Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear world,
You take so many unecessary showers.
Dear best man,
Please forgive me for that embarrassing speech. It was all my fault.
Dear math students,
You only have 4 problems of homework tonight! 1.a.b.c.d.e.f.g. 2.a.b.c.d.e.f.g. 3.a.b.c.d.e.f.g. 4.a.b.c.d.e.f.g.
Dear waitress,
DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!
Dear whoever just called,
Thanks for not telling me who you are or your number.
Dear poets,
Roses are red, bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon.
Dear Crayola,
Please stop making all your crayons look so tasty.
Dear bra,
You are not an appropriate wallet.
Dear Band-Aids,
Hmm, Spongebob or Toy Stor- OH MY GOSH, CHARLIE BROWN!
Dear Facebook,
Why on earth would I ever want a status update to be visible only to myself?
Dear unsuspecting furniture store customers,
"FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!!"
Dear ROTFL,
Laughing So Hard I Fell Off My Dinosaur Just Kidding I Don't Have A Dinosaur But If I Did I Would Name It Frank!
Dear computer,
Why does it take less than a second for Facebook to load but twenty minutes for my homework assignment to download?
Dear Vogue,
Would you like some articles with those advertisements?
Dear makers of cheap earbuds,
Have you ever even worn headphones before? Or, in fact, seen an ear?
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