Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
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THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear apologetic people,
Usually "my bad" and "I'm sorry" mean the same thing... Except at funerals.
Dear dad,
Please never refer to my flip flops as "thongs" again.
Dear Mom,
No, I do not need you to give me "the talk".
Dear Curiosity,
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to here it, is it still Obama's fault?
Dear girl trying to grind with me,
... I'm gay
Dear Facebook,
Oh, it's my sister's birthday today? I had no idea!
Dear Last Names,
If you were given to people based on what their jobs were, then where did I come from?
Dear Soap,
This is my brother. I don't believe you've met before.
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Dear teachers,
Students give you apples for a reason
Dear alarm clocks makers,
Please make alarm clocks that, when you hit the snooze button, hit you back.
Dear Jacob,
Please stop calling yourself a werewolf. You're an animagus. Now, please turn to page 394.
Dear girls who complain about their period on DBPB,
Two can play at this game.
Dear middle finger,
Thank you for always sticking up for me
Dear Customer,
Please know how awed I was when you came up to the register with condoms, not have enough to pay for them, and come back up with saran wrap and rubber bands.
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