Butt dialing isn't the same as booty calling.
Sincerely, the daughter you "booty called"
Please stop licking my head in the middle of the night.
Sincerely, kid with a cowlick
Dear teenage daughter,
Please don't scream like that when playing board games with your boyfriend. Especially when you two are alone in your room
Sincerely, your father who just had a heart attack
Dear People telling Trojan is the best condom brand,
During the Trojan war the Greeks still got in despite the Trojans protective walls
Sincerely, History Repeats Itself
Dear Five year old Nephew,
When you asked me what "graveyard shift" meant, and I explained that it means I go to work after it gets dark, work all night, and then come home and sleep during the day, never would I have expected you to laugh and scream out "Oh my god! You're a vampire!"
Sincerely, Can't stop laughing
Dear people who complain about being "forever alone",
You are never truly alone. We will ALWAYS be with you.
Dear girl I dated two nights ago,
You showed up with your nose against my 3rd floor bedroom window at 4am with roses and a sign saying "I <3 U"...
Sincerely, slightly freaked out
Dear Hostess who says "Would you like a table?",
No thank you I would prefer to sit on the floor.
Sincerely, Carpet for five please
Dear short people,
Just because I'm tall, doesn't mean I'm good at basketball.
Sincerely, Just because you're short doesn't make you good at miniature golf
Dear Grape Flavor,
Where can we sue you for false representation?
Did I really just find a cupcake from my 6th birthday party in the freezer?
Sincerely, your concerned 13-year old daughter
Dear people everywhere,
Did you know that the term for being ripped apart by a black hole is spaghettification?
Sincerely, it's true.
Sometimes, we grab our boobs. Because, well, we can.
Sincerely, women everywhere
Twilight was rejected by 14 publishers...
Sincerely, The 15th just wanted to watch the world burn.