Please tell me, do you really have 1000 year old plumbing?
Sincerely, Salazar Slytherin master of toilets
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Sincerely, told you I wasn't racist.
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
Sincerely, are you sure about that one?
Dear People Who Don't Mind Hearing A Bad Joke,
Just think that Jack and Rose fell in love with each other on the Titanic. Let that sink in.
Sincerely, BA DUM, TSS
Dear Donald Trump,
Please stop. Just stop.
Did you ever hear the Churchill ordered a plstypus in the middle of WWII to raise moral?
Sincerely, This is why wevwon the war.
Please know that if you bring your cappuccino back for being 'too foamy' you will get, and deserve, a death stare.
Sincerely, Order a damn latte
Dear boy who wondered why I never had a boyfriend,
Please understand that I read books, and I read about all these wonderful fairytales. All I wish is to have one happen to me.
Sincerely, I'll wait for my fairytale.
Dear Harry Potter,
Please tell me, did you just burn Quirrell's face off with your bare hands?
Sincerely, This is darker than I remember
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Sincerely, I mean every word I ever say because I'm Harry Potter
Dear Self Defence Instructor,
No matter how much peril I am in, I am not going to "grab and rip" someone's groin.
Sincerely, no. Just no.
Please stop freaking out over every little thing.
Sincerely, there are worse problems than someone eating some of your soup.
Dear John Smith,
Please explain why you're English and everyone on your ship is English but they all have English accents and you sound like you born when a Bald Eagle made a nest in the Stars and Stripes.
Sincerely, America wasn't even a country yet
Dear Cupcake liner makers,
Can you please explain why you always put 50 cupcake liners in a package? You can make 12 cupcakes using 1 cupcake pan so after 4 pans I have 2 left over.
Sincerely, Now I need to by another package.