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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear (360) 553-0049,
This should teach you to prank call me at 3am.
Dear Twilight fans,
Let's do some math! Harry Potter > Voldemort. Voldemort > Cedric Diggory. Cedric Diggory = Edward Cullen. Therefore, Harry Potter > Edward Cullen.
Dear Cat,
Sorry for hoisting you into the air whenever 'The Circle of Life' plays.
Dear Amish,
You shouldn't be reading this.
Dear Men,
If we have to have periods every month, you guys should be kicked in the balls once a month.
Dear MapQuest,
Please add an "avoid ghetto" option.
Dear God,
Please give us Heath Ledger back, we'll let you have Robert Pattinson.
Dear Americans,
We totally agree with you about illegal immigration. Please allow us to show you to the nearest airport.
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Dear Asians,
At least wear name tags or something.
Dear CatDog,
Please tell me how you poop. I have wondered for so long.
Dear People of the World,
I don't mean to sound slutty, but please use me whenever you want.
Dear people who complain about our generation,
Remember who raised us.
Dear Edward,
You're doing it wrong.
Dear Mr. Timberlake,
Sorry, you cannot bring sexy back without proof of purchase.
THIS IS PAGE 4
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