Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear homework,
I'd tell you to go "f" yourself, but I don't want you to asexually reproduce and give me even more work.
Dear automatic faucets,
Respond to my movement!
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
Dude, you were in my kitchen begging my sponge for the Krabby Patty formula.
Dear older brother who got a new computer,
Uhhhh.....you forgot to clear your history.
Dear water-proof sunblock,
Your label says "To remove, rinse with water."
Dear musicians,
Please stop putting sirens in your songs.
Dear Parents,
Yes, my room may cause me to trip on the way out if our house catches on fire, but it will also cause that serial rapist who is about to attack me to fall, thus alerting me he's there.
Dear sex ed teachers,
We aren't laughing because we're uncomfortable, we're laughing because the 17 year olds in the video seem extremely perplexed about puberty.
Dear iPhone,
"Armadillo" is not even close...
Dear polyjuice potion,
We call you tequila over here...
Dear mid-term paper,
How did you go from being due in a month, to being due in less than a week?
Dear Christmas stuff in stores,
WTF man!? It's not your turn yet!
Dear subconscious,
So I can't finish the good dreams, but the nightmares have sequels?
Dear Mom and Dad,
If I am ever kidnapped, missing, or killed, do NOT give the news my school picture to use.
Dear police officers,
You should yell "PIKACHUUUUU!" before tasing anyone.
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