Dear student accessibility services,
Please proofread your emails for absurdity before sending them. "Please phone our office to discuss your deafness" might be one of the more ridiculous things people have said to me, and it definitely doesn't reflect well on you.
Sincerely, amused but concerned graduate student
We have your socks and shoes.
Sincerely, the nargles
Dear Americans still waiting for their Hogwarts acceptance letters,
Please note that to get from Hogwarts to America, the owls have to fly over the Atlantic Ocean. Clearly, they all get lost in the Bermuda Triangle
Sincerely, geography's a jerk.
Please make it so that an animal that has been named with a name tag can't despawn.
Sincerely, tired of respawning Jebediah the cow
Dear girl who called me fat and ugly,
Please understand that I haven't laughed harder in a long time.
Sincerely, we look exactly alike.
Oh, you told me to get some sleep? I thought you told me to go get some pizza. My mistake.
Sincerely, your son at college.
I just found out that a groundhog is the same animal as a woodchuck.
Sincerely, this almost feels important.
Dear guy who just asked me out,
well this is awkward...
Sincerely, closet lesbian
Please stop asking me when I'm going t get a boyfriend.
Sincerely, what happened to no dating until 30
Dear people staring at me,
Please stop. I have to wear this "school girl" outfit. I didn't choose to wear a plaid skirt and Oxford shirt. I go to a Christian Academy
Sincerely, no.. your dreams did not come true.
Dear people who think high school has too much drama,,
Do you even remember elementary school?
Sincerely, he stole my crayon! She won't let me play tag with her! We're not friends anymore, wanna be my best
When my friends are over, and you need me to do your make up for a play. Please just walk in, their faces were priceless when you asked.
Sincerely, a theater kid who grew up doing her father's make up.
Dear Cleaning industries,
Make a disinfectant that kills .01% of germs, and then tell the buyer to buy your other disinfectant that kills 99.99% of germs and use them together to kill all of the germs.
Sincerely, I'd buy it...
On normal days you both get up at 6:00. Why do you wake up at 10:00 on Christmas?
Sincerely, your kids.