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Dear girls,
You complain that you can't take your shirt off on a hot day like boys can. But please know that you are more than welcome to.
Dear vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas that effect global warming. You guys eat the plants that could fix global warming. So who is REALLY killing the planet?
Dear Halloween,
Oh, the whore-or!
Dear boys,
You give out more mixed signals than Helen Keller directing traffic!
Dear inventor of tampons ,
Please tell me you're not a guy.
Dear Facebook,
Congratulations on becoming a verb!
Dear cupcake,
You are us with too much makeup on, and you dare call us the ugly ones!
Dear Facebook attention suckers,
Please stop making statuses about how ugly you are so other people will try and prove you wrong.
Dear sleeping girlfriend,
I was in the middle of breaking up with you when you dozed off.
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Dear Kristen Stewart,
I can't read your poker face.
Dear girls,
Stop asking us for advice. We really can't tell you if he loves you or not.
Dear people who complain about their classmates,
Today my friend asked our high school class: What does Plankton sing in response to Spongebob's F.U.N. song? Every single person- girl and guy- broke out into song. We sang the whole thing (Spongebob's and Plankton's parts) and our teacher just sat there and smiled.
Dear Rebecca and Jacob,
You are a disgrace to the name.
Dear girls making kissy faces,
You're just jealous.
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