Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear splits,
Just...a...little...bit...further....
Dear school earthquake drill,
Please do not ask me to get under the desk.
Dear serial killers,
I know the best place to hide a dead body. Here's a hint: it's dark and it will cover the smell.
Dear fans,
If Kayne managed to steal the mic, is Taylor really swift?
Dear guy who flipped me off on the freeway,
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not scary coming from the driver of a Bug...
Dear cat,
Just because you bathe in the middle of the kitchen for all to see does not give you a front row seat to me getting in the shower.
Dear parents everywhere,
You'd better tell your kids about puberty and sex before I explain it to them in HD.
Dear Selena Gomez,
Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend.
Dear people I'm getting introduced to,
So are we gonna hug or shake hands?
Dear people wearing the pants extremely low,
You do realize that sagging trend was started in prison, and it symbolized that they were willing to have gay sex with the other inmates, right?
Dear extra cling Saran Wrap,
I was about to stick you to something...have patience.
Dear guys,
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
Dear men,
Surprise!
Dear dyslexic people,
Do you ever walk into MACY's thinking it's the YMCA?
Dear Chinese,
Does the Chinese Cookie Monster eat fortune cookies and then say wise things?
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