Dear yoga instructor,
Yes, I see you doing it. No, I still believe it is physically impossible. I heard you say magic words before doing it, I know you're a wizard.
Sincerely, I just want to be able to suck my own... nevermind
Dear anyone whose interested,
If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you're saying "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
Sincerely, am I the only person who thinks that is freaking amazing?
Dear teenage boys discussing how hot I am in french,
Please realize that although I don't look it, I'm fluent in four languages. Bet you were surprised when I answered "Thanks but I have a boyfriend"
What do you call a cautious redhead?
Dear police officers,
You should yell "PIKACHUUUUU!" before tasing anyone...
Dear girl in my English class,
"I always thought the right to bare arms was the right to wear t-shirts
Sincerely, you made my day
Dear opportunist that drank the half empty glass of "water",
We never said it was water
Sincerely, you just drank arsenic...
Dear silent classroom,
LET ME SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.
Dear alarm clocks makers,
Please make alarm clocks that, when you hit the snooze button, hit you back.
Sincerely, that would be... alarming
Please. Trojan extra-large condoms are made to fit most regular sized men to boost their confidence and ensure further purchased.
Sincerely, don't get so cocky next time.
Dear scarred teenage girl,
All of my clothes were in the laundry...
Sincerely, man wearing his wife's yoga pants at the grocery store
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Sincerely, ...I just had an erotic dream about you last night
Dear people who are wondering,
In Hell, there is spotty WiFi and there is one tab open making noise but your mouse is frozen.
Sincerely, if everyone knew that, more people would be nice.
Please don't ever tell me it's good for my face.
Sincerely, your dermatologist girlfriend