Dear pinky toe,
I'd tap that.
Sincerely, coffee table
Do you get car insurance or life insurance?
Sincerely, always wondered
Dear People who wonder how I had mistaken a wolf for my grandmother,
Please don't underestimate how ugly my grandmother looked. But you are right, I should have realised, the wolf was an improvement more than anything.
Sincerely, Red Riding Hood
Dear "I told you I didnt have too many drinks last night! I drove us home!",
Please. I drove while you sat in the passenger seat, steering with a paper plate...
Sincerely, You also thought you were driving a spaceship.
Dear Chicken and the Egg,
Does it really matter who came first? Because I win anyway.
Sincerely, The frying pan.
You truly do have a sweet heart.
Dear drunk man,
You drive me crazy!
Dear baby growing in my belly,
I love you more than life itself, but if you don't stop kicking the crap out of me, you're going to be grounded as soon as you come out.
Sincerely, how are you kicking my ribs AND my bladder at the same time?!
Dear human body,
I really hate when I take a fresh shower, then have to take a crap as soon as I'm done showering. I just washed my butt, now I have to dirty it up again. Ugh!!!
Sincerely, I know its TMI but so what!
Dear windshield wipers,
Can't touch this
Sincerely, that little triangle
Dear arm I slept on,
I CAN'T FEEL YOU. YOU'VE GONE NUMB. THIS IS THE DAY THEY'LL HAVE TO AMPUTATE.
Sincerely, every other night
I will not apologize for being an asshole to you.
You should have put one of your Horcruxes into my ex-boyfriend's ego.
Sincerely, It is freakin' indestructible!