Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear male teacher,
Intercepting my note and reading it to the class out loud is going to embarass you more than it will me.
Dear Muslim who stubbed his toe,
Do you scream "Allah damnit!"
Dear spellcheck and autocorrect,
Where are you when we actually need you?!
Dear MTV,
I'm going to start my own TV network called RealityTV (RTV) and play nothing but music videos.
Dear baby,
You've kicked me, cracked my ribs, made me fat, given me Flinstone feet, made me vomit on numerous occasions, given me mood swings, made me tempermental towards everyone around me, and you've been putting me through 14 hours of hard, manual labour.
Dear jock in my history class,
Thank you for saying, "but I'm on my period!" when the teacher wouldn't let you go to the restroom.
Dear past self,
Moron.
Dear Flight Attendant,
Thank you for saying Wingardium Leviosa when the plane took off.
Dear older sister,
You changed all my contacts to Harry potter characters, didn't you?
Dear cooking instructions,
Please tell me that "golden brown" comes after blackened.
Dear cat,
Please do not look at me and purr while I am changing....
Dear tampon commercials,
My little sister got scared because her first period wasn't blue.
Dear olive oil,
You dirty whore.
Dear alarm clock,
I love to turn you off on a friday night.
Dear mother who claims I'm too old to be playing with my food,
You're the one who made dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner...
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