Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people I just met on vacation,
I don't know your Aunt Sue; just because we both live in Maine.
Dear hair,
How are you everywhere I don't want you and no where I do want you?
Dear annoyed teacher,
The homework said to do the math problems MENTALLY.
Dear mosquitoes,
If you were hot I would let you suck my blood.
Dear car owner,
I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder instead.
Dear braces,
Please do not store food in my mouth. It is 98.6 degrees in there and I don't want to be tasting this cucumber while it ferments for the next three hours.
Dear lifeguards,
Do you realize that you make all the girls on the beach want to drown in the ocean?
Dear Halloween candy bowls that say just take one,
I can't read.
Dear room-mate,
If you're at the other end of the apartment and can hear the sound of me brushing my teeth, you should be aware that I can hear you having sex.
Dear whoever works with airlines,
Please don't put the fat people who fall asleep the whole flight in the isle seat.
Dear Kindle,
You know what else you can read in the sunlight without a glare?
Dear people who make fun of me because I babysit for money,
I get to play dress up, use coloring books, watch Disney Movies, eat PB&J sandwiches, play on the playground, and THEN I get free access to their internet and junk food.
Dear Monday,
You're dragging the whole team down.
Dear Eeny, Meeny and Miney,
Sorry you never get picked.
Dear people with pollen allergies,
You are allergic to plant sex.
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