Dear Long Skirts,
Sincerely, haven't shaved in a week
You know carrots giving you night vision is a lie made by Americans in the Second World War so the Germans didn't know they had radars, right?
How is it possible that you can "smell death"?
Sincerely, thought you didn't have a nose!
Dear skin-colored band-aids,
Nobody's skin is that color. Not even white people.
I'm not interested in going anywhere with you.
Sincerely, A Grain of Salt
Please stop cooking my flesh. I kind of need that, and it doesn't even taste good.
Sincerely, The blister, peeling, limping, "lobster" girl.
Dear college professors,
Please think before assigning your senior level class a 7 page paper that is due 2 weeks before we graduate. We really don't care any more.
Sincerely, I have senioritis so have fun reading my shitty paper.
Dear high school,
I am a pro..............
WEll, it only took you three weeks, but you finally settled on a proper clean-up schedule. And, suprise, suprise, it is the exact schedule we were using before you came here. Glad to see you can be trained.
Sincerely, maybe listen to your employees, eh?
I'm the reason anybody actually likes you.
Why does everyone bully me but leave comma, semi-colon, question mark, and exclamation point alone?
Please leave the diamonds to me
Sincerely, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Dear girls complaining about cramps,
It's ok. I'm here for you.
Dear person saying "I can't even do that sober" to a cop,
You just admitted you weren't sober...
Sincerely, see what the state did there?