Dear vending machines,
Sorry... I must have forgotten my clothes-iron at home. My bad!
Sincerely, just take the bill!
I see dead people.
Dear "I slept like a baby",
Please! I slept like a college kid on vacation!
Sincerely, how about that!
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.