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Dear Ron,
Please explain why you have Charlie's old wand.
Dear Facebook friends,
Please stop sending me candy crush and farmville invites. NOBODY PLAYS THEM ANYMORE
Dear Heterosexuals,
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like homosexual people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Dear Reader,
I just realised 'mother of pearl' is called that because it comes from oyster shells. Literally the mother's of pearls.
Dear Body,
Please tell me why you always complain your exhausted and then waste energy on stupid things we don't need?
Dear so called 'sluts',
Congratulations on your self belief. Don't let anyone degrade you.
Dear Gun Toting Americans,
Please realise that everyone else is sick of you acting shocked every time there's a mass shooting.
Dear Customer,
The fact that you made me make you a tea with not only whipped cream but marshmallows as well makes me feel both queasy and sad.
Dear girl/boy who said they were embarrassed about not having a boyfriend at 15,
Please, don't even sweat it babe. I'm 17 and haven't had my first kiss yet.
Dear Self Defence Instructor,
No matter how much peril I am in, I am not going to "grab and rip" someone's groin.
Dear "Virgins are like unicorns!!!!",
They're horny?...
Dear Neville,
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Dear Macy's,
I filled out a job application for you and suddenly my inbox is being spammed like crazy. Seriously, how classless of you using job applications to get peoples' e-mails to sell to scam websites.
Dear Angry People,
Please note that you cannot 'steal' someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. Not unless you think people are property.
Dear pro-gun Americans,
Please realize that yes, guns "got" us America but they won America by murdering the people that lived here before us (with your precious guns).
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