Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear "they're more afraid of you than you are of them",
Really? Because I'd say you'd have to be pretty brave to crawl into a giant's bed while they're sleeping and bite them multiple times.
Dear boy who volunteered to photograph the girl's volleyball game,
All of these photos are of the girls' butts.
Dear tweeters,
#please #stop #hash # tagging #everything
Dear 5 year old self,
Let's switch. You can be the high schooler you always dreamed of being. You can be big and wear make up and drive a car. And I get my naptime and coloring books!
Dear teacher,
Putting the dumb kids in a group with a smart kid doesn't do any good.
Dear husband,
Maybe the reason I'm not making you any sandwiches is because you're not bringing home any bread.
Dear Dad,
Does this mean I can start going out with men four times my age?
Dear dad that started cooking bacon while I'm still in bed at 10:00 on Saturday morning,
Well played...
Dear Movie theaters,
The day you start checking purses for food is the day I stop going to the movies.
Dear guy on the bus watching my favorite movie ,
Thanks for noticing I was watching two seats away and for deciding to sit with me
Dear couple across from me at my table in the student center,
I know you have chemistry, but I really need to study mine.
Dear Ronald McDonald,
It's really sad that kids recognize you more easily than our president, or even a picture of Jesus.
Dear vegetarians,
My food craps on your food.
Dear red velvet cup-cake,
Kiss me, k-k-kiss me. Infect me with your loving, fill me with your poison.
Dear boy who asked me why I wear a bra because I have nothing to put in it,
Well, you wear pants don't you?
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