Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear College Professor,
You seriously just assigned a ten page essay on the importance of sleep!?
Dear J. K. Rowling,
In French, vol means flight, de means of, and mort is death. So, Voldemort = flight from death.
Dear four-year-old twins I babysit,
I'm never going to call it an injury ever again!
Dear Spanish speaking customers,
You're right, my butt DOES look good in these pants. I'm also pretty impressed with you almost guessing my correct bra size.
Dear little boy standing up in the middle of church,
When you said "wait for me Jesus I'll be right back! I have to use the potty!" You almost made me pee myself.
Dear parents who think their child is an artistic genius,
I colored all of the Finding Nemo coloring books when you kid went to bed.
Dear Mom,
Stop trying to deny people entrance into our house because it's a little messy. They won't stop being our friends because there's clothes on the floor.
Dear teacher who asked the class whore to stop wearing her work clothes to school,
Thanks.
Dear "Tear-Free" shampoo,
LIES!
Dear high schoolers,
They lie about not being able to use calculators in real life.
Dear people who think the Harry Potter books go against the Christian belief,
Harry escaped death when he was a baby. When he was a young boy, he realized he was destined to destroy evil. When he grew older, he realized he needed to die. When he did die, he came back to life and conquered evil.
Dear professors,
I can't make revisions if I can't read your handwriting!
Dear boss that just fired me,
It wasn't my fault! The customer said the food sucked! I just agreed.
Dear 6 year old baby girl,
Thank You for pointing your marker at me screaming "AVADA KEDAVRA" when you got mad at me.
Dear balloon,
You shall never hit the ground.
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