Dear Childhood,
Please don't go. You're leaving too soon, and we barely even know each other.
Dear Certain Feminists,
As a girl myself, I can see why some men don't want women holding the same amount of power as them, considering some of the spokesmen for our gender are nothing but argumentative, irrational female supremisists.
Dear Husband,
Please know that while you were out to sea on deployment our one month old daughter and I have been watching Disney movies everyday.
Dear Kai kitty,
Please explain to me how you managed to shake my computer so hard you caused one of the latches on the second RAM stick to come undone? Here I was freaking out trying to figure out why my computer was acting like it didn't have enough memory to do as I wanted, and then I see that you managed to shake it loose just enough to cause a problem. You are totally banned from ever sitting on my tower again. I don't care how much you like it up there.
Dear atheists,
Serious question, Do you celebrate Christmas? What do you do?
Dear Interviewers,
Please give me the job. I'd be good at it and you have no idea how disheartening it would be rejected, yet again.
Dear pothead chick,
Please stop wearing "laid back" clothes from republican monopolies. we know you spent $200 on your outfit and $50 on your hair products, and we know you try to look like you're not trying. We know those shoes are not from a thrift store. We know that was not your great-uncle's sweater from the 40's. You don't fool anyone.
Dear girls who want a boyfriend wearing certain things,
Please stop judging a book by it's cover.
Dear me,
Please think before you speak/type. What you assume is obvious isn't always, and can sometimes be offensive or hurt people.
Dear crush,
I know you know I like you. Please don't bring it up.
Dear parents,
If I say what I feel like you told me to, you will not listen.
Dear girls who complain about guys flirting,
Most of us can't tell when we are flirting.
Dear best girl friend's boyfriend,
When you humiliated my best friend by dumping her in front of half the school because she wouldn't go to prom with you, maybe you should have asked why. She is rowing in the national championships as stroke seat. She's been preparing the entire year but now is devastated because of what you did. You don't deserve her.
Dear colleges,
Please let me apply without asking for 3 different essays each, none of which I can re-use. I have no idea what's the most significant issue plaguing the world, or what one of the "wonders of my world" is, or where in my background my values stem from. If you ask ridiculous questions, you're not going to get genuine answers.
Dear Spencer Brown,
Please stop being a religious douchebag. Look. No one cares about what you say. Muslim extremist take up a itty bitty tiny winy part of Islam. Please stop talking like every Muslim is horrible. I have never had a horrible experience with any Muslim person in my life. Actually they have been some of the nicest people I have ever met!