Please stop stealing my thunder.
I now know why you're called that...
Sincerely, I think I have broken my bum...
Dear School Architects,
Please don't design the two buildings on campus to be exact replicas of each other, but then have the men's and women's bathrooms switch sides in the hallway.
Sincerely, I swear I did not walk in there on purpose
Please stop saying you got inside me, its kinda creepy,
Sincerely, I have abnormally large ears
Please know that I saw you all twerking and you're not getting anythingfor christmas.
Sincerely, Santa Clause
When you said, "Let's get down to business," What did you expect?
Sincerely, To Defeat… The Huns!
Please explain why the dress code doesn't allow us to show shoulders. Is a guy really gonna go "Dang! That's a fine shoulder you got there, girl?"
Sincerely, Please explain the sexual innuendo in that. I dare you.
Dear Miss Muffet,
Please don't be scared of me, I only trying to make some friends.
Sincerely, the spider who sat next to you.
Dear 17 year old who just asked me if the USA Declaration of Independence was "the thing about fireworks",
Well, you've really outdone yourself in stupidity.
It's been two months. Either I've been miraculously impregnated by some higher power, or your hormonal schedule is waaaaaaaay off. Time to get your shit together, or else I'm rehiring your old assistant, Mr. Pill.
Sincerely, virginal college student who ain't gonna stand for your indecisiveness
Dear Large Creature Staring At Me Through My Bedroom Window At Night,
You're WAY too big to be any sort of owl. I'm just going to pretend that you're Totoro and try to get some sleep...
Sincerely, Creeped Out Sleeper
Dear girl working at Subway,
Yes, I did say I want 5 oatmeal-raisin cookies
Sincerely, the only person on earth who eats them
Dear people thinking a certain idea of racism is bad,
I'm from a country where gingerbread men are considered racist because they're brown.
Sincerely, a facepalming Swede