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Dear companies,
Please stop offering "buy 1, get 1 free" or "buy 2 for the price of $__". Not all of us have partners, and not everybody takes out one friend for coffee or dinner just because they have a coupon. You realise that some of us are poor and single, and so a "receive _% off your purchase price" makes far more sense.
Dear People who think most people in jail just made a mistake and are good people,
Yes, they mistakenly robbed a store, mistankely bought something illegal, mistakenly ran from the cops, mistakenly killed a person/pet, mistakenly raped somebody.
Dear Americans,
Why do you think the world revolves around you? Six hundred years ago the rest of the world didn't even know you existed.
Dear everyone,
Please remember that sometimes, there is no absolute truth. Many moral, economic, or other issues have many many ways to solve the problem. Sometimes however, there is absolute truth. Such as whether or not God exixts, or natural laws.
Dear Strangers,
Please don't complement me on my looks. It creeps me out.
Girl I Complemented on the Subway,
Please understand that when a guy compliments you, he's not trying to get laid. I just thought you deserved a compliment.
Dear Everyone Getting Salty About Vegans,
Please realize that not all vegans are trying to force their opinions on you!!! Stop stereotyping, PLEASE.
Dear "no pun intended",
The sooner you say that after your pun, the more obvious it was that you intended to make that pun and want to boast about it.
Dear EX- boyfriend,
Why did it take me so long to realize how much of an asshole you are??!! Not acknowledging my existence in public doesn't make you cool, it makes you a pathetic coward. Well, both of your best friends have expressed their interest in me, so I'm off to have my fun (in bed). Without you.
Dear Students using Wikipedia,
I hope you know that I got on and changed the page about Hilter. It was however amusing that half of you wrote that Hilter was in a secret relationship with one of his Nazi commanders.
Dear boys,
Tall, dark, and handsome is a very real thing. It's hard to resist.
Dear Ex-Girlfriend,
I understand you need space, but I just wanted to let you know that I miss you so much. You were my first love and part of my heart will always belong to you because you meant the absolute world to me. I hope one day you'll talk to me again, I'll be right here if you do.
Dear bird outside my window,
Please shut the fuck up. It is 2 in the goddamn morning, and some of us, like me perhaps, are trying to sleep. I get it, you are going against the grain and be a fucking nocturnal bird instead of a normal sweet diurnal bird, but you need to shut the hell up. I do not know what kind of bird cocain or bird amphetamines you are on to stay awake all night but not all of us have access to bird drug dealers and so we do not have the energy that you seem to have. If you refuse to shut up, then I shall make it my mission that every time I see you sleeping in that tiny little nest in the tree outside my window I will scream at you and wake your fat feathery ass up so you will understand what it feels like to have some annoying bitch squawking at you when you are trying to sleep. That is all.
Dear wife,
Please stop being mad at me whenever I don't support you when you say something stupid. I love you, and always will, but your opinions are your own and I don't have to sound stupid just to be supportive.
Dear Significant Other,
Please don't think so far ahead. It's nice to think that we'd still be together years from now, but our relationship is still new. I can already tell our lives will take different paths and it hurts me to see you plan everything around us. Please, focus on your own path.
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