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Dear "big boobs don't count if you're fat",
Big dicks don't count if you are one.
Dear advice givers,
Please stop telling me to imagine everyone in the audience naked when I'm nervous about making a speech. That just makes me horny and is not helpful.
Dear icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Dear Hogwarts,
Please tell me, do you really have 1000 year old plumbing?
Dear Math Textbooks,
Stop trying so hard to be multicultural. Every problem does not have to be about "Mohammed, Jose, and JaQuonn". We promise we wont be offended if you use Bob Joe and Steve instead.
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
They're horny?...
Dear Billy Goats Gruff,
You would sell out your own brother just to get across a stupid bridge? Man... that's cold. I don't even want to eat you anymore. I'm... I'm going to go think about stuff...
Dear PB and J,
Wanna have a threesome?
Dear lecturer,
That laughter was because you made an excellent pun and you never realised it. We did and found it amusing.
Dear Cat,
Please never learn to talk.
Dear world,
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Dear Bra,
Not today!
Dear women's bathing suit manufacturers,
Please start sewing the top "padding" thing in to place or at the very least make it easier to adjust.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Why did you give everyone from the Battle of Hogwarts and automatic pass? Was it just so you didn't have to write that final year book?
Dear those who are planning on participating in Kick a Ginger Day,
Think about it, do you really wanna piss us off?
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