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THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Avengers,
Please let Hawkeye do more things in your group. He's feeling left out and unwanted. I know he isn't very useful, but if you could pretend he saved you that would be great.
Dear mama and daddy,
What's that? You were thinking that tonight you wanted to practice making me a little sibling? Sounds like the perfect time to sleep between you. PERPENDICULARLY.
Dear people,
Please stop attacking me with your faces. It hurts.
Dear "pick up to closest book and turn to page 45 to describe your sex life",
'All done in the name of your protection, to prevent You-Know-Who getting in at you.'
Dear dinosaurs ,
You're it
Dear washer,
You make me wet.
Dear autocorrect,
Go to he'll.
Dear Boss,
Remember when you told me one of the paths to success was dressing for the job you want, not the one you have? You'll be glad to know I'm taking that advice to heart.
Dear Sister,
Saying "You're the ugliest person I know." really doesn't work with you.
Dear person who invented the high five,
What did the other person do when you spontaneously decided to slap hands?
Dear world,
Can't touch this.
Dear slutty girls,
Do you have nightmares about going to school fully dressed?
Dear book I lost,
Marco
Dear tangent functions,
Don't cross me. I'm warning you!
Dear Calculus,
Please find the derivative of this....
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