Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear 3rd grade student,
Please continue drawing "a cute angel" when the test called for an "acute angle."
Dear teenagers,
I'm starting to feel suffocated. Can you stop checking up on me and get on with your life?
Dear Americans,
Please, read me before "quoting" me.
Dear people who say stereotypes aren't true,
They had to come from somewhere.
Dear people crying in movies or music videos,
Why do you always look perfect with tears running down your face?
Dear people who ask if I'm gay because I stand up for gay rights,
If you saw a dog being abused in front of you, would you say something? Are you a dog?
Dear old lady Wal-Mart cashier who told me she doesn't approve of teen moms,
Good thing that little girl's my niece then, huh?
Dear Internet,
But I NEED all those tabs...
Dear sluts,
I hope your finals are as easy as you are.
Dear tween girls at the mall,
Your cockiness is shocking, considering you're wearing a training bra and your mom drove you here.
Dear "they're more afraid of you than you are of them",
Really? Because I'd say you'd have to be pretty brave to crawl into a giant's bed while they're sleeping and bite them multiple times.
Dear boy who volunteered to photograph the girl's volleyball game,
All of these photos are of the girls' butts.
Dear tweeters,
#please #stop #hash # tagging #everything
Dear 5 year old self,
Let's switch. You can be the high schooler you always dreamed of being. You can be big and wear make up and drive a car. And I get my naptime and coloring books!
Dear teacher,
Putting the dumb kids in a group with a smart kid doesn't do any good.
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