Please don't ever make me fall in love with a guy then realize he's my cousin, again.
Dear Past Self,
Remember when we were little and getting clothes for Christmas was kind of a downer? Funny how priorities change when we're older and broke.
Sincerely, Yay! Socks!
Please learn to use the grass on the side of the road
Sincerely, sorry cars behind me going to work, he'll be done a sec, I swear.
Dear anyone whose interested,
If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you're saying "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
Sincerely, am I the only person who thinks that is freaking amazing?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Sincerely, ...Unless you're Hitler.
Dear mom who's making me clean my room because we are havimg dinner guests,
I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were eating in my bedroom....
Sincerely, how about no?
Are you full of beryllium, gold and titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti-full!
Sincerely, Howard Wallowitz
Dear If the shoe fits perfectly then how come it falls off?,
You have obviously never tried to run in heels.
You can try to act cool, until they bring out the bubble wrap!
Sincerely, the child inside of you
Dear Michigan weather,
Please MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!
Sincerely, tired of summer and winter all in one week.
Dear cave women,
How did you deal with your periods?
Sincerely, just curious
I am writing to you to express my dissatisfaction. First, I didn't ask to be here. You put me here. That started us off on a bad foot. Given that rocky start, I'd think you'd strive to be a good host. But no. You fill this place with unpleasant surprises. As if that's not enough, at some point I apparently cease to exist, in a manner that is most likely shocking, painful, and tragic. Can you say rip off?
Sincerely, Please provide a refund
Dear friend who went to The Hobbit with a date,
Do you even know what the movie was about?
Sincerely, I can't hear the dialogue over the sound of you two sucking each other's faces.
Let me help you with that electricity bill you keep complaining about, you turn the lights OFF the same way you turn them on, just in the opposite direction.
Sincerely, the secret fairy turning them off in the middle of the night.