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Dear Hogwarts,
Please tell me, do you really have 1000 year old plumbing?
Dear world,
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
They're horny?...
Dear People Who Don't Mind Hearing A Bad Joke,
Just think that Jack and Rose fell in love with each other on the Titanic. Let that sink in.
Dear Donald Trump,
Please stop. Just stop.
Dear Reader,
Did you ever hear the Churchill ordered a plstypus in the middle of WWII to raise moral?
Dear Customer,
Please know that if you bring your cappuccino back for being 'too foamy' you will get, and deserve, a death stare.
Dear boy who wondered why I never had a boyfriend,
Please understand that I read books, and I read about all these wonderful fairytales. All I wish is to have one happen to me.
Dear Harry Potter,
Please tell me, did you just burn Quirrell's face off with your bare hands?
Dear Neville,
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Dear Self Defence Instructor,
No matter how much peril I am in, I am not going to "grab and rip" someone's groin.
Dear Mom,
Please stop freaking out over every little thing.
Dear John Smith,
Please explain why you're English and everyone on your ship is English but they all have English accents and you sound like you born when a Bald Eagle made a nest in the Stars and Stripes.
Dear Cupcake liner makers,
Can you please explain why you always put 50 cupcake liners in a package? You can make 12 cupcakes using 1 cupcake pan so after 4 pans I have 2 left over.
Dear family,
Please stop asking when I am having kids.
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