Please don't make me buy tampons with applicators. If you need a plastic tube in order to insert a foreign object up your vagina, you're clearly not masturbating enough.
Sincerely, someone who trusts her fingers
So sometiems when I ask your honest opinion, I mean that I want you to agree with me. For once. Like, now that that good for nothing Klinté is gone, I have no man in my life to silently agree, so the responsibility falls to you, on those days, that we all have, when we just need a girl to say YES SISTER YES. So my dress is beautiful, my lipstick looks fine, there is not food on my face, and I'm the queen.
Sincerely, for realz.
Please stop letting girls who got pregnant at 16 go to college for free. You're encouraging bad behavior. Reward the people who were responsible and DIDN'T get pregnant in high school.
Sincerely, a responsible teen.
Dear atheists who are critical of Christians,
Why do you celebrate Christmas, St. Patrick's day or Valentine's day?
Sincerely, a Christian who is fed up with your hypocritical complaining
Dear long-time friend who married a girl our ENTIRE group can't stand,
Please, PLEASE, at least stop with the multiple five-minute-long makeout sessions in front of us? It's bad enough having to just be around her without having to watch you suck her face in every twenty minutes. Can you not just wait until we leave? It's also bad enough that you freaking MARRIED her and now we have to put up with her crap forever.
Sincerely, we love you, but this shit is getting old, fast.
Dear Madam in the black van,
I understand that it was my fault who veered onto the road a bit and could have caused an accident, but was it really necessary to shoot me the finger? A simple honk would have been nice.
Sincerely, a teenager who knows she's dumb, but seriously, ouch.
Dear US Government,
You say you want a "separation of church and state." If that is the case, then why is "under God" in our Pledge?
Oh, how I miss you so much! I'm in a relationship and I don't want to leave my man. He has allowed me date outside our relationship since he's older and doesn't have the same libido like he used to. The issue is that I'm afraid of catching an STD from some stranger (albeit I would use condoms but human nature wants unprotected sex), I don't want to go through that process of dating and getting feelings involved, plus I can't tolerate flaky people. I need to find a good balance of enjoying great sex while keeping the no-strings-attached attitude.
Sincerely, Dickless in Chicago
Please stop shaving and drawing on eyebrows. You look ridiculous.
Sincerely, men everywhere since forever
No offense, but sometimes I wish you had died as a child or something.
Sincerely, frustrated English student trying to understand you.
Dear bisexual people,
You are attracted to men and women, yet some of you don't like to be labeled as bisexual. Well, if the shoe fits....
Dear Maria Sharapova,
Please stop grunting everytime you return a ball.
Sincerely, It Doesn't Make You Win
Dear every single clothing store ever,
Don't you have any clothes for skinny people?!
Sincerely, not trying to be insensitive but still frustrated.
Dear gun nuts,
Just as you have a right to own a gun, we have a right to not be shot.
Sincerely, what makes you think you're so special
White people who deny the current existence of racism are comparable to the morons who deny that global warming exists: they're both proven facts and there's a lot of evidence to support that they indeed exist but morons choose to believe the comfortable lies that are fed to them.
Sincerely, We'll keep admitting it even when you deny it