Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear high school bully,
Did you really think I was kidding when I said I might be your boss some day?
Dear autocorrect,
You're to blame for all my awkward texting mistakes, but I'll never turn you off.
Dear kid next to me in class,
Why do you always finish your test at the same time I do?
Dear olive oil,
You dirty whore.
Dear Kindergarten,
Do you offer roll-over minutes on naps?
Dear students,
So... all your printers break the night before you have to hand in your assignment?
Dear girls everywhere,
Yes, you do in fact have to spell it out for us.
Dear shower,
Please realize there is should to be a huge gap between the "frostbite" setting and "third degree burn."
Dear guy on the ground with a broken and bloody nose,
Want to tell my son he doesn't have a soul again?
Dear England,
Please explain why your authors first names are so mysterious.
Dear ex boyfriend,
Glad you're moving on. I'm hooking up with two guys now.
Dear strict dress code at my school,
My collar bones can't show. Really?
Dear guy with bronchitis,
I felt bad for you until you lit up that cigarette.
Dear skinny girl in the locker room,
Next time you say you're fat just to get attention, I'm going to agree with you.
Dear older sister,
You changed all my contacts to Harry potter characters, didn't you?
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