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Dear those who are pro-vaccines,
I would like to enjoy my decision to not shoot my body full of unnecessary chemicals in order to have a chemically-induced immune system. I would like to build up my immune system naturally.
Dear girlfriends,
If you don't want us watching porn, have sex with us.
Dear "Doctor Who",
Can you please explain to me how the Doctor -- who can take on ANY HUMAN FORM -- always turns out to be a skinny, white guy?
Dear door-to-door religious converters,
Please realize that you are wasting your time trying to "sell" your religion to those who are well-educated. A better use of your time may be to start studying about science and evolution.
Dear people who do not believe in evolution,
How can you not believe the most educated people in the world?
Dear single people of the world,
Please understand that you will not meet the person of your dreams while you are drunk at a bar.
Dear Mom,
Please don't tell me that I am too old to have an imaginary friend. You are almost 50 and you have one too! God is not real...
Dear popular girls,
I would say some day you'll be working for me, but I'm not planning on buying Hooters...
Dear Girl Scouts,
Stop trying to sucker me into buying your over-priced, mediocre cookies!
Dear pro-lifers,
My life. My body. My decision.
Dear "DearBlankPleaseBlank",
I blame you for my failing grades.
Dear men who don't understand lesbian sex,
If you don't understand what we do intimately, I feel bad for your girlfriends...
Dear Hermione,
May I please borrow your time-turner? I just accidentally tooted in front of my crush!
Dear anti-vacciners,
Do you feel comfortable ruining other people's lives?
Dear Sarah Palin,
Please stop. You are making all women and Republicans look stupid.
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