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Dear Scientologists,
You're kidding, right?
Dear people who say they are "asexual",
Everyone feels sexual feelings. Even if its directed towards yourself. It's part of being human. You are not like a flower just because you don't feel the need for sex. A human cannot be asexual.
Dear people of this world,
I'm attracted to men. You're attracted to men, too? Great, we have something in common! You are not attracted to men? Great, more men for me!
Dear Wake up Call,
SNOOZE!
Dear family members,
Please know that getting into public Facebook drama is incredibly passive-aggressive. I love you and everything, but please. People you don't even KNOW can see all our dirty laundry!
Dear Neville,
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Dear freshman,
Please Accept the fact that you know nothing.
Dear Bunny,
Please don't run across the road like some sort of daredevil
Dear female customer,
No, I don't think you are weak. I offer to help every customer get their supplies to their car, it is one of my jobs as a greeter. But if you want to be a bitch about it, then I just sit here and smile as you drop your bags of gravel on your feet.
Dear people of this world,
Was your first kiss actually as romantic as it's portrayed in books and movies? Because mine was just incredibly awkward, weird and left me wondering if this really is what the majority of the world is fussing over...
Dear Mom,
So you wish I was more like that pretty girl at my school who has it all?
Dear airport security agent,
Did you SERIOUSLY AND FOR REAL just SWAT my six-months-pregnant belly and demand, "What is this?" I know it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to do your job, but how did you get this far in life without learning where babies come from?
Dear Customer,
Please know that if you bring your cappuccino back for being 'too foamy' you will get, and deserve, a death stare.
Dear Self Defence Instructor,
No matter how much peril I am in, I am not going to "grab and rip" someone's groin.
Dear Energy Drink,
Thank you for making the graveyard shift possible.
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