Please come to my yard even though I can not make milk shakes
Sincerely, lactose intolerant. . .
Dear guys who tell me they "like less makeup",
Please wear less makeup then.
Sincerely, Why are you telling me this anyway?
That wasn't very knife
Mary had a little lamb, she tied it to a pylon. 10,000 volts went up it's arse and turned it's wool to nylon.
Sincerely, amused bystander.
So you called in, over the phone, because you want to disuss issues with your account, but you don't want to talk about your account over the phone because it might not be secure?
Sincerely, not sure where to go from here
Dear Meghan Trainor,
I have a list of demands too. Allow me to deliver them in song form.
Sincerely, your Future Husband
Dear popular girl,
Please accept my apology for never appreciating you before.
Sincerely, when our teacher asked where the worst of the worst prisoners go, you replied askaban.
Dear donut holes,
Please stop tricking me into thinking you're healthier than a whole donut because you are smaller... It doesn't count when I eat fifteen of you.
Sincerely, donut shop worker who gets free donuts
Dear girls everywhere,
I've scheduled the times I will visit. Most of these times are dates, dances, vacations, presentations, and, most importantly, those days when you decide to wear white pants.
Sincerely, your period.
Please stop bullying people so that Disney and Nickelodeon can stop all those annoying commercials
Sincerely, Annoyed person who just wants to watch TV
Dear Mom and Dad,
Even Dora's parents let her explore the world with talking animals and a singing backpack, and I can't hang out with my friends after 12?
Sincerely, Your grounded 23-year-old son
Dear people asking about my track event,
"Oh, so you jump over hurdles?"
Sincerely, no... we hurdle over hurdles
Dear children's book illustrators,
Where does it say I'm an egg?
Sincerely, Humpty Dumpty
There' no such thing of absolute truth? Are you absolutely sure about that?
Sincerely, see what I did there?