Dear Optimists and Pessimists,
The glass is always full: 50% liquid, 50% gas.
Sincerely, A Scientist
Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year,
Sorry, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Sincerely, who kept count?!
Dear Mother Nature,
I don't remember signing up for a subscription.
Sincerely, teenage girls
Dear U.S. Government,
You should change your emblem from an eagle to a condom, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives everyone a sense of security while you're being screwed.
Sincerely, It just doesn't get more accurate than that!
Please note that LOL does not mean "Lots of Love."
Sincerely, "Your dog just died, lol."
Dear people who use my computer,
You really should start logging out of Facebook.
Sincerely, surprise! You just came out of the closet.
Dear jocks who insist male ballet dancers are gay,
Oh yeah, guys who get to watch girls in spandex put their legs over their heads for hours on end MUST be homosexuals. At least they know how to say "well done" without touching each other's butts.
Sincerely, good work.
My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they're like, do you want to trade cards, and I'm like, yeah I want to trade cards, I can trade you, but not my Charizard.
Sincerely, nerd at heart.
Dear former high school bully,
I admit it, I did drive 10 miles out of my way to visit the gas station you work at.
Sincerely, rich and formerly bullied nerd.
It's so cold here, gangsters pull their pants up.
Dear airport security,
When I said my bag was about to explode, I meant it was packed very tightly.
Sincerely, freshly tasered.
Dear teenage couple on the subway,
Please wait until the zombie apocalypse to start eating each other's faces off.
Sincerely, little kid sitting next to you
Dear Bill Gates,
An Apple a day keeps the .doc away.
Sincerely, Steve Jobs.