Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Will. I. Am,
When you die, will your name be Will. He. Was?
Dear Congress,
Tequila comes from cactus. Cactus is a vegetable. Can we declare tequila a vegetable too?
Dear little sister's boyfriend,
I am one of the few people in the world who can kill you and get away with it.
Dear strobe lights,
Thank you for making any dance look awesome.
Dear giant spider on the wall I'm about to kill,
On second thought, you can have it. I didn't really want to be in that room anyways.
Dear high school boy with a 'stache,
I refuse to call that ridiculous thing a mustache.
Dear mom who just texted me GTTSBBSDITF,
Who in their right mind could ever figure out that it means "Gone To The Store, Be Back Soon. Dinner's In The Fridge?!"
Dear technologically incapable parents,
Just because I know how to open Microsoft Word does not make me a tech support guy for all your tech problems.
Dear seniors students who ask me how I'm Russian German AND Jewish,
My mom is Russian, my dad is German and Judiasm is a religon.
Dear parents who just got home,
Yeah, about that essay, it's not done. But, on the bright side, I taught myself how to play piano...
Dear friend who asked if Tangled was based on a true story,
Yes, there really was a girl with magic hair that glowed when she sang and lived in a tower until she was 18.
Dear teachers,
My definition of "free dress day" means I can wear my wizard robes.
Dear cute girl,
I can be a douchebag boyfriend who abuses you on a daily basis too, you know. Give me a try.
Dear person in stall next to me,
Your cough may cover the sound, but sure doesn't cover the smell.
Dear tampon companies,
Please make an "I'm bleeding to death" absorbancy.
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