Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear substitute teacher,
Thank you for saying "There are only 2 reasons why your hands would be under your desk like that, and neither of those are allowed in school," to the kid texting in class.
Dear sleeping pills,
"May cause drowsiness."
Dear humans,
You think that your kind gets a lot of divorces, you should check out our divorce rates.
Dear urbandictionary.com,
Ohhhhhhh.
Dear multiple choice test,
...Why are the first eleven answers B?
Dear "popular" girls at my school,
You know you sweat during gym right?
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
Dear therapist,
No! I'm not lying!! MY TOYS MADE 3 MOVIES!!! I'M NOT CRAZY!! They walk and talk and--what are you doing?! Don't lock me in a padded room!! I'M NOT CRAZY!!
Dear Edward Scissorhands,
Stop being so predictable!
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
Your name is my name too!
Dear makers of cherry flavored medicine,
Have you ever tasted a cherry?
Dear teenagers,
Don't have sex; you will get pregnant, and die.
Dear world,
What do you get when a reptile swallows a GPS?
Dear girls,
Stop asking us for advice. We really can't tell you if he loves you or not.
Dear guy who just called me a lesbian,
Yes I am.
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