Dear 120 pound pitbull,
Please stop "sitting" on my lap and then standing directly on my balls. I love ya dude, but I want kids.
Sincerely, possibly sterile
Dear French teacher,
I'm glad you don't make us learn useless sentences like "the dog eats chicken" or "the car is blue", but the sentences you make us learn instead make me question your sanity. Under what circumstances would you need to know the French for "the skeleton is on the roof"?
Sincerely, is that an idiom or are you trolling us?
Dear child of mine,
Please let me poop in peace...
Sincerely, your stay at home mom
Dear Harry Potter,
Turn to page 394.
Sincerely, Proffesor Snape
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dear People on Facebook,
Please stop acting like cropping a picture and/or adding text to it makes you a graphic designer.
Sincerely, Graphic Deisgners
Dear Americans thinking of moving to Europe if Trump gets elected,
Please, by all means, come join us in my country! We love newcommers and we're a loving, happy people, that would make you feel very welc... Oh wait, I'm danish. Never mind.
Sincerely, a not-so-proud Dane who's still not sure if this is Denmark anno 2016 or Germany anno 1939
Dear impatient morons,
Please realise that a fully laden freight train cannot stop or swerve to avoid hitting you. The responsibility to avoid an accident lies on you to obey the signals and keep clear of a train. Don't think you can race the train.
Sincerely, it truly is the dumbest way to die
Dear judgemental friends,
Please stop calling my girlfriend a whore. Just because I made out with her on our second day of dating, doesn't mean she's a whore.
Sincerely, the one who kissed her.
I started going to the gym with you because it was fun and we motivated each other. But on a day I wasn't able to make it you tried to "motivate" me by saying how fat I was going to get. That's not motivation, that's bullying.
Sincerely, Not sure I want to keep going to the gym with you.
Please don't ignore your daughter while we're gone. Shes worried us going to college means she's going to be all alone. You can't just say you don't know how to treat a teenage girl and just ignore her. You treat her like a person. She likes football, video games, and chemistry. She never flips out or screams. She's rational and smart, but thinks her father doesn't love her. Go talk to her.
Sincerely, your older twin sons
If you ever feel inadequate because you don't have giant breasts, don't. You're not missing much.
Dear School Bus Driver and Mom,
Could you have your ten minute conversation when there isn't a huge line of cars stopped waiting for the school bus to turn its lights off?
Sincerely, Just trying to get to work on time
Please stop smoking. You're killing us both.
Sincerely, the one who's coughing all the time.
You're welcome to come over on short notice, however, when I tell you I have lots of homework and it needs to be a short visit, that means you shouldn't stay for 5 hours. It also DEFINITELY means that you shouldn't leave only when I tell you I need to go to bed, and ask when exactly I'm going to bed so you can try and squeeze in one more episode.
Sincerely, the friend who doesn't know how to politely tell you to GTFO