SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear pinky toe,
I'd tap that.
Dear Transformers,
Do you get car insurance or life insurance?
Dear People who wonder how I had mistaken a wolf for my grandmother,
Please don't underestimate how ugly my grandmother looked. But you are right, I should have realised, the wolf was an improvement more than anything.
Dear "I told you I didnt have too many drinks last night! I drove us home!",
Please. I drove while you sat in the passenger seat, steering with a paper plate...
Dear Chicken and the Egg,
Does it really matter who came first? Because I win anyway.
Dear lady,
You truly do have a sweet heart.
Dear drunk man,
You drive me crazy!
Dear baby growing in my belly,
I love you more than life itself, but if you don't stop kicking the crap out of me, you're going to be grounded as soon as you come out.
Dear fridge,
We're cool.
Dear human body,
I really hate when I take a fresh shower, then have to take a crap as soon as I'm done showering. I just washed my butt, now I have to dirty it up again. Ugh!!!
Dear windshield wipers,
Can't touch this
Dear arm I slept on,
I CAN'T FEEL YOU. YOU'VE GONE NUMB. THIS IS THE DAY THEY'LL HAVE TO AMPUTATE.
Dear human,
I will not apologize for being an asshole to you.
Dear Voldemort,
You should have put one of your Horcruxes into my ex-boyfriend's ego.
Dear surround sound,
Please don't use a lion's roar as your test track.
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