Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear insensitive husband,
You got me a scale for my birthday...? For yours, I'm getting you a ruler.
Dear robber in the house,
Well, this is awkward...
Dear grandma,
No, Hooters is not an "owl-themed" restaurant.
Dear three year old,
Please stop rhyming things with "duck."
Dear man trying to smoke on the airplane,
Yeah, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside if you want do that.
Dear 17 year old younger brother,
You're 3 inches taller than me, 100lbs heavier than me, and you play football... yes, I will go kill the large spider in your room, no, I will not tell everyone on Facebook.
Dear those in need of a new drinking game,
Get your hands on a copy of Twilight, then take a shot every time Bella uses the word 'perfect' to describe Edward's face, body, voice etc.
Dear Bella,
He sparkles, he can cook and he can't stand having sex with you... He's ours.
Dear Sodium,
We have a son, his name is Salt.
Dear everyone,
Who cares if the glass is half-full or half-empty? All I want to know is... are there free refills?
Dear person outside the bathroom stall,
Well hello to you too.
Dear scented markers,
I think my 4 year old is high...
Dear parents who hate my boyfriend,
When you heard me screaming "Die, you evil pig!" I wasn't breaking up with him, I was just playing Angry Birds.
Dear whoever thought motions sensor lights in a bathroom were a great idea,
They weren't.
Dear humans,
You know how your parents always said we're more afraid of you than you are of us? We're not.
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