Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear girls,
I have trekked mile after mile over many moons, crossing mountains and deserts, rafting across two oceans, surviving only on food I could kill with my bare hands and water that I drank as it fell from the sky. Well, actually, I didn't, but it would have been easier than getting out of the friend zone.
Dear people of America,
I am a white, straight, gun-owning, conservative male.
Dear slut,
Santa saw your picture.
Dear Michael Buble,
Please don't sing Santa Baby.
Dear midgets,
Please accept my apology for throwing a sock at you and screaming "Dobby Be Free!!!"
Dear Justin Bieber,
Oh you've designed your own perfume, and nail polish line?
Dear lady wearing shorts and a bikini top,
This is Target, not Walmart.
Dear couple in line at Walmart,
Don't you think you should of bought the condoms first?
Dear parents who name their kids "Christian",
I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest.
Dear sister,
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Dear hobos,
Do you go trick-or-treating on Halloween night and say that your costume is a hobo?
Dear witchy popular girl,
I would say, "I may be a nerd, but watch out, I'll be your boss someday," but I don't think that's gonna happen.
Dear vegetarian wearing a leather jacket,
Do you realize what leather is?
Dear German exchange student,
Well, this awkward...
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
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