Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear olive oil,
You dirty whore.
Dear alarm clock,
I love to turn you off on a friday night.
Dear Kindergarten,
Do you offer roll-over minutes on naps?
Dear kid next to me in class,
Why do you always finish your test at the same time I do?
Dear 15 year old boy buying condoms,
If you can't even look me in the eye without blushing, how do you plan on using those?
Dear classroom next to mine,
Thanks for playing the dramatic music when I turned in my test.
Dear cooking instructions,
Please tell me that "golden brown" comes after blackened.
Dear high school bully,
Did you really think I was kidding when I said I might be your boss some day?
Dear people who say being pale is not cool,
I'd rather be pasty white than oompa loompa orange.
Dear drunk friend,
Thanks, I always thought that on a scale from one to jellyfish, I was jellyfish!
Dear keyboard ,
I'd tap that
Dear autocorrect,
You're to blame for all my awkward texting mistakes, but I'll never turn you off.
Dear Disney movies,
Please stop screwing with my emotions.
Dear girls who complain about not being a size 2,
Come and live in Australia, all our clothing starts at a size 6!
Dear boys who think about girl sleepovers,
Please realize that we don't have pillow fights and make out with each other.
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