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Dear girls on tv who wake up in the middle of the night,
Who looks that good at three in the morning?!
Dear little brother,
Thanks for covering your eyes when we walked past Victoria Secrets.
Dear Grandpa,
The correct response to "You need a hearing aid" is not "I don't have a feather in my hat."
Dear stereotypical Americans,
Yes, I'm from Texas. No, I'm not married to my cousin. No, I don't own a horse. I've actually never uttered he word "howdy" and I do not possess a ridiculous accent that makes me sound ignorant.
Dear people who want to hear a joke,
Arnold Schwartzenegger has a long one, Bruce Lee has a small one, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?
Dear rocket scientists,
What do you say instead of "it's not rocket science?"
Dear World,
Luposlipaphobia- the abnormal, persistant fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor.
Dear teachers,
Procastinating? No! I save my projects until the last minute because then I'll be older, and therefore more wise.
Dear gangster trying to run from a cop,
If your pants were not down to your knees maybe your escape would have been more successful.
Dear enormously tall black football player walking by me,
That really made my day when your phone went off and Taylor Swift started singing "Our Song"
Dear Jocks,
You may get a lot if girls, but it's not even comparable to how many we COULD get!
Dear good looking marine who just hit on me at the gym,
So your saying that if I don't go out to dinner with you, you won't be able to focus on active duty and therefore might die.
Dear opposite sex,
Y U NO LIKE ME?!
Dear creators of the Glee Project,
So to audition I must be older than 18? That means I have to be out of high school to play a convincing high school student.
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