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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear girls who dress like hookers,
"Just because I dress like this doesn't mean I'm a hooker!" Really?! What if I walked around dressed as a police officer? Someone could come up to me and say "There's a robbery going on in that store, and he's got a gun!" and I'd have to say, "Oh, I'm not a police officer, I just dress like one."
Dear girlfriend,
What did you expect to happen when I was drunk around your twin sister!?
Dear Squidward,
Are you Jewish?
Dear high school girls,
Is that a skirt, or did you just pull down your tank top?
Dear world,
Please stop using me as an excuse to be fat.
Dear sluts,
Please realize that booty shorts, suspenders and 3D glasses with the lens poked out do NOT make you a nerd.
Dear girl in my gym class,
You're suppose to put on shorts before you leave the locker room.
Dear brother who just asked my blind friend if she is "seeing anyone",
You are SO lucky she is not the senstive type.
Dear professor who gave me a 20 and my boyfriend a 92 on the same assignment,
I wrote and submitted both of them.
Dear above average student,
I bestow upon you the punishment of a group project... good luck!
Dear Bruno Mars,
Today I don't feel like doing anything... but I'm going to get out of bed and actually work for a living.
Dear future girlfriend,
I want a date where we wear sweatpants, watch Harry Potter and eat ice cream/nutella, without makeup or any of those other lies people wear. I'll make us sammiches. I'm really good at making those.
Dear America,
Seriously, spray cheese?
Dear Mulan,
Does it concern you that he fell in love with you while you were a man?
Dear annoying people,
Hashtags are for Twitter not Facebook.
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