Dear bald people,
Do you use shampoo or body wash?
Sincerely, I seriously want to know
Dear person in my class,
Did you seriously just ask in Franklin Roosevelt was still alive
Sincerely, ya he's been living on my block for the last 150 years
We have the same middle name. Let's be friends!
Dear person who invented the high five,
What did the other person do when you spontaneously decided to slap hands?
Sincerely, "Woah...what was that." "I don't know, it just... Felt right"
Dear person who is confused on how to fit the sleeping bag into the bag,
Sincerely, sleeping bag making company…
Dear white girls,
Ok, so like how much Starbucks can you can't before your Uggs literally can't even?
I wish you weighed a less so that our lion king renditions looked a little more dramatic.
Sincerely, this wasn't supposed to be a comedy.
I don't love summer because I see you in skimpy bikinis, I love summer because I never need to wear a shirt
Sincerely, Self Proclaimed Narcissistic Douche
Dear new kid/bully,
I bet you didn't expect that.
Dear tv show producers,
Maybe cut back on the doorbell noises?
Sincerely, every dog owner ever
Here I come.
I don't find Waldo. Waldo finds ME.
Sincerely, Chuck Norris
Dear people who think they're invisible underwater,
Sincerely, We all just saw you pick your wedgie.
I'm sorry for everything I put you through.
Sincerely, food poisoning
Dear people in the LGBT community who have annoying friends,
The next time someone, when hearing about your sexual orientation, says "I have a friend who's gay, you should date!," respond with "Really? I have a friend who's straight, YOU should date!"
Sincerely, you're welcome.