Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Mom,
Please realize that typing in someone's name into Google will not do you any good in getting their phone number.
Dear Americans,
Yes, learning about WWII is awkward. But so is all of you staring at me during the lecture...
Dear alarm clock,
The early bird can have the worm.
Dear Wal-Mart,
Do you like, make walls or something?
Dear kid bullying the only openly gay boy in class,
I dare you to lay a finger on him.
Dear cell phone companies,
Please invent a phone with a "take back that text" feature.
Dear ugly guy from 10 years ago,
DAMN!
Dear six year old I'm babysitting,
No, no, I am far too old for coloring.
Dear boy with a black eye,
When I say that I'm not ticklish it means DON'T TOUCH ME.
Dear Charmin commercial,
I don't know how it is with bears, but my mom never checks my butt after I used the bathroom...
Dear England,
Do you have a Dunkin' Crumpets?
Dear world,
The average person lies 4 times a day.
Dear men,
Your girlfriends scream my name more than yours.
Dear dream,
Please cut to the chase, my alarm clock goes off in 2 minutes, and I don't like cliff hangers.
Dear "Friends" and "Family",
You liked me just fine when you all thought I was straight...
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