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Dear "An apple a day keeps the doctor away",
LIES!
Dear 6 year old girl I'm babysitting,
Your comments make TV worth watching again.
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Dear world,
You can't say bubbles angrily no matter how hard you try.
Dear men who are baffled by bras,
I can unlatch mine from the back and completely take it off... while keeping my shirt on.
Dear Nerds,
You were right.
Dear world,
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
Dear Great-Grandma,
Yes he's black. No he's not my slave...
Dear yoga teacher,
I do know how to do downward facing dog. I do it wrong to stare at the hot guy behind me
Dear friends,
Please stop sending me funny texts at the completely wrong moment
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Harry was a descendant of the 3rd brother from the group who made the Deathly Hallows. Voldemort was a descendant of the 2nd brother. This means that Harry and Voldemort were distant cousins.
Dear Mystery Seeker,
"Go to Wal-Mart, buy one banana, two jars of chocolate sauce, and one roll of duct tape. Be sure to look suspicious."
Dear dog I left at home for an hour,
Why would you eat the heel out of my sock, my sister's cellphone, 3 pine cones, and somehow the cat door?
Dear Crying Girl,
What's wrong? Heartbreak? Rejection? Cheating boyfriend? Wishing you could go back to December?
Dear Judgmental Idiots,
Just because I'm slim, fashionably dressed, have a slicked-back hairdo, and a sexy accent, does not mean that I'm gay.
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