Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear students,
If it wasn't already obvious, we seat you next to the person you'd look best with.
Dear guy in the car next to me,
Thanks for blowing me a kiss even though it was a little creepy.
Dear drinker,
I know you want me. You want to suck me, and blow me, and feel my delicious liquid go into your mouth. I'm ready.
Dear little sister who rides horses,
I'm more of a "save a horse, ride a cowboy" kind of girl.
Dear teenagers,
We wore our pants like that first!
Dear jerk who prank called me at 2am,
I hope you don't mind that I put your number all over the internet.
Dear general population,
When I said, "How stupid can you be?" - it wasn't meant as a challenge.
Dear telemarketers,
Please respond when I answer the phone and say "Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?"
Dear Washington D.C.,
Calm down, it was just an earthquake. These things happen.
Dear God,
Please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT let this thing fall down on me.
Dear Mulan,
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Dear internet,
Please stop with the talking ads that start on their own.
Dear teachers,
It's 'cuz I'm black, isn't it?
Dear urbandictionary.com,
Ohhhhhhh.
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