Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people complaining about the new facebook layout,
Mark Zuckerburg screwed over his classmates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on his new layout?
Dear most teenage guys,
Flies spread disease.
Dear boyfriends everywhere,
Don't even dare think about breaking eye contact when the blonde waitress comes to take our order...
Dear lips,
I'm sorry for making you blow and work so harder than normal.
Dear 2012 Doomsday Prophecy,
Whatever.
Dear people who say gingers have no souls,
You do realize that means we will all be alive after 2012, right?
Dear Enrique Iglesias,
Your name translated to English is Richard Church.
Dear people who rip open their shower curtains to see if there is a murderer standing behind it,
What are you going to do if there is?
Dear neighbor with motion sensor lights,
Lumos.
Dear Gym Teacher,
Remember when you told me last week that running wouldn't hurt me? My doctor says the stress fracture on the bottom of my heel would prove otherwise.
Dear high school movie screen writers,
Have you ever been to high school?
Dear little girl with chocolate smeared over your adorable face,
Welcome to addiction.
Dear calories I just burnt on the treadmill,
Welcome back...
Dear shaving commercials,
Please stop shaving already hairless legs. If you want impress us shave a gorilla.
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