Dear fat lady at the movies yelling at my dad,
He said he was sorry!
Sincerely, he got that limp in the army protecting your fat a**
Dear Fast and Furious,
You know straight women (and I'm sure gay men) watch these movies, too, right?
Sincerely, uncomfortable girl watching the boob shots with her brother.
Dear kid I babysat the other night,
Thanks for helping save my thoughts of the children of America
Sincerely, got you away from the computer, to play board games and have a random sword fight
Dear girl next to me in class,
Please stop saying that everyone is equal in America and that minorities need to just "get over it."
Sincerely, the gay guy sitting next to you.
Dear person who thinks they sing better in the shower than performers,
The acoustics in your shower actually make you sound better than you actually are.
Please stop being so paranoide and over protectuve of me that I can't even hang out with good people
Sincerely, your drug-free virgin daughter
Newsflash: Not all Americans speak with a heavy southern accent.
Sincerely, Annoyed Americans.
Dear Overly Affectionate Downstairs Neighbour,
Seriously? Are you not finished yet? Give your lady parts a break.
Sincerely, I'm tired of hearing you every night.
If you dare call my friend fat again I will castrate you with a machete.
Sincerely, you better sleep with one eye open
Dear people who are against war,
Please stop trying to tell me my friend dying in my arms was completely worthless
Sincerely, I did it for you
Dear People in general,
How do you know you're depressed enough to need help? When does thinking about suicide make me "at risk?"
Sincerely, I don't have time for this crap. Homework doesn't do itself.
Dear English Teacher,
Yeah, I'm skinny, I don't eat school lunch, but it doesn't mean I'm anorexic. I don't eat lunch because it tastes horrible and I eat at home anyways. My friends consider me VORACIOUS
Sincerely, yup that WAS a vocabulary word
Dear guy who discovered milk,
What were you doing to that cow, and why?!
Sincerely, and how awkward was it to explain it to the rest of the people?
Gee, thanks. I'll never be able to reach my favorite foods at the grocery store once I move out and no longer have my dad to reach them for me.
Sincerely, estimated to grow to only 5'2