If you want to stop liking somebody just imagine them pooping.
Sincerely, It works...every time.
Dear English teacher,
It's PRETTY obvious that you didn't grade the essays.
Sincerely, that kid that got a 96% but never actually turning in an essay...
Dear Cleaning Product Companies,
If you want to show how easy and effective your products are, make the commercial cast MEN.
Sincerely, have you seen the way they "clean"? They need your help.
I've told you this before and I'll tell you again: I do not suffer from multiple personalities!
Sincerely, and hey, neither do I!
Dear Whoever Created the Word for the Fear of Long Words,
Do you enjoy watching us quiver in fear?
Why is it you always manage to show up when I've just gotten out of the shower or am just braless? And why is it always the same driver?
Sincerely, I DO own a bra, but damnit I'm home and I'm comfortable! Go ahead and look!
I'll take those lemons now!
Sincerely, broke college student
Dear Owl outside my window,
Please either give me my Hogwarts letter, or shut up.
Sincerely, a very tired but very hopeful neighbor
Please behave. Don't make me come down there
Dear British and Americans.,
Actually, you all have accents.
It wasn't my decision to have you neutered. I was just a kid at the time. Please don't try to take revenge on me.
Sincerely, I'd be glad to let you lie in my lap so I can pet you, but please watch your step.
Dear reader (because I know you came to laugh not read about people's life problems),
If you're paddling up a waterfall in a canoe and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes can fit in the doghouse?
Sincerely, Green, because ice cream doesn't wear hats!
Dear One does not simply walk into Mordor,
They first pay a toll.
Sincerely, Orcs who need some cash
Y'know, I used to be okay with you. I didn't even mind when you and the alphabet started hooking up. But now a three-way triangle with Latin? Seriously?
Sincerely, no, you do not need a sine!