Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear friend,
No, the fact that your vacuum is broken doesn't suck, it blows.
Dear kitchen table,
Look, I know that I spilled nail polish on you, but you didn't have to attack my hip.
Dear Lucky Charms,
Why is the milk in my bowl grey by the time I finish eating you?
Dear Miley Cyrus,
Well this is awkward you actually weren't invited to the party...
Dear sheep I saw huddled together in a pasture off the side of the road,
So, what's the game plan?
Dear guy at the club trying to grind on me,
I just farted.
Dear chocolate milk,
Please stay in my nose when I laugh.
Dear self,
Please remember to stop singing when you turn off the shower.
Dear nurses assisting on my operation,
I told you it was "that time of month" so you could help me get to the bathroom after I woke up... not so you could change my pad while I was still unconscious.
Dear doctors,
I don't care how old I am, or that you had to pin me down. Shots will never stop hurting!
Dear person who asked, "are you two sisters?",
Yes, my Asian best friend is definitely a part of this white family...
Dear dad,
I found your Batman spikes on the counter... So that's where you go at night!
Dear Shakespeare,
So it's a boy playing a girl pretending to be a boy who acts like a girl...
Dear people everywhere,
How would you like it if I turned you on and left?
Dear Bruno Mars,
I liked your hands better when they were catching grenades.
THIS IS PAGE 2
EVERYTHING WITHIN A MILLION PIXEL RADIUS OF HERE, COPYRIGHT © DEARBLANKPLEASEBLANK.COM - CONTACT US - TERMS AND PRIVACY - ABOUT US