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Dear people who think friend-zoned is bad,
Try cousin-zoned.
Dear telemarketer,
Sorry for answering the phone with "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?".
Dear ROTFL,
Laughing So Hard I Fell Off My Dinosaur Just Kidding I Don't Have A Dinosaur But If I Did I Would Name It Frank!
Dear owners,
I don't always walk across your lap... but when I do, I make sure to step on your genitals.
Dear unsuspecting furniture store customers,
"FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!!"
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