Dear scarred teenage girl,
All of my clothes were in the laundry...
Sincerely, man wearing his wife's yoga pants at the grocery store
Dear "those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it",
This saying just got a whole new meaning...
Sincerely, failing History class.
Dear Woman,
It's not small, it's fun size...
Sincerely, Men
Dear people who ask me how I get good grades,
My blood type is A positive...
Sincerely, ...so you could say A's run through my veins.
Dear "You're Beautiful size 2 or 22.",
Well this sucks.
Sincerely, Size 23
Dear Peter pan,
You call it pixie dust, I call it crack!
Sincerely, either way we both get pretty high
Dear fellow actors in my high school drama department,
Thank you so much for this award. It means a lot to me.
Sincerely, "Most Soulful Ginger"
Dear awkwardly named nail polishes,
My history says I looked at a page named "dirty slut"
Sincerely, really?
Dear Mr. Pibb,
What, couldn't handle med school?
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Sincerely, Mike Wazowski
Dear Yankee Candle,
Seriously? Candles for men?
Sincerely, and what exactly is a touchdown supposed to smell like?
Dear men,
Please. Trojan extra-large condoms are made to fit most regular sized men to boost their confidence and ensure further purchased.
Sincerely, don't get so cocky next time.
Dear TI-84 calculator,
Please don't have a secret history of all of the absurd calculations I've typed.
Sincerely, I typed in 14+6 the other day.
Dear Lesbians,
Please leave other boobs for us, you've got your own
Sincerely, boob lacking heterosexual male
Dear Dora,
Just one question. How do you get that t-shirt over your head?
Sincerely, that's not possible.
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