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Dear "nice" guys who finish last,
Well, at least you finished
Dear World,
Just because I am American, it does not mean I am fat, stupid, gun-toting, racist, homophobic, or generally ignorant. Please don't hate me for my country's stereotypes.
Dear Girl I am in love with.,
I have raging diarrhea right now.
Dear cats,
Please get your butt out of my face.
Dear Netflix,
Please stop suggesting that I should watch Human Centipede. If I wanted to watch someone eating crap I'd go to McDonald's.
Dear Cupcakes,
The fact that you cover yourselves with icing really says something about your self-esteem.
Dear Mom,
If you want me to clean my room, fine. Just don't look in my closet later.
Dear tongue twisters,
My small business has bloomed because of you. Thanks for the publicity
Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Dear Three Year Old Brother,
You can't tell me where to hide in a game of hide-and-go-seek especially when you are the seeker.
Dear Life,
I could use some lemons right now. I'm want to bake a cake.
Dear liver,
Please forgive me for last night
Dear users of this fine website,
Please understand that, as a moderator, I allow certain posts through that are incredibly stupid or nonsensical at times. Why? Because I can't wait to see what the comments section for those posts will look like.
Dear guy in the library,
Please stay the same. Thanks for screaming "Oh no! Dobby's closed the platform! However will we get back to Hogwarts?" when i accidentally ran head first into a wall
Dear Darth Vader,
That's what happens when you smoke...
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