Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear teachers who complain about having to pay for the paper for our homework,
Don't give us homework?
Dear gym teacher,
Why don't you get out here and run with us!?
Dear 14 missed calls and 12 new messages,
Yes Mom, I was out getting drunk, doing drugs having sex with strangers.
Dear Twilight,
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my amusement park.
Dear TV show "What Not to Wear",
Please start doing makeovers for men.
Dear Kardashian clothing line,
What's your return policy? 72 days?
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry that when you unexpectedly grabbed me, the other night, I karate chopped you in the throat.
Dear Society,
When you are in a relationship on Facebook it means you're a couple, but when you are married on Facebook it means you are best friends?
Dear Chapstick,
Does anyone ever finish you?
Dear Trojan Condom commercial,
Please don't air while I'm watching Saturday Night Live with my teenage brother and my very strict father.
Dear impossible physics homework,
I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite inventions... the paper shredder.
Dear good looking marine who just hit on me at the gym,
So your saying that if I don't go out to dinner with you, you won't be able to focus on active duty and therefore might die.
Dear Harvard,
YOU HAVE A QUIDDITCH TEAM?!
Dear restaurant patrons,
We are faking it....
Dear wallet,
Please stop losing all the weight.
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