You gave us the option to write a research paper abour anything.
Sincerely, Don't be surprised.
Dear Med student who always belittled my English degree.,
I just completed my Ph.D.
Sincerely, yes, you have to call me doctor now.
Please don't put your glasses somewhere different before going to take a shower. It makes me feel like Velma.
Sincerely, My glasses! I can't see without my glasses!
Dear adorable little puppy,
Please stay cute forever and continue to try and protect me from the vacuum cleaner
Sincerely, I love you too
Please stop running into my room in the middle of the night, staring at something I can't see and running away in panic.
Sincerely, too scared to move.
Please explain how you always seem to end up curled up next to me in bed without my noticing how you got here
Sincerely, your very confused owner
Dear girls in my class,
Yes, I'm British. Yes, you guys are nice. No, I don't like you.
Sincerely, I'm gay
I know you want me to keep throwing the tennis ball, but you have to give it back first!
Did you know that roosters start their cockleedoos at 1 in the morning and not the sun rise?
Sincerely, I didn't either until I stayed up all night
Please delete you search history before you let me use your iPhone
Sincerely, "free porn clips"
Oh...you didn't know you had several cuts? Well then, you're welcome.
Sincerely, Hand Sanitizer
Dear Mascara and Eyeliner,
I have used at least four makeup remover pads and you are still plastered to my face. If I was crying you would have been off hours ago.
Sincerely, frustrated teenage girl
Dear English Ph.D,
I'll have cream with that.
Sincerely, the Med Student
I hate to break this to you, but talking to your kid with a British accent will not give them one too. As a child develops their linguistic abilities, they will first learn from the parents but will eventually have an accent matching their peers (who will be presumably American). Therefore, you'll need to move to Great Britain.