I'm the reason anybody actually likes you.
Dear Chips in the bowl across the couch,
I could totally use some go go gadget arms right now...
Sincerely, I'm too comfy sitting and there's an adorable sleeping kitty in my lap.
Dear people staring at me,
Please stop staring. Can you not tell it's a fake baby?! Are people really this stupid?
Sincerely, it's for school, and i'm definitely still a virgin.
Dear girls complaining about cramps,
It's ok. I'm here for you.
Please leave the diamonds to me
Sincerely, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
I put you there for a reason.
Sincerely, The asexual unimpressed with your sexual flirts.
My condolences on the fact that you have terminal cancer (and may I say you look, and sound, very healthy for being in Stage Four). However, the fact that you "don't have long" to enjoy these video games doesn't qualify you to pay even less for them than you already are. You don't have long to enjoy your money, either, so you might as well hand the requiste amount over to us to pay for those games you so dearly want.
Sincerely, You already got a 20% discount, so I don't know what more you want
Dear US government,
I delivered one biological child without any drugs or interventions, and I adopted two children internationally. The latter process was by far more painful. Can I get an epidural for all your PAPERWORK?
Sincerely, Brain-fried mama
There's a law in Germany regarding beef. It's called: Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz
Sincerely, good luck pronouncing that!
Dear person saying "I can't even do that sober" to a cop,
You just admitted you weren't sober...
Sincerely, see what the state did there?
Please realize stereotypes are there for a reason
Sincerely, I have a crazy Jewish grandmother
Please stop arguing with idiots on the internet. You know it only ever pisses you off.
Sincerely, Your Sanity
Dear writers of Singing in the Rain,
I love this movie, but I'm pretty sure wearing tap shoes outside in the rain is bad for them.
Sincerely, tap dancers everywhere
Dear life ,
Why can't you have background music?
Sincerely, then I might understand what's going on all the time