Dear no thirteenth floor,
Please explain why you skip straight from twelve to fourteen. What makes you so sure that whatever makes thirteen unlucky can read numbers but can't count?
Dear muggle friends,
Please stop giving me socks for gifts. Seriously, I'm wearing a rag and a shirt and need decent clothing.
Sincerely, Dobby, the already very free house elf.
Dear women afraid of blood,
How is that even possible?
Sincerely, confused woman
Please stop liking things that I don't like and doing things I don't do. That'd be great 'k?
Sincerely, Everyone Else.
Thanks for giving me the illusion that I'm going to do something with my day.
Sincerely, A 'Productive' Teen
After eating half a pack of gummy vitamins I think I've worked out why they make medicines taste so bad.
Sincerely, Can you overdose on Vitamin C?
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Sincerely, I mean every word I ever say because I'm Harry Potter
Dear People Who Don't Mind Hearing A Bad Joke,
Just think that Jack and Rose fell in love with each other on the Titanic. Let that sink in.
Sincerely, BA DUM, TSS
Dear random guy,
I see your reflection in the window, stop staring at my ass.
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like homosexual people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Sincerely, A "heterophobic" gay
I don't think you are.
Did you ever hear the Churchill ordered a plstypus in the middle of WWII to raise moral?
Sincerely, This is why wevwon the war.
I would love to provide you with a backup phone number but alas, I have only have one phone.
Sincerely, please stop asking me about
You're kidding, right?
Sincerely, I mean... really?