Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear waitress at Bandanas who spilled a Pepsi,
It just made my night when you said "Aw you guys made me ink."
Dear everyone,
Duct tape is a lot like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Dear boys who let their girlfriends pay for dinner,
Yes, we are judging you.
Dear Facebook,
Please create a "Delete all the pictures of you and your ex at once" button.
Dear cashier at the store,
Why yes, I am plotting horrible revenge on someone! How could you tell?
Dear 50 people who have posted on my Facebook wall for my birthday,
I wonder how many of you actually KNEW my birthday?
Dear Parents,
You'll never ask me to do the laundry again.
Dear world,
What word starts with an E, ends with an E, has an E in the middle but usually has only one letter?
Dear girl who thinks common sense is rare,
It's called COMMON sense
Dear Shower Curtain,
Please stop trying to get in the shower with me. I like you as a friend, just not like that.
Dear Users,
If you don't like your friend's status updates or pictures, just don't comment. Face it, the "dislike" button is never happening. Get over it.
Dear 11:11,
You owe me a boyfriend, a pony, and an acceptance letter to Hogwarts.
Dear "my lips are frozen",
You just gave me an excuse to kiss you
Dear mom doing the dishes,
Can I just slip this dirty dish in the sink real faaaaast...
Dear teenage couple making out in the car next to mine,
Forget you. Being single is awesome. Watch me stuff this big piece of bread into my mouth unattractively because I've got no one to impress.
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