Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyAttack of the CuteGrouchy Rabbit
Dear rude and disgusting co-worker,
Please date the girl who insults and makes faces at you. She's crazy about you, and I saw you blush when she mocked your facial hair. I know you smile when she brushes against you.
Dear government providing benefits,
I am thankful for the unemployment benefit, and I guarantee you I'm not intending to scam you or just live on the benefit forever. I do want to be employed and independent. But I spent 5 years doing shitty (literally, even cleaning public toilets) jobs while studying, giving me the motivation to never do these jobs again. And when I cannot find a job in my field, I want to work jobs that can give me experience or promotions. I WILL NOT take a cleaning job, just because its the first job on offer. In fact, that will be my last resort.
Dear Local Psychologists,
Remember, someone had to take you on as a training student so you could get your degree and license. Start repaying the favor.
Dear boyfriend,
You asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said "just come spend time with me." Why am I not surprised that you texted asking to reschedule because of another of your friend's random parties?
Dear everyone (but particularly boys with girlfriends),
If your significant other sends you nudes, DONT EVER SHOW ANYONE ELSE. If someone is comfortable sending you pictures, you should not disrespect that trust and violate their privacy by showing anyone else. And if you post them on the Internet without their consent, then you are absolute scum and they deserve so much better than you.
Dear humans,
Why do we walk on two legs? We're wasting our arm muscles.
Dear classmate,
I undertand we are identical twins, and it's alright if you get us messed up. I understand, it's hard. But for the love of God please do not ask either of us how we tell ourselves apart.
Dear Classmates,
Please accept me for my Tourettes. I'm truly sorry if my tics make me seem rude and vulgar, but imitating me and laughing at me really isn't called for.
Dear Self-concious awkward Teenager,
Please understand that you are wonderful. Acne will go away, fake-friends will be found (and gotten rid of) and that person you like isn't an untouchable god. Love yourself, and love others more. Compliment people and help them, even the Aholes- sometimes they need it most. Someone loves you, open your eyes and believe them. Just 20 seconds of insane courage.
Dear best friend's parents,
Please don't call me asking for our boss's number and tell me it's because she's really sick and in the hospital then NOT TELL ME ANYTHING ELSE OR ANSWER ANY OF MY TEXTS OR CALLS! What hospital? What happened?
Dear Donald Trump,
Next time you go for a spray tan, take off the goggles
Dear classmate,
So according to you I'm racist because I don't like Indian food? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, I don't like curry or anything spicy?
Dear random boners,
Stop. Just stop.
Dear boys,
Please explain why it's considered gay to ask sexual questions to each other.
Dear ex best friend,
Please stop saying you did nothing wrong and sending your friends to attack me. You told my stalker ex everything and made out with him.