Dear men who think women take a long time in the bathroom because they're doing/touching up hair/make-up/etc,
Good, just what we want you to think.
Sincerely, it's actually so you can't tell when we're taking a dump.
The other day, I had this CRAZY dream...
There can only be one.
Yep...You caught me...I'm actually a Wiccan.
Sincerely, it's just black nail polish.