Dear Kristen Stewart,
Look, I know we made a deal and all, but for once I'M starting to regret having you sign the contract. It was a fair transaction, you trading me all your facial expressions for an acting career, but the world can't take much more of this. I want you to consider giving me your first born child in exchange for getting the facial expressions back.
Sincerely, the devil
Dear Math Factorials,
I don't know what you're so excited about.
Sincerely, n*(n-1) = n!
Dear sweatpants and hoodie,
Thanks for being there for me.
Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it.
Dear "Be serious!",
Sincerely, last time I tried that a clown came at me with a razor.
Why couldn't I be born with pink hair?
Sincerely, an anime fan
Roses are red, violets aren't blue, I heard you're forever alone...so LOL screw you!
Sincerely, Valentine's Day
'Tis but a scratch.
Please stop making me lust after three people at once. I have a boyfriend, and it's not good that I want to have sex with him, but also want to screw my best friend and the guy I set her up with!!
Sincerely, very scared, annoyed and horny girl
Please note that your tracking skills are no longer superior to mine.
Sincerely, your owner in a foot of snow
Please WRONG LEVER
Dear that evil restaraunt,
Please don't ever let me in there again, as I have been shitting bricks all day.
Sincerely, the person whose asshole feels as though it's on fire
While I still love hanging out with you guys in public, please use quiter voices when arguing whether it's the 20th century or the 21st
Sincerely, Slightly Embarrassed
Dear buffering circle,
Oh my gosh you are just the greatest thing ever! I get so happy and excited when you show up on my screen! I love you so please appear more often! <3
Sincerely, no one ever
Dear girl chowing down on a burrito,
What are you even doing? This is a history class.
Sincerely, fellow burrito lover and concerned classmate