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ALL TIME
Dear angry family,
I know I shouldn't be smoking and raising a kid. I'm trying to quit. I've smoked since I was thirteen, quiting is hard.
Dear guy I slept with last night,
Thank you for being the nicest most polite guy I have ever met. You even made me breakfast
Dear new mothers,
Please get your infant child away from me.
Dear Europe,
Thanks for taking care of the people we fucked the homes of.
Dear heterosexuals,
Relax, the gays don't want to marry you.
Dear "change the legal drinking age to 18 in America",
The reason the drinking age is 21 is because there's speculation that before that age certain important parts of our brains are still in the development process.
Dear women who say men shouldn't be grossed out by periods,
It is pretty gross.
Dear Boy,
I thought you said that music was your life and I was the melody? Did you skip a beat because suddenly I'm not with you.
Dear Customer,
Yes I am judging you when you buy $20 worth of Redbulls with your food stamps, then alcohol and cigarettes with cash!
Dear gay friends who criticize me for being Christian,
You ask me not to judge you for your life choices, so please don't judge me for mine
Dear users of this fine website,
Please understand that, as a moderator, I allow certain posts through that are incredibly stupid or nonsensical at times. Why? Because I can't wait to see what the comments section for those posts will look like.
Dear World,
Just because I am American, it does not mean I am fat, stupid, gun-toting, racist, homophobic, or generally ignorant. Please don't hate me for my country's stereotypes.
Dear boyfriend,
I seriously hate your mother.
Dear Muslims,
Please stay strong and remember you aren't in this alone. We know how it feels to be targeted by hate groups and such, we've built their railroads and dams for them and then they says we "should go back to where we came from" before attacking us and hurling insults. Then once we started getting use to the US, they come back and start calling us Communists because the people across the pond who happen to look like us are Communists. Stay strong and hopeful, I promise you that not everyone in America is a racist, misinformed bigot :)
Dear U.S. School System,
Please make it a high school graduation requirement to pass the citizenship test.
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