Dear girl that said no one likes kissing a guy with a beard,
Please realise that you don't like kissing a guy with a beard. I, on the other hand, find it very sexy....Very, very sexy.
Sincerely, Oh, great, you made me horny.
Dear Physics Teacher,
Please understand that when you point at me and the guy next to me then me and a guy across the room and say "These two bodies have a greater attraction to each other than these two bodies." NO ONE is thinking about physics.
Sincerely, Your Exasperated Female Student
Dear School Architects,
Please don't design the two buildings on campus to be exact replicas of each other, but then have the men's and women's bathrooms switch sides in the hallway.
Sincerely, I swear I did not walk in there on purpose
Dear shaving commercials,
Stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress us, shave a gorilla.
Sincerely, unimpressed viewers
Dear cool people,
They didn't name a candy after you, now did they
Please stop coming out of me when I sneeze
Sincerely, I have to go to the bathroom be right back
How do you spell candy with only two letters?
Sincerely, c and y.
Please wipe the toilet seat after you pee all over it. I'd hate to keep wiping it off with the towels you use after you shower.
Sincerely, your only roommate with a pee-free towel
Please let me open you without feeling like I am opening a joke can with a snake inside.
Sincerely, guy with Altoids everywhere but in his mouth.
Dear Gilderoy Lockhart,
You are being forced to a hearing on February 26th for writing a book about sparkling vampires. This is very uncalled for and the Ministry of Magic will not stand for it!
Sincerely, The Ministry of Magic
Dear Girl Scouts of America,
Please reconsider and make an exception to your "we don't sell cookies outside of adult-oriented stores" rule just this once. It just makes so much sense.
Sincerely, a Colorado marijuana dispensary
I give up. You can have Peach. It's been 30 years and I'm tired.
Please extend wabbit season.
Sincerely, Elmer Fudd
Please realize when I hired that guy to serenade you for me because I can't sing worth crap I didn't mean for you guys to fall in love and start dating, I mean come on! I was there too! I was holding flowers and everything!
Sincerely, waste of 50 bucks...