I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Sincerely, your trajectionally-challenged brother.
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Sincerely, rapidly expanding wardrobe.
Dear fat tourist,
Please continue buying my "Famous Bermuda Sand" 200 feet away from a beach.
Sincerely, successful businessman.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Dear witchy popular girl,
I would say, "I may be a nerd, but watch out, I'll be your boss someday," but I don't think that's gonna happen.
Sincerely, I don't plan on being a pimp.
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Sincerely, male cheerleaders.
Please use a different catchphrase.
Sincerely, try "Maybe It's Photoshop!"
Dear student who gets my Chemistry text book next year,
Sincerely, "This book is the property of The Half Blood Prince".
Dear glasses wearer,
Please note that if you leave your glasses lying around, I will inevitably try them on.
Sincerely, friend with 20/20 vision who wants to appear more intelligent.
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Sincerely, scared to go to sleep.
Dear people who want flying cars,
That'd be cool, but you could probably only fly them in special areas, and you'd probably need special training, and specific fuel, and they'd probably be super expensive . . .
Sincerely, oh wait, PLANES.