Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Sincerely, no one likes a smart-aleck.
Dear "I get 10 times more girls than you",
10 x 0 = 0.
Should I say grace for my leftovers?
Sincerely, I don't want to bother you with the same food again...
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
Dear wild cherry Pepsi,
Is there a domestic cherry Pepsi?
Sincerely, just wondering.
Wanna have a threesome?
Sincerely, the hydrogen twins.
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Sincerely, just slammed on my brakes looking for the cop.
I only like you for your body.
Sincerely, English teachers.
Dear couple in the apartment above,
Thank you for the constant reminder that I'm not getting laid.
Sincerely, these walls are paper thin.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Sincerely, some things should be taken literally.
When is the iTampon coming out?
Deer spell check,
Eye don't trust ewe!
Sincerely, college stew dent.
Do not assume the automatic doors at 'Target' are tuned in to your exact walking speed.
Dear Rubik's Cube,
That was really easy! Oh wait...