Why WOULDN'T I touch the butt? Butts are great!
Dear daywalkers and the rest of the human race,
Please note that I have recently acquired a soul. If you find that yours is missing, do not panic. I have done you a favor as you will now survive the impending zombie apocalypse unlike the mortals. You're very welcome.
Sincerely, a ginger.
The cool kids don't ride kangaroos to school, they ride emus
Sincerely, an Aussie kid
You shouldn't use that here
Sincerely, professor Oak
Dear high schoolers at dances,
Wait you mean you don't do a Samba to this song?
Sincerely, teenage Latin ballroom dancer
Oh, so this stranger you don't know, the one you made out with at a party earlier, randomly shows up IN YOUR GARDEN in the middle of the night, UNDER YOUR WINDOW? And then you agreed to MARRY HIM?
Sincerely, I would have called the cops, but that seems legit too...
Dear Blind people,
Why do you walk your dogs soo much.
I'm still better at hiding than you.
Sucks, don't it?
Sincerely, Clippy the Paper Clip
You never see us picking up your poop! who's the pet again?
Sincerely, Dogs of the world
Dear cats outside my window,
Please stop mating in the middle of the night. I would like some sleep.
Sincerely, waking up at 3 am to the sound of screeching, mating cats.
Dear any boy who wishes to win my heart,
Please don't ever give me flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, or love songs. I will just get embarrassed and hide.
Sincerely, all I want is Triscuits
Please find my letter in a bottle, and become my best friend
Sincerely, bored, on holiday, with a bottle, and no more vodka. Or friends.
Dear Chinese People,
Please don't speak your communist ching chong language in public. We're in America, we're capitalist, and we speak English. I expect you to do the same. Thank You.
Sincerely, A REAL American