Dear straight guys everywhere,
Please don't think that I'm into threesomes (with you or anyone else) just because I'm bisexual!
Sincerely, bisexual and proud
Dear 'Respect my opinions',
Your opinions degrade, humiliate and kill.
Sincerely, I won't respect hatred
I thought you could fly.
I've had so many of these published I'm starting to think they're all written either me or like one guy I hate.
Sincerely, Not the meta ones though
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
Sincerely, are you sure about that one?
Dear girl/boy who said they were embarrassed about not having a boyfriend at 15,
Please, don't even sweat it babe. I'm 17 and haven't had my first kiss yet.
Sincerely, you think you've been waiting alone?!
Please realize that when you say "due Friday", we hear "do Friday."
I filled out a job application for you and suddenly my inbox is being spammed like crazy. Seriously, how classless of you using job applications to get peoples' e-mails to sell to scam websites.
Sincerely, never going to Macy's again
Please tell me why you always complain your exhausted and then waste energy on stupid things we don't need?
Sincerely, Like growing weird little nipple hairs I pluck off anyway
Dear girl I like,
My finger slipped. I didn't mean to say "I think you're adora8ht895flhjdig759th02"
Sincerely, sneezed so hard, my head hit the keyboard
Dear high school boys,
Please stop trying to make me feel uncomfortable with your sexual conversations.
Sincerely, the innocent girl that doesn't need to know exactly how to give a blowjob the 'right' way...
I just realised 'mother of pearl' is called that because it comes from oyster shells. Literally the mother's of pearls.
Sincerely, Did everyone else already know?
Please explain why you have Charlie's old wand.
Sincerely, Why the hell did Charlie need a new wand when his old one still worked?
Dear underwire bra,
Please don't snap under pressure.