Dear apologetic people,
Usually "my bad" and "I'm sorry" mean the same thing... Except at funerals.
Sincerely, choose wisely.
Please never refer to my flip flops as "thongs" again.
Sincerely, you found my what?!
No, I do not need you to give me "the talk".
Sincerely, 35 and married.
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to here it, is it still Obama's fault?
Sincerely, Just Wondering
Dear girl trying to grind with me,
... I'm gay
Sincerely, why did you think I dance so well?
Oh, it's my sister's birthday today? I had no idea!
Sincerely, a twin
Dear Last Names,
If you were given to people based on what their jobs were, then where did I come from?
This is my brother. I don't believe you've met before.
Sincerely, he smells like a warthog's butt.
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Sincerely, ...I just had an erotic dream about you last night
Students give you apples for a reason
Sincerely, Snow White
Dear alarm clocks makers,
Please make alarm clocks that, when you hit the snooze button, hit you back.
Sincerely, that would be... alarming
Please stop calling yourself a werewolf. You're an animagus. Now, please turn to page 394.
Sincerely, Professor Snape
Dear girls who complain about their period on DBPB,
Two can play at this game.
Sincerely, guys who can tell you all about our awkwardly-timed boners.
Dear middle finger,
Thank you for always sticking up for me
Please know how awed I was when you came up to the register with condoms, not have enough to pay for them, and come back up with saran wrap and rubber bands.
Sincerely, Made My Day A Whole Lot Better.