Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Sincerely, no one likes a smart-aleck.
Dear wild cherry Pepsi,
Is there a domestic cherry Pepsi?
Sincerely, just wondering.
Wanna have a threesome?
Sincerely, the hydrogen twins.
Dear "I slept like a baby",
Please! I slept like a college kid on vacation!
Sincerely, how about that!
When is the iTampon coming out?
Deer spell check,
Eye don't trust ewe!
Sincerely, college stew dent.
Dear Rubik's Cube,
That was really easy! Oh wait...
Dear olive oil,
Sincerely, extra-virgin olive oil.
Giving me a 'Happy Father's Day' card is not funny!
Sincerely, almost had a heart attack.
Dear KFC who says they don't serve chicken nuggets because there is no such thing as a nugget on a chicken's body.,
Please explain too me where the 'popcorn' is located on the chicken.
Sincerely, confused commercial watcher.
Dear "Do you have a hall pass?",
I'm 24. Do I really look young enough to be in middle school?
Sincerely, just dropping off my cousin's homework.
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts.
A couple of planks of wood. Now stop asking me.
Thank you for shouting "WHATEVER!" whenever you get mad, even at inanimate objects. It has become tremendously humorous.
Sincerely, I especially enjoyed watching you spill that protein smoothie.