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Dear Peter pan,
You call it pixie dust, I call it crack!
Dear professional bakers,
If a redhead owned a bakery, would that make him a ginger bread man?
Dear buyers,
Welcome! Our sizes are small, extra small, and anorexic. Our prices are high, higher, and OMG you're in debt!
Dear public school kids,
...and you think your sex ed is awkward
Dear girl who turned around right as I looked at her butt,
Maybe if I just keep staring she'll think I'm spacing out or something..
Dear "roses are red, violets are blue",
False. Violets are violet by nature, and roses, depending on their genotype, can be a variety of colors.
Dear "America runs on Dunkin",
That's cute
Dear guy in algebra that yelled "HOW DO YOU ADD LETTERS",
I'm pretty sure I love you
Dear readers,
How do you confuse an archaeologist? You give him a used tampon...
Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Dear Channing Tatum,
PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!
Dear people asking math teachers "when will I ever need this?!",
When you're buying 68.5 cantaloupes and your friend Joe steals 1/3 of them and you need to know how many he stole, duh.
Dear male nurse who handed me over to a female nurse so that it wouldn't be awkward when he put EKG sensors on my chest,
Please realize that having a female do this is even more awkward.
Dear Woman,
It's not small, it's fun size...
Dear Bruno Mars,
Okay, it was cute the first few times you sang Just The Way You Are, but this is getting ridiculous. Will you just answer my question? Does this dress make me look fat?
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