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Dear parents,
I'm so sorry, but I need to get this off my chest. I was home alone with my boyfriend, and, well...I disobeyed you. I know you've told me time and time again to never do it, and you always tell me how wrong it is, but we couldn't resist. We had everything we needed. And, it wasn't my first time, either. ...the taste in your mouth is something you'll never forget. I can assure you though, it won't affect my health. I feel terrible for going against your rules, but I can't promise that it won't happen again.
Dear texters,
Oh dude, you accidentally typed the word "helping," but I can see that you obviously meant to type "humping." Don't worry, bro. I fixed it for you.
Dear Stephanie Meyer,
If Edward can't control himself when he smells Bella's blood, how does he handle it when she's on her period?
Dear Dad who asked us to buy him two light sabers for Christmas,
You totally made our day when you said it was so you could duel with any guy we brought home to meet you.
Dear older brother,
Please don't tell my hot date you have a shotgun, shovel, and 200 acres.
Dear Diet Coke,
I feel like you are overreacting.
Dear Axe body spray,
Please consider a suggested serving size on your bottles.
Dear World,
If a red head works at a bakery, does that make him a Ginger Bread Man?
Dear Walt Disney,
I wish you could come back from the dead, and see what's become of your channel...
Dear college student,
I saw everything.
Dear military dad,
Thank you for teaching me to "leave no trace." It worked out in my benefit.
Dear moron who threatened me with a knife,
You might have noticed my "nice butt" but you totally missed my 120 pound Rottweilers.
Dear person who overheard me,
I swear I was talking about my book!
Dear white cat,
GET OFF! GET OFF!
Dear automatic toilet,
I wasn't done!
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