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THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear parents,
On normal days you both get up at 6:00. Why do you wake up at 10:00 on Christmas?
Dear Boobs,
Don't worry babe, I still support you.
Dear Cat,
I'm sorry I shocked you on the nose! I was only trying to boop you!
Dear Australians,
Yay it's snowing in Queensland!
Dear new boyfriend,
It was really sweet to bring me on a sailing trip for our first date, but there's something you should know...
Dear Daughter,,
I'm sorry he broke up with you. You know I have an axe, right?
Dear Middle-aged male joggers,
Please don't wear those short shorts,....
Dear person trying to sleep,
You know what we haven't thought about in a while? Monsters
Dear high schoolers at dances,
Wait you mean you don't do a Samba to this song?
Dear boy who walks with me after math class,
No, I did not know that giraffes die if they throw up.
Dear idiot that jumped my back fence to take my new puppy,
I bet you didn't realize that I had a protection trained Rottweiler in my yard too.
Dear guy who works for the city,
Please stop ringing the doorbell and just leave
Dear awkward alter ego,
Why do you always turn up when my crush s around?!
Dear people who glorify being in college and spending weekends with their significant others building pillow forts and watching Disney movies,
While this is indeed fun, perhaps consider that instead of using these activities as an alternative to sex, you could have sex in said pillow fort.
Dear waitress judging me,
I'm fat, not pregnant, but thanks for your unnecessary concern.
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