Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear math teacher,
You earned my respect when you said that Batman is just a ninja who has a lot of money to buy expensive toys and play with them.
Dear parents of the kids I'm babysitting,
Wait... I'm getting paid $20, for two hours, after they've gone to sleep, and to watch classic Christmas movies on your t.v. and eat your food?
Dear four-year-old twins I babysit,
I'm never going to call it an injury ever again!
Dear flat chested girls,
I'd gladly give you a cup-size or two.
Dear boys,
If you insist on taking off your shirt while sweating, you need to have a six pack.
Dear Mom,
Stop trying to deny people entrance into our house because it's a little messy. They won't stop being our friends because there's clothes on the floor.
Dear College Professor,
You seriously just assigned a ten page essay on the importance of sleep!?
Dear puberty,
Please hold up your end of the bargain.
Dear professors,
I can't make revisions if I can't read your handwriting!
Dear "Tear-Free" shampoo,
LIES!
Dear Spanish speaking customers,
You're right, my butt DOES look good in these pants. I'm also pretty impressed with you almost guessing my correct bra size.
Dear university students,
Why is it that I constantly hear about how you guys can't afford to eat anything but Ramen noodles, but there is always a lineup at the campus Starbucks?
Dear high school students,
Yes, I know exactly when you're texting in class. How? I used the same "tricks" to get away with it when I was in college.
Dear J. K. Rowling,
In French, vol means flight, de means of, and mort is death. So, Voldemort = flight from death.
Dear car makers,
Why do you make the gap between the seats far enough apart to drop something down there but skinny enough so I can't fit my hand down there?
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