Dear male friend,
Thanks for being totally chill about lying on my stomach while we watched TV together. I would do it with any of my female friends, and it's nice to know that just because you're a different gender, you aren't automatically involved with my romantic/sex life.
Sincerely, a girl who's glad that friends can be friends
Dear assuming girl,
Please accept that there very well may be a million reasons that boy doesn't ask you out. Top of the list would be he's not attracted to you. Close second is you're arrogant enough to assume that you "know" that boy wants to ask you out. Why don't you give it a shot?
Sincerely, Stop the double standard
Dear mama and daddy,
What's that? You were thinking that tonight you wanted to practice making me a little sibling? Sounds like the perfect time to sleep between you. PERPENDICULARLY.
Sincerely, Your adorable little c*ckblocker who won't stay in his crib
Like mum, and nana, I am struggling with depression. And I don't know how to tell you. You've seen the scars on my friends arms, the ones I stayed up on the phone to all night, making sure it stopped at the scars, but just because mine are scar-free doesn't mean I escaped unscathed. Yes, I'm doing well at uni. Not as well as I could do, but so much of my energy is wasted just getting up in the morning. Blame it on partying, if it makes you feel better. But when it comes down to it I intentionally turn my room into a mess because, no matter how bad it gets, what dark turn my mind takes, it will never forget how much you hate mess. And as long as my room is a pigsty I can't do anything to myself. I can convince myself the world would be better off without me, but I can't convince myself you'd be able to deal with the squalor I call home. And so I stay alive for another day, another week, long enough to catch another upswing, no matter how brief. And I still don't know how to tell you.
Sincerely, There are friends who can tell at a glance. Why can't you?
We said no boy drama this year! We've had enough the other three years of high school! What are you doing?!?
Dear fellow crew member,
Please realize that you do not have authority to sit down the entire crew after a show and reprimand us for every little mistake. We are all on the same team, we'retudents, and this is college theatre, not a dictatorship. The world does not revolve around you, and I'm sick of having to mentally prepare myself for these "notes" so I don't burst into tears.
Sincerely, A fellow crew member who just wants everyone to respect each other.
Please go back about four months. I miss my summer adventures.
Sincerely, best summer ever
Dear Potty-Training Nephew,
If you have to go to the bathroom, please notify an adult... especially if you are going to be sitting on laps.
Sincerely, The Uncle Whose Pants You Also Peed...
Dear skinny girls,,
Just because I weigh 110 pounds and you weigh 85 doesn't mean I'm fat.
Sincerely, a 13 year old girl of average weight.
Dear River Song,
How come you made the Doctor, but you're married to him and the daughter of Amy and Rory?
Sincerely, Whovians everywhere
It is great that your brother/wife/roommate/blood donor works in a different store from this chain. That does not, and never will, entitle you to an employee discount here. Especially because you have nothing proving they actually do work there.
Sincerely, yes, I am calling you a liar. Also, you're an idiot.
Dear Guy Eating Doritos In Class,
Please stop. I like Doritos as much as the next guy but the moaning noise is a bit unnecessary.
Sincerely, Studious Notetaker
Dear girl I'm in love with,
Please stop being the most wonderful person I have ever met.
Sincerely, I'm really trying to get over you
Dear people who think you know me,
Sincerely, that's okay, I don't either