Dear house/pet sitter,
Please explain the neighbor's complaints of loud swearing all night, loud music, and shouting. Apparently she didn't come talk to you because when she came during the day you were on the roof with your face painted and shouting, and you freaked her out. According to her boyfriend at night you ride my son's bike howling at the moon. On the bright side, the house is in one piece and the animals are happy.
Sincerely, I let you watch my children all the time?
Dear bodywash companies,
Why are your caps still on the top of the bottle? We've all learned about gravity by now.
Sincerely, I hope you don't take as long as ketchup
Dear 4 year old cousin,
Thank you for running up to me and giving me the biggest hug when you saw me.
Sincerely, it's nice to know that someone loves to see me that much
Dear people asking me how many fingers they're holding up,
Please stop. Just because I have my glasses off and everything is really blurry, doesn't mean I can't see how many damn fingers you're holding up.
Sincerely, sick of being asked