Dear advertising companies,
Just because I live in Canada doesn't mean I want to hear 2 minutes of French advertising without subtitles.
Sincerely, If I can't understand your ad, I'm not going to buy your products
Dear Lesbians at the Hotel Pool,
As much as I agree with gay rights, do you really thinks it is appropriate to basically dry hump each other when my two year old and 7 year old are watching?
Sincerely, Mommy! I want to play with them.
Dear fat bottomed girls,
You make the rockin world go 'round!
I can make you a non-vegan rather quickly!
Sincerely, Poisonus Snake Bite!
Please stop telling me that one box of your Mac and cheese has three servings in it.
Sincerely, I seriously eat one box by myself. . .
Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!
Dear girl who is my friend,
Do I need to be a worse friend in order for you to become my girlfriend or what?
Sincerely, friend zoned and confused
Dear people who care far too much about people's backgrounds,
I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
Dear rest of the world,
Just to tell you no one in Australia says "put a shrimp on the barbie" For one we call them prawns!
Sincerely, ALL Australians
Dear English speakers everywhere,,
Theatre is the art of making a show or a theatrical piece. Theater is the building we do it in.
Sincerely, why can't the English learn to speak?
Dear annoyed people,
I like my women like my coffee; fine-ground, with a little creamer, some cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom and vanilla.
Sincerely, that was supposed to be a joke, but it's actually kinda true...
Please move the : and the ; buttons farther apart.
Sincerely, I just made that text VERY awkward.
Dear Funny Movies,
Please explain why you have changed the definition of "funny" to "projectile vomit" and "poop in public"?
Sincerely, Used to like Comedies
Dear girl I make awkward eye contact with,
I'm going to smile at you in the hall on monday, okay?
Sincerely, I like you too