Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
While I accomplished saving my entire country from one of the toughest armies in the world, you accomplished... sleeping...
Dear USB port,
This is awkward...
Dear aliens,
I have done more probing than you can imagine...
Dear insecure guy on top of me,
Please stop asking if I "like that." If I didn't, I wouldn't still be under you.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
You realize I can hear your heartbeat when we hug, right? That means I can hear how fast its beating after we kiss, too.
Dear pants making companies,
Please stop making fake pockets.
Dear people I know who see me at the movies and ask me what I'm doing,
Giving birth.
Dear girls,
Actually, we put the "XY" in the people you find sexy.
Dear people who complained about the white Coke cans looking too much like Diet Coke cans,
Please accept our sincerest apologies. Its so much more important that Coca-Cola should cater to your needs instead of donating millions of dollars to help save the polar bears. You're right.
Dear girlfriend who just freaked out at me for hanging out with another girl,
Meet my sister.
Dear ignorant people,
Please keep asking me if I'm Asian or Chinese. I laugh at your astounded looks when I say "BOTH!"
Dear boys,
Objects in shirt may be smaller than they appear.
Dear America,
Seriously, spray cheese?
Dear "wearing a padded bra is false advertisement",
Contrary to popular belief, i am not actually for sale.
Dear teachers,
You know you're giving too much homework when the passenger seat belt light goes on because my backpack weighs as much as a person.
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