Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear girl in my biology class,
Yes, I'm pale. Yes, I have above average grades. Yes, I occasionally miss school. Yes, I rarely speak. No, I am not a damn vampire!
Dear boys,
You say you want a girl who plays video games, gets internet humor, and cooks reasonably well. Well, what are you waiting for?
Dear genius ideas,
Stop coming to me right before I go to sleep.
Dear Pinocchio,
I love the way you lie.
Dear high school TV shows,
Sure he's a freshman....
Dear chocolate chip cookies,
They may eat more of you, but they like me better!
Dear teacher,
You shouldn't be mad at me. You asked me "would you like to teach the class?" I answered yes. The consequences are entirely you're fault.
Dear fellow nerds,
Why did Chuck Norris destroy the Periodic Table?
Dear girls that wear pajama pants to school,
I don't care how late you woke up. If you had time to put on two inches of makeup you had time to change your pants.
Dear parents in denial,
Let's get one thing straight. I'm not.
Dear hipsters who complain about people and their first world problems,
You do realize that being irritated by people talking about their first world problems is itself a first world problem, right?
Dear future grandchildren,
...and back in my day, a song only cost $0.99!
Dear squidward,
I don't get it, you get out of the shower and have a towel around your lower half. But when you get dressed you only have a shirt on.
Dear schools,
Why is it that the classrooms are so cold? My iPod can't register the nonexistent heat of my fingers... Oh wait...
Dear cellphones,
Thanks for ruining the fun of pushing people into pools.
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