Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear football players,
You may make the cheerleaders show up but we decide when they dance.
Dear diary,
I'm so glad I can write embarrassing, intimate details of my life and nobody will ever read them.
Dear person reading this,
Hahahahahahabananahahahahaha
Dear Rubik's Cube,
That was really easy! Oh wait...
Dear anti-gay conservatives,
Homosexuality prevents abortion.
Dear mom,
Please know when you gave me "the talk" and offered me $5 for every year i'm a virgin you could've atlease offered 10.
Dear Maybelline,
Please use a different catchphrase.
Dear iTunes ,
Really? $1.29? What's the extra .29 for? Shipping and handling?
Dear olive oil,
Slut!
Dear Stephanie Meyer ,
So you based Twilight off of a dream? "It does not do to dwell on dreams..."
Dear Taylor Swift,
"He had a one hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart."
Dear school,
I'm secretly hoping you're actually on fire every time we have a fire drill.
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Dear optimists, pessimists and realists,
The glass is actually 51.1256 % filled.
Dear indecisive friends,
How about you play "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock" to decide?
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