Dear scarred teenage girl,
All of my clothes were in the laundry...
Sincerely, man wearing his wife's yoga pants at the grocery store
It's not small, it's fun size...
My aim is to keep the toilets clean, your aim helps
Dear guy friends,
Please don't be scared to go to the gay bar with us.
Sincerely, if girls don't throw themselves at you, gay guys certainly won't.
Dear Tiny sweet baby of mine,
You are, literally, smaller than your daddy's foot, how do you poop so much?
Sincerely, confused mommy
Dear pervy guys staring at me as I eat my Popsicle,
Sincerely, oh I even broke the Popsicle stick.
No, the printed and labeled diagram of a penis that I left on the kitchen counter was not for my enjoyment.
Sincerely, I hate health class
Thank you for teaching me that if you don't finish something, it really isn't the end of the world
Sincerely, a perfectionist finally at ease
Dear Peter pan,
You call it pixie dust, I call it crack!
Sincerely, either way we both get pretty high
Dear "roses are red, violets are blue",
False. Violets are violet by nature, and roses, depending on their genotype, can be a variety of colors.
Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper.
Dear person who just rear-ended me,
Thank you for singing "like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!" When we got out.
Sincerely, don't worry, you're covered
Dear Latin teacher,
Thanks for says, "That would make you a prostitute." when the girls in my class said they wanted to wear a toga.
Sincerely, that was great.
Dear TI-84 calculator,
Please don't have a secret history of all of the absurd calculations I've typed.
Sincerely, I typed in 14+6 the other day.
Dear Grey's Anatomy writers,
You do realize that we laugh when we watch your show, right? And we have a drinking game base off it?
Sincerely, real surgeons with nothing better to do outside of the hospital.