Also By UsSlow RobotKinderbooI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyAttack of the CuteGrouchy Rabbit
Dear clueless neighbor,
Please stop letting your dog poop in our yard, and I will stop lighting it on fire and leaving it on your doorstep.
Dear people who get offended at everything,
Will you stop it already? Just laugh about it and get over it!
Dear Women everywhere,
Just because I complimented you, doesn't mean I'm gay or that I'm hitting on you.
Dear Sister,
Please stop leaving your pad wrappers all over our shared bathroom floor. I know you have monthly... things... but I'd rather not wade through a half-inch carpet of paper to take a piss. I don't leave the tissues I use all ove the place.
Dear People complaining about group work,
Please stop. There's a decent chance you'll end up with a job in which you have to work with others. Coworkers can be just as bad to work with as other students.
Dear mom,
I know you have ocd, but your compulsive need to automatically throw away any paper you see laying around is really annoying to live with.
Dear Lady in the First Stall,
Please leave and try again later. I know you have to poop, but so do I. No amount of sniffling and shuffling is going to change the fact that I was here first. And I can wait.
Dear My AP European History Teacher,
Please understand that I, and all of your students, have responsibilities besides doing 2 hours of homework every night for you.
Dear classmate who loves Shakespeare,
Please stop insulting anyone who doesn't like Shakespeare. Yes, most of us can understand it and no, we still don't like it. You being a fan is okay. You saying we are idiots and don't understand enough to like it is not on. Even if someone didn't understand, calling them an idiot is definitely not the way to get them to appreciate Shakespeare. In fact, it could do the exact opposite. Oh, someone in today's age struggles with the language Shakespeare used? Big fucking whoop. Of course someone might struggle (and that's not even thinking about people with learning disabilities, asshole) in understanding a language from a DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD! Shut up about how you are a special snowflake because only you understand Shakespeare (you are not) and shoving the belief that everyone must absolutely love reading Shakespeare. The girl you just got up for helping 'Shakespeare haters'? Maybe you should follow her lead. She loves Shakespeare just as much as you do. She's just not an ass about it.
Dear parents everywhere,
If you are going to take your kids out somewhere, pay attention to them, try to keep them under control, and own up and take responsibility when they misbehave. It is not the employees fault that your "little angel" was running around, screaming like a maniac, and knocked a cardboard display case over on themself. It is yours for not paying attention and standing around, jabbering on your phone.
Dear government,
Please eliminate student loans. If students simply can't get enormous amounts of money, then colleges won't be able to charge ridiculous tuition.
Dear TV High Schools,
There's a boy in my school. He has never gotten below a solid A. He loves geeky things, such as computer games and fantasy novels. He is also the class treasurer, two years running. Along with that, he pranks the teachers and loves to hang out with students who get straight D's and are dubbed "troublemakers". He has a gorgeous ballerina girlfriend, and next year is going to be our quarterback. So right there, he's a jock, a nerd, a troublemaker, and a sweetheart.
Dear Harry,
Please tell me you found that ressurection stone. I just want to say goodbye one last time
Dear Guy Best Friend,
Please realize that I friendzoned you for a reason
Dear parents,
Please do not try and push your special-needs kids into my honors class. They may be very gifted in certain areas, but they are unable to keep up with the pace of my class, and would do much better in classes where they can get more personalized instruction.