Dear science nerds,
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs. What does the bartender say?
Sincerely, for you, no charge!
Dear human body,
I really hate when I take a fresh shower, then have to take a crap as soon as I'm done showering. I just washed my butt, now I have to dirty it up again. Ugh!!!
Sincerely, I know its TMI but so what!
Dear windshield wipers,
Can't touch this
Sincerely, that little triangle
Dear surround sound,
Please don't use a lion's roar as your test track.
Sincerely, just screamed and spilled my popcorn everywhere.
Dear arm I slept on,
I CAN'T FEEL YOU. YOU'VE GONE NUMB. THIS IS THE DAY THEY'LL HAVE TO AMPUTATE.
Sincerely, every other night
I haven't heard from you in a while.
Sincerely, Deaf man
Dear Girl who says nobody supports me,
Sincerely, Your bra
You humans do realise you are omnivores [can survive on a herbivore diet] and I'M a carnivore, right? WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME FOR THE THREE LITTLE PIGS?! Isn't one of the most overrated food obsession on the internet BACON? THE THING THAT COMES FROM PIGS? Hypocrital assholes. Of course, this doesn't count the humans who don't eat pigs. You continue hating me, I can understand that.
Sincerely, The Big Bad Wolf
Dear toilet paper,
Please stop complaining that you have the worst job. I don't want to argue with you about this anymore.
Dear North Korea,
I meant put the take-out in the microwave when i said to nuke the Chinese.
Sincerely, Kim Jong Un
I am so dumb,
When my doctor told me my tumor was "B9" I thought she was talking about the size of it...lol I now know she meant it wasn't cancerous.
Sincerely, Benign not b9, silly goose
Dear automatic flushing toilet,
I appreciate the enthusiasm, but........
Sincerely, I wasn't done yet!!!!
Was it awkward when Andy was getting dressed?
Sincerely, Just curious