Dear Mother Nature,
I think you are going through menopause.
Dear popular girls,
I would say some day you'll be working for me, but I'm not planning on buying Hooters...
Dear people who say "there is nothing that tastes better than skinny feels",
I can think of a lot. Pizza, bacon, chocolate...
Dear finals,
I hate you.
Dear Girl Scouts,
Stop trying to sucker me into buying your over-priced, mediocre cookies!
Dear men who don't understand lesbian sex,
If you don't understand what we do intimately, I feel bad for your girlfriends...
Dear salt,
You are sodium funny!
Dear Santa,
Please don't stop the sleigh so fast...
Dear boy I like,
You must be made of copper & tellurium because you're CuTe.
Dear pro-lifers,
My life. My body. My decision.
Dear Skittles,
I love you.
Dear hungry humans,
I give you aspara-piss!
Dear porn site,
No, I will not "like" you on Facebook!
Dear teenagers,
Romeo and Juliet had sex, and then they DIED.
Dear "Doctor Who",
Can you please explain to me how the Doctor -- who can take on ANY HUMAN FORM -- always turns out to be a skinny, white guy?
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