We are the ones that own YOU!
Dear women on Valentine's Day,
Don't make us see "Fifty Shades of Grey". We will never live up to that!
Sincerely, Men everywhere who aren't handsome millionares with plenty of sex-pertise.
If you want us to stay virgins, you should promote, not denounce, masturbation!
Sincerely, horny teenagers.
It must have been the watermelon seeds I ate...
Sincerely, Mary (while unknowingly pregnant)
Dear fake ALS supporters,
You are not a good person when you do the ice bucket challenge. You're just a cheap person who gives into peer pressure.
Sincerely, Someone who donated money.
I will allways be better.
Sincerely, the book
Thigh gaps aren't always sexy.
Dear college loans,
Sincerely, every college student ever.
Grow a real man's mustache!
Sincerely, Burt Reynolds
I'm going to kill you!
Dear pharmaceutical companies,
Why do you name all your drugs like sci-fi villains?
Sincerely, Xarelto, Prozac, Xanax...
Dear Cards Against Humanity,
Thanks for making racism funny again!
Sincerely, Everyone who plays
Dear secretly gay people of the world,
Nobody should have to live in a closet. Come out!
Sincerely, Harry Potter
You make me sick!
Sincerely, Pregnant women