Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Trojan condoms,
The Trojans have lost the war.
Dear new girlfriend,
When you said you kick a little in your sleep, I didn't think you meant you turned into a Kung Fu master.
Dear men in speedos,
Did you really walk out of the house today thinking "I look good!?"
Dear Alaska,
You seriously have a law that prohibits people from pushing a live moose out of a moving plane?
Dear pizza chef,
Thanks for singing ''I throw my pizza in the air sometimes, sayin AAAYOO, it's not DiGiorno!'' while making my pizza.
Dear tattoo,
Please be fake! please be fake!
Dear cheating boyfriend,
BUSTED!
Dear phone,
I thought when I put you on "silent" mode, it meant that you would be silent.
Dear mirror,
Sorry I've been avoiding you lately. I'm cheating on you with the refrigerator.
Dear police officer,
Have fun explaining why you just hit that parked car...
Dear preschooler,
What color is the slide again?
Dear friends who text me at 3am asking if I'm sleeping,
No, I'm freaking skydiving.
Dear girl looking at her reflection in the passing windows,
You look beautiful.
Dear 8-year-olds sitting on the bench playing video games,
Seriously? You are at the park.
Dear people who say they're screwed because of their drunk facebook pictures,
You know you can take those off, right?
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