Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear <,
Just think, ten years ago, we didn't even know each other. Bless this generation for bringing us together!
Dear people who check behind the shower curtain,
At least when I do it, I have a baseball bat in hand.
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear sandwich,
Sorry you got put in the middle of this.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Dear dad,
Yep...You caught me...I'm actually a Wiccan.
Dear unicorns,
There can only be one.
Dear floor,
I missed you!
Dear math,
Can you please be as easy as half the girls in my class?
Dear mom,
I found the $100 without needing to clean. I think you need to find a better hiding place that isn't under my pillow.
Dear skinny guy riding a motorcycle who nodded at me,
Just because you are riding a motorcycle does not automatically make you cool or attractive.
Dear Taylor Swift,
Is "back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine" code for "I really liked him, but then I became too famous for him?
Dear person I'm talking to,
Please do not ask me "North or South?" when I say I'm Korean.
Dear Mr. President,
Roses are red, violets are blue, Osama is dead, can I now bring my shampoo?
Dear National Geographic article about hippos eating people,
I THOUGHT THEY ONLY ATE WHITE MARBLES!!!!
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