Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear Facebook's "people you may know",
No mutual friends, lives in a different country, and not to mention they look like a pedophile...
Downstream? That is way too mainstream for us.
Dear Dancing with the Stars,
Your name is really misleading...
Sincerely, expecting a science documentary about our milky way.
Dear AP calculus,
It was easier understanding Inception...
Dear tooth fairy,
My teeth are now $20 a-piece!
Thank you for never checking the internet history.
Sincerely, your son.
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Sincerely, it's true...
My whole world revolves around you.
Sincerely, a person on earth.
Dear guy who uses the phrase "I have something to tell you" before kissing a girl,
2 seconds of bliss followed by awkward silence.
Sincerely, good talk...
I just got emailed, "Here's my new baby! ...sent from my iPhone."
Sincerely, so that's where babies come from!
Dear overly enthusiastic friend,
Please excuse me for swearing like a truck driver when you slapped me on the back to say hello.
Sincerely, severely sunburned and in pain!
Dear teens about to do homework,
You should go on Facebook, someone liked your status. Oh, and update your Twitter too, you haven't done that since like yesterday! Don't forget to check your email though. Oh, and your AIM. Did I mention that YouTube has a hilarious new video?
Sincerely, procrastination and the Internet have joined forces.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.
Dear KFC who says they don't serve chicken nuggets because there is no such thing as a nugget on a chicken's body.,
Please explain too me where the 'popcorn' is located on the chicken.
Sincerely, confused commercial watcher.