Dear textbook word problems,
Please stop trying to make everything sound all diverse and all-inclusive. It's not working.
Sincerely, "LaToya, Heidi, Suzuki, Josefina and Joe went out for lunch..."
Dear Blind people,
Why do you walk your dogs soo much.
Dear shower water,
Please decide between the Artic ocean and Satan's butthole.
Sincerely, cowering in the corner, not strong enough to run back through and adjust you.
Dear Ice Cream Truck Driver,
Sincerely, gripping $2, and running after your truck!
Please slow down! Do you want to get us killed!?
Sincerely, The Sloths
The cool kids don't ride kangaroos to school, they ride emus
Sincerely, an Aussie kid
Dear Newly Rescued Dog,
You are not a goat. Stop chewing on everything.
Sincerely, You're really not a goat
Dear Americans still waiting for their Hogwarts acceptance letters,
Please note that to get from Hogwarts to America, the owls have to fly over the Atlantic Ocean. Clearly, they all get lost in the Bermuda Triangle
Sincerely, geography's a jerk.
Dear Mother who is making me go out for a sport next year,
NOOOO!!!! I don't wanna! I'm fat and lazy and anti-social and I hate running....Oh wait, chocolate you say? and a spa gift card?
Sincerely, Rethinking this "sports" thing
Dear Vernon Dursley,
Please dry up, you great prune.
Sincerely, Rubeus Hagrid
What color do you turn when you're angry?
Dear Slow Drivers on the Highway During Rush Hour,
I have a special place reserved for you.
Please give up on finding your X! She's moved on!
Dear people staring at me,
Please stop. I have to wear this "school girl" outfit. I didn't choose to wear a plaid skirt and Oxford shirt. I go to a Christian Academy
Sincerely, no.. your dreams did not come true.
Oh, so this stranger you don't know, the one you made out with at a party earlier, randomly shows up IN YOUR GARDEN in the middle of the night, UNDER YOUR WINDOW? And then you agreed to MARRY HIM?
Sincerely, I would have called the cops, but that seems legit too...