Dear Edward and Jacob,
I have to tell you two setting important... I recently found this out... I'm... A lesbian
Dear girls in the dressing room getting dressed for our Musical screaming "I can't get the dress over my boobs,
You do realize that we can hear you outside of this door.
Sincerely, the male members of the cast
Yes, I see you checking yourself out in the shop windows.
Sincerely, amused driver.
Dear daughter's prom date,
Come on in, son! Would you like to see my gun and knife collection?
Sincerely, have her home by midnight
Dear two-ply toilet paper,
I guess it's true. You don't really know what you have until it's gone.
Sincerely, college kid with a chaffed butt.
Dear writers of The Lion King,
About that "Cats always land on their feet" thing...
Dear Manufacturers of the Straw,
Please make your straws longer than the bottles
Sincerely, reaching for it with my tongue like a retarded chicken
Dear chemistry teacher,
Whats Ba+Na2 synthesize into?
Sincerely, BANANA. Now thats an equation.
Dear super hot male teacher trying to teach about reproduction,
Is this as awkward for you as it is for us?
Sincerely, all girl class
Dear Kim Kardashian,
Please realize that my career on Dancing With the Stars lasted longer then your marriage.
Sincerely, Rob Kardashian
Yes, the mailman has come to kill us all. Thanks for the warning.
Sincerely, your owner who nearly had a heart attack.
Dear Carrie Underwood,
We give you props, but next time maybe you shouldn't carve your name in the seats. It's a dead giveaway.
Sincerely, the police department
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Sincerely, that doesn't even make sense.
Cross walk buttons don't work. They're there so you have something to do.