Please stop attacking me with your faces. It hurts.
Sincerely, the floor
Saying "You're the ugliest person I know." really doesn't work with you.
Sincerely, your identical twin sister
Dear people who tell me I'm short,
Sincerely, I'm a legal midget
Dear person who invented the high five,
What did the other person do when you spontaneously decided to slap hands?
Sincerely, "Woah...what was that." "I don't know, it just... Felt right"
We have the same middle name. Let's be friends!
Dear white girls,
Ok, so like how much Starbucks can you can't before your Uggs literally can't even?
I don't love summer because I see you in skimpy bikinis, I love summer because I never need to wear a shirt
Sincerely, Self Proclaimed Narcissistic Douche
I don't find Waldo. Waldo finds ME.
Sincerely, Chuck Norris
Here I come.
Dear Pandora advertisers,
Why do I keep getting ads in Spanish to vote for the govener of Illinois?
Sincerely, I don't live in Illinois or speak Spanish
Sorry I peed in your bushes.
Sincerely, I really had to go.
Dear people who check behind their shower for murders,
Please realize that if you leave the shower curtain open, you can see the entire shower and you don't have to check.
Sincerely, smart people
You might have blue, but do you have purple? Thats what we thought...
Dear Michael Jackson,
I don't think Annie's okay.
Sincerely, a smooth criminal