Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Dear sister,
Your complaints about the monster under your bed offend me.
Dear professional bakers,
If a redhead owned a bakery, would that make him a ginger bread man?
Dear people who think women dress up to impress guys,,
If we dressed to impress guys we'd be naked.
Dear nerds,
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.
Dear everyone,
Please we get it, we dress awesomely. What do you think we spent all that time in the closet doing anyway?
Dear Humans,
Please We have decided that, given the lack of brains, we will be delaying the apocalypse until further notice.
Dear Douchebag in the Check-Out line,
Please enjoy the extra small condoms I hid in your shopping cart. That really cute employee should be scanning them pretty soon now.
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Dear vending machine,
You're so homophobic
Dear "How would you like to die?",
I want to fall asleep peacefully, like my grandfather did.
Dear time,
Please tell my brain that it's one AM and I don't need to be making beat box rhythms to my husbands snoring.
Dear silent classroom,
LET ME SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.
Dear "I wasn't that drunk!",
Please dude, you walked up to a semi-truck and whispered "I know your secret, Optimus Prime."
Dear public school kids,
...and you think your sex ed is awkward
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