Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear police officers,
You should yell "PIKACHUUUUU!" before tasing anyone.
Dear female scary movie victim,
Yes, trip over air and lie there screaming while the murderer is still 45 seconds away from you.
Dear football jocks,
You wear tights too...
Dear unicorns,
Is this how it felt when you realized you were becoming a dying breed?
Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Dear package,
Please have bubble wrap... Please have bubble wrap...
Dear guys who went streaking during our homecoming game,
Best. Halftime. Show. EVER!
Dear whoever cleans our hotel room,
Don't worry, the brown on the bed sheet is just chocolate.
Dear person reading this,
I'm avoiding a 10 page paper due tomorrow on the rise and fall of the Roman Empire...what about you?
Dear Adele,
Get well soon.
Dear telemarketer,
Please forgive me for answering the phone, "Dobby the house elf, what's your favorite sock color?"
Dear sex ed teachers,
We aren't laughing because we're uncomfortable, we're laughing because the 17 year olds in the video seem extremely perplexed about puberty.
Dear doctors,
If I am what I eat, than I must be freaking delicious.
Dear society,
My little cousin has been complaining about the 4th grade slut in her class...
Dear "best friend",
What did I do on Saturday? Oh, not much. It was only my BIRTHDAY.
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