Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear sister,
Your complaints about the monster under your bed offend me.
Dear pervy guys staring at me as I eat my Popsicle,
*CRUNCH*
Dear Jacob,
Please stop calling yourself a werewolf. You're an animagus. Now, please turn to page 394.
Dear Curiosity,
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to here it, is it still Obama's fault?
Dear "America runs on Dunkin",
That's cute
Dear guy friends,
Please don't be scared to go to the gay bar with us.
Dear Tiny sweet baby of mine,
You are, literally, smaller than your daddy's foot, how do you poop so much?
Dear purple grape,
Breathe!
Dear person who just rear-ended me,
Thank you for singing "like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!" When we got out.
Dear Mayans,
Thank you for teaching me that if you don't finish something, it really isn't the end of the world
Dear world,
My aim is to keep the toilets clean, your aim helps
Dear "roses are red, violets are blue",
False. Violets are violet by nature, and roses, depending on their genotype, can be a variety of colors.
Dear Men,
Please know that it's been proven that most women kill with poison.
Dear Michael Jackson,
I'm ok
Dear Febreze,
So I took someone to a sketchy warehouse, blindfolded them, and then told them to take a deep breath.
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