Dear Oxygen and Potassium,
Congrats on getting married. It may be none of my Bismuth, but your wedding wasn't great, it was OK.
Sincerely, a chemistry major.
Dear bubble wrap factory workers,
I applaud your self-control
Above all else,I hope death was the only thing you faked.
And you think your time of the month is bad.
Please stop calling me black. It's "African-American" now.
You are just my oversized Sims game
Dear twin sister,
I'll take your french final if you take my math final?
Sincerely, college here we come!
Dear guy customer who's credit card got declined while buying condoms,
You got cock-blocked by Visa.
Sincerely, amused customer behind you.
Dear makers of cherry medicine,
Have you ever tasted a damn cherry?
Sincerely, the world
Dear 90's kids,
You're starting to sound like crusty old men who want kids off their lawn.
Sincerely, "When I was you're age..."
We consider a field trip successful when no lives are lost and no lives are created.
Sincerely, the teachers that came back with a very young student
Dear mustached teenage boys,
Shave the ferret off your face, you look like a rapist.
Sincerely, girls everywhere.
Dear iPhone auto-correction,
No, I actually spelled my friend's name correct. Do not change it!
Sincerely, "Happy birthday, vehicle!"
Dear "I wasnt that drunk",
You were going around the bar, dipping your fingers in wine and then rubbing people's foreheads and saying "simba!"
Sincerely, yeah you were pretty drunk