Dear "nice" guys who finish last,
Well, at least you finished
Sincerely, Unsatisfied girl
Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Sincerely, His exhausted and grinning wife
Dear Three Year Old Brother,
You can't tell me where to hide in a game of hide-and-go-seek especially when you are the seeker.
Sincerely, Your highly amused sister
Please stop suggesting that I should watch Human Centipede. If I wanted to watch someone eating crap I'd go to McDonald's.
Sincerely, annoyed user
Every time I read your fandom name I always think that you're obsessed with Dr. Seuss and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
Sincerely, They're the people of Whoville. I can't be the only one
Dear nerf gun,
I KNEW there was a reason I practiced with you so much
Sincerely, hit and killed the spider in three tries
Dear Mapquest Users,
Please Stop... Just stop...
Sincerely, Google Maps
Dear women who say men shouldn't be grossed out by periods,
It is pretty gross.
Sincerely, and I've had to deal with them for the last 15 years of my life!
Dear Fatal Attractions: Big Cats,
If your goal is to convince people NOT to have a tiger as a pet, don't show a person cuddling an adorable tiger cub!
Sincerely, You made me want a tiger now....
If you want to get a girl, your going to have to prove that you'll be better than the single life.
Sincerely, it worked for me
Dear neighbor dog,
Please stop barking at 3 A.M. It has been 12 years and you have not shut up yet. Please die already.
Sincerely, the sleep deprived neighbor 2 doors down
Dear people who say girls shouldn't wear make-up,
I have the face of a ten-year-old and the chest capacity of a 21-year-old. I'm 16.
Sincerely, what's wrong with using a little eye-liner to make myself look like my actual age?
Dear guy friend,
Remember when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship?
Sincerely, I lied
Dear "Violence is always wrong",
My neck still hurts from the last time I tried to kill myself. And when I came back from the hospital, the first thing I heard was: "So you didn't manage to kill yourself this time either? No wonder your mommy's ashamed of you!"
Sincerely, I just dislocated my bully's jaw and I sure as hell don't regret it