Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear people who say "money doesn't grow on trees",
Then why do banks have branches!?
Dear mom,
When you see me going to the bathroom at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning, please do not assume i woke up early.
Dear guy who just asked how I like my eggs in the morning,
Unfertilized.
Dear government,
The day pigs fly, a lot of crap is going to go down.
Dear cereal,
I'm hotter than you.
Dear Science teacher,
Squids have eight tentacles, not testicles...
Dear Pinochio,
So all I have to do is lie?
Dear nurses assisting on my operation,
I told you it was "that time of month" so you could help me get to the bathroom after I woke up... not so you could change my pad while I was still unconscious.
Dear guy at the club trying to grind on me,
I just farted.
Dear dentist with horrible teeth,
Umm.
Dear American kids,
Do you go to McDonald's with Obama?!
Dear ex-boyfriend who thinks he's so cool because he dissed me through a poem,
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, but what happened to you?
Dear mom and dad,
You've been hiding my Christmas presents in the same place since I was born.
Dear Nerds,
You're not the only candy that does well in school.
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