Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear I love you like Snape loves Lily,
I love you like Lily loves Snape.
Dear Colorado,
It's illegal for a man to kiss his wife while she's sleeping?
Dear Target,
Nice going, putting the "Junior Clothing", "Intimate Apparel" and the "Baby Essentials" sections all in a row....
Dear young girls walking in a row at the mall looking down at their phones,
Heads up.
Dear Jersey Shore,
If I wanted to watch talking carrots I would've watched Veggie Tales.
Dear Crying Girl,
What's wrong? Heartbreak? Rejection? Cheating boyfriend? Wishing you could go back to December?
Dear high schoolers,
You know how you hate those annoying twelve-yr-olds trying to be cool? That's how we feel about you.
Dear world,
Cross walk buttons don't work. They're there so you have something to do.
Dear "One-size-fits-all",
Challenge Accepted.
Dear people who say "I've watched enough episodes of CSI to kill you and get away with it",
And I've watched enough episodes of Law and Order to make sure you don't,
Dear Society,
I'm not single.
Dear cat,
Please tell me how when we were both locked out you were still able to get back in the house.
Dear mom,
I assure you, no one's cell phone is actually ringing. It's simply on the TV.
Dear boy who just told me that if I was in a detective movie that I would be killed first because "they always kill the pretty girls",
I'm not sure whether I should be flattered or terrified.
Dear Dumbledore,
You should really think about doing background checks on new teachers
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