Thanks for being a girl. I thought I was gay for a while there...
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
Dude, you were asking my cat why he killed Mufasa.
Sincerely, yes, yes you were
Bloody hell? Yeah about once a month.
Dear science teacher,
Having an anonymous question box during the sex unit is just an invitation for us to compete to see who can make the classroom atmosphere the most uncomfortable.
Sincerely, your immature students.
Dear Americans who say spongebob is Asian because he is yellow, can't drive and does karate,
Well Patrick is pink, fat, lazy and lives under a rock. He must be American.
Sincerely, boom roasted!
Dear Nursery Rhymes,
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a son
Please look in the mirror.
No no no, guys...I said I hate FIGS!
Dear Mary Poppins,
We have been informed that you have used magic is front of muggles. Your trail is set for next Friday at eight.
Sincerely, the Ministry of Magic
Dear Trojan Vibrator Commercial,
Thanks for making it just a tad bit awkward as I was watching TV with my parents.
Sincerely, glad it can be bent into different positions.
Please come and pick Peach up. She is way too high maintenance.
Dear guy at the gym,
Sincerely, my smile LITERALLY tripped you up.
Dear football teams,
Thank you for being our opening and closing acts.
Sincerely, marching bands everywhere
Dear person who said sports make guys 600% hotter,
Please realize boys in Marching band are really good with their fingers and mouths
Sincerely, Think about that one!