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Dear planet Earth,
Sorry about global warming. I've started menopause and I've been having hot flashes.
Dear crazy lady,
I'm not sure how to respond to that...
Dear guy I like,
I was so disappointed when I heard you say "I love you" to someone else on the phone...
Dear Hollywood,
There are tons of books I hate. Make movies about them?
Dear people who tell me not to talk with food in my mouth,
Please don't talk to me while I'm chewing.
Dear Vice Principal ,
Thank you for visiting us in the middle of my algebra class and saying "do you know when you will actually use this stuff? NEVER!"
Dear scientists,
It's great that you're trying to find a cure for the common cold, but since that won't happen anytime soon, for the love of God, can you PLEASE invent a better flavor for the medicine we have now?!
Dear guest in my home,
No, you'll have to pee in the ditch outside like the rest of us.
Dear police officer,
I swear to drunk I'm not God.
Dear Calculus,
If I can't have an imaginary friend, you can't have imaginary numbers.
Dear "don't hate me cause I'm beautiful",
Don't worry we don't.
Dear parents who say looks don't matter,
If looks don't matter, then why do you get upset when I go out to dinner in sweats?
Dear schoolmate,
No, it's not because you're black. It's because you're loud, obnoxious, and annoy the crap out of the rest of us.
Dear university that is emailing me,
Please make sure that your grammar and spelling is correct before you send out your letters to prospective students.
Dear people who tease me for reading for fun,
I was able to slack off and not read the story when it was given to us as assignment yesterday because I read two years ago for fun.
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