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Dear student,
Please stop procrastinating
Dear Baby,
Please EXIT! I can't take being THIS pregnant anymore!
Dear Cat,
Please stop wanting attention when I am sleeping. Or using the restroom. Or eating. I give you attention when I am not doing any of these things and you reject me. Why?
Dear teacher out on maternity leave,
Please don't come back.
Dear sister,
I'm glad your new husband shares your love of Egyptology, and I don't mind your having an Ancient Egypt-themed reception, but WHY did you have to have it in a marquee on the coldest, rainiest day of the year so far for it?
Dear Vegans,
Please eat a snickers. You get really forceful and arrogant about your worldviews and personal choices when you're hungry. If you really want to win people over to your side then try being persuasive and convincing, not insulting and hostile.
Dear marshmallows,
You complete me.
Dear Aunt Flo,
I know how much you greatly enjoy your monthly visits. They're definitely.....well, um, a treat. And the usual 7 day visit is fine and expected. However, I feel your decision to stay 11 days and maybe longer is a little extensive and I would appreciate some time to myself once again. So to put it frankly, I can't stand you. Now go away!
Dear guys at the supermarket,
I realize my coat covers everything until my mid thighs. Also, I heard your disappointed sighs when I bent over and you saw me wearing hotpants.
Dear AP Tests,
I can barely motivate myself to study for 1 of you. How am I supposed to study for 6 next year?
Dear traffic lights,
Oh, you're changing to orange just as I'm arriving? That's really original. I wasn't expecting that at all.
Dear family,
Yes, I'm asexual. Yes, I have children. No, I've never had sex. No, divine intervention was not necessary.
Dear undergraduates,
You all know you have to turn your homework in through a plagiarism checker. We went over proper citations. You signed a pledge saying you wouldn't plagiarize. Why on earth are any of you still plagiarizing?
Dear friend,
So you don't drink coffee to avoid addiction? You do realise that only the caffeine is addictive, right? Caffiene addiction is not harmful. And your energy drinks have over double the amount of caffeine as a standard cup of coffee
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