I bet you feel really stupid for dumping me now.
Dear John Milton,
So, you wrote Paradise Lost. Then your wife died, and you wrote Paradise Regained.
Sincerely, hmmm, we might be on to something here...
Please give me back my mustache. You're making me look bad.
Sincerely, Charlie Chapman.
Dear web MD symptom checker,
"Abdomen pain made worse by swallowing chemicals or poison?"
Sincerely, yes, everytime I have a dose of bleach and cyanide.
Please stop pretending Edward vs. Jacob is about choosing between two guys. One is a vampire and the other is a werewolf. It's more like necrophilia vs. bestiality.
Sincerely, could she choose neither?
Dear Kristen Stewart,
I can't read your poker face.
Sincerely, Lady Gaga.
Dear person who can't stop sneezing,
BLESS YOU ALREADY!
Sincerely, I'M TIRED OF TELLING YOU!
Dear identical twin,
Your argument is invalid
Sincerely, "you are so ugly" is kind of a double edged sword....
Dear bespectacled dark-haired friend and ginger friend,
Just finished reading Harry Potter series. On a completely unrelated note, I also figured out why we get all those weird stares when we hang out together...
Sincerely, Your bushy-haired, bookworm friend.
Dear natural resources,
Om nom nom!
No you were right, taste buds are so over-rated.
Sincerely, hot soup.
How can you sweat like us when we don't sweat?
Isn't it amazing what we can do when the PlayStation network is down?
Sincerely, acuctally did my homework for once!
Dear Charles Dickens,
It was the best of moods. It was the worst of moods.