Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear teacher,
I studied all week, all night, secretly during class, and tried to remember everything you taught us.
Dear Canada,
You gave us Nickelback, we gave you Miley Cyrus. You gave us Justin Bieber, we gave you Rebecca Black... Your move.
Dear Mr. Right ,
You and Waldo must be best friends...
Dear today's women,
FIRST comes love, THEN comes marriage, THEN comes a baby in the baby carriage.
Dear people of New York City,
Please don't look at me like I spoke a foreign language when I politely said "excuse me."
Dear hipsters who complain about people and their first world problems,
You do realize that being irritated by people talking about their first world problems is itself a first world problem, right?
Dear little kids,
If you put your bed on the floor you can quit worrying about monsters.
Dear parents in denial,
Let's get one thing straight. I'm not.
Dear sweetheart,
It would have helped if you had just gone down on your knees instead of placing the ring in the champagne glass. There are other ways of seeing me "choke" up with emotion...
Dear female gynecologists,
What made you decide you wanted to stare at another woman's vagina for your career?
Dear parents,
Procrastination is not a flaw, it is the delicate art of carefully considering what you have to do, and when you have to do it by.
Dear high school TV shows,
Sure he's a freshman....
Dear Hopscotch,
I can understand where the hop came from, but where did the scotch come from?
Dear college professors,
Why did I have to buy this text book if you aren't going to use it at all?
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