Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear 30 tabs and counting,
One of you is playing music...
Dear World,
If a bra is called an "over the shoulder boulder holder," then what is mens underwear called?
Dear Grandpa,
The correct response to "You need a hearing aid" is not "I don't have a feather in my hat."
Dear annoying girl in the locker room,
I don't care if we're all girls, I still don't enjoy seeing you whip out your double Ds for the world to see.
Dear cashier,
Yes, I'm perfectly aware that all of the self- checkout lines are open. I just came here to see your reaction.
Dear little brother,
The next time that bully asks you for you lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother's dresser.
Dear paycheck,
OM NOM NOM.
Dear girls,
If your boyfriend wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs... send him to KFC.
Dear natzi feminist teacher,
How did she get an A, and I only got a C...?
Dear old men with long white beards,
11 months out of the year you look like a total creeper, but in December you suddenly become awesome.
Dear World,
If twin females marry twin males and each couple has a baby, will the babies look alike?
Dear male teacher,
I like how you saw me reach into my backpack, shuffle around in there for a minute, slip something in my sleeve, raise my hand, and immediately said, "You can go."
Dear 5 year old cousin,
Thank you for reminding me of the appropriate response when someone says "I love you."
Dear fellow middle school students,
Don't stare at me because I've never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, and I'm still a virgin... We're in middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL.
Dear Apple,
Please create an "Add to the Dictionary" feature for my iPod.
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