Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Mom,
What? Was I not supposed to eat these?
Dear white shirt that just got wet,
You win this round.
Dear teachers,
You know you're giving too much homework when the passenger seat belt light goes on because my backpack weighs as much as a person.
Dear boys,
Objects in shirt may be smaller than they appear.
Dear world,
I wasn't alone on Valentine's Day... I had a threesome with Ben and Jerry.
Dear Maryland,
So it's illegal to take a lion to a public movie theater?
Dear blanket,
Thank you for protecting me from evil monsters when I go to bed.
Dear readers,
I would make a chemistry joke...
Dear Halloween stores,
No, not all teenage girls would like to dress as sluts this year.
Dear person who just tweeted "if u cud recomend a book 4 me wat wud it b?",
It would be a dictionary.
Dear ignorant people,
Please keep asking me if I'm Asian or Chinese. I laugh at your astounded looks when I say "BOTH!"
Dear Voldemort,
You could only hide for 7 books?! ...amateur.
Dear Kevin Bacon,
I hear you have a son, my age. I plan to marry him and have a son named Christopher Pierce Bacon. That way he'll be Chris P. Bacon.
Dear best friend playing angry birds,
You were screaming "get it......GET IT!!!!!!!! YES!!!" while pounding your fists on the table.
Dear scissors,
Why must you come in a package that can only be opened with scissors?
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