Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear nose,
Please tell me the point in you even having hair.
Dear overly large cricket that caused me to run out of my dorm room screaming,
Thank you!
Dear Hollywood,
So you're re-releasing Star Wars, The Titanic, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Monsters inc., AND Finding Nemo?
Dear weight loss ad,
Wow! Not only does your diet plan make people look thinner, but it changes their race and age too!
Dear friend,
During our sleepovers, can you please let me know when you're going to sleep?
Dear people who tease me for reading for fun,
I was able to slack off and not read the story when it was given to us as assignment yesterday because I read two years ago for fun.
Dear bed,
I really can't stay.
Dear health teacher,
How does it feel to know that the kids in your class know more about having sex, Illegal drugs and alcohol than you do?
Dear Calculus,
If I can't have an imaginary friend, you can't have imaginary numbers.
Dear police officer,
I swear to drunk I'm not God.
Dear smokers,
If you blow smoke in my face, don't act surprised if I spray Febreeze in yours...
Dear spider on the bathroom wall,
Is this awkward for you? ...because it's awkward for me.
Dear guy staring at me with a predatory look in your eye,
I kind of want to write "NO" on a napkin and show it to you from across the room, just to save us both some time and embarrassment.
Dear tampon and pad comercials,
Okay, so, mine's not blue.
Dear scholarship committee,
No, really, look around. I am a minority.
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