Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear girls playing never have I ever,
WHAT HAVEN'T YOU DONE?!
Dear health class,
Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die.
Dear fat tourist,
Please continue buying my "Famous Bermuda Sand" 200 feet away from a beach.
Dear smart water,
Please is there a minimum intelligence level required to drink this?
Dear board games,
Sorry, I can't.
Dear movie theater usher,
What do you mean my bag smells like fast food?
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Dear person trying to push a pull door,
AHAHAHAHAHA........oops.
Dear person who thought it was a high five,
That's just how I wave.
Dear parents who told me "college is the fountain of knowledge",
Yeah, well, students go there to drink.
Dear hand sanitizer,
OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIE OW!!!!
Dear people who want flying cars,
That'd be cool, but you could probably only fly them in special areas, and you'd probably need special training, and specific fuel, and they'd probably be super expensive . . .
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Dear neighbor looking out the window at the wrong moment,
Well. This just got awkward.
Dear sister,
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
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