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Dear Juggalos,
Please take off the clown paint already. It looks retarded. Grow up already.
Dear everyone,
Please remember that sometimes, there is no absolute truth. Many moral, economic, or other issues have many many ways to solve the problem. Sometimes however, there is absolute truth. Such as whether or not God exixts, or natural laws.
Dear housemate,
Please don't turn the heating off as soon as you come home. Just because you're always hot doesn't mean we are as well.
Dear people who say we all started as female,
An embryo is not "female until it turns male". An embryo is neither sex, an indistinguishable sex, with no features of either sex until it receives the hormones determined by its chromosomes, when it starts developing its male or female features.
Dear pro-lifer,
Please consider the life the child will be born into as well. Or are you just "pro-birth"?
Dear Dad...,
Please stop making me do shit I don't want to do. I know you're going through a mid-life crisis and think that we need to renovate every square inch of the house, but I really don't see a reason to waste my time doing it.
Dear Academy of Science,
Please know that I ended up breaking my foot running inside the house to open the letter from your school.
Dear voters,
If you don't like a result, try voting against it next time instead of thinking you won't make a difference. If you did vote, you just have to accept that democracy means up to 50% of the population might be disappointed. You can't please everybody all the time. Its not the end of the world.
Dear Dad,
I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I know these weekly calls are your way of being involved in my life from three hours away. But I don't want to do it anymore, and I don't know how to tell you without hurting you. You're only my dad when you want to be, and you never seem to remember the times you disappeared in the past. You seem to be happy with your new family, so please just let me go. I was there for you all those years because no one else was, but you don't need me anymore and I need time to heal.
Dear One Size Fits All,
You definitely don't fit me.
Dear Mr. Trump,
It is possible to kill two birds with one stone. Please take that mutated beaver pelt off your head and insert it firmly in your mouth.
Dear everyone,
Please stop assuming something is right just because it's what's always been done or it supports your belief. If it's proven wrong, it's okay to change your opinion.
Dear people,
Please share your thoughts about Mormon Missionaries. Good or bad? Annoyance or motivation? etc...
Dear Mr. Alarm Clock,
I understand that you do not enjoy the relationship Bed & I have, but if you really are bothered by it, maybe you should find a morning person who would appreciate your attention. It's not you, it's me. I can't stop loving Bed.
Dear Dad,
Please stop getting mad at me for not being able to watch a show about sex crimes anymore.
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