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Dear Facebook users,
Please remember that hash tags are for TWITTER.
Dear Step Brother,
Please stop masturbating in the middle of the night
Dear cat,
Please don't bang on the door to be let in at midnight when I'm all alone in the house
Dear tall people,
Yes, I know I'm short, yes, I know you find it funny, but STOP USING MY HEAD AS AN ARMREST!
Dear dog owner who just let your dog crap on my lawn,
Please clean up your dog's "present." It's not my job to deal with that shit...literally.
Dear Lesbians at the Hotel Pool,
As much as I agree with gay rights, do you really thinks it is appropriate to basically dry hump each other when my two year old and 7 year old are watching?
Dear period,
Not sure if it's hunger pains or just cramps...
Dear Jade (my cat),
Thank you for coming over and licking my face to make sure I was okay when I fell down the stairs.
Dear keyboard,
Please move the : and the ; buttons farther apart.
Dear ignorant classmate,
So... Remind me again why it's a problem that I like both men and women.
Dear internet,
Thanks, but I REALLY didn't need to see that.
Dear rest of the world,
Just to tell you no one in Australia says "put a shrimp on the barbie" For one we call them prawns!
Dear Vegans,
I can make you a non-vegan rather quickly!
Dear men,
Please aim at the toilet... Not the wall.
Dear Customers,
Your bra and other undergarments are not pockets. Please excuse the disgusted look on my face as I douse your money in lysol.
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