Dear board games,
Sorry, I can't.
Sincerely, just saw Jumanji.
Dear smart water,
Please is there a minimum intelligence level required to drink this?
Sincerely, I can't open the lid.
Dear girls playing never have I ever,
WHAT HAVEN'T YOU DONE?!
Sincerely, totally scarred for life.
Dear fat tourist,
Please continue buying my "Famous Bermuda Sand" 200 feet away from a beach.
Sincerely, successful businessman.