Please know that Australians all have spider stories. Like the huntsman under the car door-handle, or the one that dropped from the ceiling in the shower, or the one hidden under the sun visor.
Sincerely, is this unique to Australians?
Please explain to me why we are turning mobile phones into tablets and tablets into laptops
Sincerely, i thought the idea of a mobile was for it to be small...
Dear Donald Trump,
Please note that putting a wall on the US's southern border would be expensive (Mexico ain't stupid enough to pay for that), and accomplish nothing.
Sincerely, The Wall of China- which the Mongols went AROUND
Please convert to Potterism. We have cauldron cakes.
Sincerely, a Potterhead
Dear oncoming cars,
Wouldn't it be a shame if, instead of running back into safety, I ran out on the road very suddenly at the last second?
I'm not modest, I just wasn't expecting you to suddenly open the front of my hospital gown without any warning.
Sincerely, are EKGs supposed to be this ackward?
Dear room mates,
Please make sure I can't hear you before you talk shit about me.
Sincerely, Though, your reactions when I replied were hilarious.
(insert whatever you don't have the courage to say to their face, because that's all I ever see on this site anymore so it's getting really boring)
Sincerely, your (occasionally loving) boyfriend/girlfriend
Dear Algedra students complaining about mixing numbers and letters.,
Just wait until they throw in Greek letters too!
Sincerely, a Pre-Calculus student
Dear music store customers,
If you want to try out a guitar, feel free to ask and our staff will be happy to help you out. But please, no Stairway to Heaven, Nothing Else Matters, Smoke on the Water, Iron Man, Sweet Child O Mine, Crazy Train, Back in Black or any other ridiculously overplayed riffs and licks.
Sincerely, the owner who has come to hate these riffs now
Dear Giant Spiders,
Please realize that I am perfectly ok with you when you're outside. I'm even ok when you're sitting right outside my front door. But if you come into my apartment, I will squish you. So just stay outside.
Sincerely, Trying to be reasonable
Dear Girl that asked if the British won the Civil War,
Please take the time to read a book about the men who fought to uphold the Union.
Sincerely, REALLY? Your concerned classmate.
Dear Night shift customers,
Please remember that we are a grocery store, not a bank. We don't carry more then $200 in the till for obvious security reasons.
Sincerely, the ATM machine is right there idiot.
Dear Friends and Family,
Please understand that how much I spend on your gifts is in no way a reflection on how much I love you.
Sincerely, Super Couponers.