Above all else,I hope death was the only thing you faked.
Dear boy who opened the door for me,
I'm sorry that I didn't notice you and went through the other door. Thank you for chasing me down, dragging me back into the building with you and making me go through the door while you held it.
Sincerely, You made my life...and now I have a crush on you!
Has anyone considered that Waldo is dead?
Sincerely, he's been missing for who knows how long...
Please come home. We haven't seen you in weeks and you're off your medication. We never should have given you that monkey.
Sincerely, your worried parents
Dear guy cussing his friend out,
Let's return to the ways of Shakespeare, shall we?
Sincerely, thou art a gleeking, flap-mouthed cankerblossom!
You are just my oversized Sims game
Please stop the period jokes
Sincerely, You're ovary acting
Dear "I wasnt that drunk",
You were going around the bar, dipping your fingers in wine and then rubbing people's foreheads and saying "simba!"
Sincerely, yeah you were pretty drunk
Dear guy customer who's credit card got declined while buying condoms,
You got cock-blocked by Visa.
Sincerely, amused customer behind you.
Need an ark?
Sincerely, I Noah guy
We consider a field trip successful when no lives are lost and no lives are created.
Sincerely, the teachers that came back with a very young student
Dear makers of cherry medicine,
Have you ever tasted a damn cherry?
Sincerely, the world
Dear person who came up with hugs,
Was the very first hug really creepy?
Sincerely, It must have been like "What are you doing? Why are you holding me?" "Just trust me."
You're adorable, but please stop stepping on me while I'm lying down.
Sincerely, Ow! Not the boob!