Dear Jobs I applied for,
Please think about getting back to me sooner. I found a better job while waiting, and 3 months is a dang long time to wait to hear that I wasn't accepted.
Sincerely, I hope you go out of business
Dear ex boyfriend ,
Acne cleared up, lost 25 lbs, and learning how to box.
Sincerely, your "fat and ugly" ex girlfriend you just whistled at
At least We Have Doodles
Dear visiting in-laws,
Please remember that there are latches on our toilet lids for three reasons: your very active, inquisitive grandchildren. When you leave the lids up, those latches are rendered completely ineffective.
Please Stop singing "Everyday I'm suffering."
Sincerely, It's "Everyday I'm shuffling!"
Please "If you don't have an iPhone, well, you don't have an iPhone."
Sincerely, Tautology Much?
Dear visting USS George Washington Sailor,
Please don't leave, you just got here.
Sincerely, the Australian girl you met in a Brisbane bar.
We like sandwiches too!
Please leash your dogs on walks. Your dog is small but wants to kill my large, leashed dog. If it gets here and bites her, it won't survive.
Sincerely, just because it's small doesn't make it safe
Dear men who use public restrooms,
Please learn to freakin aim
Sincerely, a part time employee sick of cleaning your pee off the floor
Dear guy friend,
Thank you for telling me that there's nothing wrong with being a strong woman, and not to let anyone tell me differently.
Sincerely, feeling more comfortable in my own skin
Thank you for thinking about me. I'm alive and doing fine.
Why does everyone bully me but leave comma, semi-colon, question mark, and exclamation point alone?
Please leave the diamonds to me
Sincerely, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star