Please let Hawkeye do more things in your group. He's feeling left out and unwanted. I know he isn't very useful, but if you could pretend he saved you that would be great.
Sincerely, Hawkeye's concerned mother.
Dear mama and daddy,
What's that? You were thinking that tonight you wanted to practice making me a little sibling? Sounds like the perfect time to sleep between you. PERPENDICULARLY.
Sincerely, Your adorable little c*ckblocker who won't stay in his crib
Please stop attacking me with your faces. It hurts.
Sincerely, the floor
Dear "pick up to closest book and turn to page 45 to describe your sex life",
'All done in the name of your protection, to prevent You-Know-Who getting in at you.'
Sincerely, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Dear dinosaurs ,
You make me wet.
Go to he'll.
Sincerely, frustrated iPhone users.
Remember when you told me one of the paths to success was dressing for the job you want, not the one you have? You'll be glad to know I'm taking that advice to heart.
Sincerely, Wearing my Batman costume to the next staff meeting.
Saying "You're the ugliest person I know." really doesn't work with you.
Sincerely, your identical twin sister
Dear person who invented the high five,
What did the other person do when you spontaneously decided to slap hands?
Sincerely, "Woah...what was that." "I don't know, it just... Felt right"
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, absolute zero
Dear slutty girls,
Do you have nightmares about going to school fully dressed?
Dear book I lost,
Sincerely, I need to return you to the library
Dear tangent functions,
Don't cross me. I'm warning you!
Sincerely, vertical asymptotes