Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear mom and dad,
I know you hate when I wear super tight skinny jeans because you think they look slutty. But, if I can't get them off, nobody else can either...
Dear geometry,
Thank you for preparing me for the time when I'll have to figure out the lengths of the mid-segments of an isosceles triangle.
Dear cute lifeguards,
I hope you can't tell that I just farted.
Dear Facebook,
I wish you had to pass a sobriety test to login.
Dear unicorns,
There can only be one.
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear psychiatrist,
The other day, I had this CRAZY dream...
Dear midwife who just fainted during my first child's birth,
Where did you go to school!?!?
Dear floor,
I missed you!
Dear Pac-Man,
Do you need some help?
Dear pet cat,
Thank you for taking a bite out of my unwrapped McDouble and giving me a literal icanhazcheezburger moment!
Dear <,
Just think, ten years ago, we didn't even know each other. Bless this generation for bringing us together!
Dear Waldo,
Care to join us?
Dear Charmin Brand toilet paper,
Aren't your commercials technically bear porn?
Dear people who check behind the shower curtain,
At least when I do it, I have a baseball bat in hand.
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