The reason I friendzoned you in the first place is because I wanted to make us getting together more dramatic; it definitely emphasized the love we have for each other. The reason I kept my feelings from you for the 17 years I've known you since kindergarten, is because I wanted to be 100% sure that you felt the same way about me.
Sincerely, Your Future Husband
Dear French teacher,
Please stop gushing in French how cute and "precious" me and my boyfriend are...
Sincerely, He might not know what you're saying, but I do....
Dear people who behave badly on elevators,
You know who you are. The ones who hold the door for fifteen minutes to finish a conversation. The ones who stand RIGHT NEXT TO THE OTHER PASSENGER when there are only two people. The ones who go up or down ONE FLOOR (note: if you are injured, exhausted, or on your period, you are exempt from this). I have nicknamed you the Elevator People. You know who you are. And so do we. Stop before we pull out the pepper spray.
Sincerely, I'm already late enough
Dear football jock who asked me out,
Sorry, but I love my theater kid boyfriend. He's sweeter than you'll ever be.
Sincerely, you all thought he was gay.
Dear People who come into work while "suffering migraine headaches",
Please believe me when I tell you, if it was a migraine headache you would not be driving into work or functioning. You'd be in the fetal position in a world of pain.
Sincerely, I suffer from migraine headaches, not headaches.
Dear People who say their GPA would be so much higher if they tried because they're smart,
Please stop trying to undermine the hard work we did to get where we are. If you really were that smart then you would've been smart enough to try.
Sincerely, We work hard to get that 4.0
Just because I hold the door open for you doesn't mean I'm being condescending.
Sincerely, A Southern Gentleman Who Was Raised Right.
Dear "virginity is a social construct",
Currency is also a social construct. So is organized government. And school systems. And laws. And fashion. And traditions.
Sincerely, what's your point?
Dear Las Vegas,
Why did I have to walk through two strip clubs, five casinos, three bars, and about 45 posters with naked women on them just to get to the KIDS AREA?
Sincerely, mom trying to get through with her kids.
I've heard of people killing in the name of religion. Osama bin Laden, the Crusades. I've never heard someone start a war in the name of atheism, or science, or evolution. It's like saying 'DIE IN THE NAME OF GRAVITY'.
Sincerely, it doesn't really work...
Dear Cleaning Product Companies,
If you want to show how easy and effective your products are, make the commercial cast MEN.
Sincerely, have you seen the way they "clean"? They need your help.
Please realize when you say "back in my day we didn't have that." That's because it didn't exist
Dear African Americans,
Please realize that if there were a whitepeoplemeet.com, there would be riots, but with blackpeoplemeet.com, there is nothing. Double standard much?
Sincerely, A realist
Dear Lady Gaga,
Please tone down your music videos.
Sincerely, terrified viewer
Please, I'm begging you, for the love of all that is good in the world, just stop talking about things you do not understand. Just please stop.
Sincerely, tired of making you feel like the idiot we both know you are.