I now know why you're called that...
Sincerely, I think I have broken my bum...
Dear School Architects,
Please don't design the two buildings on campus to be exact replicas of each other, but then have the men's and women's bathrooms switch sides in the hallway.
Sincerely, I swear I did not walk in there on purpose
Please know that I saw you all twerking and you're not getting anythingfor christmas.
Sincerely, Santa Clause
When you said, "Let's get down to business," What did you expect?
Sincerely, To Defeat… The Huns!
Please stop saying you got inside me, its kinda creepy,
Sincerely, I have abnormally large ears
Please explain why the dress code doesn't allow us to show shoulders. Is a guy really gonna go "Dang! That's a fine shoulder you got there, girl?"
Sincerely, Please explain the sexual innuendo in that. I dare you.
I'm going to write a book filled with wonderful, interesting characters you will fall in love with. You will learn their secrets and understand their inside jokes and cry with them and be happy when they're happy. Then, when I am sure you are in love with them, I will kill them in the cruelest way plausible.
Dear 17 year old who just asked me if the USA Declaration of Independence was "the thing about fireworks",
Well, you've really outdone yourself in stupidity.
It's been two months. Either I've been miraculously impregnated by some higher power, or your hormonal schedule is waaaaaaaay off. Time to get your shit together, or else I'm rehiring your old assistant, Mr. Pill.
Sincerely, virginal college student who ain't gonna stand for your indecisiveness
Dear Large Creature Staring At Me Through My Bedroom Window At Night,
You're WAY too big to be any sort of owl. I'm just going to pretend that you're Totoro and try to get some sleep...
Sincerely, Creeped Out Sleeper
Yes, I understand that most of you aren't stupid and lazy, but some of you really do fit to the stereotypes...
Sincerely, "Oh, you speak European?"
Dear people thinking a certain idea of racism is bad,
I'm from a country where gingerbread men are considered racist because they're brown.
Sincerely, a facepalming Swede