Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Waldo,
Please return my invisibility cloak. This prank on the muggles has gone on long enough.
Dear National Geographic article about hippos eating people,
I THOUGHT THEY ONLY ATE WHITE MARBLES!!!!
Dear donut on my counter,
I must not eat you, I must not eat you, I must not eat you, I must not eat you,I must not eat you, I must not eat you, I must not eat you, I must not eat you, I must not eat you, I muff nuut et uu.
Dear beer belly ,
Bet you wish you had a six pack, huh?
Dear Snooki,
You remind me of basketball.
Dear people who say "screw you",
Don't you threaten me with a good time!
Dear 10 page paper,
He's just not that into you.
Dear "Age doesn't matter",
Yes It does.
Dear Charlie Brown,
Wua wua wua wua wua wua wua wua wua wua wua wuwaaaaaaaaaaaa, wuwuwu wua wuwua.
Dear person who told me their friend got knifed,
That's forked up!
Dear China,
What do you call your nice dinner plates?
Dear people trying to make a point,
...
Dear Voldemort,
Why was it necessary to go to such lengths to make Harry compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament? There much have been easier ways to get him to touch a horcrux.
Dear roommate's parents,
Sorry about your daughter's crucifixes and pink unicorns being in such sharp contrast to my phallic Andy Warhol art, foreign vodka advertisements and pictures of Lady Gaga in her underwear.
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