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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Facebook,
Oh, it's my sister's birthday today? I had no idea!
Dear apologetic people,
Usually "my bad" and "I'm sorry" mean the same thing... Except at funerals.
Dear world,
Please stop finding me! It's called witness protection and I'm SICK of moving!
Dear America,
I actually do as I say! Vote for me!
Dear racists,
Don't be racist. Hate everyone.
Dear internet,
Women laughing alone with salad is a lie
Dear clerk,
No, we don't have thirteen months in Brazil. I just wrote the date they way we do.
Dear people of the internet,
Did you know a whale's fart bubble is large enough to enclose a horse?
Dear Canada,
Please let me come live with you guys, America makes no sense.
Dear 12 year old,
Please stop using words such as "Cringe" "Savage" "Cancer" "Toxic" and 'literally' in the wrong form.
Dear EX- boyfriend,
Why did it take me so long to realize how much of an asshole you are??!! Not acknowledging my existence in public doesn't make you cool, it makes you a pathetic coward. Well, both of your best friends have expressed their interest in me, so I'm off to have my fun (in bed). Without you.
Dear World,
Please know dreams do come true. After four grueling years of undergrad, working and commuting and studying and sacrifices, I'm now starting medical school in a month, and just got offered a full-ride scholarship from the US Army. I'm well on my way to achieving my goal of being an Army primary care physician, and couldn't be more excited!
Dear hurricane season,
Please be calm.
Dear mother,
Please stop stalking me. I truly hope you know Find My iPhone doesn't always work in rural locations.
Dear online auction bidders,
Why do you start bidding so early? All you do is throw up the purchase price well before the auction ends, and risk more people entering and throwing up the price even more
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