Now that's how you fake a death.
Sincerely, Harry Potter.
Dear tissue box,
Are you mocking my allergies by having a field of flowers on your box?
Sincerely, I am offended but I still need you!
Do you need some help?
Dear math teacher,
If I had twenty candy bars and ate nineteen of them what do I have?
Dear Domino's pizza is now served with real cheese,
What were you using before...?!?!?!
Sincerely, concerned customer.
Dear midwife who just fainted during my first child's birth,
Where did you go to school!?!?
Sincerely, WAKE UP WAKE UP!!
Dear boys I babysit,
Please stop looking at my belly button when I take you to the water park. I already told you: girls do not pee out of their belly buttons.
Sincerely, go talk to your mom.
Dear Charmin Brand toilet paper,
Aren't your commercials technically bear porn?
Sincerely, tee-hee... naked bears!
Taking the TV remote doesn't stop me from watching TV. I can manually turn it on and change the channel as I please.
Sincerely, just because I'm from the age of technology doesn't mean my IQ is 40.
Dear people complaining about there being no flying cars yet,
Please think about all the people you have to avoid colliding with because they are incapable of driving straight in their own lane.
Sincerely, you really want to add another dimension?
Why do you get to poop inside?
Please stop telling me I look older everytime you see me
Sincerely, I could say the same to you.
Dear cute lifeguards,
I hope you can't tell that I just farted.
Sincerely, making bubbles.
Dear guy trying to flirt,
Please stop "playfully" hitting me.
Sincerely, your knuckle just went into my eye.