Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear boyfriend,
The only reason I'm making you this sandwich is becuase I broke your Xbox last night when you didnt come home.
Dear doctors,
I don't care how old I am, or that you had to pin me down. Shots will never stop hurting!
Dear irritating teenage boys,
Our department didn't stretch to buying you calculators just so that you could write "boobs." Grow up.
Dear person who asked, "are you two sisters?",
Yes, my Asian best friend is definitely a part of this white family...
Dear dictionaries,
Please stop putting such big words in your definitions.
Dear boys who wear skinny jeans with belts halfway down their butts,
What's the point? The belt has no use.
Dear dad,
I found your Batman spikes on the counter... So that's where you go at night!
Dear guy who just asked how I like my eggs in the morning,
Unfertilized.
Dear Miley Cyrus,
Well this is awkward you actually weren't invited to the party...
Dear pessimists and optimists,
Look at the glass... Now it's wine!
Dear people everywhere,
How would you like it if I turned you on and left?
Dear friend,
No, the fact that your vacuum is broken doesn't suck, it blows.
Dear homework,
I'm saving myself for marriage...
Dear self,
Please remember to stop singing when you turn off the shower.
Dear Lucky Charms,
Why is the milk in my bowl grey by the time I finish eating you?
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