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Dear Pet Parents,
Do you ever wonder what your pet has named you?
Dear colorful pad wrappers,
Thank you for enabling my boyfriend to not pay attention and think it was my gum package.
Dear World,
Everyone's a little bit racist.
Dear short friends,
Thank you for making me look taller in comparision.
Dear Potty-Training Nephew,
If you have to go to the bathroom, please notify an adult... especially if you are going to be sitting on laps.
Dear Stores,
Christmas in September? Damn, we're ahead of schedule!
Dear woman next door who screams every night,
Please stop screaming, or atleast inform me if you're being abused or just having wild sex.
Dear Sink Fairy,
Please be real. Wave your magic wand over those who put the dishes in the sink in the first place. Then you wouldn't have to visit so often.
Dear customer,
It is great that your brother/wife/roommate/blood donor works in a different store from this chain. That does not, and never will, entitle you to an employee discount here. Especially because you have nothing proving they actually do work there.
Dear people who piss on slang,
Your inability to realize that one's colloquial speech patterns do not reflect on one's overall intelligence greatly dissapoints me. Your persistence in treating slang like some characteristic of the illness idiocy enrages me. Keep your damn high horse opinions to yourself you pretentious bastards.
Dear Cop,
Please when you pull someone over in front of my house leave the lights on forever! My house is lit up like a rave and my dog just loves it so much he won't shut up about it.
Dear Period,
Please keep coming and reminding me I'm a healthy woman, I'm sorry everyone else seems to hate you
Dear Friends,
Ok, I admit it. I started feeling cold half an hour ago. But I'm six and a half hours out of seven wandering around Poland in a t-shirt in October, and I'll be damned if I admit it at this point.
Dear 21 year old costumer,
Sir, my boobs do not tell you tonight's specials, please stop looking at them.
Dear conscience,
Please kick in BEFORE I make stupid decisions, not after.
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