Dear boyfriend who bought me flowers,
Please remember that just because I got flowers doesn't mean you're forgiven.
Sincerely, girlfriend that read the note which said "I'm right".
Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean this is like The Little Mermaid. There is no talking crab who's going to tell you when it's okay to kiss me.
Sincerely, DO IT ALREADY!
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Sincerely, well, I'll be taking those back now...
Dear lady on the elliptical in front of me,
Sincerely, dying on the one behind you.
Dear "which is worse: ignorance or apathy",
I don't know and I don't care.
Sincerely, see what I just did there?
Dear Cowboys vs. Aliens,
Sincerely, Toy Story.
Dear people who say "screw you",
Don't you threaten me with a good time!
Sincerely, didn't see that coming did you?
Dear jerk ex-boyfriend,
Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you.
Sincerely, that's kinda what I was hoping for when I dumped you!
Dear. people. who. type. like. this. ,
It. doesn't. make. your. point. any. stronger.
Sincerely, it. just. looks. like. your. computer. has. asthma.
Dear beer belly ,
Bet you wish you had a six pack, huh?
Sincerely, well you did, but you drank it all.
Dear toilet seat in the woman's bathroom,
Why is your lid up?
Sincerely, very confused.
Dear people of the world,
I will always be ahead of you, and in the future.
Sincerely, a girl in New Zealand.
Dear people who check behind the shower curtain,
At least when I do it, I have a baseball bat in hand.
Sincerely, thinking ahead.
Dear people on the elevator,
It was me.
Sincerely, sorry, I couldn't hold it in.