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Dear Starbucks employee,
Please tell me why abbreviation is such a long word
Dear girl who is my friend,
Do I need to be a worse friend in order for you to become my girlfriend or what?
Dear Feminist,
If bosses should stay out a women's body, why must they subsidize the birth control?
Dear English speakers everywhere,,
Theatre is the art of making a show or a theatrical piece. Theater is the building we do it in.
Dear Mother in FredMeyer,
When your toddler ran off in excitement and you ran after him, I was sincerely worried you'd spank him once you caught up with him. You didn't, you simply took his hand and walked back to your cart with him. You restored my faith in today's parents.
Dear Girls who say "All guys are the same!" or "Where have all the good men gone?",
We are not all the same, you would know that if you stopped dating the same types of dirtbags you always go for!
Dear Lefties,
Do you realize that whatever hand you write with, it's going to be challenging to write on one side of a spiral notebook?
Dear thin girls,
Please refrain from talking about how fat you are in front of obviously uncomfortable plus size girls. We recognize that you have insecurities too, and we do understand that you do not love your body. However, it feels so shitty to be told, by proxy, that you're a whale.
Dear US and MD politicians who want to bring illegal immigrants in,
There's so much gang violence and crime in inner city Baltimore that our kids can't even play outside. We can’t take out the trash without locking the door. You're spending billions on illegals, but what about our neighborhoods? Where can we get asylum? Where can we get refugee status?
Dear College Board,
Are you lowering your standards? How did I pass the AP Environmental Science exam when I wrote a joke instead of one of the essays? How did I pass the English Composition one when I didn't even understand the second prompt?
Dear Friend,
I fell in love with you. You showed no interest. Now you say you're interested in me. I've pretty much moved on.
Dear Facebook users,
Please remember that hash tags are for TWITTER.
Dear males,
If you can scratch your hairy balls in public then we should be allowed to breast feed in public.
Dear Parents,
By this point in your lives, you were married and living on your own with full time jobs.
Dear advertising companies,
Just because I live in Canada doesn't mean I want to hear 2 minutes of French advertising without subtitles.
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