but you shall be obligated to return to me currency in compensation.
Sincerely, fluent in nerd.
Dear Ambercrombie and Fitch,
Why do all your stores have the same smell? Like a combination of date rape and bulimia?
Dear health teacher,
Sex Ed is awkward by itself, but the fact that you're pregnant only makes it worse.
Sincerely, horrified student
Dear mustached teenage boys,
Shave the ferret off your face, you look like a rapist.
Sincerely, girls everywhere.
Please stop calling me black. It's "African-American" now.
Dear confused people,
Roses are black, violets are black...
Sincerely, Helen Keller
Dear people who ask me why I'm not disruptive in math like I am in my other classes,
My aunt's the teacher.
Sincerely, anything I do will be reported to my mom
Dear overweight boyfriend,
You have boobs too...
Sincerely, play with your own.