Please don't back up into your meat grinders.
Sincerely, you might get a little behind in your work.
Please Stop singing "Everyday I'm suffering."
Sincerely, It's "Everyday I'm shuffling!"
I ate a unicorn today. It was tasty.
Please realize stereotypes are there for a reason
Sincerely, I have a crazy Jewish grandmother
Dear Star Wars fans,
What if the Indiana Jones stories are really Han Solo's dreams when he is frozen in Carbonite?
Dear boyfriend ,
Thanks for persuading everybody at the costume part that mine was the best because I was obviously Waldo and couldn't be found
Sincerely, miserably sick at home
Dear Republican Party,
You've got plenty of candidates that can beat Hillary. Jeb Bush is not one of them. Please, nominate somebody who can actually win.
Sincerely, A Concerned Citizen
Please stop exacting revenge because I didn't give you a baby
Sincerely, girl in som serious pain
Dear ball organizers,
Please do not serve food that stains, gets stuck in teeth and whips around your mouth when you try to eat it when everybody wears fancy gowns and rented tuxedos. Spaghetti in tomato sauce, green salad with orange dressing and bbq ribs, seriously?
Sincerely, my dress is ruined and I am sure I have parsley stuck in my teeth.
Dear visiting in-laws,
Please remember that there are latches on our toilet lids for three reasons: your very active, inquisitive grandchildren. When you leave the lids up, those latches are rendered completely ineffective.
Dear Jobs I applied for,
Please think about getting back to me sooner. I found a better job while waiting, and 3 months is a dang long time to wait to hear that I wasn't accepted.
Sincerely, I hope you go out of business
Please know that I will never forgive you for making my childhood/teenage years a living hell. I was the best child I could be, but you still put me down.
Sincerely, And people wonder why I want to move out for college, even if I have to live in a trashy apartment.
Dear certain Americans,
Please can we have a civil conversation about gun laws and statistics without you using "Second Amendment" as your only argument? This is a really important topic, please don't shrug it off because of how it might affect you.
Sincerely, we aren't trying to remove firearms, only make ownership safer.
We like sandwiches too!