Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear razor package that reads "warning: do not use during earthquake.",
OMG an earthquake! Better go shave my legs!
Dear Trojan condoms,
The Trojans have lost the war.
Dear ignorant mother,
I know this shirt makes me look gay... I found it while I was in the closet.
Dear 5 year old brother,
Someday you will understand that the cow was not giving the other cow a piggyback ride.
Dear world,
No, I am not going to shove my religion down your throat. I'm not going to ask for your money. I support your gay marriage and I love my muslim neighbours. I would like the same judge free accpetance, please.
Dear guy who broke into my car,
The laptop you stole? The power button's broken, the keyboard and the trackpad don't work, the USB ports are dead, and I removed the harddrive last week.
Dear Dunkin' Donuts,
Change your motto, America doesn't run.
Dear Mom,
That "I gave you life" crap doesn't cut it.
Dear girls who used to make fun of my weight,
When I dropped the pounds, I wasn't really expecting for you to pick them up.
Dear Angelina Jolie ,
You know you don't have to get a new kid as a souvenir every time you go on vacation, right?
Dear dad who read my text from my boyfriend,
Since when does "will you be my teddy bear?" equal having sex?
Dear girl who thinks I just checked her out,
I was just noticing how your bag and shoes don't match.
Dear co-workers having a high school romance,
Anyhing you send over your work email can and will be read (and possibly used against you)....but we thank you for the hours of entertainment.
Dear "I slept like a baby",
You've got nothing on me...
Dear Winnie the Pooh,
We have the same middle name!
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