Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to go down on you. And you're gonna love it. But it's only going to be long enough for you to start enjoying it, then I'm going to come back up and screw you, big time.
Sincerely, Fuel Prices
You turn me on so much, but whenever you do that you really push my buttons.
Dear guy walking down the street,
What do you and Macy's have in common?
Sincerely, your pants are half off.
Dear guy who discovered milk,
What were you doing to that cow, and why?!
Sincerely, and how awkward was it to explain it to the rest of the people?
Dear Forever Alone Guy,
If you are lonely, get a cat.
Sincerely, Crazy Cat Lady
Thanks. I didn't realise how empty my balcony was without your crap on it.
Please stop dressing me up in little outfits.
Sincerely, your cat
Dear Little Brother,
Please know that I love you unconditionally.
Sincerely, But the look on your face after I pelted you with flour this morning was priceless.
Dear people who say "suck my dick" when they're mad,
Why would you want someone you hate to suck your dick?
Sincerely, it never made sense to me
Gay means happy, queer means weird, and fag means cigarette.
Sincerely, so homosexuals are happy weird cigarettes!
Dear Fall Out Boy,
What did I do in the dark that your songs know about?
Dear elevator ,
Sincerely, very antisocial
Dear Nursery Rhymes,
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a daughter.
Dear guys of the world,
Do you not realize that a tailored suit is one of THE most attractive things you could wear?
Sincerely, that was the sound of my throwing my panties across the room