Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear coworker who looked at me in disgust when I announced my engagement,
So it's okay to be 21 and have three half Mexican kids who don't know their father but I can't be 19, a virgin, and planning to marry the guy I've been dating for four years?
Dear ugly guy from 10 years ago,
DAMN!
Dear "all white people are racist",
You do realize the irony of the statement, right?
Dear Taylor Swift,
How is it that you have only been alive for 3 years more than me, but you've had about 30 times more boyfriends?!
Dear English Teachers,
Books are for reading, not over-analyzing.
Dear guy who I just rear-ended,
You just happened to be shirtless and incredibly good looking?!
Dear movie theater,
You see that big purse my sister is carrying? Yeah. We stopped at the Dollar Store on our way here to get candy.
Dear woman who just asked me how far along I am,
I'm not pregnant.
Dear prejudiced and judgmental Americans,
The Muslim families at the community center in my neighborhood were just as terrified as the rest of us on 9/11.
Dear Sodium,
We have a son, his name is Salt.
Dear couple sucking face in public,
Actually, my boyfriend and I do know what it is like to be that much in love.
Dear "One Size Fits All",
Hahahaha, right...
Dear public schools,
America's struggling with obesity and you're telling me I have to pay $130 to participate in school sports?
Dear boy with a black eye,
When I say that I'm not ticklish it means DON'T TOUCH ME.
Dear teachers,
Sitting boy-girl-boy-girl isn't punishment anymore.
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