Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear boyfriend who bought me flowers,
Please remember that just because I got flowers doesn't mean you're forgiven.
Dear boyfriend,
Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean this is like The Little Mermaid. There is no talking crab who's going to tell you when it's okay to kiss me.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Dear lady on the elliptical in front of me,
STOP FARTING!
Dear "which is worse: ignorance or apathy",
I don't know and I don't care.
Dear Cowboys vs. Aliens,
How original.
Dear people who say "screw you",
Don't you threaten me with a good time!
Dear jerk ex-boyfriend,
Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you.
Dear. people. who. type. like. this. ,
It. doesn't. make. your. point. any. stronger.
Dear beer belly ,
Bet you wish you had a six pack, huh?
Dear toilet seat in the woman's bathroom,
Why is your lid up?
Dear people of the world,
I will always be ahead of you, and in the future.
Dear people who check behind the shower curtain,
At least when I do it, I have a baseball bat in hand.
Dear people on the elevator,
It was me.
Dear world,
Why did the hipster burn his lip while eating pizza?
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