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Dear no thirteenth floor,
Please explain why you skip straight from twelve to fourteen. What makes you so sure that whatever makes thirteen unlucky can read numbers but can't count?
Dear muggle friends,
Please stop giving me socks for gifts. Seriously, I'm wearing a rag and a shirt and need decent clothing.
Dear women afraid of blood,
How is that even possible?
Dear Everyone,
Please stop liking things that I don't like and doing things I don't do. That'd be great 'k?
Dear Showering,
Thanks for giving me the illusion that I'm going to do something with my day.
Dear Reader,
After eating half a pack of gummy vitamins I think I've worked out why they make medicines taste so bad.
Dear Neville,
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Dear People Who Don't Mind Hearing A Bad Joke,
Just think that Jack and Rose fell in love with each other on the Titanic. Let that sink in.
Dear random guy,
I see your reflection in the window, stop staring at my ass.
Dear Heterosexuals,
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like homosexual people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Dear Sincerely,
I don't think you are.
Dear Reader,
Did you ever hear the Churchill ordered a plstypus in the middle of WWII to raise moral?
Dear Google,
I would love to provide you with a backup phone number but alas, I have only have one phone.
Dear Scientologists,
You're kidding, right?
Dear people of this world,
I'm attracted to men. You're attracted to men, too? Great, we have something in common! You are not attracted to men? Great, more men for me!
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