Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear "wearing a padded bra is false advertisement",
Contrary to popular belief, i am not actually for sale.
Dear teachers,
You know you're giving too much homework when the passenger seat belt light goes on because my backpack weighs as much as a person.
Dear troubled people,
May your problems, last only as long as Kim Kardashian's marriage...
Dear Easter,
Who thought of this holiday and said "...you know what this needs? A bunny that hides colorful eggs."
Dear dreams,
Stop ending right when I get to the good part!
Dear cute boy in my biology class,
You put the XY in sexy.
Dear boredom,
They are using you to get to me.
Dear Starbucks customer who just ordered a tall white mocha with 12 pumps of syrup,
Let me just add a side of diabetus for you...
Dear girls,
I don't want in your pants... I have my own.
Dear tooth fairy ,
I know I'm a little old, but if I pulled out my tooth and put it under my pillow, would you please come? I really need the money...
Dear person who just tweeted "if u cud recomend a book 4 me wat wud it b?",
It would be a dictionary.
Dear Jesus,
If the Holy Spirit lives within us, does that make us your Horcuxes?
Dear World,
I told a chemistry joke once...
Dear oxygen,
Care for a game of aldehyde and seek?
Dear my new puppy,
When I named you 'Dobby' I didn't intend for you to steal all my socks...
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