Dear shower water,
Please decide between the Artic ocean and Satan's butthole.
Dear Born-Again Grandmother,
Yes, I know he's a Wiccan and an Anarchist, but he's treating me better than any of my past boyfriends have. And yes, we're planning on getting married.
Dear People who write about Christians,
Public Service Announcement: Please realize that not all of us deny evolution, completely hate other religions, continuously hound other people to convert, and genearlly act like douchebags.
Dear cough,
Please stop coming out at strategic moments during my classmate's presentation on conspiracy theories!
Dear cat,
Inside or outside. Make a choice.
Dear Professor X,
Please don't try to find me. I've changed my name and moved to Middle Earth. I've got my hands full with Hobbits.
Please understand,
Sincerely lines are not to be used as a second body for your post.
Dear Bullies,
The girl you called fat? She's comfortable with how she looks and weighs. The girl you tripped? Convinced all of her friends that you're a total jerk. The girl you called ugly? She doesn't care what you think. The girl you made fun of because she had a lot of scars? She made you listen for an hour about how she got all of them. The girl you made fun of because he was crying? She punched you right in the face. Me? Yeah, that was all me.
Dear World,
Three years ago, I had surgery on both legs to attempt to correct plantar fasciitis. Yesterday, I ran a half marathon.
Dear Daughter,
Please consider dating the boy who threatened to castrate his friend unless he treats you well BEFORE you consider dating that friend!
Dear Valentine's Day,
Actually, violets are purple.
Dear Romance movies,
STOP MAKING US LOOK BAD
Dear fiance,
Please know I love you and miss you, no matter how far away you are.
Dear Blind people,
Why do you walk your dogs soo much.
Dear World,
What if oxygen was poisonous but it took 75-100 years to kill us?
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