Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear neighbours who have a pool they never use,
I can't count how many times I've loudly said "I LOVE TO SWIM" in my back yard when I know you are on your deck...
Dear clothing store,
Do you have a "not-a-prostitute" section in your store?
Dear cute guy next to me,
Don't be a jerk....Don't be a jerk....Don't be a jerk....Yes! Don't be an idiot....Don't be an idiot....Don't be an idiot...Yes! Don't be gay...Don't be gay...Don't be gay....
Dear friend who wants to hear a joke,
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Dear teachers,
What the hell are you doing on Chat Roulette!
Dear boy who just got to second base,
Surprise!
Dear irregular summer sleep patterns,
Thanks for that...
Dear crosswalk button,
Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Push.
Dear "when pigs fly",
You've been replaced.
Dear toilet paper industries ,
Why do you put prints on the toilet paper?
Dear Cosmo magazine,
Let me rephrase that, how do I get his attention WITHOUT being naked?
Dear haters,
Please don't walk over what I wrote in the sand to my girlfriend.
Dear perverts,
I don't suck on popsicles, I viciously bite them.
Dear Dad,
When I asked if "The Exorcism" was scary, I meant in the mindset of your easily scared, paranoid daughter with an anxiety disorder...
Dear people behind me,
I promise the line hasn't moved. Stop getting closer.
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