Dear Student Loans,
Thank you for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
Sincerely, College Kids Everywhere
Dear "curiosity killed the cat",
What the hell was your cat doing on mars?
Please, stop taking all of my moisturizer.
Sincerely, No Longer Moist
Dear Jack the Ripper,
We have the same middle name!
Sincerely, Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Winnie the Pooh.
We do walk on the left side of the hallway
Sincerely, The Brits
Dear Taylor Swift,
"I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue Than spend one more minute with you." THAT'S how you write a break-up song
Sincerely, Weird Al
Dear Manufacturers of scissors,
Why is it that your products come in plastic packages that can only be opened by... scissors!
Dear guys outside my house,
If you are going to ding dong ditch, make sure the person doesn't see you running away
Sincerely, not opening it
Dear Man on the Carousel,
That kid is my cousin, not my son
Sincerely, I'm only 15
Dear high school boys attempting to grow facial hair,
The hair grows in thicker after you've shaved a few times, I promise. This downy pedo-stache hanging off your lip is creepy.
Sincerely, your female classmate who's been shaving her legs since she was twelve
Dear clueless neighbor,
Please stop letting your dog poop in our yard, and I will stop lighting it on fire and leaving it on your doorstep.
Dear middle schoolers,
How on EARTH are some of you pregnant?
Sincerely, sixteen and never even held hands
Sincerely, a lone girl not wanting to turn into a crazy cat lady.
Dear Lady in the First Stall,
Please leave and try again later. I know you have to poop, but so do I. No amount of sniffling and shuffling is going to change the fact that I was here first. And I can wait.
Sincerely, Lady in the Last Stall