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Dear Microsoft Word,
That's a word, I swear!
Dear people wearing skin-colored clothing,
WHOOOOOAAAAA! .....oh wait.
Dear nurse who just asked what my method of birth control is,
Uh.... being a lesbian.
Dear gangster trying to run from a cop,
If your pants were not down to your knees maybe your escape would have been more successful.
Dear Kardashian clothing line,
What's your return policy? 72 days?
Dear rocket scientists,
What do you say instead of "it's not rocket science?"
Dear Harry Potter,
We have a colorless odorless liquid that makes people tell the truth too. Except we don't call it Veritaserum, we call it Vodka.
Dear Alice ,
Oh, so you drink a funny liquid on a random table and suddenly cats are talking to you?
Dear Mom,
I thought you were still at the store...
Dear math textbook,
Thanks for telling me that "an irrational number is one that isn't rational".
Dear people who want to hear a joke,
Arnold Schwartzenegger has a long one, Bruce Lee has a small one, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?
Dear mugger,
I've been a karate instructor for the past 63 years.
Dear Twilight,
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my amusement park.
Dear Australian female exchange student,
When you asked for a "rubber," I was so happy that you were talking about an eraser.
Dear Apple,
Please create an "Add to the Dictionary" feature for my iPod.
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