Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
Please stop sending me funny texts at the completely wrong moment
Sincerely, laughing at a funeral...
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Sincerely, just spent $600 on music :)
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care
Dear guys who hate Twilight,
So I'm the gay one when I just went to a movie theatre full of girls and got half of their numbers?
Sincerely, you call it gay, I call it strategy
Dear mean girls,
It's not that I hate you....I just hope you start your next period in a shark tank.
Dear Judgmental Idiots,
Just because I'm slim, fashionably dressed, have a slicked-back hairdo, and a sexy accent, does not mean that I'm gay.
Sincerely, I'm French.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
Sincerely, but none of them really work...
Dear my poor innocent puppy,
Sorry about my dad lifting you up in the air and singing the circle of life
Sincerely, also annoyed daughter
Dear "An apple a day keeps the doctor away",
Sincerely, Steve Jobs
Dear Kay Jewelers,
Every kiss does NOT begin with K.
Sincerely, peck, snog, make-out, smooch, and French
Dear yoga teacher,
I do know how to do downward facing dog. I do it wrong to stare at the hot guy behind me
Sincerely, there's no attractive guys between my hands...
Dear Jersey Shore,
If I wanted to watch talking carrots I would've watched Veggie Tales.
Dear Crying Girl,
What's wrong? Heartbreak? Rejection? Cheating boyfriend? Wishing you could go back to December?
Sincerely, there's a Taylor Swift song for that