Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Dear professional bakers,
If a redhead owned a bakery, would that make him a ginger bread man?
Dear nerds,
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.
Dear people who think women dress up to impress guys,,
If we dressed to impress guys we'd be naked.
Dear sister,
Your complaints about the monster under your bed offend me.
Dear everyone,
Please we get it, we dress awesomely. What do you think we spent all that time in the closet doing anyway?
Dear Douchebag in the Check-Out line,
Please enjoy the extra small condoms I hid in your shopping cart. That really cute employee should be scanning them pretty soon now.
Dear Humans,
Please We have decided that, given the lack of brains, we will be delaying the apocalypse until further notice.
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Dear vending machine,
You're so homophobic
Dear time,
Please tell my brain that it's one AM and I don't need to be making beat box rhythms to my husbands snoring.
Dear school,
I decided to start a petition for the right to wear tanktops in schools
Dear "How would you like to die?",
I want to fall asleep peacefully, like my grandfather did.
Dear "I wasn't that drunk!",
Please dude, you walked up to a semi-truck and whispered "I know your secret, Optimus Prime."
Dear silent classroom,
LET ME SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.
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