How come you're always on top?
Dear Washington D.C.,
Calm down, it was just an earthquake. These things happen.
Sincerely, Los Angeles.
Dear pyros of the world,
Sincerely, a bad pun.
Dear sleeping girlfriend,
I was in the middle of breaking up with you when you dozed off.
Sincerely, it was because I felt unappreciated...
Dear person who stole our trashcan,
Well you know how the saying goes, "one man's trash is another man's treasure..."
Sincerely, not really sure how, but...
Dear person in movie who is being chased by a rolling boulder.,
Don't run in front of it! Just run to the side! It won't kill you if you're not in from of it!
Sincerely, oh look, you're dead. Should've taken my advice.
Please bring me coal for Christmas.
Sincerely, the United States of America.
You give out more mixed signals than Helen Keller directing traffic!
Sincerely, annoyed and confused girls.
Dear person who can't stop sneezing,
BLESS YOU ALREADY!
Sincerely, I'M TIRED OF TELLING YOU!
If it wasn't already obvious, we seat you next to the person you'd look best with.
Sincerely, yeah, I'm dating my lab partner, that's what we want to hear.
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Sincerely, confused and slightly concerned.
Want to hear a joke about a vegetable?
Sincerely, it's pretty corny!
Dear teacher who says "don't get arrested" every Friday when the bell rings,
Sincerely, my bad.
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
Sincerely, next I'm trying trying Lion King!