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Dear sex drive,
Please appear. At 28 I should be able to know the joys of sex. Instead I know the joys of letting my boyfriends down since you won't appear. I need you to come forward. You are costing me a lot.
Dear wife,
Please stop being mad at me whenever I don't support you when you say something stupid. I love you, and always will, but your opinions are your own and I don't have to sound stupid just to be supportive.
Dear Fireworks,
Okay, have your fun, feel free to explode and create all the noise on the night of the 4th. Just don't keep me up every night for an entire month like you do EVERY FREAKING YEAR.
Dear ex-girlfriend,
Please stop talking badly about me to our friends for not inviting you to parties because I'm not over you. Last time you came, you vomited because I "make you feel sick".
Dear Impatient Customer,
Please stop getting upset when I ask you multiple questions at the register, including if you want to add on anything or for your phone and email to receive coupons. Corporate says we have to ask. I have no say in the matter.
Dear Mother,
Please stop insulting me and then immediately blaming my self esteem issues on someone else. This is your fault.
Dear YouTube,
Please add A 10-second "roll-back" feature. You've mastered play, pause, and stop, but this new bit of useful functionality would be nice. And, most other video players already do this with no problem, so what are you waiting for??
Dear Everyone Getting Salty About Vegans,
Please realize that not all vegans are trying to force their opinions on you!!! Stop stereotyping, PLEASE.
Dear Mom With a Colorful History,
Thanks for telling me all the wild things you did at my age. At best, I know the dangers of your mistakes while felling more comfortable confiding in you. At worst, I've learned to never take my existence for granted.
Dear parents,
Just because I wear a lot of dark colours does not mean I'm a goth, pointing it out just makes me self-conscious. Please stop
Dear soon to be boyfriend,
Please be patient with me. My ex ignored me for video games and I'm scared you going to ignore me for another muse too.
Dear English Teacher,
Thank you for understanding my weird poetry when noone else did.
Dear Girlfriend,
Please know that your reassuring me that you love me in spite of everything picked up my broken day. Thank you.
Dear School Teachers,
You expect me to do four hours of homework every night then act surprised when I break down.
Dear "friends",
I thought you actually wanted to see me when I came to visit the state you're in. But I guess driving 40 minutes to meet up is too much hassle so go ahead and cancel on me the morning of with a lame excuse.
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