Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Dear "I get 10 times more girls than you",
10 x 0 = 0.
Dear God,
Should I say grace for my leftovers?
Dear teenagers,
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
Dear wild cherry Pepsi,
Is there a domestic cherry Pepsi?
Dear oxygen,
Wanna have a threesome?
Dear musicians,
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Dear essay,
I only like you for your body.
Dear couple in the apartment above,
Thank you for the constant reminder that I'm not getting laid.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Dear Apple,
When is the iTampon coming out?
Deer spell check,
Eye don't trust ewe!
Dear world,
Do not assume the automatic doors at 'Target' are tuned in to your exact walking speed.
Dear Rubik's Cube,
That was really easy! Oh wait...
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
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