Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear splits,
Just...a...little...bit...further....
Dear school earthquake drill,
Please do not ask me to get under the desk.
Dear older brother,
Please stop making me do all your chores.
Dear America's Got Talent,
Two British judges and a Canadian judge?
Dear fans,
If Kayne managed to steal the mic, is Taylor really swift?
Dear guy who flipped me off on the freeway,
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not scary coming from the driver of a Bug...
Dear vampires,
Humans are annoyed with you too? You drink blood? You follow people around when they don't want you too? Join the club!
Dear cat,
Just because you bathe in the middle of the kitchen for all to see does not give you a front row seat to me getting in the shower.
Dear Selena Gomez,
Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend.
Dear parents everywhere,
You'd better tell your kids about puberty and sex before I explain it to them in HD.
Dear people wearing the pants extremely low,
You do realize that sagging trend was started in prison, and it symbolized that they were willing to have gay sex with the other inmates, right?
Dear people I'm getting introduced to,
So are we gonna hug or shake hands?
Dear serial killers,
I know the best place to hide a dead body. Here's a hint: it's dark and it will cover the smell.
Dear mom,
Is it as awkward for you as it is for me?
Dear extra cling Saran Wrap,
I was about to stick you to something...have patience.
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