Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care
Dear snotty girl at school,
Please stop with the "really hot" suspenders.
Sincerely, my grandpa could wear them with more swagger...
Dear boy from my drama club,
You're smart, funny, talented, good-looking, an extremely nice person, and you're single.
Sincerely, Please don't be gay, please don't be gay, please don't be gay...
Dear friend asking me if im racist,
Nope! I hate all people equally.
Dear male hikers,
While you are still arguing over who gets to put their tent the flat spot, the only girl in the group has set up her tent, cooked her dinner, and is eating it by the fire she built.
Sincerely, I took the flat spot
Dear I was not that drunk,
Please, You asked your girlfriend if she was single then congratulated a potato on getting part in toy story.
Sincerely, BTW the video I took of you hugging a hobo screaming "Dumbledore Your Alive" is going on YouTube.
Dear vending machines,
Sorry my bills aren't straight enough for you.
Sincerely, stop being such a homophobe.
Dear monsters inc.,
mike and sully live together, adopted a human, and came out of the closet
Sincerely, draw your own conclusions...
Dear Couples who are 'trying',
Does anyone else realize that is just a polite way of saying you have sex a lot?
Sincerely, . . Awkward
Dear guys who post pictures of themselves posing in the bathrooms with their abs,
If you're gonna do that, you might want to get rid of the power rangers towel behind you.
Sincerely, the towel is so much cooler than you
Dear English guys,
Girls may love your accent, but when I say "Potato", every uterus within a 50 mile radius explodes.
Sincerely, Irish guy
Dear guys who hate Twilight,
So I'm the gay one when I just went to a movie theatre full of girls and got half of their numbers?
Sincerely, you call it gay, I call it strategy
Dear Kate Midleton and Prince William,
If you have a son, does that make him a Half Blood Prince?
Sincerely, The World
Dear mean girls,
It's not that I hate you....I just hope you start your next period in a shark tank.