Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Starbucks customer who just ordered a tall white mocha with 12 pumps of syrup,
Let me just add a side of diabetus for you...
Dear America,
Seriously, spray cheese?
Dear girls,
I don't want in your pants... I have my own.
Dear religious nut,
If you knew the baby would turn out to be gay, then would you approve abortion?
Dear insecure guy on top of me,
Please stop asking if I "like that." If I didn't, I wouldn't still be under you.
Dear girls,
Actually, we put the "XY" in the people you find sexy.
Dear "wearing a padded bra is false advertisement",
Contrary to popular belief, i am not actually for sale.
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
While I accomplished saving my entire country from one of the toughest armies in the world, you accomplished... sleeping...
Dear person who just tweeted "if u cud recomend a book 4 me wat wud it b?",
It would be a dictionary.
Dear boys,
Objects in shirt may be smaller than they appear.
Dear people who complained about the white Coke cans looking too much like Diet Coke cans,
Please accept our sincerest apologies. Its so much more important that Coca-Cola should cater to your needs instead of donating millions of dollars to help save the polar bears. You're right.
Dear Mom,
"I was at work all day!" is not a valid excuse to make me do stuff for you.
Dear people I know who see me at the movies and ask me what I'm doing,
Giving birth.
Dear cute boy in my biology class,
You put the XY in sexy.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
You realize I can hear your heartbeat when we hug, right? That means I can hear how fast its beating after we kiss, too.
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