Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Sincerely, this is America!!!
Your complaints about the monster under your bed offend me.
Sincerely, your twin on the bottom bunk
Dear professional bakers,
If a redhead owned a bakery, would that make him a ginger bread man?
Sincerely, just wondering
Dear people who think women dress up to impress guys,,
If we dressed to impress guys we'd be naked.
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.
Sincerely, don't drink and derive.
Please we get it, we dress awesomely. What do you think we spent all that time in the closet doing anyway?
Sincerely, gay men
Please We have decided that, given the lack of brains, we will be delaying the apocalypse until further notice.
Dear Douchebag in the Check-Out line,
Please enjoy the extra small condoms I hid in your shopping cart. That really cute employee should be scanning them pretty soon now.
Sincerely, in 3.....2......1.......
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Sincerely, Mike Wazowski
Dear vending machine,
You're so homophobic
Sincerely, I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you
Dear "How would you like to die?",
I want to fall asleep peacefully, like my grandfather did.
Sincerely, not screaming in terror like his passengers...
Please tell my brain that it's one AM and I don't need to be making beat box rhythms to my husbands snoring.
Sincerely, tired wife who is easily amused
Dear silent classroom,
LET ME SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.
Dear "I wasn't that drunk!",
Please dude, you walked up to a semi-truck and whispered "I know your secret, Optimus Prime."
Sincerely, yes you were