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THIS WEEK
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ALL TIME
Dear girls,
Please stop complaining about how bad your periods are. At one point or another you're going to have to accept the fact that this is going to happen for 30 to 40 more years. Get over it.
Dear neighbor dog,
Please stop barking at 3 A.M. It has been 12 years and you have not shut up yet. Please die already.
Dear guy friend,
Remember when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship?
Dear women who say men shouldn't be grossed out by periods,
It is pretty gross.
Dear bicyclists,
Keep in mind that "share the road" goes both ways. If you're riding in the middle of the lane, you're not sharing the road, are you?
Dear Mapquest Users,
Please Stop... Just stop...
Dear Fatal Attractions: Big Cats,
If your goal is to convince people NOT to have a tiger as a pet, don't show a person cuddling an adorable tiger cub!
Dear feminists,
Please stop getting mad at me covering up my skin. I am not a slut shamer, a victim-blamer, or a rape apologist. I just don't like showing that that much skin. You can show as much skin as you want. Just accept that I don't want to.
Dear girl at the bar,
Please understand just because I was in the marines does not mean I support war, guns and killing people.
Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Dear people who say girls shouldn't wear make-up,
I have the face of a ten-year-old and the chest capacity of a 21-year-old. I'm 16.
Dear nerf gun,
I KNEW there was a reason I practiced with you so much
Dear "nice" guys who finish last,
Well, at least you finished
Dear guys,
If you want to get a girl, your going to have to prove that you'll be better than the single life.
Dear cheerleader,
I don't hate you solely because you're a cheerleader. I hate you because my best friend, who's on the squad with you and your clique, comes over in tears all the time after practice.
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