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Dear Sodium,
We have a son, his name is Salt.
Dear person who told me to 'can the sarcasm',
Please. I use fresh sarcasm, never canned.
Dear England,
Do you have a Dunkin' Crumpets?
Dear dream,
Please cut to the chase, my alarm clock goes off in 2 minutes, and I don't like cliff hangers.
Dear Wal-Mart,
Do you like, make walls or something?
Dear alarm clock,
The early bird can have the worm.
Dear "One Size Fits All",
Hahahaha, right...
Dear Charmin commercial,
I don't know how it is with bears, but my mom never checks my butt after I used the bathroom...
Dear kid bullying the only openly gay boy in class,
I dare you to lay a finger on him.
Dear girls,
I have a six pack.
Dear coworker who looked at me in disgust when I announced my engagement,
So it's okay to be 21 and have three half Mexican kids who don't know their father but I can't be 19, a virgin, and planning to marry the guy I've been dating for four years?
Dear "Friends" and "Family",
You liked me just fine when you all thought I was straight...
Dear six year old I'm babysitting,
No, no, I am far too old for coloring.
Dear cell phone companies,
Please invent a phone with a "take back that text" feature.
Dear "life is short",
False. It is the longest thing you do.
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