Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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ALL TIME
Dear religion,
There never will be an "us."
Dear parents,
Texting + Facebook= Textbook... so yes, I am studying.
Dear best friend's new boyfriend,
Just FYI, I keep duct tape, a shovel, rope and gloves in my car, and I watch plenty of NCIS to know how to make it look like an accident.
Dear world,
If Pluto isn't a planet because it's a dwarf planet, are dwarves real humans?
Dear school,
I see you removed all the games from the computer but left Paint...
Dear little kid drawing mustaches on Justin Bieber pictures,
I'd give you props, but mustaches come with puberty...
Dear mommy,
Thank you for not being mad at me when I woke you up at 4am.
Dear boys who say they like girls without makeup,
I think you mean you like naturally beautiful girls without makeup.
Dear teachers,
I wouldn't mind if you took points off of my paper, so long as you wrote in the margin, "TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
Dear girls on halloween,
You told me you were dressing up as a bunny. I dressed up as a bunny too...
Dear guys,
Believe me, call us beautiful and we'll treat you like a king.
Dear friend with the last name Holmes,
If you don't name your kid Sherlock I'm naming it for you.
Dear neighbor,
You have curtains, use them.
Dear house,
How come you only make strange, unrecognizable noises when I'm home alone?
Dear older folks,
If you want us young adults to respect you, you need to respect us as well.
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