Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear Facebook's "people you may know",
No mutual friends, lives in a different country, and not to mention they look like a pedophile...
Dear river,
Downstream? That is way too mainstream for us.
Dear Dancing with the Stars,
Your name is really misleading...
Dear AP calculus,
It was easier understanding Inception...
Dear tooth fairy,
My teeth are now $20 a-piece!
Dear parents,
Thank you for never checking the internet history.
Dear Ariel,
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Dear sun,
My whole world revolves around you.
Dear guy who uses the phrase "I have something to tell you" before kissing a girl,
2 seconds of bliss followed by awkward silence.
Dear Apple,
I just got emailed, "Here's my new baby! ...sent from my iPhone."
Dear overly enthusiastic friend,
Please excuse me for swearing like a truck driver when you slapped me on the back to say hello.
Dear teens about to do homework,
You should go on Facebook, someone liked your status. Oh, and update your Twitter too, you haven't done that since like yesterday! Don't forget to check your email though. Oh, and your AIM. Did I mention that YouTube has a hilarious new video?
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear KFC who says they don't serve chicken nuggets because there is no such thing as a nugget on a chicken's body.,
Please explain too me where the 'popcorn' is located on the chicken.
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