Girl that left me for my own brother.,
I hope you know he's a douche that kills living things and takes gold. He also takes down flags and puts up his own.
Dear toddler son,
Yes, hello, AGAIN. No, mommy still does not have a penis. If I did, you wouldn't be here. Please go build a block tower and let me have two minutes to shower.
Sincerely, Forgot to lock the door
Dear fellow Earthlings,
Chuck Norris is too overrated. If he's really so awesome, he would show up at my house and slam my face onto the keyboahg7w vctydwscto87kdjsh370dffssssssssssss
Sincerely, Convinced Citizen.
Dear American girls,
Why did you have to use "Aunt Flo" as a euphemism for your period?
Sincerely, a girl whose favourite aunt is called Flo.
Please vote for me. I AM the lesser evil this time!
Please put the u back in colour. You're tearing this family apart.
Dear Mr. Trump,
It is possible to kill two birds with one stone. Please take that mutated beaver pelt off your head and insert it firmly in your mouth.
So come on and let me know...SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
Sincerely, Great Britain
There's room on my lap for you or my laptop, but not both. And to be fair, my laptop didn't steal my just-cooked dinner off the kitchen counter.
Sincerely, The Owner that Will Cuddle with You Anyways
Dear Mr. Alarm Clock,
I understand that you do not enjoy the relationship Bed & I have, but if you really are bothered by it, maybe you should find a morning person who would appreciate your attention. It's not you, it's me. I can't stop loving Bed.
Dear health product companies,
Please consider using more distinctive package designs. The anti-itch cream tube looks a lot like the toothpaste tube, and I'd already taken off my glasses to wash my face.
Sincerely, Blecchhh! Ptooey!
Since my two of my closest friends are dating now, can you get all the other couples I'm sure will get together at some point, you know, get together sooner? I'd like to place some bets.
Sincerely, at least then I'll be a rich third wheel
Dear little brother,
Next time you lose a bet and have to do the laundry, please PLEASE ask Mum how to work the machine first! I still don't know why you thought putting reds in with whites was a good idea.
Sincerely, thanks for my new pink shirts.
Dear Zoom Tan Ad,
I am not a cinnamon roll, a cookie cake, or any other sort of baked good. There is no need for me to be tan and tasty.
Sincerely, Pale, Pasty and Proud