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Dear kids,
Please be advised that as you grow up, you will discover that we DO still exist, but feel free to use our grown-up name, not cooties.
Dear Romeo and Juliet,
You had sex and died. TOLD YOU!
Dear money,
Ever heard of asexual reproduction?
Dear men,
Please think with the head that has the brain.
Dear boys,
I've seen your girlfriend naked.
Dear guest in my home,
No, you'll have to pee in the ditch outside like the rest of us.
Dear obnoxious French teacher,
Putting the clock in the back of the room just means your students will have severe neck pains.
Dear smokers,
If you blow smoke in my face, don't act surprised if I spray Febreeze in yours...
Dear Calculus,
If I can't have an imaginary friend, you can't have imaginary numbers.
Dear bed,
I really can't stay.
Dear manly men who aren't afraid of anything,
Tampons.
Dear university that is emailing me,
Please make sure that your grammar and spelling is correct before you send out your letters to prospective students.
Dear teachers during fire drills,
I'm pretty sure if there was a real fire I wouldn't be silent or walking slowly in a single file line.
Dear tampon and pad comercials,
Okay, so, mine's not blue.
Dear dogs that are barking,
There is NOTHING out there!
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