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Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Dear girls,
Did you know they called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken?
Dear people who say "guns kill people...",
Okay, then pens misspell words and spoons made America fat.
Dear unicorns,
Is this how it felt when you realized you were becoming a dying breed?
Dear skinny jeans,
There really should be an age limit for wearing you.
Dear Helen Keller,
Can you hear me now?
Dear engaged co-worker,
You're the reason divorce rates are so high.
Dear customer who asked me which one would I recommend,
Of course the most expensive one!
Dear homecoming dress makers,,
Please make dresses in sizes other than slutty, extra slutty, and naked.
Dear parents,
When I ask for money for Christmas presents, I didn't mean gift certificates...
Dear kids I babysit,
No, we are coloring and listening to Disney songs. We can play video games later.
Dear mom,
Stop being such a cougar.
Dear boys who whistle at girls,
What? Do you think we're going to sprint over to you, lick your face and let you pet us?
Dear Beyonce and Jay-Z,
What will your kids last name be?
Dear football jocks,
You wear tights too...
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