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Dear "nice" guys who finish last,
Well, at least you finished
Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Dear Three Year Old Brother,
You can't tell me where to hide in a game of hide-and-go-seek especially when you are the seeker.
Dear Netflix,
Please stop suggesting that I should watch Human Centipede. If I wanted to watch someone eating crap I'd go to McDonald's.
Dear Whovians,
Every time I read your fandom name I always think that you're obsessed with Dr. Seuss and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
Dear nerf gun,
I KNEW there was a reason I practiced with you so much
Dear Mapquest Users,
Please Stop... Just stop...
Dear women who say men shouldn't be grossed out by periods,
It is pretty gross.
Dear Fatal Attractions: Big Cats,
If your goal is to convince people NOT to have a tiger as a pet, don't show a person cuddling an adorable tiger cub!
Dear guys,
If you want to get a girl, your going to have to prove that you'll be better than the single life.
Dear neighbor dog,
Please stop barking at 3 A.M. It has been 12 years and you have not shut up yet. Please die already.
Dear people who say girls shouldn't wear make-up,
I have the face of a ten-year-old and the chest capacity of a 21-year-old. I'm 16.
Dear guy friend,
Remember when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship?
Dear "Violence is always wrong",
My neck still hurts from the last time I tried to kill myself. And when I came back from the hospital, the first thing I heard was: "So you didn't manage to kill yourself this time either? No wonder your mommy's ashamed of you!"
Dear 'friend zoned guy friend',
How is it my fault that as soon as you met me you 'potential girlfriend' zoned me? I just wanted to be mates...
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