Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear government,
Please, if you're worried about the obesity epidemic, make us cheaper.
Dear chemists of the world,
What did the Chemist say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walked into his lab,
Dear really hot guy who looks genuinly concerned,
What happened to my leg? Oh! I burned it while hopping off my motorcycle...
Dear coloring books,
Thanks for teaching us how to color inside the lines.
Dear boyfriend,
Thank you for inviting me to your empty house so we could eat Chinese food and watch Matilda.
Dear guys,
Despite what you think, girls like food just as much as you.
Dear music instructor wondering why half the band is snickering,
"I don't want you to just blow, you have to use your tongue too..." still sounded okay when you thought about it?
Dear mirror,
I looked like this ALL DAY?!
Dear wisdom teeth,
Obliviate!
Dear people who say "you'll regret that tattoo when you're 80",
How much skin do you plan on showing when you're 80?
Dear "Did you get your haircut?!",
No. It grew shorter.
Dear Breaking Dawn,
Last time I checked, getting a girl pregnant requires a bodily function that Edward doesn't have.
Dear Hollywood,
I did not laugh when I saw The Hangover. I did not scream when I saw Paranormal Activity. I did not barf when I saw Twilight. But you've broken me with Toy Story 3.
Dear guy I told that I was from Indiana,
Are you really asking me what tribe I'm from...?
Dear girls stealing raspberries from my yard,
Yes, I did see you, and yes, I did set off my car alarm to scare you.
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