Dear Student Loans,
Thank you for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
Sincerely, College Kids Everywhere
Dear "curiosity killed the cat",
What the hell was your cat doing on mars?
Dear Jack the Ripper,
We have the same middle name!
Sincerely, Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Winnie the Pooh.
We do walk on the left side of the hallway
Sincerely, The Brits
Dear Taylor Swift,
"I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue Than spend one more minute with you." THAT'S how you write a break-up song
Sincerely, Weird Al
Dear Manufacturers of scissors,
Why is it that your products come in plastic packages that can only be opened by... scissors!
Dear guys outside my house,
If you are going to ding dong ditch, make sure the person doesn't see you running away
Sincerely, not opening it
Dear clueless neighbor,
Please stop letting your dog poop in our yard, and I will stop lighting it on fire and leaving it on your doorstep.
Dear idiotic guy,
"Ask me if I'm PMSing one more time, and I'll bleed all over you!"
Sincerely, PMSing indeed - and you're face was priceless!
Dear barn cat/feline Hitler,
I appreciate your killer instincts, but my doorstep is not the best place for your critter genocide mass-grave. Try the other SEVERAL ACRES AROUND US
Sincerely, slightly shocked/impressed/terrified by how much you kill and wondering if I'm next
Dear Lady in the First Stall,
Please leave and try again later. I know you have to poop, but so do I. No amount of sniffling and shuffling is going to change the fact that I was here first. And I can wait.
Sincerely, Lady in the Last Stall
Dear middle schoolers,
How on EARTH are some of you pregnant?
Sincerely, sixteen and never even held hands
Dear Donald Trump,
Please note that putting a wall on the US's southern border would be expensive (Mexico ain't stupid enough to pay for that), and accomplish nothing.
Sincerely, The Wall of China- which the Mongols went AROUND
Dear oncoming cars,
Wouldn't it be a shame if, instead of running back into safety, I ran out on the road very suddenly at the last second?