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Dear Parents,
Please rethink what you you just said.
Dear Viewers,
Why WOULDN'T I touch the butt? Butts are great!
Dear daywalkers and the rest of the human race,
Please note that I have recently acquired a soul. If you find that yours is missing, do not panic. I have done you a favor as you will now survive the impending zombie apocalypse unlike the mortals. You're very welcome.
Dear Ash,
You shouldn't use that here
Dear high schoolers at dances,
Wait you mean you don't do a Samba to this song?
Dear person trying to sleep,
You know what we haven't thought about in a while? Monsters
Dear Ninjas,
I'm still better at hiding than you.
Dear Juliet,
Oh, so this stranger you don't know, the one you made out with at a party earlier, randomly shows up IN YOUR GARDEN in the middle of the night, UNDER YOUR WINDOW? And then you agreed to MARRY HIM?
Dear Auto-Correct,
Sucks, don't it?
Dear Owners,
You never see us picking up your poop! who's the pet again?
Dear any boy who wishes to win my heart,
Please don't ever give me flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, or love songs. I will just get embarrassed and hide.
Dear cats outside my window,
Please stop mating in the middle of the night. I would like some sleep.
Dear Chinese People,
Please don't speak your communist ching chong language in public. We're in America, we're capitalist, and we speak English. I expect you to do the same. Thank You.
Dear girl,
Better late than not at all, right?
Dear elevator in my apartment building,
Please stop doing that thing where you pause between floors (and maybe start to go back down a little if you were ascending before you paused) as if you're deciding whether or not to fall and kill me
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