Dear Chicken and the Egg,
Does it really matter who came first? Because I win anyway.
Sincerely, The frying pan.
Dear Fox News,
What does the Fox Say?
Sincerely, You all are ring-a-ding ding dongs.
You should have put one of your Horcruxes into my ex-boyfriend's ego.
Sincerely, It is freakin' indestructible!
Dear Animal Planet,
Please stop recording us having sex on camera. We don't want to become famous like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. We value our privacy!
Sincerely, The animal kingdom
Dear other melon,
I'm sorry I just can't run away with you and get married.
I will not apologize for being an asshole to you.
Dear spanish teacher,
I THROW MY SPANISH IN THE AIR SOMETIMES SAYIN' AYYYY OOOO NO COMPRENDO!
Sincerely, student failing Spanish.
Never be hot.
Sincerely, the girl responsible for the toilet clog and recovering from Taco Tuesday
Dear science nerds,
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs. What does the bartender say?
Sincerely, for you, no charge!
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to here it, is it still Obama's fault?
Sincerely, Curious Democrat
Dear toilet paper,
Please stop complaining that you have the worst job. I don't want to argue with you about this anymore.
Dear North Korea,
I meant put the take-out in the microwave when i said to nuke the Chinese.
Sincerely, Kim Jong Un
Was it awkward when Andy was getting dressed?
Sincerely, Just curious
Dear clumsy person,
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, time after time...