Dear substitute teacher,
Thank you for saying "There are only 2 reasons why your hands would be under your desk like that, and neither of those are allowed in school," to the kid texting in class.
Sincerely, you just made my day.
Dear sleeping pills,
"May cause drowsiness."
Sincerely, well I certainly hope so.
You think that your kind gets a lot of divorces, you should check out our divorce rates.
Sincerely, sheltered private schooled kid.
Dear multiple choice test,
...Why are the first eleven answers B?
Sincerely, FREAKING OUT.
Dear "popular" girls at my school,
You know you sweat during gym right?
Sincerely, You're fake tan is coming off in droplets.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
No! I'm not lying!! MY TOYS MADE 3 MOVIES!!! I'M NOT CRAZY!! They walk and talk and--what are you doing?! Don't lock me in a padded room!! I'M NOT CRAZY!!
Dear Edward Scissorhands,
Stop being so predictable!
Sincerely, rock, rock, rock, rock...
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
Your name is my name too!
Sincerely, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
Dear makers of cherry flavored medicine,
Have you ever tasted a cherry?
Sincerely, the world.
Don't have sex; you will get pregnant, and die.
Sincerely, Coach Carr.
What do you get when a reptile swallows a GPS?
Sincerely, a navi-gator.
Stop asking us for advice. We really can't tell you if he loves you or not.
Sincerely, flowers reproduce asexually.