Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear White people,
You all look the same too...
Dear air freshener,
"Do not spray directly onto throat "
Dear dad,
Going up to my boyfriend with a fake CIA badge and a water gun is not exactly how I wanted y'all to meet
Dear Boyfriend thinking he's going to do "No Shave November",
Of course I support you! As a matter of fact, I think I 'll do it with you!
Dear everyone who was in the Liberty Tree Mall at the time of my cartilage piercing,
I'm sorry.
Dear Guys,
What do you call guys who make jokes about women belonging in the kitchen?
Dear Doctor,
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Dear guy at the gym,
Smooth.
Dear Headphones,
I know you love each other. Please don't try to be naughty when I am gone.
Dear officer who asked me "How high are you?",
Your saying it wrong.
Dear teenage girl,
You like Disney movies? And Harry Potter? AND you're a virgin? What a special and unique snowflake you are!
Dear girls who think it's cool to take pictures in their bathroom,
Seeing your toilet is not attractive.
Dear Harry Potter,
We have a colorless, odorless liquid that makes people tell the truth too. Except we don't call it Veritaserum, we call it Vodka.
Dear Virgin Mobile,
Irony.
Dear Razor,
Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?
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