Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear substitute teacher,
Please, your just here to babysit, not to teach.
Dear men,
In life, you get to choose between being happy or being right. Take your pick.
Dear boys,
My daughter is available for dating again...
Dear health-freak parents,
If you ever try to sneak protein powder into my pancakes again, I'm pouring acid on your vegetable garden.
Dear guy in the aparment next door,
Thank you for not having protected wi-fi, now will you pay for my cable too?
Dear vegetarians,
In indigenous tribes only the village idiot, who cannot fish or hunt, is vegetarian.
Dear girl who asks "does this make me look fat",
As opposed to how fat you look normally everything is relative.
Dear mom and dad,
I know you hate when I wear super tight skinny jeans because you think they look slutty. But, if I can't get them off, nobody else can either...
Dear guy who flipped me off on the freeway,
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not scary coming from the driver of a Bug...
Dear Edward,
Did you ever think that maybe the reason you can't read Bella's thoughts is because SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY?
Dear dyslexic people,
Do you ever walk into MACY's thinking it's the YMCA?
Dear boyfriend,
Please don't shave your beard, I love how scruffy looking you are now.
Dear manboobs,
Please get off of my chest and onto my girlfriend's.
Dear dude who said "it's raining like hell out there",
Rain in hell? Do go on...
Dear mom,
I'm not messy. I have reverse OCD.
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