SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear hair,
Behave, or you will be put up for wig adoption.
Dear Google Maps,,
Why the hell are you giving me the nearest Panda express location in New Jersey?
Dear people who think they're invisible underwater,
You're not.
Dear people in the LGBT community who have annoying friends,
The next time someone, when hearing about your sexual orientation, says "I have a friend who's gay, you should date!," respond with "Really? I have a friend who's straight, YOU should date!"
Dear humans,
Paper cuts are the best revenge especially when you don't expect them.
Dear Beer,
Please stop distracting me from my homework. If I don't get a good career and make a steady paycheck we can no longer see each other.
Dear people staring at me while I walk a screaming child down the street,
Please I know she is sobbing and screaming about wanting to go home and wanting her mommy and daddy, but I swear I didn't kidnap her. I'm her babysitter, honest.
Dear period,
Thank you for staining every single sheet, blanket and pair of underwear that I own.
Dear People who tell me I look nothing like my twin,
Well, she's girl.
Dear "All Asians look the same",
So I look like Jessica Jung?
Dear "I like girls better wearing sweats and not wearing make-up",
I've never worn make-up and don't own a single pair of jeans. Why don't I have a boyfriend?
Dear patients,
We know that you only brush your teeth right before you come here. It doesnt work
Dear MTV,
I thought the M stood for music, not maternity...
Dear Short person,
Maybe get a periscope or something?
Dear Dad,
My herbology professor told me you went to Hogwarts together. I bet he was the coolest kid back then cause he sure is the coolest professor we have now.
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