Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear teenage girls,
Stop trying to impersonate us...
Dear Kanye West,
Roses are red, violets are blue. If Rebecca Black wins any awards, you know what to do.
Dear girl who sits next to me in class,
I just saw you type LOL but you didn't even laugh..
Dear customer with four screaming kids,
I hope for your sake that pregnancy test you just bought comes out negative...
Dear Charlie Brown,
You realize that Lucy keeps pulling the football away because she likes you, right?
Dear TV,
Please stop playing tampon, Pamprin, Nuva Ring, and other vaginal related commercials while I'm watching a movie on tv with my dad, he starts getting really squirmy.
Dear emoticon inventors,
Please make a "rolling my eyes at you" emoticon.
Dear person walking slowly up the stairs,
Please walk faster. I don't like having my face near your butt. It smells funny!
Dear guy who flipped me off on the freeway,
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not scary coming from the driver of a Bug...
Dear girls who only come to our games to check us out in our uniforms,
Please, why do you think we joined the team?
Dear boys,
The correct answer is "yes, the last brownie is yours."
Dear Facebook,
I wish you had to pass a sobriety test to login.
Dear bag of chips,
"Open Here."
Dear Peter Pan,
Sneaking around a child’s bedroom and inviting them to Neverland? Been there, done that.
Dear older brother,
Please stop making me do all your chores.
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