Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Facebook,
Please make an "in a relationship with a fictional character" option.
Dear owner's new queen-sized bed,
You are mine now.
Dear Ken,
Barbie can't bend her legs, have fun with that.
Dear children,
Well maybe I hate you too!
Dear car in front of me,
It really is just a coincidence that we have made the past 13 turns together...
Dear teacher who left me in charge,
Yeah, because if they don't listen to you they'll definitely listen to me
Dear life,
What should I do with the melons?
Dear white girl bragging that she's "black on the inside",
Really? Maybe you should have that checked out.
Dear world,
What word starts with an E, ends with an E, has an E in the middle but usually has only one letter?
Dear crush,
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
Dear mommy,
Marco?
Dear ER doctor that asks why I'm here today,
Could it be the gash on my forehead that is bleeding, or some mysterious illness?
Dear math and science,
I know some people think you two are good together, but really I think your relationship's too complicated.
Dear digestive tract,
Please forgive me for what I am about to do to you.
Dear world,
When you lick someones elbow without them seeing you, they don't feel it.
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