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Dear Viewers,
Why WOULDN'T I touch the butt? Butts are great!
Dear daywalkers and the rest of the human race,
Please note that I have recently acquired a soul. If you find that yours is missing, do not panic. I have done you a favor as you will now survive the impending zombie apocalypse unlike the mortals. You're very welcome.
Dear foreigners,
The cool kids don't ride kangaroos to school, they ride emus
Dear Ash,
You shouldn't use that here
Dear high schoolers at dances,
Wait you mean you don't do a Samba to this song?
Dear Juliet,
Oh, so this stranger you don't know, the one you made out with at a party earlier, randomly shows up IN YOUR GARDEN in the middle of the night, UNDER YOUR WINDOW? And then you agreed to MARRY HIM?
Dear Blind people,
Why do you walk your dogs soo much.
Dear Ninjas,
I'm still better at hiding than you.
Dear Auto-Correct,
Sucks, don't it?
Dear Owners,
You never see us picking up your poop! who's the pet again?
Dear cats outside my window,
Please stop mating in the middle of the night. I would like some sleep.
Dear any boy who wishes to win my heart,
Please don't ever give me flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, or love songs. I will just get embarrassed and hide.
Dear Stranger,
Please find my letter in a bottle, and become my best friend
Dear Chinese People,
Please don't speak your communist ching chong language in public. We're in America, we're capitalist, and we speak English. I expect you to do the same. Thank You.
Dear World,
What if oxygen was poisonous but it took 75-100 years to kill us?
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