Sincerely, I have abnormally large ears
I'm going to write a book filled with wonderful, interesting characters you will fall in love with. You will learn their secrets and understand their inside jokes and cry with them and be happy when they're happy. Then, when I am sure you are in love with them, I will kill them in the cruelest way plausible.
Please stop saying "The Sky is the limit", becasue it's not...
Sincerely, Concerned Cosmonaut
Dear gorgeous people,
Please stop marrying other gorgeous people. Save some for the rest of us.
Sincerely, the average looking people
Please look up the meanings of names before giving them to your kids.
Sincerely, The girl who was almost named "Candida"
Please return the beans to the man.
Sincerely, Cow, soon to be soup.
Please explain why the dress code doesn't allow us to show shoulders. Is a guy really gonna go "Dang! That's a fine shoulder you got there, girl?"
Sincerely, Please explain the sexual innuendo in that. I dare you.
Dear person who asked if anyone had slipped on a banana peel,
I ripped all the skin on off my knee and had to be carried home
Sincerely, someone who's slipped on a banana peel
Dear boyfriend's concerned mother,
Don't worry, I swear I don't always dress like this.
Sincerely, meeting you for the first time in a dance costume after a competition.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
I just bought my first pair of high heels.
Sincerely, your 4'10" girlfriend.
Dear Michael Jackson,
The fact that I didn't answer through the ENTIRE song kind of suggests that I'm NOT Ok...
Pretty sure I've just discovered antigravity...
Sincerely, bedhead with hairspray
Dear 17 year old who just asked me if the USA Declaration of Independence was "the thing about fireworks",
Well, you've really outdone yourself in stupidity.
Don't worry, you're not alone. All the cute, sensitive, nice boys I know are straight.
Sincerely, a gay guy.
Dear Brides everywhere,
We hate you. The dresses you said we would "just die for" are hideous. They make us feel like slutty cows from how small, short, and revealing they are, we would like you to know that your death will be just as ugly and tacky as these dresses.
Sincerely, Every bridesmaid in the history of weddings