Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
Your name is my name too.
Dear School,
Please salt your sidewalks.
Dear awkward silences,
...fat penguin...
Dear mom who just screwed up my medical form,
So I have asthma bronchitis cancer and I'm pregnant?
Dear regular people,
Ok, you caught us. We've already invented a flying car. However, we are waiting to release it until you can handle driving on the ground.
Dear PETA,
I agree. Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Dear Math Textbook,
"Bob, Horacio, LaQuasha, and Sazuki went to the store...".
Dear male hikers,
While you are still arguing over who gets to put their tent the flat spot, the only girl in the group has set up her tent, cooked her dinner, and is eating it by the fire she built.
Dear guys who post pictures of themselves posing in the bathrooms with their abs,
If you're gonna do that, you might want to get rid of the power rangers towel behind you.
Dear boy from my drama club,
You're smart, funny, talented, good-looking, an extremely nice person, and you're single.
Dear Nasa,
Is a Dwarf still a human? That's what I thought.
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Dear boyfriends,,
Only we are supposed to hook up behind your girlfriend's back.
Dear Ministry of Magic,
If your employees flush themselves to work, what happens if someone actually uses the toilet?
Dear 'I wasn't that drunk!',
Dude, when the intercom came on in the supermarket you fell on your knees yelling, 'God has spoken.'
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