Romeo and Juliet had sex, and then they DIED.
Sincerely, Coach Carr.
Made ya look.
Sincerely, push-up bra
Dear person who dropped their phone in water,
You should put it in rice. The rice will attract Asians and they will fix the problem.
Sincerely, you're welcome
Please stop calling Justin Bieber gay. We don't want him either.
You are sodium funny!
Dear girl who asked if I was dropped as a baby,
Yes, yes I was. Into a pool of sexy!
Sincerely, ...and out of a shopping cart
Dear modeling agency,
My selfie just got 34 likes. I'm ready to go pro.
Sincerely, white girls everywhere.
Dear Maple Tree,
I'll tap that.
Dear popular girls,
I would say some day you'll be working for me, but I'm not planning on buying Hooters...
Sincerely, nerdy girls
Please don't stop the sleigh so fast...
Sincerely, Randolph, the brown-nosed reindeer
The three-year-olds I babysit are better at compromising than you. Maybe you need a spanking!
Sincerely, the babysitter
Dear spam mail,
I appreciate the consideration, but please stop sending me offers to "enlarge my manhood".
Sincerely, a girl
Your job is to give me the tunaz, clean my bathroom, let me in and out as I wish, but do not dare touch me with your filthy paws!
Sincerely, cats everywhere
I swear that you weren't there yesterday
Sincerely, just got a bloody nose