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Dear U.S. School System,
Please make it a high school graduation requirement to pass the citizenship test.
Dear house/pet sitter,
Please explain the neighbor's complaints of loud swearing all night, loud music, and shouting. Apparently she didn't come talk to you because when she came during the day you were on the roof with your face painted and shouting, and you freaked her out. According to her boyfriend at night you ride my son's bike howling at the moon. On the bright side, the house is in one piece and the animals are happy.
Dear kids who say you can't party and be smart,
It's not the end of the world if you have a drink every now and then. You can have the best of both worlds.
Dear Fellow College Student,
Yes, I did put your clothes (including your boxers) on top of the dryer. I waited for 30 minutes after your load was done, and you never showed up. This is a dorm, not your mother's house. You can't just take up the dryer until you feel like coming back for your clothes
Dear stores near me,
Please start stocking blue birthday girl balloons and superhero bikes for girls. My soon to be seven year old twin sisters hate pink and love Hulk and Spiderman. I'll get them boy bikes, but it'd be cool if they could have the huge blue helium balloons you have for boys.
Dear friend I walked in the bush with,
You were wearing shorts and a tank top. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt and jeans. Neither of us had insect repellent, and you complained you were itchy.
Dear mother,
Please don't constantly criticize my taste "so I don't get bullied" because the only person who's bullying me is you.
Dear everyone,
Feminism is not about girls being better than boys, or girls not letting guys holding doors. If a woman gets angry at you for holding a door open for her, then that is not feminism. That is being rude. Feminism is about everyone being equal and happy.
Dear cute boy in gym class,
Thank you for being sincere when you said good job even though I didn't catch the ball.
Dear Mom,
Please stop keeping unhealthy food in the house. Yes, I understand that willpower is important. But it is really hard to have it when there is tempting food right under your nose, all the time.
Dear other kids in my grade,
Please understand that I honestly don't care how many times you say it I do not need a boyfriend
Dear new mothers,
Please get your infant child away from me.
Dear mods/Disqus,
Please add some filter to catch these "My uncle earns $95065 a month click scam link" posts? Surely the fact that they are in bold, using the same message, with obviously suspect links, weird borders etc means something can automatically pick up on the spam.
Dear Some Christians,
No no no....the Bible doesn't say to hate gays; it says to love your neighbor as yourself. It's fine to disagree, but never hate.
Dear Ex-Girlfriend,
Please let me comfort you right now. The child in your stomach is mine too.