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Dear girls who post "I just want guys to respect me" on Facebook,
Your profile picture is of your cleavage, how do you expect them to respect you when you can't respect yourself?!
Dear customer buying condoms, whipped cream and a pregnancy test,
If you don't want me judging you, use the self checkout lane. That's kind of why it's there.
Dear "war is not the answer" ,
How did the United States gain independence from England? Oh! I know!
Dear Disney,
I failed a history test because of you!
Dear tourists,
Go <3 your own city.
Dear Halloween candy bowls that say "Just take one",
One... bowl!
Dear religion,
There never will be an "us."
Dear parents,
Texting + Facebook= Textbook... so yes, I am studying.
Dear best friend's new boyfriend,
Just FYI, I keep duct tape, a shovel, rope and gloves in my car, and I watch plenty of NCIS to know how to make it look like an accident.
Dear smokers,
Yes, I did rip the loudest fart next to you. If I have to smell your crap, you have to smell mine.
Dear clothing companies,
Please stop making shirts into dresses, belts into skirts and underwear into shorts.
Dear people on longboards,
We don't watch you board down the hills on campus because we think you're cool, we watch because we're hoping you fall.
Dear boy who broke my heart,
I am the youngest of four siblings; I'm also the only girl...
Dear guy I have had a crush on since 6th grade,
No, you cannot suddenly like me now. It does not work that way.
Dear people,
While reading this sentence, the brain doesn't process that the word "the" was used twice in a row.
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