Dear Cowboys vs. Aliens,
Sincerely, Toy Story.
Dear seedy looking moustache on my upper lip,
Please grow to a respectable size.
Sincerely, a 20 year old who looks like a rapist.
I want you inside of me, so we can shake it all up.
Dear guy who likes me,
Please know that the only reason I didn't reply to you asking me out was because I was too busy jumping around my room yelling, "Yesssss!!!"
Sincerely, otherwise, I would have responded before my battery died.
Dear jerk ex-boyfriend,
Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you.
Sincerely, that's kinda what I was hoping for when I dumped you!
Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect?
Sincerely, you were at the wedding...
Dear hockey referees ,
Are you pregnant? Because you just missed two periods!
Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean this is like The Little Mermaid. There is no talking crab who's going to tell you when it's okay to kiss me.
Sincerely, DO IT ALREADY!
Dear boys I babysit,
Please stop looking at my belly button when I take you to the water park. I already told you: girls do not pee out of their belly buttons.
Sincerely, go talk to your mom.
Dear Domino's pizza is now served with real cheese,
What were you using before...?!?!?!
Sincerely, concerned customer.
We found your long lost relatives.
Sincerely, they are being kept in a factory by a man named Willy Wonka.
Want to hear a chemistry joke?
Sincerely, never mind, all the good ones Argon.
I think you killed the wrong Black.
Sincerely, it's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!
I found the $100 without needing to clean. I think you need to find a better hiding place that isn't under my pillow.
Sincerely, son who is now $100 richer.