Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear stereotypes,
Today on the subway in NYC a man wearing big hats and big shoes, rap music blasting from his ipod offered an elderly lady his seat. He bumped into a little boy who was standing there when the train jerked and apologized by calling him "sir."
Dear current parental generation,
Cookie monster is not at fault if your kids don't like vegetables. It's not Spongebob's fault your kids are stupid enough to look for him in the ocean. Television violence is not to blame if your kids hit each other. Bert and Ernie sharing a room will not turn your kids gay.
Dear 4th graders who "hate school",
You get a worksheet and 20 minutes of reading for homework!
Dear Christmas,
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away. Bella died and Jacob cried, Potter all the way.
Dear American public,
Please remember that the "American dream" means that it is POSSIBLE for ANYONE to succeed, not that it is GUARANTEED that EVERYONE will succeed.
Dear Mom,
When I told I told you that I only want to have two kids when I grow up, saying "I wanted that, too" is not the correct response.
Dear chemistry nerds,
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Dear world,
What if God is just a Sims player, and we're the Sims?
Dear cruel universe,
When I said I wanted to have my nap time back I didn't mean that I wanted to replace my normal sleep for a nap...
Dear me,
When you blast your music really loud when you're home alone, remember to turn it back down when you're done. You use the same radio as an alarm clock.
Dear math teacher,
Don't look at me like that when giving me my exam back.
Dear dad,
Please don't come into Victoria's Secret with me....
Dear kid who stole my bike,
FYI the brakes were broken...
Dear Internet,
Man, you were a LOT funnier when I was alone...
Dear world,
The ultimate test of self control is sitting next to bubble wrap and leaving it alone.
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