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Dear Lindsay Lohan,
Boo, you whore.
Dear monkey,
Thanks SO much for having your penis out at the zoo today. THAT was fun to explain to the kids I babysit.
Dear person yelling shotgun,
Rosa Parks
Dear Parents,
I've been struggling to get my license since 1999. Which makes me at least 29, and still working in a fast food place. And you're still letting your kids watch me?
Dear world,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes...
Dear driver with a "Love Animals Don't Eat Them" bumper sticker,
I do love animals. Especially pigs.
Dear fellow gays,
Is it weird that I think homophobes are sexy?
Dear guys everywhere,
No, sir, your balls are not bigger then mine. Mine were so big that they had to be put on my chest to avoid chaffing.
Dear America,
You know obesity is a problem when the scariest thing is called slender man
Dear republicans at my school,
You say that if the president were meant to be black, it would've been called the Black Shack, not the White House. Well did you know Romney is Mexican?
Dear math teacher,
Sorry I couldn't do my math homework. My uncle's sister-in-law's best friend's roomate's insurance agent's gardener's goldfish died.
Dear hipsters,
If you think about it, God was the original hipster. He existed before existence even existed
Dear police officers,
You should yell "PIKACHUUUUU!" before tasing anyone...
Dear nursery rhymer,
Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, jack fell down and broke his crown....
Dear dentist,
When you say "come on you're a teenage girl you can open your mouth wider than that" my jaw automatically dropped
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