Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear U.S. Government,
When hardcore criminals eat better than we do, there's got to be something wrong.
Dear everyone,
Upset, bored, angry, or hungry? I'm here for you.
Dear phone,
You can spell Byzantine but not noodles?!
Dear finals,
You are worth HOW MUCH?!
Dear guy friend who is always ready to listen,
Please know how much you mean to me.
Dear girls who spend $90 on Victoria Secret sweatpants,
They sell those at target for $10.
Dear autotune,
You have nothing on me.
Dear teenagers,
To avoid sleeping in, put a mouse trap on top of your snooze button.
Dear Walmart,
If you're lowering prices everyday... How come nothing is free?
Dear Facebook,
Could you please add a "will die alone with 72 cats" relationship option?
Dear bouncers,
Please stamp my hand with something more water soluable.
Dear person that came up with "that's what she said",
Thanks for making it impossible to comment on the size of things.
Dear spell check,
You'll never find me hear.
Dear America's got talent,
Two of your judges are British...
Dear disney,
Please make a movie where the lead male isn't a handsome prince.
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