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Dear girlfriend who just freaked out at me for hanging out with another girl,
Meet my sister.
Dear guys at the beach,
Just because you're wearing shiny sunglasses doesn't mean I can't tell where your face is pointed.
Dear troubled people,
May your problems, last only as long as Kim Kardashian's marriage...
Dear Powell Middle School,
So do your cheerleaders cheer for PMS?
Dear aliens,
I have done more probing than you can imagine...
Dear Sorting Hat,
Is lice ever a problem?
Dear little brother who opens my mail,
Jokes on you! It's tampon samples!
Dear homophobic boss,
If being gay is such a disease, can I call in sick for the rest of my life?
Dear crush,
No, I'm not Facebook stalking you. I'm doing character research in case I get to make a movie of my life and you're are in it.
Dear Prince Charming,
What were you gonna do if i didnt wake up?
Dear douche bags who used to pick on me in High School,
Revenge is so sweet.
Dear dreams,
Stop ending right when I get to the good part!
Dear teachers,
You know you're giving too much homework when the passenger seat belt light goes on because my backpack weighs as much as a person.
Dear ignorant people,
Please keep asking me if I'm Asian or Chinese. I laugh at your astounded looks when I say "BOTH!"
Dear pants making companies,
Please stop making fake pockets.
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