Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear boy on the beach,
Please put your eyes back in your head where they belong
Dear doctor,
I know you're busy removing my stitches, but your arm is leaning on my boob.
Dear French teacher,
If you can mispronounce everything in English, I can mispronounce one word in French.
Dear mom,
No, the song lyrics are not "now I'm feelin' so so like a cheese stick."
Dear world,
You take so many unecessary showers.
Dear middle schoolers,
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
Dear people who use HW in place of homework,
Those are my initials. It makes me uncomfortable to hear that you're "doing HW tonight."
Dear Facebook,
Why on earth would I ever want a status update to be visible only to myself?
Dear Britney Spears,
Dear Britney Spears.
Dear poets,
Roses are red, bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon.
Dear mom,
Buying low-fat vanilla ice cream will not keep me from eating it.
Dear really big guy at the tattoo parlor with so many tattoos and piercings,
Thank you for asking my friend if her purse was a Vera Bradley and perfectly naming the style
Dear bra,
You are not an appropriate wallet.
Dear waitress,
DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!
Dear math teacher,
Why can't I add apples to oranges?
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