Dear Kids Waiting Up Christmas Eve For Santa,
Any other night, a fat guy in red climbing down your chimney and laughing, would scare the hell out of you.
Sincerely, You're Leaving Him COOKIES?
Please lock the door the next time we shower together. The shower doors are glass and now your roommate has seen my ass.
Sincerely, your mortified girlfriend
Dear AP Biology teacher,
Be aware, we don't take any video in your class seriously
Sincerely, you lost all credibility with the great sperm race
Y do u think u r smarter than me.
Sincerely, clerly age snobery, stop it snob ladis. My esays are perfect.
So do you use car insurance or life insurance?
Sincerely, sleep deprived, curious, loser
Please change your name. We all know that you totally copied me.
Thank you for changing all my contacts to Harry Potter characters.
Sincerely, Voldemort just asked for my address...
Dear elderly people,,
You are so sweet strolling arm in arm, you have probably loved each other since you were 16, and been married for 50 years.
Sincerely, thank you for restoring my belief in true love, but I really am in a hurry... Please let me by.
It's the circle of life!
Sincerely, Timon and Pumbaa.
Please stop making 8 movies before we make one
Dear pirates who kidnapped me for ransom,
Please know I enjoyed my time with you, am glad you took my advice of more than doubling my ransom (what you demanded hardly matched my worth), respect you for holding up your bargain upon being paid the aforementioned ransom, and hope there are no hard feelings with me honoring my promise to return to execute each and every one of you
Sincerely, Julius Caesar
Please realize, when those sex scenes come on in the movie, its awkward for us too.
Sincerely, your parents
it's a quarter after four, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Sincerely, college student in finals week
I turn you on.