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Dear Fox News,
What does the Fox Say?
Dear other melon,
I'm sorry I just can't run away with you and get married.
Dear People who wonder how I had mistaken a wolf for my grandmother,
Please don't underestimate how ugly my grandmother looked. But you are right, I should have realised, the wolf was an improvement more than anything.
Dear Chicken and the Egg,
Does it really matter who came first? Because I win anyway.
Dear spanish teacher,
I THROW MY SPANISH IN THE AIR SOMETIMES SAYIN' AYYYY OOOO NO COMPRENDO!
Dear Animal Planet,
Please stop recording us having sex on camera. We don't want to become famous like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. We value our privacy!
Dear "I told you I didnt have too many drinks last night! I drove us home!",
Please. I drove while you sat in the passenger seat, steering with a paper plate...
Dear Voldemort,
You should have put one of your Horcruxes into my ex-boyfriend's ego.
Dear plumbers,
Never be hot.
Dear human,
I will not apologize for being an asshole to you.
Dear lady,
You truly do have a sweet heart.
Dear Republicans,
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to here it, is it still Obama's fault?
Dear baby growing in my belly,
I love you more than life itself, but if you don't stop kicking the crap out of me, you're going to be grounded as soon as you come out.
Dear drunk man,
You drive me crazy!
Dear fridge,
We're cool.
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