Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear math textbooks,
Can you please stop using exclamation points. Math is never exciting...
Dear boys,
It's said that the most common way a woman kills a man is with food posioning.
Dear #2 pencil,
Why aren't you #1?
Dear emotions ,
Thanks for the business.
Dear shirtless guy's Facebook profile pic,
We wanna see a 6 pack, not your keg.
Dear parents,
Wait, so you named me after bread? Seriously?
Dear "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands",
Screw you.
Dear little brother,
You made my day when you saw the model on the underwear package and said, "Well HE must be embarrassed."
Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime,
Can you not find the spacebar?
Dear Moby Dick,
You sure we aren't related?
Dear "Secret Life of an American Teenager" writers,
I WANT TO HAVE SEX, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, SHOULD I HAVE SEX? SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!!
Dear Pringles,
Do you want me to eat your chips or not?
Dear hair,
How are you everywhere I don't want you and no where I do want you?
Dear people of the future,
Calm down! There isn't an apocalypse, we were just incredibly bored scratching a calendar out on a rock day after day.
Dear teen vampire TV shows and movies,
If you take away the fangs and the make-up, you're really just big snarling people making funny faces.
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