Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear 'customer' who stole my phone while I was working to help you,
Please know that I had to run your credit, and know your name, address, and I also have you on camera stealing it.
Dear Actors,
I'm sorry I always pause the movie when you're making the worst face possible...
Dear Sex Ed Teacher,
You just made Sex Ed my favorite course.
Dear winter,
Thank you for making my breath visible.
Dear Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White,
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out like this!
Dear people who say "hate is a strong word",,
So would you prefer "I dislike you with the passion of a thousand burning suns"?
Dear British guys looking for advice on how to get girls,
1: Go to an American classroom. 2: Say some stereotypical British things.
Dear Optimist Pessimist and Realist,
While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!
Dear God,
Please send some clothes to the poor ladies on my dad's computer.
Dear people who live on the second floor,
I know I'm easy, but that doesn't mean you have to constantly use me.
Dear Google Search,
I typed in, "Why can't I..." and you filled in, "...own a Canadian.".
Dear creative writing class,
I'm glad you found all that symbolism in my poem. I was pretty sure I was just writing about a mountain lake.
Dear Trix Rabbit,
We can team up and destroy those nosy kids once and for all. And then we'll have our cereal all to ourselves.
Dear band teachers,
Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder".
Dear Mr. Weasely,
The exact function of a rubber duck is a bath time companion or toy.
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