Dear lady wearing shorts and a bikini top,
This is Target, not Walmart.
Sincerely, please put some clothes on!
Dear parents who name their kids "Christian",
I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest.
Sincerely, it is the same thing...
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Sincerely, your trajectionally-challenged brother.
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Dear blonde on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader,
Thank goodness you're pretty!
Sincerely, hummingbirds have two wings, not four...
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Sincerely, rapidly expanding wardrobe.
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Sincerely, male cheerleaders.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Please use a different catchphrase.
Sincerely, try "Maybe It's Photoshop!"
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts.
Dear optimists, pessimists and realists,
The glass is actually 51.1256 % filled.
Dear people losing sleep,
Tired? There's a nap for that.
If all gay people go to hell, it's got to be FABULOUS!
Sincerely, it is going to A-māzing...