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Dear sluts who post pictures that say "no make up!",
Please, who do you think you're fooling?
Dear French teacher,
If you can mispronounce everything in English, I can mispronounce one word in French.
Dear guy that just tried to rob my apartment,
I have a 180 pound mastiff, my boyfriend is a professional boxer, and I have been a black belt in Tai Kwon Do since the age of three...
Dear vegetarians,
Please stop wearing uggs. The whole point of being vegetarian is to save the lives of animals
Dear middle schoolers,
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
Dear Store,
Please have a female cashier... please have a female cashier...
Dear Gym members,
Oh yeah, I go to the gym. I run there, and I run back.
Dear Facebook,
Why on earth would I ever want a status update to be visible only to myself?
Dear optimists,
The closer it is to the weekend, the closer it is to Monday.
Dear owners,
I don't always walk across your lap... but when I do, I make sure to step on your genitals.
Dear confusing boy,
So, taking me out on an expensive date, telling me I look wonderful, and holding my hand for three hours doesn't mean you want to be more than friends?
Dear college I want to go to,
You better have a Quidditch team.
Dear unsuspecting furniture store customers,
"FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!!"
Dear boy dancing with me,
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you grab my butt, I'll punch you.
Dear Bruno Mars,
How can you throw your hand in your pants, chill in your snuggie, and strut in your birthday suit all at the same time?
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