Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
Dear Ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend,
Cute, you wore his shirt to school. Guess he didn't tell you I used to sleep in that shirt with nothing underneath.
Sincerely, Enjoy your sloppy seconds
Dear Girl flirting with my boyfriend,
Roses are red, violets are blue, he is for me, and not for you, so if by chance you take my place, I'll take my hand and smash your face.
Sincerely, he's mine.
Sincerely, Dr. Sheldon Cooper
Please stop sending me funny texts at the completely wrong moment
Sincerely, laughing at a funeral...
Dear daughter's prom date,
Come on in, son! Would you like to see my gun and knife collection?
Sincerely, have her home by midnight
Dear people who say you don't learn anything from tv,
3 words... Big Bang Theory
Sorry I unfriended you on Facebook. I had 556 friends in total, and you know I'm OCD.
Sincerely, Somebody had to go...
Dear people looking at me weird,
What? you haven't seen a 14 year old girl with a cape and a viking helmet ride freely on a trike before?
Sincerely, it's Wal-Mart, what did you expect?
Dear totally perfect guy I only met once,
I have spent hours on facebook typing in every possible spelling of your first, last, and even middle name, found your school on google maps, traced bus routes to that school, and still, nothing. Congratulations, you are totally unstalkable.
Sincerely, It's like hot-guy-Where's-Waldo
Dear Girls who want chivalry,
You should consider an engineering college. Guys will fight over opening doors for you.
Sincerely, Future Engineer
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Sincerely, just spent $600 on music :)
Dear guys who hate Twilight,
So I'm the gay one when I just went to a movie theatre full of girls and got half of their numbers?
Sincerely, you call it gay, I call it strategy
Dear girls in the dressing room getting dressed for our Musical screaming "I can't get the dress over my boobs,
You do realize that we can hear you outside of this door.
Sincerely, the male members of the cast