Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear people who live on the second floor,
I know I'm easy, but that doesn't mean you have to constantly use me.
Dear Trix Rabbit,
We can team up and destroy those nosy kids once and for all. And then we'll have our cereal all to ourselves.
Dear creative writing class,
I'm glad you found all that symbolism in my poem. I was pretty sure I was just writing about a mountain lake.
Dear band teachers,
Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder".
Dear 7 year old brother,
Please continue to hop away like a bunny when I told you to 'hop off' because I was in a bad mood. You made my day.
Dear British guys looking for advice on how to get girls,
1: Go to an American classroom. 2: Say some stereotypical British things.
Dear 'customer' who stole my phone while I was working to help you,
Please know that I had to run your credit, and know your name, address, and I also have you on camera stealing it.
Dear guy asking me if I'm listening to music,
No, I'm rocking out to an audiobook on the mating habits of the Canadian goose.
Dear people who say "hate is a strong word",,
So would you prefer "I dislike you with the passion of a thousand burning suns"?
Dear Teenage boys,
I see you when you are sleeping, and those are very naughty dreams...
Dear omg Wut r u Gona get me 4 Xmas?,
A fricken dictionary.
Dear dad,
Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night?
Dear Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White,
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out like this!
Dear Foreign Language Teacher,
The hardest part about the test isn't knowing the vocab, it's figuring out what each picture is
Dear movie theater usher,
What's in my bag you ask? Oh just my convenient Pocket Constitution, Bill of Rights, Amendment IV, which happens to state that I have the right not to be searched without a warrant. Hm. Convenient.
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