Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Juliet,
Now that's how you fake a death.
Dear tissue box,
Are you mocking my allergies by having a field of flowers on your box?
Dear Pac-Man,
Do you need some help?
Dear math teacher,
If I had twenty candy bars and ate nineteen of them what do I have?
Dear Domino's pizza is now served with real cheese,
What were you using before...?!?!?!
Dear midwife who just fainted during my first child's birth,
Where did you go to school!?!?
Dear boys I babysit,
Please stop looking at my belly button when I take you to the water park. I already told you: girls do not pee out of their belly buttons.
Dear Charmin Brand toilet paper,
Aren't your commercials technically bear porn?
Dear mom,
Taking the TV remote doesn't stop me from watching TV. I can manually turn it on and change the channel as I please.
Dear people complaining about there being no flying cars yet,
Please think about all the people you have to avoid colliding with because they are incapable of driving straight in their own lane.
Dear cats,
Why do you get to poop inside?
Dear Grandma,
Please stop telling me I look older everytime you see me
Dear cute lifeguards,
I hope you can't tell that I just farted.
Dear guy trying to flirt,
Please stop "playfully" hitting me.
Dear Waldo,
Care to join us?
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