Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Snooki,
According to safety guidelines, you should still be in a car seat.
Dear boyfriend,
No tampons are not dangerous but I can be...
Dear high school play director,
Please don't say all roles are equally important to the play. You could have at least given me a name.
Dear camera-toting spectator,
Please don't take my picture while I'm running. I have a river of snot out my nose, sweat drenching my body, and an expression that screams "murder." Now is not a good time.
Dear sneezes,
Please stop coming right after I put on mascara.
Dear Mrs.Claus,
And it doesn't worry you in the least that your husband watches children sleep, encourages them to sit on his lap and sneaks into their homes at night?
Dear college students,
I dedicate my mansion, private jet, and private island to you. Thanks a billion, literally.
Dear Hershey's Drops,
The resealable package is really unnecessary.
Dear teenagers who "don't want to be pregnant",
...don't have sex?
Dear lady who is talking to me,
I'm just nodding to be polite. I don't actually know what the heck you are talking about.
Dear math teachers,
Please stop saying "it's only four problems for homework..." Each question has 18 parts.
Dear girls on halloween,
You told me you were dressing up as a bunny. I dressed up as a bunny too...
Dear teachers,
I wouldn't mind if you took points off of my paper, so long as you wrote in the margin, "TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
Dear virgin 15 year old girl,
Please don't give in to pressure. You're not alone.
Dear Mother,
"On purpose?" is not an appropriate response when I tell you I went jogging.
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