Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear teacher,
Just because you're helping the kid next to me does not mean you get to wave your butt in my face.
Dear robber,
Please don't steal people's money that's our job!
Dear human,
I agree, I hate finals too. Let me help you by tearing up all of your notes. Hope you didn't need those...
Dear mom,
I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, neither can the rapist.
Dear phone,
Please do not ring when you're stuck in my shirt.
Dear Luke,
I AM YOUR FATHER...
Dear life,
Please explain why everyone calls you a female dog.
Dear reader,
Did you know that it's legal for women to be topless in Liverpool, England only if they work at tropical fish stores?
Dear girls,
If you know that you get cold at nighttime, why don't you ever bring your jacket?
Dear "I slept like a baby",
Haha, loser. You must have been so depressed when you woke up.
Dear person calling me,
Please don't be mad that I'm not answering your phone calls when I am instantly replying to your messages.
Dear wheelbarrow manufacturers,
Warning: not intended for highway use.
Dear rest of the world,
Sure I have a pet zebra in my back yard. Want to hear the story about how I lost my hand to a lion on the highway?
Dear Pinochio,
So all I have to do is lie?
Dear screaming Twilight fan-girls,
Go occupy Forks. They could use the revenue and I could use the peace and quiet.
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