Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Housing Department,
Look, I just moved in and absolutely love my house, but I keep getting all of these random letters and unexpected visitors looking for some fish. Any way I could get an address change?
Dear Teachers,
Could you tune it down a bit?
Dear cute boy who kissed his mom on the cheek,
Just know that every girl in the store wants you now.
Dear little brother,
Please stop telling me "we're in America" every time I practice my Spanish out loud. I've seen your Language Arts grades; you hardly understand English.
Dear period,
Oh my God, you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I have to tell my boyfriend! Oh wait...
Dear hoodies,
Thank you for always being there for me.
Dear friends,
Please stop making fun of my email address. I was 10 years old.
Dear boys,
If you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret Angels.
Dear Lady Gaga,
Please come home, you're scaring the humans.
Dear quiet kid in my class,
I've seen that bully twice your size pick on you for 2 years now, and for those same two years I've seen you do nothing but smile and walk away.
Dear Toys,
If I had known you could talk and move on your own, I would have kept playing with you...
Dear homosexuals,
No, I do not hate you, I just believe in Leviticus 18:22 "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable."
Dear Big Bang Theory,
You just inspired me to get an A in my physics class.
Dear new clothes,
When I rip the tag off, I expect the little plastic thing to come off with it.
Dear Math Teachers,
Please explain to me how (-3y^(2)a^(2)(8y^(2)-6)) is going to help me succeed in life.
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