Dear "An apple a day keeps the doctor away",
Sincerely, Steve Jobs
Dear 6 year old girl I'm babysitting,
Your comments make TV worth watching again.
Sincerely, yes, the guy on Wipeout devoting his run to the girl host will always be single.
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care
You can't say bubbles angrily no matter how hard you try.
Sincerely, ...you just tried, didn't you?
Dear men who are baffled by bras,
I can unlatch mine from the back and completely take it off... while keeping my shirt on.
Sincerely, you jelly?
You were right.
Sincerely, Ex-Varsity Footballer, Current Wal-Mart Cashier.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
Sincerely, but none of them really work...
Yes he's black. No he's not my slave...
Sincerely, He's my boyfriend..
Dear yoga teacher,
I do know how to do downward facing dog. I do it wrong to stare at the hot guy behind me
Sincerely, there's no attractive guys between my hands...
Please stop sending me funny texts at the completely wrong moment
Sincerely, laughing at a funeral...
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Harry was a descendant of the 3rd brother from the group who made the Deathly Hallows. Voldemort was a descendant of the 2nd brother. This means that Harry and Voldemort were distant cousins.
Sincerely, talk about family feuds
Dear Mystery Seeker,
"Go to Wal-Mart, buy one banana, two jars of chocolate sauce, and one roll of duct tape. Be sure to look suspicious."
Sincerely, Challenge Accepted
Dear dog I left at home for an hour,
Why would you eat the heel out of my sock, my sister's cellphone, 3 pine cones, and somehow the cat door?
Sincerely, none of those things seem remotely appetizing
Dear Crying Girl,
What's wrong? Heartbreak? Rejection? Cheating boyfriend? Wishing you could go back to December?
Sincerely, there's a Taylor Swift song for that