Please make realistic ads, if we have to get fat we want to get fat realistically
Dear Future son I may have one day,
Please know if I name you Edward it because of Elric and not Cullen.
Sincerely, Your parent
Dear AOL Mail,
Why do you ask me if I'm sure I want to delete my spam, but when it comes to my inbox, you delete it without asking if I'm sure?
Sincerely, quite confused.
Why do you let your bad students get away with all of the crap they do, but when your good students do the same thing you yell at them?
Sincerely, confused straight A student who got yelled at for talking in class
Dear teens who say "I'll respect my elders if they respect me",
It isn't supposed to work that way. You show respect to your elders until they give you reason not to. They will show you respect when you earn it.
Sincerely, that attitude is why we are considered the rudest generation.
Dear Cheating Ex-Wife,
Please stop trying so hard. Really, it's pathetic you think you still have a chance. It's been 4 years since your divorce, and you aren't even half the woman I am. So please stop embarrassing yourself, he's only tolerating you because he loves his daughter.
Sincerely, I'm not going anywhere
Please start writing songs about being in love and happy with that, with no bad ending or catch.
Sincerely, married woman who would like to still listen to your music.
Dear Grouchy Old People,
Please stop judging. No, I am not a lazy twenty-year old; I am a twenty-year-old with severe tendnitis in my knees. About once a week, I am unable to walk. By twenty-five, I may need to have both replaced.
Sincerely, No Lazy, Just More Injured Than You
Dear Ex Fiance,
Please be happy, don't let anyone hurt you, find a good guy, save your money, love yourself and take care of your dad because he needs you. I love you and I think about you every day.
Sincerely, the guy you left in NC.
Dear Best Guy Friend/Crush,
Please understand that when you have me straddle you in a hot tub in my bikini, I am going to assume you're interested.
Sincerely, maybe you shouldn't be so misleading next time.
Dear ex-boyfriend in Afghanistan,
We may not be together anymore, but I still miss you.
Sincerely, your ex-girlfriend who hopes you'll come home soon
Don't be afraid of Detroit. It's not that bad. I promise.
Sincerely, proud Detroiter.
Please hire me.
Sincerely, Jobless and going bankrupt
How often do I have to select "I don't care" for you to stop showing celebrity news stories?
Sincerely, I don't think some random celebrity's divorce is quite as important as food recalls...