Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Chinese guy in the seat next to me,
I like your tattoo.
Dear teen drivers,
Remember, kids in the back seat cause accidents...
Dear Millionares,
If you haven't got trampolines as floors and a giant slide from your bed to your swimming pool, then give me your money because you are doing it wrong.
Dear World,
I would just like to inform you that, the first book Dr. Seuss ever illustrated was named Boners. Its sequel? More Boners. And yes these are childrens books.
Dear kids who sneak candy past me into movie theaters,
You think we actually care?
Dear Real Housewives,
Your children are taken care of by nannies, your personal assistants run your errands, your maids clean your houses, you never cook, you always eat out and everything about you is plastic or injected. What exactly makes you real?
Dear "two wrongs don't make a right",
Two negatives equal a positive...
Dear mom who got a puppy so I would come home for vacations,
Best. Bribery. Ever.
Dear math geeks,
Making math jokes is the first sine of your geekiness
Dear people complaining about the new facebook layout,
Mark Zuckerburg screwed over his classmates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on his new layout?
Dear food falling to the floor,
Little germs: "GET IT!! King Germ: "NO! WE wait 5 seconds."
Dear softball,
You're really not all that soft, are you?
Dear Cupcakes,
Oh please, you just have makeup on...
Dear man in the next stall,
Coughing and farting at the same time? Really?
Dear girl in my class,
"What's an IQ?"
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