Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Dad,
I didn't know you were serious when you said you'd show him the guns...
Dear Philosophy Professor,
Thank you for making me laugh during my midterm exam.
Dear dad,
Going up to my boyfriend with a fake CIA badge and a water gun is not exactly how I wanted y'all to meet
Dear little sister,
I told you not to feed your sick goldfish Advil.
Dear Harry Potter,
We have a colorless, odorless liquid that makes people tell the truth too. Except we don't call it Veritaserum, we call it Vodka.
Dear girls who think it's cool to take pictures in their bathroom,
Seeing your toilet is not attractive.
Dear Sea World,
What would you do if I showed up carrying a fishing pole?
Dear Guys,
What do you call guys who make jokes about women belonging in the kitchen?
Dear Harry,
Of course you can have my blessing for marrying Ginny, on one condition. First, you MUST tell me what the function of a rubber duck is. I've been dying to find out.
Dear little brother,
No matter how much jello you put in the pool, walking on water will never be possible.
Dear Razor,
Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?
Dear Doctor,
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Dear teachers,
When we accidentally fall asleep or are daydreaming in class, there is no need to point a nerf gun at us...
Dear toilet at friends house,
Please flush! Please flush!
Dear Girls,
We like you for your brains. Not your bodies.
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